Wonkette
The worst writer in the world, Washington Post landed gentry spokeswoman Richard Cohen, has met Elizabeth Edwards and John Edwards too! “I know John and Elizabeth Edwards — not well, just a bit. I’ve been to their house — the old house, the one in Washington. I had breakfast with them. I found her smart, likable. I never knew what to make of him. A three-dollar bill, I always suspected.” He knew about this all along, basically. “She drove me to where I could get a cab. We talked. What about? Can’t remember. Now this. What to think?” Who fucking knows GAHH!
AND WHAT ABOUT THAT INSANE WOMAN WITH ALL THE BABIES??
It is the same with Nadya Suleman, the woman who gave birth to eight babies and already had other babies and now has, for all I know, 23 children and no way of supporting them. I ran from that story, from the first moment when her doctors all posed for pictures, too naive not to know they had participated in a calamity — a one-woman Hurricane Katrina. But I could not get away from her. Once again, every newspaper, every television set, every blog, and everything I saw or heard was about her and her babies.
[...]
Somehow, over time, I came to think of the babies as my responsibility. I felt I had to do something. Nadya and her brood broke the barrier, the membrane between a news story — something happening in Wolf Blitzer Land — and something else, a part of my life, something real. The babies! The babies! Should I send a check? What would she do with the money? Maybe a tuck under the eyes? Would she have more babies? Then what? What would I do with the additional babies? I’d envision the house at night, the wailing, the crying — the industrial diapering.
Hooray! It’s social/media commentary, from Clownfarts. He is just the common man, with common problems, about commons things he sees on the CNN channel. Media saturation; he is saturated. And yet! It is still possible to not care about the lady with all the babies.
Besides, there are more important things to worry about. For example: What if Dick Cheney is right?
Wordsworth in Blitzer Land [Washington Post]
Is Cohen still alive, or are his columns repeats like “Peanuts”?
“…a three-dollar bill, I always suspected”
Wait. So Edwards is gay?
I really am discomfited by the idea of Richard Cohen breaking some woman’s membrane.
And why is he trying to make like the dude with all the moneez fathering all the chilluns is queer? Methinks the drunken ol’ trannie queen doth protest too much.
Op-Ed? More like Spec-Ed.
Clownfarts? Is that anything like Cakefarts?
Richard, are you drunk? On medication? Can you write a complete sentence? Instead of just a series of short? Rhetorical? Questions? Did you just record an incoherent rant? Then transcribe it? And edit for spelling? And grammar, sort of? Are you losing your mind? I don’t know! Nor do I care!
bitchincamaro: “Now this. What to think?” sure makes it sound like he was shocked John was caught with a [i]woman[/i].
Die, pal.
bitchincamaro: i believe ann coulter suspected before you did.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GB3X4iz8jTU
Shit, Dick!
Learn to use a fucking SEMI-COLON!
He had breakfast with Elizabeth and John Edwards at their house??? Was he there from the night before?? Do tell us more, Richard. Then again, please don’t.
Case for sympathy
Has cancer
Lost a child in a tragic accident
Married to a dude that cares way too much about his hair
Case for disdain
Talks too much
Always on the TeeVee
Stayed married to a dude that cares about his hair, nailed a campaign staffer and knocked her up
Which leads us to think, of course, of the octo-mom, because she has lots of babies. Which reminds me, where is my dinner? Where is my jar of peas and carrots? And I want strained bananas for dessert.
Hmm…how to characterize Richard Cohen’s “thinking”…bad beat poetry? Tom Friedman with Tourette’s syndrome? A vision of visits from the ghosts of passover dinners past & future?
guerilla-nation: YOU HAVE REACHED THE END OF THE INTERNET.
Time to take some Aricept, Grampa.
You can get a cab 3 blocks away from their old house—so if he’s basing his opinion on a 20 second carride, that’s not really much to go on.
If he wants to improve mainstream media by saving it from inane self-absorbed feminine humans, why doesn’t he stop publishing at WaPo?
WTF?
Did he see starbursts when he saw the Octomom on TV? Did she wink at him? That would explain a lot.
