Wonkette
- After abdicating, benign boner George W. Bush spent his days quietly playing Guitar Hero and landing juice box endorsements. But Jesus had different plans for Archdick Cheney. [Off The Grid]
- Amber Alert! Thousands of peeling, morbidly obese millionaires have been abducted in Maryland. Consult with your milk carton, leave no yacht barnacle or dead hooker unturned! Oh God please return them safe and untaxed! MY BABIES! [RedState]
- As a practical joke, Daniel Ellsberg leaked Michelle Malkin 50,000 illegible emails detailing how, with a little help from ACORN, every character from Disney’s Aladdin — even Jafar — voted for Barack Obama. [Michelle Malkin]
- Senator John Cornyn (R-TX) — also known as “Big Bad John” or simply “gimp” — has once again gone off and done something really really gay! [AMERICAblog]
“Well, Dick is Dick.”
Yes it is, Mr. President. Yes it is.
Love is Riley Waggaman.
I know it.
“Abdicating?” Is that just another dick joke, or is that some fancy word that elite New England squirts use, Waggamann? Put down the thesaurus, this is the internets.
I love (read: aneurysm at) the constant citation of that Maryland example, because the fucks that make it haven’t learned the difference between correlation and causation yet. Fewer millionaires on the tax rolls is not necessarily due to a tax increase. Tax increases cause a lot of bluster, but taken singly, they’re rarely cause for families to pack up and move, especially to a whole state away (as opposed to crossing from city into exurb, where you can keep your job and most of your social network).
If I had to guess, the lower number of millionaires on the tax rolls isn’t due to an exodus, but a lower number of millionaires ANYWHERE, PERIOD. For example, the recession that lost Warren Fucking Buffet what, half his wealth?, is a hugenormous sea change as compared to a statewide upper-bracket income tax increase.
Can we all chip in and buy that fucker Erick Erickson and the rest of Redstate a statistics class?
A link to Michelle Malkin?
I’d rather drink beer…
So according to RedState, taxing the rich during good times doesn’t work. Because when Maryland tried taxing the rich during a recession, they got less money than they expected. I’m not going to argue with that — mostly because I’m not drunk yet.
Jesus pig-fucking christ. Not only is that redstate retard bending over backwards to taint-lick obscenely rich people, he bats nary an eye at the prospect of tax dodging, cuz, you know, that’s just what rich people do. He also talks about boom & bust as if they were as natural as the seasons, not the product of pathetically transparent policies designed to manipulate the markets to favor the already obscenely rich. Capital Volume One FAIL.
Also, Juli who? I was a little creeped out by the tall hat photo, Riley, but you have shown that was merely an aberration. Keep up the fine work. Because if you ever let us down…
Zadig: That’s not half as bad as AM radio talking points about takes. We’re supposed to feel sorry for the rich because every decade since they ’80s they’ve had to shoulder a greater tax burden, as measured by the percentage of total taxes paid by top earners. Well, there could only be two explanations for this trend: taxes have become more progressive in the last few decades, and/or there has been a massive transfer of income level wealth to the rich. Hmm, Taxes have become a bit LESS progressive, and of course income inequality has skyrocketed, so lets all feel sorry for the poor rich who keep getting richer and richer while the income of everybody else stagnates or worse. This might as well be statistical proof of the low IQs of talk radio listeners and the teabaggers.
So the Redstate argument is that when rich people are asked to pay their fair share they will move or hide their assets to avoid doing so. And this is an argument against class welfare?
All this makes me want to do is hunt the tax-evading fuckers down and make them pay.
Zadig: Statistics are unamerican, duh!
Didn’t you hear? All the millionaires, billionaires, and gazillionaires moved to Somalia. Let freedom reign.
Zadig: Really. That’s why there aren’t any millionaires left here in California — where the top rate is a whopping 9.25%. Spielberg moved to Anniston, Alabama, I hear.
Zadig: Yeah, according to the Beeb the other day, the UK has 50% fewer millionaires. Not because they’ve left the country, but because they ain’t millionaires no more.
I’ve actually been in the lucky position of house-hunting recently. I saw a nice-enough house, a little small, but in the bedroom there was a pile of books including “Atlas Shrugged” in pride of place. I did not buy the house.
iwillsavethispatient: Ha ha seller either gone galt or gone broke. I will pray for the latter (and pretend those are the only two possibilities.)
If I went GALT tomorrow, six old ladies on Miami Beach would not get a blow-out, color and tint. The time/space continuum would no doubt reverse itself.
ALIVE!: Actually most of Somalia’s millionaires (true thing this) have moved to Somaliland - where there is a functioning government (and taxes) cuz - turns out that is cheaper to pay taxes than to have to employ a private army to try to keep your self and your family alive. Who would have thought?
Jesus, Riley - I’m glad you’re culling through those fucked-up blogs and not me. Malkin is how they torture interns.
