Wonkette
The techno-fascist wizards at Walt Disney’s cryogenic laboratories have designed an android Barack Obama “frighteningly evocative of the real one,” so that the global entertainment corporation can indoctrinate a generation of gullible summer-vacationing children in the ways of our Socialist African Demon King when they just wanted to see the Jonas Bros.-Hannah Montana robot fuck show.
The Obama Simulacrum has been programmed to perform a oratorical waltz with that other robotic president of Disney, Abraham Lincoln. Both will read the Gettysburg Address from million-watt laser teleprompters inside their crystal skulls.
It will surprise absolutely no-one to learn that this Robama is not based on our American presidential robots of the past, but on the corrupt African DNA of actual pirates:
The Obama figure’s closest forefather is not Lincoln but a modern-day Capt. Jack Sparrow. Assisted by Johnny Depp, who played the captain in the Pirates of the Caribbean movies, Disney recently installed an animatronic version of the Sparrow character in the Orlando theme park.
Animatronic Obama Going to Disney World With High-Tech Style [NYT]
Yeah, but can Robama do the robot or does it just short circuit?
I don’t understand. How can robots have fathers? Unless. . .HOLY FUCKING MOTHER OF FUCK SOCIALIST ROBOTS ARE REPRODUCING! SOMEONE DESTROY THIS OBAMA-BOT WITH FIRE AND PREDATOR DRONES AND WATERBOARDS!
He’s a tall wonder, handsome and bright with dark hair.
He’s a tall wonder, a president beyond compare.
He’s a miracle, and I grant you
He’ll enchant you at his sight.
He’s a tall wonder, and he’ll make your heart take flight.
He’s fantastic, made of plastic.
Microchips here and there.
He’s a tall wonder, brings love and laughter everywhere
This reminds me that the new Terminator movie comes out today.
The Obamabot is a marked improvement over the Imagineers efforts with the Bushbot, whose circuits were rumored to be made up of moldy cheese, sagebrush, and a hearing aid battery.
What, no Obama-Terminator face icon for this story? Come now, Ken, the above Obama-bot is made of paper and probably the foamcore left over from that guy’s kid’s science project, and is obviously incapable of fueling a TelePromptHer.
Two of the features of the O-bot is a built in teleprompter and it can shoot rainbows out of its eyes.
Robama is Washington’s promise to Detroit carmakers to replace their UAW employees. Robama 2.0 will also sit in on board meetings. Robama 3.0 will crap Federal Reserve Notes out of its ass.
NoWireHangers: That would be a feedback loop that would actually destroy the planet.
Even worse than pirate ancestry is that Obamabot is the spawn of noted FRENCH Johnny Depp.
WHY DOESN’TT DISNEY RELEASE ROBOMA’S TECH SPECIFICATION HMM COULD IT BE THAT IT WAS BUILT IN CYBERTRON NOT THE US ROBOMA IS NOT A NATUTURAL-BUILT CITIZEN!
NoWireHangers: Gah, now I’ve got that stuck in my heah; time to smash.
If it’s anatomically correct, I’d like to pre-order one for my own home.
And because he’s black he can also do the robot.
Win-win.
Yes but will he be able to say “get your own damn fries?”
Domo Arigato, Mr. ObamO
Domo Arigato, Mr. ObamO
Mata ahoo Hima de
Domo Arigato, Mr. ObamO
Himitsu wo Shiri tai
You’re wondering who I am
(Secret, secret, I’ve got a secret)
Hawaiian or Kenyan
(Secret, secret, I’ve got a secret)
With a relative wearing a Fez
(Secret, secret, I’ve got a secret)
I am the newest Prez
I’ve got a secret, I’ve been hiding under my skin
My dad is Kenyan, my blood is 3/5 US
My brain Liberal, so if you see me
Acting strangely, don’t be surprised
he also recorded that speech (which was initially drafted by a Disney writer) — and yet another recitation of the oath of office, this one in Disney high-definition sound.
Heh, heh — John Roberts’ blunder will live forever. And not just his Supreme Court record, that is.
I am expecting Robama to appear soon on Futurama, where he and Bender double up on Leela.
Listen, and understand: that Obaminator is out there. It can’t be bargained with, it can’t be reasoned with. It doesn’t feel pity, or remorse, or SCOTUS empathy, or fear. And it absolutely will not stop – ever – until you are ACORNed.”
Fuck the Obot, when’s the Jonas Bros.-Hannah Montana robot fuck show?
NoWireHangers: Damn you to hell for remembering that.
freakishlystrong:Wait till you see the Robama-animatronic polar bear fuck show.
Can Robama read a teleprompter?
Turd Way: Uh….what?
Gopherit: Oops, I made the mistake of going “full pervert.”
Sorry this is OT, but I just noticed the Newsweek ad.
If you still read a magazine, try THE WEEK. Their motto: “All You Need to Know About Everything That Matters.” Controversy of the Week, Health Scare of the Week, etc. Lots of international news sources, too.
http://www.theweek.com/home
Between Wonkette, Huffpo, the Daily Show and this mag, I feel informed!
Red Zeppelin: Yeah, ’cause she’s a secret robot too: http://techepics.com/files/leela_case_mod.jpg
Turd Way: Oh, not at all…..I just don’t think anything with Hopey is less than “making sweet love.”
All I’ve gotta say is, it would be a horrendous waste of money and effort if they built him and he didn’t dance.
For that matter, it would be cool if Lincoln and Washington got down with him.
Wouldn’t one robot be a ’simulacrum’ and several robots together be ’simulacra’?
(What would be the latin plural for ‘pissy pendantic latin nazi’ also?)
Isn’t it a death penalty offense to create images of Muslin leaders?
Yeah, but can he abort fetuses on the spot, or is the program not up to speed yet.
First Law of Obamotics: An Obama may not injure an Obama or, through inaction, allow an Obama to come to harm.
New Disney attraction: make one of Bush, Cheney, and Rumsfeld we can beat the shit out of. They’ll need to be able to scream and beg for forgiveness.
NOBAMA SKIPS THE MIDDLEMAN AND BECOMES A ROBOT TELEMPROPTER. OPEN YOUR EYES AMERIKA.
Since they built it, will he come?
NoWireHangers: W.I.N.
Even the president’s wedding ring, with its braided design, has been recreated.
Uh, oh. What if the recreation is so perfect, not even Michelle can tell them apart? Except that she decides she prefers RObama, what with not having the stinky morning breath and all? This can’t end well.
SmutBoffin: Win.
Lascauxcaveman: Yes, you are correct, damn you.
“What would be the latin plural for ‘pissy pendantic latin nazi’ also?”
Mentula. Or, “pencil dick.”
Ken Layne: Mentula sounds coola’. So call me THE MENTULUM. (Bwaaa Hahahh!)
I have heard that the cylons now look — and feel — like us. And that there are multiple copies. And they have a plan.
The Jonas Bros.-Hannah Montana robot fuck show is even better than advertised.