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A right-wing radio loudmouth in Chicago named “Erich ‘Mancow’ Muller” (hey Chicago readers: explain) thought that the “waterboarding is torture” argument was just a bunch of MoveOn.org poppycock and, as many drink-soaked former Trotskyite popinjays have done before him, submitted himself to the process to prove it — and this time, live on his show. Ha ha ha. Whoops!

With a Chicago Fire Department paramedic on hand, Mancow was placed on a 7-foot long table, his legs were elevated, and his feet were tied up.

Turns out the stunt wasn’t so funny. Witnesses said Muller thrashed on the table, and even instantly threw the toy cow he was holding as his emergency tool to signify when he wanted the experiment to stop. He only lasted 6 or 7 seconds.

“It is way worse than I thought it would be, and that’s no joke,”Mancow said, likening it to a time when he nearly drowned as a child. “It is such an odd feeling to have water poured down your nose with your head back…It was instantaneous…and I don’t want to say this: absolutely torture.”

WRONG ANSWER, do it again and again and again until he confesses that it’s “absolutely an Enhanced Interrogation Technique” and that he knows Saddam Hussein and Osama bin Laden who are best friends with bombs.

Mancow Waterboarded, Admits It’s Torture [NBC Chicago]

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  • ifthethunderdontgetya”

    Ha ha!
    ~

  • ifthethunderdontgetya”

    When is Bill Kristol’s turn?
    ~

  • danadevin85

    well i guess thats the answer
    for all those who don’t think waterboarding is torture
    just try it and see

  • Cicada

    Obviously this guy hates America.

  • Crab1

    So that is what waterboarding is. I thought it was like surfing behind a fishing boat. Makes sense that someone might call it torture now.

  • Texan Bulldoggette

    Why didn’t he call himself ‘the Bull’? Or now he can be ‘the steer’ since he’s been seriously neutered.

  • queeraselvis v 2.0

    No no no. It’s not torture unless you waterboard him and tickle his nuts with an electric cow prod.

  • GDTRFB

    Dick Cheney will give a speech next week linking Mancow to KSM.

  • lawrenceofthedesert

    Ah, the program director’s dream of a lifetime finally came true, as did the Vanity Fair editor’s! I told Mancow not to wear that “will talk for food” sign. As for Hitchens, did VF use Evian? Is there anything an American will NOT do to be on the air or sell a story?

  • Lionel Hutz Esq.

    Now imagine Dick Cheney pissing down your nostrils asking you where you put the WMDs that Sadam gave you.

    And people want to keep Gitmo open.

  • the deliverator

    Chicagoan here. I’ve met the guy a few times, he’s more of a douche on air than in person, but still a little douche-y. Unfortunately, I have no idea where he got the name, but he’s been around for a while. Was on the “alternative rock” station for a while, then left to…apparently another radio station. His schtick was being an asshole and a douchebag, i didn’t know he was right-wing too. BUT i should have guessed, i suppose.

  • liz
  • Lionel Hutz Esq.

    Of, by the by, it is “Mancow” because he has four nipples.

  • Mr Blifil

    Fucking pussy. Next time I suppose he’ll have someone apply a 12-inch dildo up his butt so he’ll know what teh gheyz is like. He’ll probably last about 7 seconds in that scenario as well. Before begging for more.

  • Lionel Hutz Esq.

    And yet Sean Hannity remains free. Is there no justice in this world?

  • onemoresexylibrarian

    He’s also called “girl-cow” by fellow Chicagoans.

  • VeganBolagnaSucks

    This is the same guy who used to go on “Fox&Friends”,and try and pick up E.D.Hill,is it not?

  • Monsieur Grumpe

    And this was done by people who actually pretend to like him.

  • 19kevin8

    he had balls for 7 seconds? awesome! that’s 7 more seconds of balls than hannaty has.

    speaking of 7 seconds… Walk Together, Rock Together. Also.

  • rmontcal

    [serious]And we are surprised because…?[/serious]

  • WadISay

    Whoa, why the rush to judgement, Mancow? Maybe it gets better the next 182 times.

