PERVERTS  5:14 pm May 29, 2009

Pennsylvania Legislative Furry Arrested For Trying To Sex Young Boy

by Jim Newell

A pervert in Pennsylvania has been arrested. HOORAY FOR FRIDAY NEWS! Alan David Berlin, 40, and longtime staffer in the Pennsylvania state Senate, was charged Thursday for being a terrible panda furry who loved teenage boys so, so much. But is he only a panda furry?

No! That’s why we have a jump in this post!

PITTSBURGH (AP) — The Pennsylvania attorney general says a legislative staffer wanted to dress up in a panda costume and have sex with a 15-year-old boy.

Attorney General Tom Corbett says 40-year-old Alan David Berlin, of Carlisle, was charged Thursday with attempted sexual exploitation of children and related crimes.

A Corbett spokesman says the boy’s parents alerted authorities after finding graphic messages on his computer. He says agents found wolf- and cat-type costumes in Berlin’s home.

C’mon now.

AG: Man propositioned teen with animal costume sex [AP/]

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ManchuCandidate May 29, 2009 at 5:17 pm

Allan David Berlin is a sad panda today.

user-of-owls May 29, 2009 at 5:20 pm

Oh lord, Butterstick. What have you done now?

rambone May 29, 2009 at 5:21 pm

I dunno if this is how sexual harassment panda is supposed to work.

thejesusandmarycheney May 29, 2009 at 5:24 pm

Fucks, shoots, leaves.

Colander May 29, 2009 at 5:25 pm

That kid’s parents totally cockblocked their own son!

SayItWithWookies May 29, 2009 at 5:25 pm

Berlin is being held in the Dauphin County jail.

Enjoy your new bitch costume, Mr. Berlin.

queeraselvis v 2.0 May 29, 2009 at 5:25 pm

First duck fucking and now this. It’s like Animal Planet gone terribly terribly wrong.

Pilate May 29, 2009 at 5:25 pm

[re=327688]user-of-owls[/re]: win, for not referencing South Park.

gjdodger May 29, 2009 at 5:25 pm

“Hey, Kid…how would you like to be, ‘The Boy who Tried Wolf’?”

Jukesgrrl May 29, 2009 at 5:25 pm

You promised a panda furry and the agents only delivered “wolf- and cat-type costumes.” Damn you, Newell! And damn Pennsylvania. Wanting to dress up as a panda and DOING IT are two different things!!1!!11 (Oh well. Thanks for the photo and for properly hyphenating the costumes.) Pandas are hawtt.

Makeithurt May 29, 2009 at 5:26 pm

Damn parents. Fucking up everything for everyone. What’s wrong with a little “pandering”. As Auntie Mame says, “When you’re from Pittsburgh you have to do something.” Go Steelers! Go Pens! Woo-hoo!

user-of-owls May 29, 2009 at 5:27 pm

[re=327698]thejesusandmarycheney[/re]: Priceless! Ganaste!

Joehoya May 29, 2009 at 5:27 pm

But in panda years, the boy was 35.

the problem child May 29, 2009 at 5:27 pm

Think there’s a fifteen year old boy on wonkette right now crying for his lost panda love?

S.Luggo May 29, 2009 at 5:28 pm

You left out the very bestest part:
“A spokesman for Sen. Jane Orie [R-40] says Berlin has been suspended. Berlin worked in the Senate [on the Republican side of the aisle] about a decade, including the last several years with the Allegheny County Republican.”

Orie is a former prosecutor, who ran a law and order campaign.

What can I say? Family values!

mollymcguire May 29, 2009 at 5:28 pm

[re=327698]thejesusandmarycheney[/re]: win.

kthxbai...also May 29, 2009 at 5:29 pm

Wait, why did Liddy want to dress like a panda?

T. Way May 29, 2009 at 5:32 pm

[re=327706]gjdodger[/re]: Ha ha.

user-of-owls May 29, 2009 at 5:33 pm

[re=327713]S.Luggo[/re]: What can I say? Family values!

Exactly. The Ursidae family.

mollymcguire May 29, 2009 at 5:35 pm

Apparently Mr. Berlin was caught on tape.

dougbob May 29, 2009 at 5:38 pm

maybe he and diaperman can put together a revue and go on the road to promote family values & such…

S.Luggo May 29, 2009 at 5:41 pm

[re=327719]user-of-owls[/re]: Point.

Colander May 29, 2009 at 5:42 pm

A boy never forgets his first pandjob.

You all know that.

