rumors on the internets

Roland Burris Releases Tape Of Blagojevich’s Brother Chatting Pleasantly With Sonia The Mexican

  • Legal “gossipeuse” Jeffrey Rosen has responded to all those conservatives who are now using his Sotomayor article as the anti-Sotomayor Bible, on teevee: “This willfully misreads both my piece and the follow-up response.” Who knew! [TNR/The Plank]
  • A new CNN poll hypothesizes that Colin Powell is more likable than Dick Cheney or Rush Limbaugh, which means Colin Powell is probably now popular enough to successfully run for student council. [CNN Political Ticker]
  • Larry Craig should be Chief Justice of the Supreme Court, but he isn’t, because the Gays don’t shriek and leap about and play the Ranchera on the White House lawn like the Mexicans do. [AMERICAblog]
  • A committee of ethical senators will be allowed to listen to a taped conversation between Rod Blagojevich’s brother and Rookie of the Year Senator Roland Burris, provided that 18 minutes of the tape is deleted beforehand, because that’s the only proper way to release a tape. [The Caucus]
  • Barack Obama has added Saudia Arabia to his upcoming trip to Yurp and Egypt because he’s always wanted to see Mexico in the summer. [FP/The Cable]

About the author

Riley is an "internet blogger." He has written for such internet websites as True/Slant and the terrible Brangelina gossip emporium "The Huffington Post." Riley lives in northeast DC, near H Street. Maybe you do too and want to hang out?

View all articles by Riley Waggaman
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30 comments

  1. Custerwolf

    Dear Riley, you look really cute in that hat.
    P.S. Are you going steady with anyone?
    XXXXXOOOOOO
    Love Custerwolf.

  2. DoctorCulturae

    Right to work huh Riley? Our dear beloved overlord Ken is a powerful taskmaster. May the force be with you. Or maybe a cane to go with your tophat.

  3. SmutBoffin

    The missing 18 minutes of the Blagojevich tape is Blago and Burris discussing their upcoming wife swapping weekend plans.

  4. Brendan M.

    Is calling Roland Burris ‘Ronald’ a ‘Maria Sotomayor’ joke? If so, I don’t get it.

  5. DoctorCulturae

    [re=324894]DoctorCulturae[/re]: And btw, you can’t fool us. You’re really Sean Penn in his pre-Ridgemont High days.

  6. Vulpes82

    The maiden voyage of the S.S. New Intern Meat. Godspeed, Riley, and good lucky. You’re gonna need it.

  7. chascates

    Does anyone ever get to see Ken Layne in person? I thought he just lived in his survivalist compound in la-la land and communicated via coded messages. Also, Newell is always good for a loan.

  8. Zadig

    Bullshit, everyone knows that the gays were being at least as drama queen-y as the Mexicans. The real reason is, could you imagine the shitstorm over a gay nominee? I can’t, and my imagination is pretty vigorous. I just know that at some point Hannity would kick down my door and throw bloody fetuses at my cat.

    And welcome, Riley. You do know that you don’t have to dress up for the internets, right?

  9. grevillea

    I am a Botswanan-deafblind-gay whale. Where the fuck is my token Cabinet representative, fake librul Obummer?

  10. Internally valid

    I lol’d at “Yurp” and I clicked two (2) of your clickies. Nice work, rook.

  11. V572625694

    [re=324917]Custerwolf[/re]: I knew it all along. I’m just too needy. I needy more of those awful puns.

  12. Cuthbert J Twillie

    Ok…I may be a lil’ bit stoned, but that Larry Craig the Gay Mexican Justice thing was damn funny.

  13. facehead

    DW Riley, you’ll be fine. Just follow these rules:

    1) Don’t ever anger Shortsshortsshorts.

    2) Let Ken, not Jim, teach you proper anal.

    3) Stay gold ponyboy.

  14. problemwithcaring

    Your comically made-up name reminds of the comically made-up name, Ralph Wiggums….What?…Ohhh.

  15. AKAM80TheWolf

    [re=325005]Lionel Hutz Esq.[/re]:

    If he drops a ‘j’ he’ll finish sooner.

  16. hobospacejunkie

    There was a chick named Riley on Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles. That is the only person, until now, that I ever remember being named Riley. And that person is a fictional character, I think. So you are a rare specimen, Mr. W. May you live long and prosper and stuff here. Now get to workin’ on that gossip column. I want dirt!

  17. Bruno

    I hope he knows not to dress up in a dishdasha when he goes to Saudi. Actually, he ought to. This will make the 2012 election ads all the more insane.

    Michelle & girls, also cover your heards.

  18. Bruno

    It would be nice if they replace the remaining 18 minutes with Salsa music, just like the kind I have to listen to when I am waiting for other participants to join a conference call.

    Also, it would be great if they come up with a mystery name for someone on the tape like “Deep Throat”

  19. lawrenceofthedesert

    To paraphrase an old saying that used to be on the men’s room wall at the Old Town Ale House (home of important Wonkette artwork, Riley), “Teach a man to fish, and in a day he’s hungry; Waggaman to fish, and pretty soon civil rights are rearing their ugly heads.”

  20. lazyb

    [re=325208]lawrenceofthedesert[/re]: Awww. The Old Town. A long, long time ago I spent many weeknights playing their wonderful pinball games. Nostalgia’s a bitch.
    And nice job, Waggamuffin!

  21. aeiou

    i want to fuck you less than the other one, but you did make me lol a bit

    welcome aboard

Comments are closed.