  • On the Border

    Did he get the “throw the cow” idea from Dan Savage?

  • chascates

    Hannity! Hannity!
    Where’s Sean Hannity?

  • SayItWithWookies

    He just didn’t do it enough — after 83 times it stops feeling like torture.

  • Uncle Sam

    Did they give a toy camel to Khaled Sheikh Mohammed?

  • loquaciousmusic

    I know I wouldn’t have had the balls to waterboard ManBearPig!

  • WIDTAP

    [re=323449]WadISay[/re]: Even Hitchens went back for seconds. Mancow is a pussy Benedict Arnold. If he loved this country he would do it again and this time hold out for 2 1/2 minutes.

  • Hooray For Anything

    Actually, you have to give the guy a bit of a slow golf clap for being a right-wing nut and actually putting his money where his mouth was (ha! I made a pun) unlike every other fucking right-wing nut.

  • proudgrampa

    Oh, he so deserved that. So where is Hannity, that SOB? Bet he doesn’t even last 7 seconds.

  • Lionel Hutz Esq.

    [re=323433]VeganBolagnaSucks[/re]: I know Hannity used to have him on for mutual masturbation sessions.

  • Delicious

    Now, if only every American would try this…

  • Dustin de Wynde

    The ads for the Edward Munch, ‘The Scream’ Exhibit at the Chicago Art Institute, (though the show ran from Valentine’s Day and closed the 26th of last month), that is in the beginning of the second clip where Mancow talks about the experience, is an inspired touch.

    So when is Hannity finally going to make good on his promise?

    The big pussy. Also.

  • James Garfield’s Ghost

    another chicagoan here and didn’t even know this guy was still on the air. this is brilliant though. agreed with the deliverator; this guy doesn’t present his show as explicitly “right-wing” but it wouldn’t surprise me if he voted for bush twice … now if we could just get limbaugh to pull the same stunt … 180 times …

  • Lionel Hutz Esq.

    [re=323422]liz[/re]: When did Liz Glover start making snuff films?

  • Accordion-o-rama

    Mancow is pretty
    frightening.

  • DC Hates Me

    Waterboarding demos are so yesterday. I want to see if attack dogs will make a naked man shit himself. C’mon!

  • 4tehlulz

    [re=323474]DC Hates Me[/re]: That would make pretty bad radio, though.

  • chascates

    [re=323474]DC Hates Me[/re]: In that expierment let’s start with Limbaugh.

  • Accordion-o-rama

    [re=323471]Accordion-o-rama[/re]: Link fail. Let’s try
    again

  • bonghitsforjesus

    So unlike Cheney, Bush, Rumsfeld, Rush and Hannity, fucking ‘Mancow in the Morning’ was willing to try waterboarding and then admit he was wrong and it really is torture? Of course random radio assholes have more guts and character than anyone in our government. Makes perfect sense. Time for gin.

  • magic titty

    [re=323451]chascates[/re]: [re=323459]proudgrampa[/re]: He couldn’t even complete the *torture* of attaining a bachelor’s degree. Fuck him.

  • thwanger

    does everyone get a toy cow to throw? did ksm get a toy cow to throw? why did they give him the cow?

  • 19kevin8

    [re=323474]DC Hates Me[/re]: Limbaugh, hannity, o’reilly, weiner, levin… naked. pyramid. ew.

  • DoctorCulturae

    So, to recap, many wingnuts have now tried waterboarding. Unless I’m mistaken they have ALL said it was torture and not a trip on the Waterworld Wonderslide. Olbermann even challenged Hannity who, naturally, changes the subject.

    Thus the new retort to anyone who has not tested it should be “if you haven’t tried it and still think it’s not torture you are speaking out of your butt.”

    Line up weenies. youtube awaits you.

  • Bruno

    OK, will someone now prove that pulling out toenails with pliers is torture. I would like to see Hannity give that a go.

  • Lets Go Vertigo

    7 Seconds were no good after “New Wind,” but I think “The Crew” and “Walk Together, Rock Together” still hold up (at least as historical artifacts of a different time).

