ROYAL SCANDAL!  2:42 pm May 28, 2009

Barack Obama Basically Punches Queen Of England

by Jim Newell

The Obamas have a terrible relationship with the Queen of England, Elizabeth Windsor. This is known. When they visited the Queen a few months ago, Barack Obama gave Her Majesty a “Touch iPod” loaded with hardcore interracial pornography films and swine flu. Michelle Obama, meanwhile, grabbed the Queen’s boobs for at least 30 minutes. The whole affair was vulgar. And now look what’s up: Gordon Brown didn’t invite the Queen to a Normandy party in Nicolas Sarkozy’s country, and she is pissed. Why did Barack Obama insult the Queen like this?

Indeed, she is decidedly displeased, angry even, that she was not invited to join President Obama and France’s president, Nicolas Sarkozy, next week at commemorations of the 65th anniversary of the D-Day landings in Normandy, according to reports published in Britain’s mass-circulation tabloid newspapers on Wednesday. Pointedly, Buckingham Palace did not deny the reports.

[...]

… On June 6, when Mr. Obama and Mr. Sarkozy attend commemorations at the iconic locations associated with the American D-Day assault — Utah Beach, the town of Ste.-Mère-Église, where the first United States paratroopers landed, and the American war cemetery at Colleville-sur-Mer — the highest-ranking British representative will be Prime Minister Gordon Brown. His main role will be at ceremonies at the town of Arromanches, near the beaches where British troops landed.

Here, specifically, is how Barack Obama screwed up:

The tabloids quoted anonymous palace officials as saying the Brown government dropped the ball, possibly because of reported strains between Mr. Brown and the queen. Among other issues, the queen is said to have cooled on Mr. Brown because of his habit of appearing late for their weekly audiences. The Daily Mail quoted one “senior palace official” as saying that the palace had made clear to the government that the queen would have liked to have gone to Normandy.

Why does Barack Obama show up late for his weekly meetings with the Queen? What a dingus. WHO WOULD WANT to go to Normandy with this man?

Left Out of D-Day Events, Queen Elizabeth Is Fuming [NYT]

 

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{ 54 comments }

Capt. Hazel Murphy May 28, 2009 at 2:47 pm

Who the hell does she think she is? The Queen of England?

norbizness May 28, 2009 at 2:48 pm

That first paragraph speaks to the dangers of (a) writing on two bottles of Robitussin and (b) maximizing online profit margins by firing proofreaders and increasing by 1100% the number of animated Cupid and SarahPAC advertisements.

snideinplainsight May 28, 2009 at 2:48 pm

The President’s Own Marine Band played “Hail to the Queef” – it was a simple mistake anybody could make – really, I don’t see why the British get all “hoity-toilety” about these things.

snideinplainsight May 28, 2009 at 2:49 pm

Or, should that be “hoity-toiletty”?

Scarab May 28, 2009 at 2:50 pm

Screw her, she should be glad she didn’t get a Zune.

magic titty May 28, 2009 at 2:50 pm

Bros before hoes.

Gorillionaire May 28, 2009 at 2:51 pm

The Queen would not be offended by an iPod full of interracial. The entire Lexington Steele “Balls Deep” series of DVDs are clearly visible on the library shelf on the Buckingham Palace tour.

ManchuCandidate May 28, 2009 at 2:52 pm

I’d rather be on the first landing craft to hit Omaha Beach on D-Day than face a pissed off and huffy Queen Betty.

Scarab May 28, 2009 at 2:53 pm

What’s she going to do, start hanging out with Canada instead? Please.

gurukalehuru May 28, 2009 at 2:53 pm

Maybe Sarkozy invited Gordon Brown because Gordon Brown is the head of the government of Great Britain which is, technically, a parliamentary democracy.

The French dealt with their royalty quite definitively back in the late 18th century. Liz 2 should maybe count herself lucky she wasn’t invited.

freakishlystrong May 28, 2009 at 2:53 pm

Bitch is gettin’ all shirty and all…

ManchuCandidate May 28, 2009 at 2:56 pm

[re=326533]gurukalehuru[/re]:
Actually, Queenie is the head of state for most if not all countries in the British Commonwealth.

mollymcgwire May 28, 2009 at 2:57 pm

Fox News never mentions the Betamax that Reagan presented to the Queen in 1984.

thejesusandmarycheney May 28, 2009 at 2:58 pm

Look, Liz, if your punk-ass ancestors hadn’t lost Calais you’d have your own corner of France to vacation in without anyone’s invitation.