Bill_TX May 29, 2009 at 5:49 pm

So, IS he a Republican? I’m assuming he is.

Mr Blifil May 29, 2009 at 6:06 pm

Where is the controversy?

Tommmcatt May 29, 2009 at 6:09 pm

Can you imagine being the 15 -year-old in all this? He had to mentally process:

1. That the person who was coming on to him was 40, and wanted to buttseccks him.
2. All of the bizarre images of animals “yowfing”, or whatever the fuck they call it, that the dude had to have sent him
3. That the 40-year-old who sent him all the furry porn wanted to fuck him buttally while dressed up as a panda.

Try fitting that in between algebra class and games of Magic the Gathering. I’d put down payments on the shrink NOW if I were his parents.

nugsybogues May 29, 2009 at 6:29 pm

don’t hate. without republican furries, gaybashers, pedophiles, religious zealots, snowbillies, extortionists, bitters, fatties, pillheads, gangstars (im looking at you steele), and all around delusional wingnuts, what would we discuss? like…policy or some shit? i just got the chills thinking about it. or maybe thats the dry ice fusing to my nipples (im trying this bipartisan thing out).

S.Luggo May 29, 2009 at 6:39 pm

Mr. Berlin is going to learn the meaning of sexytime when he tries to sleep in his panda suit after ‘lights out’.

Naked Bunny with a Whip May 29, 2009 at 6:53 pm

A 40-year-old furry is just intensely sad.

Of course, if you’re still 38, then it’s totally cool.

Bearbloke May 29, 2009 at 7:18 pm

[re=327739]Bill_TX[/re]: Well, DUH

Bearbloke May 29, 2009 at 7:21 pm

[re=327814]Naked Bunny with a Whip[/re]: Happy 38.9999999th Birthday!

President Beeblebrox May 29, 2009 at 7:22 pm

Pedo Bear approves.


Bearbloke May 29, 2009 at 7:24 pm

[re=327843]Bearbloke[/re]: A picture!… and he looks just like your mental image of a Child-yiffing ReThuglitard….

Lionel Hutz Esq. May 29, 2009 at 7:29 pm

Who here hasn’t wanted to dress up as a Panda and have sex with a 15-year old boy?

american mutt May 29, 2009 at 7:33 pm

wait, i assumed this was some nonsense wonkette headline with little truth to it…

Naked Bunny with a Whip May 29, 2009 at 7:34 pm

@Lionel Hutz Esq.: More to the point, who here hasn’t dressed up as a panda and had sex with a 15-year-old boy, amiright, guys? Guys?

Numbat Dundee May 29, 2009 at 7:40 pm

[re=327681]ManchuCandidate[/re]: But the sad is good because he’ll cry, his mascara will run and he’ll have panda eyes just in time for the prison sex.

amabokarab May 29, 2009 at 8:16 pm

Sully was right – Repugs are kinkier! Trust me its hard to smuggle panda suits into hooskow, poor guy. Still owe a buttload of smokes.

the problem child May 29, 2009 at 10:30 pm

Ok, the Penn. AG has a Child Predator Unit. I thought pandas were vegetarians?

The Huffington Pogue May 29, 2009 at 10:38 pm
PsycGirl May 29, 2009 at 10:47 pm

I had planned to dress up as a boy and have sex with a 15-year-old panda, but apparently there are a whole ‘nother set of laws forbidding that too.

Jefferson May 29, 2009 at 11:18 pm

“Who lives in the east ‘neath the willow tree?.
Sexual Harrasment Panda.
Who explains sexual harrasment to you and me?.
Sexual Harrasment Panda.
Don’t say that.
Don’t touch there.
Don’t be nasty says the silly bear.
He’s come to tell you whats right and wrong.
Sexual Harrasment Panda.”

DustBowlBlues May 29, 2009 at 11:20 pm

[re=327713]S.Luggo[/re]: You’ve answered the only question that mattered. Yes, another freako Republican.

DustBowlBlues May 29, 2009 at 11:26 pm

Ted Bundy worked for the Republicans in Olympia, btw.

Lionel Hutz Esq. May 30, 2009 at 2:58 am

[re=327856]Naked Bunny with a Whip[/re]: Well, I did have Alberto Gonzalez issue a legal opinion authored by Jay Bybee that says that it was perfectly legal. I see no reason for anyone to revisit my actions.

Sabre_Justice May 30, 2009 at 3:18 am

It’s rather terrifying that I’m not surprised in the least.