  • Bruno

    [re=323498]19kevin8[/re]: Oh yeah…Naked pyramid is much better. With a rabid dog. That’s perfect

  • sarcasticusername

    here’s hoping this becomes a trend with news anchors, like the idiotic tasering kick they went on a few years ago. what i wouldn’t do to see pat buchanan waterboarded…throw in joe scarborough, ed henry and jake tapper, and this could get really good.

  • The Cold Sea

    Is Liz Cheney next? Can we pick who’s in line for this?

  • The Station Manager

    This is the best thing I’ve seen all day.

  • dougbob

    can we get a combo with both tasering and waterboarding? i’d pay extra for that.

  • Fae Yin

    At least he had the guts to do it and the grace to admit he was wrong.. unlike certain other show hosts

  • Georgia Burning

    Have some respect for the craft, people. You’ve got a talker like Mancow and nobody gott a confession of anything? Threaten to do it again and see how many terrorist plots he’ll expose Or if you’re nostalgic, get him to sign a statement saying he was an air pirate who bombed hospitals.

  • Lascauxcaveman

    Right wing media nut is a pussy hypocrite.

    Water is wet.

    Sun expected to rise in the East tomorrow.

  • C is for cookie

    So I assume this means that torture works? He told the truth! :)

  • d4g33z

    He should have volunteered to have his balls crushed in a vice too.

  • bidenluvr6969

    I used to love that guy when he was on the rap station in SF – Wild 107. I was about 12 years old and I thought he was the funniest guy in the world. Didn’t even pick up on the right wing thing at the time (I was 12) but I do remember one prank: Bill Clinton got in some deep shit for holding up a plane to get a haircut (foreshadow John Edwards attack tactic much? libruls love haircuts). So anyway Mancow spoofed this by stopping traffic on the Golden Gate Bridge to get a haircut atop the Wild 107 van. Ended up causing a huge commuter bottleneck, people couldn’t get to jobs/funerals/etc. – I think he faced charges for that. That’s my input.

  • bfstevie

    [re=323421]the deliverator[/re]: “His schtick was being an asshole and a douchebag…”

    Did he steal that from Rush, Hannity or O’Reilly?

    If it was Sean instead of Mancow, we’d have 6 or 7 thousand dollars for our troops. Why does Sean Hannity hate America?

  • EdFlinstone

    Well, Mancow has now made his last appearance on Fox News.

  • Joy

    Fucker cheated. Had the guy hold his nose, and they stopped when he threw the cow.

  • WABishop

    And, OT but for the record, tear gas is like having hot forks jammed in your eyes.

  • President Beeblebrox

    Howard Stern said he would fist Mancow on the air if he beat his ratings in Chicago, which indeed he did – but no fisting. So I guess the guy tried to reinvent himself as a right-wing DJ in the vein of Jim Quinn in Pittsburgh, he of the “ZOMGZ SEEKRIT GOP POLLZ SHOW MCCAIN WILL BEAT NOOBAMA BY 20 PTS IN CALIFORNIA!!!11” shyte.

    But this is worse…. Mancow even fails at failing.

  • Miller

    I don’t know, Dick Cheney seems pretty sure that it’s not torture. Who are we to disagree? I think I’m going to need to see a few more right wing blowhard radio and TV personalities get waterboarded before I’m totally convinced it’s torture. You know, for the sake of science.

    http://thesebastards.blogspot.com/

  • liquiddaddy

    Rusty “Twinkie” Limbaugh was constantly water boarded at his Missouri Junior High in the 50’s, but then it was called a “swirly.” The rest is history.

  • MrsNateSilver

    popinjay is an awesome word and i’m using as soon and as often as possible. sse that? i just did already. fantastic.

  • Victor Von Doom PhD

    Works every time…

  • EdFlinstone

    Why is Mancow holding Slash’s cock?

  • Canuckledragger

    The way he looks at Slash’s python, I swear he’s suffering from penis envy. As in, he’d like to have one. Clearly, more of a girlybull than a mancow….

