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Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

View all articles by Jim Newell

Hola wonkerados.

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47 comments

  1. MargeSimpsonsBlackFriend

    I love how a man who has never served in our military will not hesitate to put our soldiers in harms way. Fucking chickenhawk.

  2. RoscoePColtraine

    The reason we’ve lost respect in the world is because we haven’t bombed enough poor starving countries. D’uh.

  3. Hooray For Anything

    I don’t even think Bill Kristol takes himself seriously anymore. He’s either just cashing in a paycheck or doing some sort of brilliant performance art type thing in which he’s purposely exposing the pundits for the shallow idiots that they are by coming up with the most outlandish statement possible and watch people agree with him.

  4. IceCreamEmpress

    I got a better idea.

    Drop Bill Kristol on Pyongyang. Even if he doesn’t hit any strategic targets, the world will be immeasurably improved.

  5. RoscoePColtraine

    I say let’s find out where most of their kimchi is stored and bomb that. The fallout would be fuckin deadly.

  6. Judas Peckerwood

    I say we load the entire Fox News lineup into a giant catapult and fling them at North Korea. Biological warfare at its finest.

  7. AliBabaInBA

    Billy is a doo-doo head. Hey, I’m just giving expression to what the South Koreans are thinking.
    Me, I just think he’s full-of-doo-doo.
    (apologies if my language offended)

  8. ForTheTurnstiles

    [re=328911]Mahousu[/re]: Sure you can. If yours really is bigger, that is. I mean, it is, right?

  9. lulzmonger

    Holy flaming bag of shit. Every time this guy says “air-strikes,” an angel grows an anus.

    America’s going flat broke with two utterly pointless wars so what the fuck, folks – why not bet double-or-nothing on a Trifecta? Go for it! I hear dandelions make awesome pie … & ironically, many Yankees can also discover what it’s like to subsist on that traditional Korean delicacy, fried dog!

    Wouldn’t it just be easier to ask Kristol to list the countries he DOESN’T want bombed?

    Hey, Bill – Jabba The Hutt called. He wants his mouth back.

  10. Servo

    [re=328900]MargeSimpsonsBlackFriend[/re]:
    …and will most certainly deny any care for what returns because it may raise taxes.

  11. lizard scum

    Bomb their next A-bomb test, with an H-bomb. Or better yet, give Kim one of our shitty Space Shuttles as a present, only secretly pack it with a 900 megaton nuke.

  12. qwerty42

    Bill loves the troops. Tossing off proposals to attack NK or all the other places they seem so happy to invade is just his way of showing it.

  13. CockedAle

    Obviously, Kimchee is the most monstrously conceived and dangerous Communist plot we have ever had to face.

    [re=328908]x111e7thst[/re]: Yes, and my parody there was better.

  14. MargeSimpsonsBlackFriend

    [re=328919]Servo[/re]: Seriously, this pisses me the fuck off. Someone needs to strap his ass onto one of these bombs he wants to drop so badly and detonate it in fucking space. If he manages to survive, then they ship his ass to Walter Reed.

  15. germansteel

    Only when Kristol suggests bombing Branston, Missouri, will the dopes who watch Fox News say: “Wha?!?!”

    Otherwise, they’re all, “Sounds good to me!!”

  16. magic titty

    I love when Newell ignores his own blog until he wakes up at 12:19p and starts hammering away at the keys. SKS hates you very much.

  17. Zadig

    [re=328911]Mahousu[/re]: Plus, SKS puts out in the form of alt-text, unlike SOME ginger slackers around here.

  18. user-of-owls

    [re=328907]RoscoePColtraine[/re]: The only kimchi the NoKos have is made from fermented tree bark and dead relatives.

  19. Egregious

    I so love Brit Hume’s eagerness to start a shooting war with an unstable, nuclear armed enemy that has forces arrayed only a few miles from Seoul. It’s as if his attitude is akin to “Screw it, let’s do it. Roll the dice baby!”

  20. dijetlo

    [re=328923]CockedAle[/re]: Obviously, Kimchee is the most monstrously conceived and dangerous Communist plot we have ever had to face.

    Survival Tip For Life under our new great and Glorious Asian Overlords
    Korean kimchee is too spicy for most red-faced-devils. Try some South Chinese kimchee it’s much milder and remember to take a bite of rice with each bite of kimchee, it kills the burn.

    Fun Fact: Using chopsticks while eating rice will insure you a position in the coming Colonial Peoples Council so for the sake of millions of no-armed,blue, baby Jeebi rusting in silence throughout Florida, practice.

  21. Airborne Toxic Event

    Attack, Attack, Attack. Never mind the 3 million hunger-crazed N Korean soldiers itchin’ to storm the border. It’s just like playing chess–Never think more than one move ahead.

  22. smitallica

    I would put more stock in the foreign policy advice of a meerkat that’s all Down-Syndromed and shit before listening to this silver-spoon fucktard.

    Sorry, I think I stole that quote from Eudora Welty.

  23. Gopherit

    oh, jim, you’re hitting the pipe a little early today. You have to pace yourself, dude. It’s only monday.

  24. Anonymous Office Zombie

    I’ve got to hand it to Kristol, he’s got those blustering, arrogant, I’m-a-wiser-than-thou-prick facade and mannerisms down to a science. The act almost distracts you enough to forget that he’s the walking definition of a fraud. Almost.

  25. Rukasu

    [re=329048]JJPasadena[/re]: I thought the same thing, what are Kristol and Wallace in the Nation of Islam now?

  26. dougbob

    sorry mr kristol, we have suspended bombing countries with non white populations until further review. BUT, now that you’ve suggested it, we’re not going to do because….you are ALWAYS wrong.

  27. imissopus

    [re=328998]smitallica[/re]: I had guessed Flannery O’Connor. Time to bone up on literature!

    [re=328971]Egregious[/re]: I loved whathisname’s sneer at the end when he’s saying how HE would bomb North Korea but he couldn’t imagine THIS administration doing it, what with them being a bunch of diplomacy-loving faggot pussies and all. There is no end to my loathing of these idiots.

  28. Lionel Hutz Esq.

    I’m just waiting for Krystol’s final arguement: If Obama doesn’t bomb North Korea, he is a Racist.

  29. Scandalabra

    I’m going to Netflix Dr. Strangelove and totally j/o to having Bill Kristol strapped to that nuke at the end.

  30. sweetcandy

    Great idea, Kristol. To get the point across to those North Koreans that they shouldn’t be launching any of those missiles we should launch OUR missiles straight to their front doors. Just to prove how wrong it is to launch these nasty missiles.

  31. chascates

    From Wikipedia:
    During his first year of graduate school, Kristol shared a room with a fellow government doctoral candidate Alan Keyes.

    That is pretty creepy. But telling.

  32. chaesuopseum

    [re=328985]dijetlo[/re]: Koreans eat rice with a metal spoon, and southern kimchi is hotter than northern kimchi.

  33. nader paul kucinich gravel

    AIPAC’s Israel-first dual-nationals just love little Billy to death!
    Kristol knows just how to “sell” those 911 & Federal Reserve lies with a smile ~

Comments are closed.