Hey college students! Want to shoot your friends? Transfer to one of Texas’ many fine public universities! MAYBE, soon, once this diddly gets passed on to the Texas House and the secessionist state president Rick Perry: “AUSTIN — A bill to allow college students and employees to carry their concealed handguns on campus won final passage today on a 19-12 vote in the Senate.” Damn right it did, and if there’s anyone to thank, it’s that mentally disturbed Virginia Tech kid who shot up his school a couple of years ago, with guns, on campus.

This is not necessarily the best response to a campus shooting spree.

Sen. Jeff Wentworth, R-San Antonio, said he introduced the bill because of the 2007 massacre at Virginia Tech, where he said victims were “picked off like sitting ducks.”

“I would feel personally guilty if I woke up one morning and read that something similar had occurred on a Texas campus,” he said.

Hmm, you might just “feel personally guilty” on many mornings in the future, once all the kiddies get guns. And you know how those college kids like to drink their beer and smoke their marijuana cigarettes before every class. Well, now they will be drinking guns and smoking guns instead.

Texas Senate OKs guns on college campus bill today [Houston Chronicle]

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  1. Boy, there’s a Jeff Foxworthy joke lurking in here somewhere, and the punchline is

    “…then you may be a University of Texas student.”

  2. Following that same logic, everyone flying out of DFW should get issued an assault rifle.
    Oh shit… I think I just gave Sen. Wentworth his next bill idea.

  3. well i’m just glad that the next psycho who wants to create a little massacre at his college will at least be doing it in a legal manner. in texas. not like those outlaws in uh other states.

    oh i give up. this sucks. BUT it’s 20 minutes till i can go home and cry/drank.

  4. Hopefully Texas will lower the drinking age also, becasue there is nothing more fun then shooting off firearms when you are plastered.

  5. If you think the best thing to bring to your calc final is a thirty-odd six with a bandolier of deer slugs, rather than an HP…

  6. Having spent two of the worst weeks of my life as a Texas Longhorn (before sanity hit and I returned to Arkansas), I can safely report that the per capita beer consumption at UT Austin is about a two gallons….a day.

    I look forward to some Must See TV. “Tonight, on Guns-A-Blazin’…”

  7. This sounds like a good idea until someone gets drunk at a kegger & tries to shoot an apple off his fraternity brother’s head.

    But, wait until the football games & UT students can just pick off opposing team member’s on the field or in the band or in the stadium. Are you ready for some football!?

  8. Tennessee just passed a law allowing people to carry loaded weapons in to bars and restaurants. Same principle as in Texas, only with less educated folks doing the packing.

  9. Texans are so fascinating. Whereas a logical person might think that carrying concealed weapons on a school campus would encourage shootings–fall asleep in class and your professor fires a round or conversely, professor gives you a D and YOU fire a round–in Texas they believe that carrying concealed weapons on campus would help protect you. You can defend yourself! They argue. Not surprisingly, their argument assumes that school shootings are going to happen with our without concealed weapons, and therefore, rather than work to PREVENT school shootings, just arm all the students. Gotta love their moxy.

  10. [re=322534]LittlePig[/re]: No offense but you can’t be saying AR is better than Austin, TX. Because…um…that’s just wrong on every level.

  11. [re=322536]ManchuCandidate[/re]: WIN – I’m glad I’m not the only one who gets jokes like those (e.g. old). You people, you’re cheering me up.

  12. Wait…Texas has colleges?

    I plan on getting rich selling holsters with an ipod pocket. I just wish they’d pass a law like that in NoVa…I really need to get rid of these designer Glocks with Che Guevara’s face on them.

  13. So now a student will have to lug around their laptop, iPod, cell phone, several huge, overpriced textbooks, a coffee mug, a bottle of water, notebook & writing utensils, as well as a handgun and a spare magazine? Instead of a backpack they’ll need one of those rolling suitcases.

  14. So what, now college kids are going to be the guinea pigs in some grand social experiment about gun violence? That ought to wipe the self-satisfied smirks off the little monsters’ faces.

  15. [re=322530]medici[/re]:

    A fellow employee (from Dallas) told me one time that all the Texan girls were given hand guns automatically for their 16th birthday …

  16. I think we should just arm our college kids with cans of TAG deodorant and lighter fluid . Gives a whole new meaning to ‘firefight”.

    (Yes, this is an update on the dude who got airlifted out of my town yesterday due to extreme jackassery involving liquids both flamable and alcoholic. His name is “Nelson” [HA-HA] and he looks just like you’d imagine, complete with some nasty 3rd-degree facial burns. Or maybe just some late blooming acne. Either way, I think we’ve proven here that Pacific Northwest redneck idiots can hold their own against redneck idiots of any region in America, or Canada. I seriously doubt he is a college student, however. Also.)