Monsieur Grumpe May 30, 2009 at 8:48 am

It’s guys like this that give Furrys a bad reputation. You sir are an embarrassment to your suit!

sezme May 30, 2009 at 8:55 am

I always thought that pandas had a hard time getting in the mood. Or perhaps they’re just usually in the mood for 15 year old humans.

Max's Dad May 30, 2009 at 11:30 am

Who knew KISS were Republicans?

PsycGirl May 30, 2009 at 11:55 am

Honestly can you imagine the parents’ reaction when they checked out the incriminating evidence on the computer? I would guess that while one dreads seeing pedophiles come on to your 15-year-old son, you know it happens. But in a panda suit? A panda suit? Nothing in the Parent Primer could prepare you for such a thing.

ThePerfesser May 30, 2009 at 12:27 pm

HELLO YOUNG MAN! My name is Hsing-Hsing. Would you like to see my thing-thing?

Perhaps you’d like a nice Chinese tea bag. Sounds like something that might interest you, my friend?

This all sounds like a very, very bad Stewie Griffin fantasy. Rupert? Rupert?

FormerDCite May 30, 2009 at 2:58 pm

No one could understand why Mr. Berlin was such an enthusiastic volunteer to play Santa at every holiday party. “Hello little boy, how would you like to sit on my lap and talk about the first thing that pops up?”

Deepthroat May 30, 2009 at 4:42 pm

Dude, i always thought that was a butch when i’d see it around the cafe!

lawrenceofthedesert May 30, 2009 at 4:49 pm

One good panda pun!?! (thanks, Colander) What kind of pandamonium is this? Berlin wasn’t arrested for pandaring? His arrest doesn’t mark the start of a pedophile pandamic? He isn’t looking at pandatory jail time? He wasn’t singing, “it’s a marvelous night for a pandance?” I am bamboozled by this…

Bruno May 30, 2009 at 6:46 pm

[re=327739]Bill_TX[/re]: I’m not sure there is even a point of mentioning if people like this are Republicans. It goes without saying that they are. If they are Democrats, that counds as real news, because of the shock involved.

S.Luggo May 30, 2009 at 9:18 pm


1. Pa. Republican senate staffer Pandaman comes, heh heh heh ,,, a-heh, from Carlisle, county seat, so to speak, of Pa.’s Cumberland County, where former (until his arrest for videography with intent to butthole) Republican County Commissioner Bruce Barclay worked, again, so to speak.
2. Rick Santorum went to law school in Carlisle.
3. Mere chance or pure circumstance?
Ex-PA Official Taped Sex With Hundreds of Male Prostitutes

oldguy May 30, 2009 at 10:22 pm

How is Furry-Fox News covering this?

I personally find the cat-type costume difficult. Think Halle Berry and then substitute Alan David Berlin:

And check the 4th paragraph – Berlin proposed sex in the backyard, in a shed in the backyard, and at a motel with another guy while Berlin took pictures.

But no sex with Sheeple?

ThePerfesser May 31, 2009 at 2:12 pm


So then I guess it’s official: Panda Boy Berlin and County Commissioner Bruce Barclay put the cum in Cumberland County!

Aloysius June 1, 2009 at 10:27 am

No joke, a couple I knew in college used to engage in public cutesy-talk on a regular basis. He called her “Panda,” and that was her cue to say (in a cuddle-wy, presumably panda-esque voice), “I’m not fat; I’m fluffy.” So when the story mentioned a panda suit, I already had visions of a chunky alt-chick from the early 90s. Fast forward to the present: those pictures of Pedopandaman have struck closer to home than I would like. I keep hearing him say, “I’m not fat; I’m fluffy.” Until a few minutes ago, I thought it amusing that I fucked a fat girl-furry in college. I now see the need to seriously rethink my life to this point.

rev_matt_y June 1, 2009 at 12:15 pm

[re=327814]Naked Bunny with a Whip[/re]: A furry is just intensely sad.

There, fixed it.

S.Luggo July 2, 2009 at 9:07 pm

And so it goes. Maybe it’s the water.
July 2, 2009
Carlisle Sentinnel [Cumberland County, Pennsylvania]

On Tuesday, Ronald P. Frank was a deeply involved member of the Wormleysburg-area community: borough councilman, code enforcement officer for Lemoyne, commissioner of the West Shore Bureau of Fire and a former crossing guard at Lemoyne Middle School.

On Wednesday, he was in Cumberland County [PA] Prison in lieu of $250,000 bail, accused of sexual misconduct with three teen boys.

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