Wonkette
Oh noes some “community organizers” from the rodent world have run off with a bunch of cheap little flags that people put in cemeteries, for Freedom, right around Memorial Day. We all knew that squirrels hated America … what we didn’t know was how much.
Witness the horror:
Every Memorial Day, volunteers put small American flags next to grave stones of the about 965 veterans buried at the Krafft Road cemetery.
All the flags were undisturbed during a Mass on Memorial Day. But the next day, cemetery workers noticed the flags were disappearing — the small, wooden staffs still were in the ground, but Old Glory itself had been removed.
At first, the cemetery’s staff was confused. Then, Ceglarek spotted the thief in action.
‘Twas a squirrel, lining his nest with flags, which is a federal offense. Everybody knows that flags should adorn nothing but the bodies of hot ladies.
Saul Alinsky and his merry band of Chicago street thugs are laughing from their squirrel nests, in Hell.
Cemetery squirrels nuts about U.S. flags [Times Herald]
That there squirrel is pretty nuts, period.
‘You know what it takes to steal American flags? It takes brass balls to steal American flags.’
Fucking pinko squirrels are pooping on our flag! We need a few airstrikes to show them we’re serious.
It’s time for a War on Squirrels.
The ghost of my squirrel hating late dog approves.
Rick Monday will now tackle every squirrel he sees.
Aren’t squirrels really a microcosm of the greatness of America? They stuff their faces fat, and the black ones get marginalized.
Squirrel using American flags as decorative bunting for his nest = ghey.
A sort of precise surgical strike from an unmanned drone aircraft, with consequent collateral damage of a couple dozen villagers having a wedding party, is just what’s needed here to end this squirrel menace & recruit the village to our side in this fight.
That pun is beneath Wonkette
1953: East Buttfuck Iowa: The CIA establishes a secret program to breed squirrel 5th columnists for release in the Soviet Union: Code Named - Project Rocky
2001: Dick Cheny demands several dozen Project Rocky subjects for release in Iraq. The shipment is intercepted by Karl Rove who accidently releases same into the wild while attempting to extract several specimen from Jeff Gannons rectum with a plunger
Crab1: Rick Monday = Baseball’s True American Hero (apart from all the ballplayers who served in WW2 & Korea.)
the solution:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/england/8073202.stm
What does it take to stop the outrage? A Constitutional amendment to ban flag-lining of squirrel’s nests?
This would never happen under Dick Cheney’s watch.
http://myhumor.com/cgi-bin/LT.pl?req=dm&id=507&ht=1
Sorry.
You all can stop worrying. I have heard that Bill O’Reilly is sending one of his producer/stalkers to confront the squirrels.
Gopherit: But the flag was designed by Benjamin Franklin so that it cannot be pooped on!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZI0hvm10AHo (Warning, Language).
Lionel Hutz Esq.: Sorry, Lincoln, not Franklin. It’s been a while since I watched it.
@ Germansteel:
I didn’t know a squirrel’s nest could fit under Dick Cheney’s watch. (Under his Wyoming-size dick, maybe.)
So if stocks are just cold going nuts, and squirrels are just cold going after flags, who’s taking the time to bury all the acorns that 90% of us will be living off come December?
My cat, Aldous Huxely, has apparently made a deal with the gray squirrels in our yard. They walk right up to him and he does nothing. However, Aldous thinks the red squirrels are very tasty.
This problem is so easily solved. Send over Hillbilly Huckabee and popcorn popper to stir fry those squirrel into an Arkansas delicacy.
Monsieur Grumpe: maybe the gray ones aren’t ripe yet.
You think this is bad? You should see what possums do to the Ten Commandments.
Evil squirrels appear to be a trend.
They were also responsible for the downfall of several key characters in the new movie, “Up”.
Spoiler alert.
Also.
Somebody’s been neutering all the squirrels in my yard. Don’t think I haven’t noticed.
hockeymom:
Damn you!!!
Those aren’t good old local Krafft Road cemetery squirrels - they are librul socialist University of Chicago squirrels.
You know, I’ve got a pretty good idea who put those squirrels up to this heinous act of sacrilege against America’s fallen heroes … a close relative who obviously has no respect for either law or decency:
http://images.encyclopediadramatica.com/images/9/94/Chipmunk_Pipe.jpg
… & you just know the little fucker bogarts it, too.
Squirrels and Sara. *sigh* Perfect post.