  • Dustin de Wynde

    I wish I wrote this, but it comes xfrom a guy on one of my internetz lists:

    First; that it becomes $1,000 per half hour.

    Second; Fine, tell him that they’ll stop when he says stop.
    [Read: DO NOT STOP WHEN HE SAYS STOP]

    Third; Have each ‘interrogator’ pick a favourite charity, and decide for
    themselves, telling no one else, how much money they’d like to raise for
    that organization. [America! Pick up your remote control now and vote on
    what you think each interrogator’s cash goal is!]

    Fourth; Give Hannity a ‘fact’ that is announced to all present and watching,
    but not to the interrogators. He’s too keep that bit of information to
    himself for as long as possible, and the goal of the ‘interrogation’ is to
    expel that information from him. Tell him the interrogation stops when he
    gives up the Fact.

    Fifth; The interrogation will not stop if he gives out a fact, even if it
    is The Fact, unless the interrogators believe him. Or they’ve made enough
    money for their charity. Or until they fucking want to, like in real life.

    Ready..

    Go.

    Amendments are welcome.

    Glad to see that at least one of these cocksuckers put their money where there mouf is.

    Don’t rilly care whoever else from Right Wing Krazy Land it is that goes next, though my personal preference for a waterboarding volunteer is Michelle Malkin, (who would prolly leap at the opportunity if it were done on Pay Per View, if she was guaranteed a cut of the proceeds, that bitch always did know which side her bread was buttered on), just so long as whoever it is agrees to wear a Rush Limbaugh

    Camp Gitmo T-Shirt
    https://members.premiereinteractive.com/store/28566/41841.html

    During the procedure.

    BTW, it’s 2009, Barack Obama is President, why in high holy fuck are we even having this conversation?

  • WIDTAP
  • sweetcandy

    He lasted only 6 or 7 seconds! I bet his wife is piss that lasted 3 seconds longer than in bed.lolololololol

  • zhubajie

    It’s not like torture is rare in Chicago police stations.

    Zhu Bajie, one-time resident of the Region

  • zhubajie

    [re=323427]Lionel Hutz Esq.[/re]: Hannity’s fate is to be tossed from a helo 500 feet up.

    Zhu Bajie

  • Dave J.

    And keep in mind, this guy and Hitchens were waterboarded knowing (1) that there were trained professionals on hand, (2) that they could stop at any point, and (3) that the guys doing it were intensely interested in them not getting hurt. And they still thought it was torture. Imagine what it must be like for guys with none of those three things at play.

  • problemwithcaring

    Obvious RINO.

  • chascates

    Here’s the page to send Hannity encouragement for his waterboarding:
    http://www.hannity.com/contactus.asp

    I also sent the entire article from the NBC site To him and put it in Drudge’s ‘tips’ page which will get ignored but it’s good for him to do a little extra work.

  • Barry

    NO PAIN, NO GAIN ! This just expands ones mind to give up information. The boys of 9-11-01 were here to wipe out as many of us out as they could. GITMO and waterboarding is a Vacation Resort in comparison.

  • OrangeAlert

    Funniest cow launching since Monty Python. Too bad there weren’t any loose wires in the studio.

    So can we go back and do Peter Hitchens just to be safe?

  • sweetcandy

    Here is the video http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qUkj9pjx3H0

    He is such a pansy..1 he wasn’t held down like the so-called terrorist are, 2 he wasn’t elevated like he should (his back is flat on the table), and 3 the Navy didn’t even want to his nose.

    All rigged for show.

    I say do a real water boarding and come back to me later.

    Torture is torture and nut job need to prove with his stupid fake act.

  • sanantonerose

    [re=323430]onemoresexylibrarian[/re]: Oooo. Wonkette could always use one more. Me, too, sugarpants.

  • sweetcandy

    [re=323641]sweetcandy[/re]: “3 the Navy didn’t even want to his nose.” Okay what the hell was I trying to say? Oh yea the Navy “dude” didn’t even want to “pinch” his nose “close”.

    Okay that sounds better, but I am so telling the truth that the Navy doesn’t want his nose.

