No sooner did word break last March that New York governor Eliot Spitzer had been patronizing hookers than it devolved into deep unsexiness. We’re talking about Spitzer, after all, one of the least desirable humans on the planet! He refused to take off his socks during sexytime. His “high-class” hooker was just some Jersey girl with bad tattoos and a history of drug abuse. Eliot Spitzer made prostitution boring again.
And now the final insult: he paid, apparently, for these meetings with postal money orders. This is the sort of currency that old people use to pay for their Soft Rock Classic Hits of the 70′s albums that they order late at night after they’ve tired of watching Flowbee demos.
Eliot Spitzer, what an unromantic dingus.
At a Sentencing, Details of Spitzer’s Liaisons [New York Times]
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This is the internet age. Shoulda used LayPal.
Take me around the world, baby. Coach class.
And probably left lousy tips, too.
Eliot is my last final lesson on why one should never have political heroes. Because they ARE all doucheclowns.
Postal orders? That must be “male” fraud of some kind! C’mon.
Wait; the prostitute has a history of drug abuse? My, what a shocker; next thing, it’ll turn out that some porn stars are drug addicted, too.
Also, why are the tags & comments underlines?
Just wanted to see this look important.
“Let’s see…I need a roll of stamps, summa those padded envelopes, four grand worth of money orders….”
Come to think of it, that IS kinda sexy. My man went postal on her, but in a good way.
the underlines make all comments look VERY IMPORTANT. Bold also.
BRRRRRRRRING!!!!!!!!
Darn, now they’re all gone
alt text WIN, btw. Also.
He didn’t do it Jerry Springer style, with a bad check?
Zhu Bajie
My crack dealer told me money orders can’t be traced.
Another useful example of “going postal” is born.
Ladies and Gentlemen, I present to you: The Spitzer Rave.
[re=329704]Crab1[/re]: Oh, it does!
And: “After the hearing, Mr. Agnifilo spoke to reporters in the courthouse hallway and elaborated on the memorandum and his comments in court.
He said that over 18 months to 2 years, the governor had arranged “several different liaisons” with women working for the Emperor’s Club. The assignations, he said, took place in cities other than New York or Washington, and the governor paid using postal money orders, a method he called “relatively unsophisticated” and an indication that Mr. Spitzer was spending his own money.
He said information his client had provided helped prosecutors determine that Mr. Spitzer had not used government or campaign money to pay for sex, and thus helped lead to the government’s decision not to charge him.”
His “own money”, of course, also belonged to his wife. Fortunately, she was not prosecuted either.
“High class hooker”, that’s the fantasy that Spitzer and other men are paying for with those money orders. In reality, all those women are various kinds of messed up. Do you really think that the Ivy League law student with a happy family background and no history of drug use would do a little prostitution on the side?
Speaking of things that are utterly boring and thoroughly unsexy: did I miss the answer to my prayers of late? Was custard-wolf shot from the ban helicopter?? Please?!
Prostitution had stopped being boring for a while? (Well, yeah, during that one episode of “House” a couple years back where the middle-aged woman hired a call girl.)
Postal money orders? For prostitutes? What next? Counterfeit nickels?
Money orders are ok, but it would have been even more delightfully retro if he had used traveler’s checks. Oh, and if the girls had given him green stamps.
No wonder Western Union’s corporate slogan is simply “Yes!”
[re=329732]Mahousu[/re]: Wow, green stamps. I’m NOT the only ancient here. Next you’ll be prattling on about how many cereal box tops you needed to get sea monkeys or x-ray glasses!
[re=329723]Terry[/re]: Hey now, all those strippers really are just paying their way through college.
Dirty Dingus McSpitzer
[re=329739]user-of-owls[/re]: Nah, not that, but think of how it would have softened the blow: “Sorry, honey, I admit I’ve been seeing high-priced prostitutes, but look! I filled enough books to get eight place settings of Corelle Ware!”
actually money orders are very popular… amongst lots of people
illegals, people with no credit, people with crap credit, people who used to rob banks, people who wrote too many bad checks in the past, people in jail, people whose spouse would probably write a bunch of checks without balancing the book and so they pay with an MO on important bills so it wont get returned as bad, people whose checkbook got flushed down the toilet and the rent is due today, people who want to go back to the silver standard and avoid ‘the evil banking system’, people trying to hide their payment trail becaue they are buying naughty things, etc etc etc,
or anyone else who cannot or wont get a bank checking account.
wal-mart is one of the biggest sellers of these things too.
From news reports, quoting the court documents:
“Besides the Mayflower, Spitzer was also known to frequent the Howard Johnson’s Hotel on New York Avenue, that weird budget motel that takes up all of that land at the corner of New York and Bladensburg, the Americana motel in Crystal City, the Greenbelt Hilton, the Comfort Inn in Springfield, and some locally-owned motel on Route 1 near Mount Vernon. Hotel and motel workers said Spitzer would often ask, ‘Is there a continental breakfast, because I get really hungry in the morning?’ at every establishment. He also apparently used to park in the back of the motels, as if to hide his car, but everyone knew it was him considering he would arrive in a contingent of four black SUVs, complete with bodyguards. One motel waitress said the bodyguards, Spitzer, and six women had an especially rowdy party at the locally-owned motel on Route 1 near Mount Vernon, and the party lasted until 4 in the morning. The motel did have a ‘continental breakfast,’ but Spitzer insisted on heading out to Dunkin’ Donuts for some caramel-topped doughnuts about 8 a.m. They also complained about the coffee, although the nature of the precise complaint was not known.” –U.S. Federal Court.
Dunkin Donuts?
Why, just across the street from some of those HO-tels on Rt 1 just south of the Beltway is Krispee Kreme!
But, being a Northerner, Spitzer probably doesn’t know about KK.
(Some of these skeezy hotel/motels are used by the counties to house the poor and homeless.
Next time he ought to hit the old White House motel in Charles County, just before you get to the Gov. Nice bridge.
[re=329723]Terry[/re]: “High class hooker” = one that’s good looking enough to bang even if you’re not drunk.
The rest are just regular hookers.
[re=329770]decora[/re]: My only question is, why not just pay in cash?
Oh, Elliot! Money orders? I hope you filled in the memo fields with an appropriate description of the transaction, Elliot.
“The money orders go on the night stand before anything happens.”
Everything was an order with this guy.
I wonder if he used one of those nasty checking cashing places that are all over NY to get his money orders. And what a hassle to get laid too, he could have just used craig’s list since it wasn’t narc’d back then. Those honeys are all cash and carry.
Wait, he wanted to have unprotected sex, yet he wore socks? What kind of creepy six-toed freak are we dealing with here anyway? Tip: next time use PayPal!
[re=329732]Mahousu[/re]: Green stamps- you remember Green stamps, too? I think I found a book not too long ago at my mom’s. Can I still get anything for it?
[re=329774]thefrontpage[/re]:
I didn’t realize ANYONE went to the Americana Hotel — I just thought they’d forgotten to tear it down, what with all the fancy loft condo construction in the area….
As for his face: nom nom nom nom nom….
[re=330150]finallyhappy[/re]: Turns out the answer is yes! Check out the Straight Dope article: http://www.straightdope.com/columns/read/1940/whatever-happened-to-green-stamps
I agree. It would have been a LOT sexier if he had simply used War Bonds.
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