Here’s a tip for Richard Cohen, and a small payback for all of his insights: rub Listerine on your ass, so you don’t catch cancer off Elizabeth Edward’s car seat.
For real, did he just call Edwards a queer?
“Let me begin my column with a stale observation from ten years ago, since proven laughably wrong. Continue reading for more of the same.”
Richard. Cohen. Enough……pleeeeez?
Once again, Richard has confused the ‘Send To Recycle Bin’ command with the ‘Print’ command. Ah, senility.
bitchincamaro: Then that bastard isn’t his? And he paid that lady all that money to actually video tape his gay buttsects adventures like Bob Crane? Interesting.
http://www.dyspathy.com
Wait, all those baby comments & I assume he is anti-abortion & birth control?
Richard, what did you eat for breakfast? Did they make you flapjacks? Or special brownies?
meg9: He can’t walk three blocks to get a cab?
If Cohen gets laid off by the Post, The Onion would pick him up in a heartbeat.
Bruno: Mr. Cohen is a liberal - or at least he says he is; even though everything he’s written for the past decade at least has contradicted that.
“She drove me to where I could get a cab. We talked. What about? Can’t remember. Now this. What to think?”
Are we sure he is not just telling us about his affair with Ms. Edwards? And possibly the sperm donor for Ms. Suleman?
Actually, the more that Wonkette reports on Mr. Cohen, the more I am becoming convinced that “Richard Cohen” is really just an old Tandy Computer programed to throw out pop cultural references and clichés up to 1000 words when you hit enter.
Uh, Rich? Next time, lay off the roofies before you start to write a column.
I’m guessing Cohen is like one of those actors from the Silent Movie dayz who just couldn’t get this ‘talkie’ thing and is slowly fading into oblivion. That’s what I’m hoping anyway.
I’ll give him the same advice for avoiding Octomom that I give my parents whenever they complain about being sick of some dumb news “story”: TURN OFF THE FUCKING TEEVEE YOU FUCKING NITWIT!
chascates: Yes! He’s the Norma Desmond of journalism. But I don’t think anyone will write a musical about him.
guerilla-nation: I had to stop at “I think I’m gonna have to get nice and comfortable for this one.” Even for incested trailer trash, she has waaaay too much time on her hands.
guerilla-nation: Bad anti-gaydar could be the reason she hasn’t married yet.
Seriously, Richard? You are shocked by a generic Political/Sex scandal and a generic Local Man/Woman Acts Atypically story? You must shuffle through life with a permanent “Who hit me with that fish?” look on your face. Just take two Ambien and wake up in a month to be shocked afresh. Who knows, maybe a generic celebrity will get divorced/take drugs/commit a crime. That’ll really knock your socks off- in your case just go with sandals from now on to be safe.
And if Nadya Suleman is Hurricane Katrina, all I have to say is, “Heck of a job, Dickie.”
I’m hopeful one day soon Wonkette will ignore Cohen’s asshattery in order to devote resources to taking down Ross Douch-hat and his asshattery:
http://www.nytimes.com/2009/05/26/opinion/26douthat.html
Otherwise he might continue using his NY Times column to work out those hang-ups about women that have been so incessantly documented by the wonkeratti.
Dick needs a swift kick in the snatch.
His columns were just as whiny and lacking in substance even back in the 1970s and 1980s. He just didn’t look quite as crotchety back then.
Somebody marry this man off to Peggy Noonington, or whatever her name is.
AKAM80TheWolf: I’d do it but I’d mess up my new shoeshine.
He’s an Abe Simpson/Eggy Nooners hybrid.
How do you get a job like this, anyway? I’m tired of outdoor work with heavy lifting!
Zhu Bajie
I think it was prescient that when asked to pose for his publicity photo, Cohen chose to disguise himself as the Jewish Colonel Sanders.
While you Americans freak out over Canadian Governor General seal heart eaters, just remember, an innocent tree gave its life for this man’s column.
Next column: “Who took my pants off, crapped in them, and then put them back on me without me knowing?”
norbizness: hahahahaha
>>too naive not to know<<
My brain had a thrombo trying to figure this one out.