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DROID ARMIES

Disney Perfects Terrifying Obama-bot

So lifelike, it's uncanny.The techno-fascist wizards at Walt Disney’s cryogenic laboratories have designed an android Barack Obama “frighteningly evocative of the real one,” so that the global entertainment corporation can indoctrinate a generation of gullible summer-vacationing children in the ways of our Socialist African Demon King when they just wanted to see the Jonas Bros.-Hannah Montana robot fuck show.

The Obama Simulacrum has been programmed to perform a oratorical waltz with that other robotic president of Disney, Abraham Lincoln. Both will read the Gettysburg Address from million-watt laser teleprompters inside their crystal skulls.

It will surprise absolutely no-one to learn that this Robama is not based on our American presidential robots of the past, but on the corrupt African DNA of actual pirates:

The Obama figure’s closest forefather is not Lincoln but a modern-day Capt. Jack Sparrow. Assisted by Johnny Depp, who played the captain in the Pirates of the Caribbean movies, Disney recently installed an animatronic version of the Sparrow character in the Orlando theme park.

Animatronic Obama Going to Disney World With High-Tech Style [NYT]


2:15 PM on Fri May 22 2009
By Ken Layne
2837 Views

  1. NoWireHangers says at 2:18 pm, May 22nd, 2009

    Yeah, but can Robama do the robot or does it just short circuit?

  2. SmutBoffin says at 2:21 pm, May 22nd, 2009

    I don’t understand. How can robots have fathers? Unless. . .HOLY FUCKING MOTHER OF FUCK SOCIALIST ROBOTS ARE REPRODUCING! SOMEONE DESTROY THIS OBAMA-BOT WITH FIRE AND PREDATOR DRONES AND WATERBOARDS!

  3. NoWireHangers says at 2:23 pm, May 22nd, 2009

    He’s a tall wonder, handsome and bright with dark hair.
    He’s a tall wonder, a president beyond compare.
    He’s a miracle, and I grant you
    He’ll enchant you at his sight.
    He’s a tall wonder, and he’ll make your heart take flight.

    He’s fantastic, made of plastic.
    Microchips here and there.
    He’s a tall wonder, brings love and laughter everywhere

  4. MargeSimpsonsBlackFriend says at 2:24 pm, May 22nd, 2009

    This reminds me that the new Terminator movie comes out today.

  5. queeraselvis v 2.0 says at 2:26 pm, May 22nd, 2009

    The Obamabot is a marked improvement over the Imagineers efforts with the Bushbot, whose circuits were rumored to be made up of moldy cheese, sagebrush, and a hearing aid battery.

  6. DeLand DeLakes says at 2:27 pm, May 22nd, 2009

    What, no Obama-Terminator face icon for this story? Come now, Ken, the above Obama-bot is made of paper and probably the foamcore left over from that guy’s kid’s science project, and is obviously incapable of fueling a TelePromptHer.

  7. ManchuCandidate says at 2:27 pm, May 22nd, 2009

    Two of the features of the O-bot is a built in teleprompter and it can shoot rainbows out of its eyes.

  8. Turd Way says at 2:28 pm, May 22nd, 2009

    Robama is Washington’s promise to Detroit carmakers to replace their UAW employees. Robama 2.0 will also sit in on board meetings. Robama 3.0 will crap Federal Reserve Notes out of its ass.

  9. Turd Way says at 2:29 pm, May 22nd, 2009

    NoWireHangers: That would be a feedback loop that would actually destroy the planet.

  10. Come here a minute says at 2:31 pm, May 22nd, 2009

    Even worse than pirate ancestry is that Obamabot is the spawn of noted FRENCH Johnny Depp.

  11. WHY DOESN’TT DISNEY RELEASE ROBOMA’S TECH SPECIFICATION HMM COULD IT BE THAT IT WAS BUILT IN CYBERTRON NOT THE US ROBOMA IS NOT A NATUTURAL-BUILT CITIZEN!

    NoWireHangers: Gah, now I’ve got that stuck in my heah; time to smash.

  12. pattycake says at 2:33 pm, May 22nd, 2009

    If it’s anatomically correct, I’d like to pre-order one for my own home.

  13. magic titty says at 2:35 pm, May 22nd, 2009

    And because he’s black he can also do the robot.

    Win-win.

  14. Mr Blifil says at 2:35 pm, May 22nd, 2009

    Yes but will he be able to say “get your own damn fries?”

  15. ManchuCandidate says at 2:37 pm, May 22nd, 2009

    Domo Arigato, Mr. ObamO
    Domo Arigato, Mr. ObamO
    Mata ahoo Hima de
    Domo Arigato, Mr. ObamO
    Himitsu wo Shiri tai

    You’re wondering who I am
    (Secret, secret, I’ve got a secret)
    Hawaiian or Kenyan
    (Secret, secret, I’ve got a secret)
    With a relative wearing a Fez
    (Secret, secret, I’ve got a secret)
    I am the newest Prez

    I’ve got a secret, I’ve been hiding under my skin
    My dad is Kenyan, my blood is 3/5 US
    My brain Liberal, so if you see me
    Acting strangely, don’t be surprised

  16. SayItWithWookies says at 2:39 pm, May 22nd, 2009

    he also recorded that speech (which was initially drafted by a Disney writer) — and yet another recitation of the oath of office, this one in Disney high-definition sound.