  • WIDTAP

    [re=323641]sweetcandy[/re]: Hitch waterboarding is here:
    http://www.vanityfair.com/politics/features/video/2008/hitchens_video200808

  • sweetcandy

    [re=323649]WIDTAP[/re]: Yea I know but I am talking about Erich ‘Mancow’ Muller the right wing radio host.

    I also notice more mistakes in my post… “Torture is torture and nut job need to prove with his stupid fake act.” It should be Torture is torture and “no” nut job needs to prove “that to us” with his stupid fake act.

  • Bruno

    Can we waterboard Cheney now to find out where those WMDs are? I have a feeling he knows & has access to some.

  • satyricrash

    Isn’t this the same prick who closed down the Bay Bridge as a fucking prank? Dick.

  • TeddyS

    He considered it torture although it was carried out in the most comfortable scenario possible, outside of having a sexy nurse to sooth hims widdle feewings. Again proving rightwing talkshow screechers don’t know what the hell they are talking about. Hannity? Your turn, bitch, done in Gitmo by a soldier who lost a brother in Iraq. No toy cow. No EMT. Just you in the dark with the non-torturer.

  • Lionel Hutz Esq.

    [re=323552]Miller[/re]: You have to remember Cheney’s perspective, what with being cold blooded and not using his lungs to breathe.

  • largefoot

    We kicked this guy out of Kansas City back in the 90’s after the radiostation he worked for went bankrupt

  • EdFlinstone

    But Mancow isnt a terrorist detainee with super human powers,impervious to drowning. Look at KSM, the man is physical specimen.

  • On the Border

    I bet this becomes the latest fun fad in wingnut bars, replacing the mechanical bulls and barbershop chairs.

  • lulzmonger

    Saaaaaaay … didn’t John “Wet-Start” McCain claim during the election campaign that he knew exactly how to get Osama bin Laden? Gimpy old fuck still hasn’t said a word about his super-duper-secret plan to date. I think somebody needs to give him as many doses of Gitmo Hydrotherapy as it takes until he gives up the goods.

  • NoWireHangers

    I didn’t know Mancow was still on the air either. Yes, he used to be on Q101 I believe, in Chicago, that was the alternative station which died in the 2000s to play rock or something. And then he was on another station. He was never billed as a “conservative” talk show host, just one of those obnoxious bloated white guys with a loud mouth. You know a “shock jock” who is just generally a little racist, really misogynistic, and loud and full of shit. You know, a real man’s man. Like a man cow. It pleases me that he was waterboarded. Maybe he’ll not be as full of shit and loud now. I don’t know the type of people to listen to mancow because I was too young for that and then I moved to California. The end.

  • kudzu

    Fuck him. Send his ass back to the board and, yes, keep doing it until he confesses that Saddam sent out Mohammed Atta to fuck up our twin towers. Keep at it!

  • Chi-town_Vinny

    Yeah, this guy’s a dillweed who talks big crap – but’s he’s all blowhard. As a veteran, I hate these jagoff’s that spout off about torture and what big men they are. He’s a little hunk of crap that shouldn’t be allowed near a microphone. Put Cheney on the on the table next.

  • MsJoanne

    [re=323421]the deliverator[/re]: Listen to him for more than 5 minutes and you can tell what a right-wing douche he is. If he’s not making dick jokes, he constantly shows he is from Outer Wingnutia. I always thought it was a shame that he was so popular with kids (but hey, who doesn’t love a good dick or fart joke?) He’s a Stern wannabe.

  • Darkness

    [re=323664]Bruno[/re]: We need to waterboard cheney until he tells us where the tapes are. Those ones he holds with blackmail material on every last “journalist” from msnbc that makes them behave like butt licking fangirls no matter what a whiny dick he is behind a microphone.

  • assistant/atlas

    Hooray–waterboardings for all! Also, can we get Keith Olbermann to restart his clock thing he did for Iraq but with Sean Hannity waterboarding? That seems to be about the best use I can think of for our dear Keith at the moment.

    [re=323705]largefoot[/re]: I knew I recognized that dude! Had billboards with only slightly lower quality than this post’s illustration.