Zadig: This makes as much sense as the wingers claiming that banking regulation is at blame for the recession. And they said it without putting, “lack of” first, so they fail.
Yes, young Riley, why is the nice lady who offered to be your wonkette mom at home on an exciting Friday night in rural OK you might not be asking yourself? One, Bubba is fucking scary in that giant pickup when he has a few too many. Secondly, I’m cleaning the wax moth crap, old foundation and propylis (bee glue) off frames so my honeybees (all two hives of them) can pollinate food for the ungrateful masses.
You’re welcome. And it just occurs to me that I’ve been typing Your welcome. Which is very humiliating, even at my advanced age.
Anyone so stupid to think that when they move into a trivially higher incremental tax bracket they will be taking home less money needs to give over financial power of attorney.
I’ll volunteer.
DustBowlBlues: You okay, my friend?
Chief Editor Korir is also interested in your forthcoming ACORN memos, and would like to syndicate them through the African Press International service.
V572625694: Thanks for asking. Not really. My adventure cat lasted ten or eleven years living in the country, so I guess we did pretty well keeping her as long as we did. Still, wish she’d come back.
I’m sure it would do wonders for my depression/crying jags if I could go pen up a rancher and club him to death. In real America, however, that is against the law. I almost corrected that to read Republican rancher but ha, ha–how redundant.
DustBowlBlues: Cats are good. Had one for 18 years, in Chicago and then Denver, Colorado Springs and St Louis, disappeared twice and showed up at an old house after an Incredible Journey experience. The Italian Princess has no problem with bullfighting, which I see as debasing, barbaric animal abuse for human entertainment. So the people we love contain within them things we would change. But we can’t.
If we could have Republican-fighting, with Newt or Rush naked in the corrida, Hopey with a sword and cape, that’d be a different thing and I’d be totally on board. Ole!
Wait, is this the new intern?
“Amber Alert! Thousands of peeling, morbidly obese millionaires have been abducted in Maryland. Consult with your milk carton, leave no yacht barnacle or dead hooker unturned! Oh God please return them safe and untaxed! MY BABIES!”
I approve.
Scandalabra: Two self-important executives would receive no notes, coffee, calls or computer help. Hollywood would implode. Imagined power is fun!
Wonkette interns have to read RedState and Malkin? Damn. I’d rather (continue to) be the copy and coffee bitch intern then be forced to sift through the sludge created by Erick the Son of Erick and his ilk.
assistant/atlas: You can’t go Galt. You are mere wage labor, the ones who the [i]business owners[/i] go Galt against. Or something like that, I’m still not quite sure how the hell this works.
DustBowlBlues: Sorry about the cat. I
DustBowlBlues: So sorry about the cat. I think you should pen a rancher despite the illegality. Or club one and feed his heart to a governor general. You would feel better.
Some years ago I set my dogs on two guys from the local chamber of commerce. It did wonders for my outlook on life.
Well, Missy Smartypants. I clicked on the MM and tripped and fell into the big hole of comments and here I am an hour later much the worse for wear. My God, it was like the toilet/dead baby scene in Trainspotting.
lizard scum: AbDICKating? Your comment inDICKates great deDICKation and I preDICKed many more penis jokes. Eh, it wasn’t as good as i thought.
I wish there was an Amber Alert for Michelle Malkin.
lizard scum: It’s not like the rich are enlisting in the army for Iraq or something. No Noblesse oblige from these fake aristocrats.
Zhu Bajie
ALIVE!: Millionaires in what? It’s easy to be a millionaire in, say, Zimbabwe dollars. What money do they use in Somaliland? Maria Theresa silver thalers?
Zhu Bajie
x111e7thst: Private armies are not necessarily trustworthy.
Zhu Bajie
zhubajie: The Somaliland Schilling I believe. I have no idea what it is worth. I would suspect that most of Somalilands rich keep their money in more generally recognized. currencies.
I have never had a private army but have always wanted one. I agree that the loyalty of such could be problematic. Any suggestions you might have in this regard would be appreciated.
(You know about M T Thaler and Procopius so you have my full attention)
x111e7thst: My husband is the chamber manager in our small town (they don’t send any money to the other chambers up the fascist line) and keeps his Ford truck with a “Proud to Be Union” bumper sticker parked in front it. So that’s good.
x111e7thst: One of the closely held values in rural, i.e. “Real America” is the right to abuse or, at the least neglect animals. Hunting wolves from helicopters, dumping unwanted dogs and cats so they starve to death, raising animals as central-nervous-system-less commodities–It’s all the same in Sarah Palin’s America!
DustBowlBlues: This is one of the reasons I stay close to the big city. I like animals better than I do most people.
The conservawingnut obsession with teh gay buttsex continues. That “OBAMACORN” logo looks like a star spangled anus.