Turd Way May 28, 2009 at 2:58 pm

Not even American wingnuts could make this an issue in the US, but I bet it plays bad in British tabloids. The English are the only one’s who seem to understand the “special relationship” between our countries. Maybe we’re ungrateful. For instance, we would have been ultimately better off if the British didn’t give us their whole fucking empire, the pushovers.

Mahousu May 28, 2009 at 2:58 pm

The real bombshell in the Times article is buried in the fourth paragraph – that back when the Queen was just “Elizabeth Windsor, Girl Soldier,” she had a torrid affair with Dwight Eisenhower. Rowr!

memzilla May 28, 2009 at 2:59 pm

Let us commemorate this solemn occasion by chaining John “Goebbels” Yoo, David “Göring” Addington, and Dick “Emperor Palpatine” Cheney onto the beach and dropping an LCVP ramp onto their heads repeatedly. It’s kinda like waterboarding, but with a “Good War” spin that will redeem their reputations.

If they survive, they will be proven to *not* be possessed of the Devil and we can let them live.

AggieDemocrat May 28, 2009 at 3:00 pm

@Scarab – In a word? Yes. Reason? Fresh, still-beating baby seal heart.

you cannot be serious May 28, 2009 at 3:01 pm

The brown man messes up again.

Noodle Salad May 28, 2009 at 3:01 pm

Now we’ll have to invade all over again. Thanks for bringing back the Third Reich, Barry!

greywindz May 28, 2009 at 3:01 pm

Didn’t he die of Aids, as a result of practicing anal sex? oh no, that was Queen’s vocalist…

mollymcgwire May 28, 2009 at 3:04 pm

[re=326532]Scarab[/re]: win, although I have heard that she has a speacial fondness for seal harts, and April Wine.

The Cold Sea May 28, 2009 at 3:11 pm

Uppidy.

azw88 May 28, 2009 at 3:16 pm

Brown people hatin on the rich white woman.

KilgoreTrout_XL May 28, 2009 at 3:17 pm

Hey I just clicked that meat link on the side over there (you’re welcome wonkette) and watched pammy anderson’s funbags talk about KFC chickens, it was fucked up, and now I’m wondering if Barry (muzlin) likes to eat KFC when he’s pooping/not pooping on the queen’s face, what a racist activist judge.

BeRightBack May 28, 2009 at 3:18 pm

I think it’s pretty racist for British people to insist on calling our President “Mr. Brown.”

dementor May 28, 2009 at 3:19 pm

She got a taste for brown sugar with her teabags.

jasper f. krone May 28, 2009 at 3:24 pm

[re=326570]KilgoreTrout_XL[/re]: you’re not allowed to say that anymore. Didn’t you see http://www.theonion.com/content/news/kfc_no_longer_permitted_to_use?utm_source=a-section ?

doxastic May 28, 2009 at 3:24 pm

The Queen is unfamiliar with BPT, or in its long form, British Parliament Time

proudgrampa May 28, 2009 at 3:28 pm

[re=326533]gurukalehuru[/re]: “The French dealt with their royalty quite definitively back in the late 18th century. Liz 2 should maybe count herself lucky she wasn’t invited.”

That is something I just don’t understand about the British. Why do they insist on keeping their monarchy, a bunch of inbreds who seem to do nothing but show up for ribbon-cutting ceremonies?

S.Luggo May 28, 2009 at 3:32 pm

[re=326593]proudgrampa[/re]: It’s because, unlike us, they can’t force their figureheads to retire to Dallas.

bitchincamaro May 28, 2009 at 3:34 pm

She ain’t no human bean.

the problem child May 28, 2009 at 3:35 pm

[re=326533]gurukalehuru[/re]: Actually, the Queen is the Head of State. Gordon Brown is just some guy who got elected over and over again until his party decided that he should be Prime Minister.

Spiderfrommars May 28, 2009 at 3:36 pm

Actually, I hear that the real problem is that Betty won’t stop bothering Michelle after Michelle Went Where No Man Has Gone Before. Brown has staff confiscate the mash notes Betty sends on a daily basis but most frightening has been the queen’s assertion that she can’t do her job “without the support of the woman I love”.

the problem child May 28, 2009 at 3:40 pm

[re=326593]proudgrampa[/re]: It gives them an excuse to invest in the upkeep of some of their more extravagant unheated tourist attractions.