  • hobospacejunkie

    [re=323753]assistant/atlas[/re]: KO already did that with Hannity (but hasn’t stopped doing the days since Mission Accomplished was declared.) However, he declared Hannity irrelevant this evening and gave his charity money ($10 grand) to Mancow, which will go to a group that helps service men & women in some way.

  • soxrulecubsdrool

    [re=323743]Chi-town_Vinny[/re]: As a former South sider, I nominate Jake Peavy of the Padres for the next session. He’s a sneaky little weasel just like Mancow…

  • zhubajie

    Cheney next! Then the rest of the Bush torture team!

    Zhu Bajie

  • erectiledisfunction

    Waterboard Cheney and put it on pay per view.

  • Bearbloke

    [re=323550]WABishop[/re]: I won’t believe it until BitchCow does an on-air demo and reports to the audience…

  • Atlas Spanked

    What a pussy.
    He should try learning to Eskimo roll a kayak sometime.

    Being held upside down and having water go up your nose — sheeit, paddlers call that recreation.

  • momtrolfreak

    Another Chicagoan. Mancow came out of nowhere about a decade ago to replace the beloved Wendy and Bill, who were the best morning hosts ever, on Q101. Q101 overnight turned into a hatred-spewing station that most listeners turned off. Then they got rid of Mancow and got better again, but it was never the same. Had no idea Mancow was syndicated now, holy shit. Who listens to this drek? The guy is like Howard Stern after a lobotomy: just as offensive, but without the brain. Hysterical that Mr. Big Shot couldn’t last more than 5 seconds, I love it. Cheney next, please.
    Or just make this a series: Mancow tries ALL the torture methods!
    Monday: waterboarding again. try to last more than 5 seconds.
    Tuesday: bamboo shoots under fingernails
    Wednesday: chinese water torture (the drop of water on forehead)
    Thursday: childbirth
    Friday: listening to his own show

  • Red Zeppelin

    Jim, wtf is that even a picture of? I am deeply disturbed by it. Is this from your private stash of Richard Speck memorabilia? Really, son, get a hobby.

  • MGBYG

    Mancow throws a cow
    What does he do now?

    Would all this ensue
    If not a Muslim, but Hindu?

    Enhanced Interrogation
    Cheney Masterbation

    Will Barry awake?
    Will it click?
    To jail Bush, Rumsfeld, and the Dick?

  • paintitblack

    I know nothing about this dj and could care less, except it’d be nice to see the rest of the skank wingtards line up to take it like a girly-man. Not torture?? Ok, Dickhead: next!

  • J-Man

    [re=323575]Dustin de Wynde[/re]: Oooh! Can we see if Malkin can still shoot ping-pong balls out of her vajayjay while being waterboarded?

  • GreatOldOnesParty

    [re=323459]proudgrampa[/re]: Is that a new wingnut competetive sport I hear? First bull-riding, now waterboarding!

  • GreatOldOnesParty

    [re=323714]On the Border[/re]: dammit, you beat me to it!

  • Allie Al Allie

    Shoudn’t we get O’Reilly on the list right after Cheney, Hannity, et.al.?

  • zhubajie

    [re=323554]liquiddaddy[/re]: Did Rush belong to a frat when in college? He claims the tortures are the same as frat pranks, and I’d like to know if he were a Deke, like George the Younger (chief brander at the Yale Deke house).

    Zhu Bajie

  • Rusty Shackleford

    Word is they wanted to try it on Rush next, but then realized there isn’t enough water on the planet to fill up that ginormous pumpkin head of his.

  • Bruno

    [re=323939]GreatOldOnesParty[/re]: “Is that a new wingnut competetive sport I hear? First bull-riding, now waterboarding!”

    Yes, we need waterboarding now at Rodeos everywhere.

  • what tha?

    Who knew the New Republican Party would be into Tea Parties and Giant Neti Pots- Wot’s next for these gurly-men? Lingerie Parties?

  • Capitol Hillbilly

    but what does Newt say?

  • LBOtomist

    [re=323456]loquaciousmusic[/re]: Win.

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