Or, maybe its just evidence of my secret desire to fuck Michelle Malkin in the ass. Also.
Zadig: If God had wanted people to be swayed by statistics, he would have handed down the tablets to Charles Darwin.
eclecticbrotha: I thought the same thing about that logo but didn’t want to mention it here. I think some of the right side of the brain thing is missing from Cons. Humour area. Also. Go ahead with the MM ass fuck if you wash carefully afterwards. I guess. It’s a beautiful day why not look around and find a human instead?
eclecticbrotha: While you’re violatin’ Malkin’s colon/rectum/anus, specifically near the ‘end,’ try to remember to reach around her face with your left hand, placing her chin in your palm with fingers extended up the side of her face. Then take your right hand and place your palm above her left ear but toward the back of her head a little. Then, as the great moment begins to overtake you, grasp & push down with your right hand & grasp her chin with your left and pull toward you. Perform both these actions simultaneously & with great gusto. If done correctly you should hear a sickening cracking sound emanating from her neck and her body should instantaneouly go limp. Then continue violating her, as you do, then vacate the premises ASAP quietly when done. Your country thanks you in advance.
The most hysterical thing about this whole story was the level of comment at redstate.org:
Woohoo! No fiat currency! Read yer Constitution! Posse commitatus! Sovereignty for everyone! Teabagger ATV protest ride on Saturday! Bring barbecue, and gunz!
Never cut these clowns one single gram of slack.
hobospacejunkie: Great, but Malkin is an easy target. Who among us will volunteer to perform the same set of actions on Limbaugh or Hannity or even Michael Weiner? Hint: I’m busy that millennium.
It’s true that conservatives are the most humorless people on the planet. Take Bill Maher last night–I didn’t, actually, because I went to sleep. Their humor is ugly but without the funny. My theory on why that is? (Of course you knew I was only leading up to this).
Liberals are smarter and smart people are capable of smarter humor. The few conservatives who are half bright are so busy focusing on world domination that they don’t have any time off to laugh. And that’s liberals’ big problem. We’re always cracking each other up and while we laughing, the wingers race past.
Often, as I peruse wonkette, I find many examples of this very phenomenon.
x111e7thst: I love animals way more than people but to put that into perspective, I live in rural Oklahoma. I did have lunch, however, where an old boy with a beer gut strolled in and I said if there were any justice, his name had to be Bubba. My husband said no, he has a real name but everyone calls him “Cold Beer.”
Yep. That’s his name. Cold Beer. Apt and oddly literary, in a Tobacco Road kind of way.
The Mighty Malkin nails ACORN! AROO! AROO!
Of course there’s absolutely no chance whatsoever that “MonCrief” isn’t just yet another Delta Force ratfucker like Linda Tripp … & a group like ACORN who’ve been put under the GOP microscope about, oh, a thousand fucking times now & have come out squeaky-clean every single time are naturally going to rev up massive slush-funds the moment their evil overlord Obamifer is in position to get into the Oval Office, even though that sort of shit is nearly impossible to hide & would make Teh Left look like total venal shitheels when the dirty laundry came to light, strangling the Dems’ hope for an extended reign in its cradle … amirite or amirite?
Mad Brahms: Not being THAT much of a masochist, I couldn’t force myself to read past page 100 of “Atlas Shrugged”, but I gather that “going Galt” requires a perpetual motion machine.
lulzmonger: You forget, that Librul’s are guilty until they switch sides, and Conservatives are righteous until proven gay.
I saw in the supermarket a tabloid with the headline that George W. Bush was deeply depressed and near suicide. Of course, this was the same one that had the story about an earth girl mating with an alien and producing a bat-boy, so I’m not getting my hopes up.
How is it that along the Asian sex-slave space/time economic-industrial complex did Michelle Malkin actually occur?
WadISay: I think all possible medical procedures, including severing his head and keeping it alive in a bell jar, should be used to keep Bush alive for a thousand years. I want him to live long enough to see history’s judgment on him, including when it gets to the point that “Bush” is a synonym for “fuckup.” This man should never be allowed the sweet release of death.
Scandalabra: She was the child of a Vietnamese hooker and a stoned American GI. “Me make you happy, GI. You Numbah One.”
CaliforniaMike: Meh, according to Bush, the jury’s still out on Charlemagne.
WadISay: Yeah, but we know the bat-boy is a winner.
I actually met MM. In Seattle. She gave me the “I can eat you alive but you might be too cute for that” smirk. Totally playing the slit skirt Hong Kong thing. What a walking stereotype. Didn’t last long up here. Why do the rest of you pay attention to that Asian Ann Coulter? They’ll both just dry up and blow away if you just look the other way!
Not fooled at all by John Cornholio. He knows that the Hispanic vote is very important in Texas. See right through that loser’s ass.
CrazyDrumGuy: No kidding. Seems like senseless cruelty and blatant abuse.