    Heh, heh — John Roberts’ blunder will live forever. And not just his Supreme Court record, that is.

  17. Red Zeppelin says at 2:39 pm, May 22nd, 2009

    I am expecting Robama to appear soon on Futurama, where he and Bender double up on Leela.

  18. snideinplainsight says at 2:40 pm, May 22nd, 2009

    Listen, and understand: that Obaminator is out there. It can’t be bargained with, it can’t be reasoned with. It doesn’t feel pity, or remorse, or SCOTUS empathy, or fear. And it absolutely will not stop – ever – until you are ACORNed.”

  19. freakishlystrong says at 2:42 pm, May 22nd, 2009

    Fuck the Obot, when’s the Jonas Bros.-Hannah Montana robot fuck show?

  20. Gopherit says at 2:44 pm, May 22nd, 2009

    NoWireHangers: Damn you to hell for remembering that.

  21. Turd Way says at 2:45 pm, May 22nd, 2009

    freakishlystrong:Wait till you see the Robama-animatronic polar bear fuck show.

  22. Gopherit says at 2:46 pm, May 22nd, 2009

    Can Robama read a teleprompter?

  23. Gopherit says at 2:48 pm, May 22nd, 2009

    Turd Way: Uh….what?

  24. Turd Way says at 2:53 pm, May 22nd, 2009

    Gopherit: Oops, I made the mistake of going “full pervert.”

  25. DemmeFatale says at 2:55 pm, May 22nd, 2009

    Sorry this is OT, but I just noticed the Newsweek ad.

    If you still read a magazine, try THE WEEK. Their motto: “All You Need to Know About Everything That Matters.” Controversy of the Week, Health Scare of the Week, etc. Lots of international news sources, too.

    http://www.theweek.com/home

    Between Wonkette, Huffpo, the Daily Show and this mag, I feel informed!

  26. OzoneTom says at 2:58 pm, May 22nd, 2009

    Red Zeppelin: Yeah, ’cause she’s a secret robot too: http://techepics.com/files/leela_case_mod.jpg

  27. Gopherit says at 3:00 pm, May 22nd, 2009

    Turd Way: Oh, not at all…..I just don’t think anything with Hopey is less than “making sweet love.”

  28. snideinplainsight says at 3:02 pm, May 22nd, 2009

    All I’ve gotta say is, it would be a horrendous waste of money and effort if they built him and he didn’t dance.

    For that matter, it would be cool if Lincoln and Washington got down with him.

  29. Lascauxcaveman says at 3:04 pm, May 22nd, 2009

    Wouldn’t one robot be a ’simulacrum’ and several robots together be ’simulacra’?

    (What would be the latin plural for ‘pissy pendantic latin nazi’ also?)

  30. maven says at 3:14 pm, May 22nd, 2009

    Isn’t it a death penalty offense to create images of Muslin leaders?

  31. widget09 says at 3:15 pm, May 22nd, 2009

    Yeah, but can he abort fetuses on the spot, or is the program not up to speed yet.

  32. snideinplainsight says at 3:16 pm, May 22nd, 2009

    First Law of Obamotics: An Obama may not injure an Obama or, through inaction, allow an Obama to come to harm.

  33. chascates says at 3:17 pm, May 22nd, 2009

    New Disney attraction: make one of Bush, Cheney, and Rumsfeld we can beat the shit out of. They’ll need to be able to scream and beg for forgiveness.

  34. El Pinche says at 3:21 pm, May 22nd, 2009

    NOBAMA SKIPS THE MIDDLEMAN AND BECOMES A ROBOT TELEMPROPTER. OPEN YOUR EYES AMERIKA.

  35. vitamins taken helmet on says at 3:22 pm, May 22nd, 2009

    Since they built it, will he come?

  36. nappyduggs says at 3:44 pm, May 22nd, 2009

    NoWireHangers: W.I.N.

  37. Mahousu says at 4:09 pm, May 22nd, 2009

    Even the president’s wedding ring, with its braided design, has been recreated.
    Uh, oh. What if the recreation is so perfect, not even Michelle can tell them apart? Except that she decides she prefers RObama, what with not having the stinky morning breath and all? This can’t end well.

  38. imissopus says at 4:10 pm, May 22nd, 2009

    SmutBoffin: Win.

  39. Ken Layne says at 5:09 pm, May 22nd, 2009

    Lascauxcaveman: Yes, you are correct, damn you.

    “What would be the latin plural for ‘pissy pendantic latin nazi’ also?”

    Mentula. Or, “pencil dick.”

  40. Lascauxcaveman says at 2:28 am, May 23rd, 2009

    Ken Layne: Mentula sounds coola’. So call me THE MENTULUM. (Bwaaa Hahahh!)

  41. Gayer Than Thou says at 11:14 am, May 24th, 2009

    I have heard that the cylons now look — and feel — like us. And that there are multiple copies. And they have a plan.

  42. Capt. Hazel Murphy says at 1:21 pm, May 26th, 2009

    The Jonas Bros.-Hannah Montana robot fuck show is even better than advertised.

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