Advocatus_Diaboli May 28, 2009 at 3:49 pm

[re=326535]ManchuCandidate[/re]: I didn’t vote for her!

TGY May 28, 2009 at 3:55 pm

Gordon Brown – cockblocker. Well, that figures.

gurukalehuru May 28, 2009 at 4:07 pm

[re=326535]ManchuCandidate[/re]: no conflict, she’s the head of state but he’s the head of government…I think, or have I got that wrong? Whatever…off with their heads.

Come here a minute May 28, 2009 at 4:10 pm

She must be really pissed — Buckingham Palace pointedly did not deny it.

populucious May 28, 2009 at 4:11 pm

If girl-Queen wants to go to Normandy she should just hie her ass over to Normandy. What’s this BS about waiting for some slob whose always late for their dates to invite her? This aint the prom. Bitch is the m-f Queen for chrissake. Seriously what’s the point of being the m-f Queen if you can’t crash any and all social occasions you want?

Gallowglass May 28, 2009 at 4:42 pm

According to Wikipedia, the Queen is still the Duchess of Normandy. These gentlemen should be asking her permission before throwing their hootenanny in her Duchy.

[re=326533]gurukalehuru[/re]: Technically, its a constitutional monarchy. The government, in practice, is a parliamentary democracy.

Gallowglass May 28, 2009 at 4:50 pm

And, yes, the French did do away with their royals, but the Brits, Prussians, Russians, Spaniards, Portuguese, Austrians and assorted other Germans gave them a proper curb-stomping for their troubles and put the Bourbons back. So I don’t think Elizabeth II has anything to be afraid of.

imissopus May 28, 2009 at 4:55 pm

Perhaps she shouldn’t have kept threatening to visit Paris to find Princess Di’s real killer.

prophet1195 May 28, 2009 at 5:42 pm

Yeah and Englishes have those little flag lapel pins, too.

Guppy06 May 28, 2009 at 5:53 pm

Brown had better watch it, or one week he’ll show up late one last time, only to find the Queen of Canada waiting for him with an ulu.

sezme May 28, 2009 at 5:57 pm

Oh I get it. Brown – the colour. Ha ha ha. Sorry, that one took awhile.

Jukesgrrl May 28, 2009 at 6:25 pm

[re=326666]populucious[/re]: Yeah, doesn’t she pack heat in that purse of hers? There’s probably a pistol under her hat and a blade in her garter, too. And God knows corgis taught pit bulls everything they know.

thefrontpage May 28, 2009 at 6:39 pm

At least Obama didn’t give the Queen a Betamax and an eight-track cassette player!

paintitblack May 28, 2009 at 6:46 pm

Ginned up wingtard outrage at this veritable insult to Betty Windsor by the commoner Obamas on Faux in 5…4…3….

pict May 28, 2009 at 10:35 pm

[re=326540]Mahousu[/re]: Ah, that’s a story that begs to be dramatized. The simple love between two crazy kids, one a simple SUPREME COMMANDER and the other “just” Her Royal Highness The Princess Elizabeth Windsor, Girl Soldier.

Jukesgrrl May 29, 2009 at 3:35 am

The more I think about this, the more I’m on the Queen’s side. Show some respect! How many heads of state are still living who were around during World War II? None that I can think of, except the Pope, who was a Nazi.

hobospacejunkie May 29, 2009 at 4:40 am

[re=327022]Jukesgrrl[/re]: No shit. Teen-aged Betty & her (better looking) sis romped around with the commoners on VE Day. It was probably the best day of her life. And this may be her last chance to attend a big D-Day ceremony, since they only seem to get excited about them every 5 years. Gordon Brown is just a low-born, ill-mannered Scot who doesn’t know his place in the world (changing the Queen’s piss pot every morning.)

However, if she hadn’t changed her name to Betty Windsor from Betty Saxe-Coburg-Gotha none of this would’ve ever happened.

Jukesgrrl May 29, 2009 at 5:51 am

[re=327029]hobospacejunkie[/re]: That would be Queen Betty to you, but we could meet in the middle and agree to call her Queen Betty Haus of Windsor, to preserve that Teutonic spirit.

Bruno May 29, 2009 at 6:07 am

Well, if the Queen hadn’t re-gifted that iPod to Gordon Brown, then maybe she would have received her invitation.

Anyway, what kind of party can you have with the Queen around, not to mention her Creepy husband which is basically like a Cheney with a Royal title.

Now the Dutch have it down right, Queens day is a true day to celebrate, except for the occasional errant car.

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