  17. I can’t believe this — guns aren’t even mentioned in the bible. Oh wait — neither are colleges. Carry on. Or carrion, if you end up getting shot between classes.

  18. [re=322545]snideinplainsight[/re]:
    I’m not that OLD, but it’s amusing (in grim dark way) that the State of Tejas would ignore their own tragic history.

  19. I looking forward to the first big shootout where no one knows who the actual spree killer is and you have all these morons packing heat just randomly shooting each other.

  20. I often wished for a sidearm when faced with those annoying ‘abortion genocide’ people who set up at UT (Tennessee, not Texas).

    queeraselvis: Tennesseans are less educated than Texans? You’re either trolling or smoking too much of our fine Tennessee meth.

  21. [re=322547]McDuff[/re]: Nah, cause Dougie was a shitty shot. A real man would have taken Flounder out with the first bullet. Damn, he was a big enough target.

  22. The solution to one kid shooting up a campus is to increase the odds of possible shootouts, in case one guy goes nuts?
    Why not just hack off everyone’s right arms and outfit them with detachable .357’s?

  23. Did any students actually ask for the right to conceal a weapon, or is this just an idea put forward by the State Senate?

    Did they also change the University Motto? I suggest “If God Made Man the Same, Sam Colt Made Him Equal”.

  24. I have a daughter attending a Texas college, so I’m pleased as punch that someone can start takin’ random potshots at her, because of teh drinking and whatnot. Also.

  25. An Iraqi friend once told me that guns worked out real well on Iraqi college campuses back in the days of Saddam — if your dad was a party member and you got a bad grade, you just had daddy send some goons with AKs over to “appeal” to the prof for an A.

  26. Only in Texas would parents pay to send their kids to a school that allows concealed weaapons. My daughter’s school doesn’t even allow candles. Hmmm, let’s see — Alcohol plus drugs plus lack of sleep plus being nineteen isn’t providing enough damage already. I KNOW! Concealed weapons! Yeah, that’s the ticket!

  27. [re=322581]bonghitsforjesus[/re]: Now now, bonghits. You obviously didn’t heed Ophelia Ford’s admonition to get better knowledged, or listened to Marsha Blackburn and Zach Wamp try and outdo each other on who loves anal more.

  28. Off-thread, but isn’t it time for one of those “Tea with Choire and Layne” things? I brought Vaseline to work especially for it today.

  29. Well the undeniable logic of nobody gonna shoot first because if they miss the other guy will shoot back is impressive, that logic is used by the police and it has quickly turned into an arms race. It will no longer be a matter of having a gun it will be how powerful of gun you got,
    (insert your making up for a small penis/brain joke here) which will lead to I had to shoot first cause the other guys gun was bigger and I knew he was gonna shoot me.

    Just imagine when the first weapon is accidently discharged in a lecture hall full of armed texans, and it will happen it always does, and the ensuing…… no no don’t think about it.

  30. Texas A&M Philosophy 301 Final Exam:

    “When the Categorical Imperative is outlawed, only outlaws will have the Categorical Imperative.”
    Discuss or perform an interpretive dance representing this statement and its effect on ones brain. Please avoid argument by example / counter-example and screaming.

  31. “Listen, and understand: that Sophomore is out there. It can’t be bargained with, it can’t be reasoned with. It doesn’t feel pity, or remorse, or fear. And it absolutely will not stop – ever – until you are dead.”

  32. They’ve brought a similar bill back for the second year in a row here in Louisiana. The administrators, faculty & student senates, and campus PDs of every public university in the state have begged them to drop it, but the braindead legislature perseveres. At the same time, they are about to gut the universities in the budget. Soooo….irate faculty & staff (who may lose their jobs or be forced to furlough) and students (who may lose their programs and services) + guns! Brilliant idea!

  33. As one of these endangered university employees, I can say with confidence that I’ve had at least one student (cheaters and plagiarists mostly) who would have loved to shoot me in the face if s/he had a gun handy. And, inevitably when a tragic kid pops their teacher, the gun-nut response will be that the prof should have been armed (and was probably a pussy).

  34. Keep this item in mind if Jeff Wentworth graduates to the U.S. House of Representatives and starts hatching brilliant legislative ideas with his Texas Delegation buddies Sessions, Culberson and Barton. Maybe they’ll sponsor a bill declaring a War on Global Warming with Real Guns or funding a huge fence to keep the hot air from entering the US of A.

  35. i know the reasoning (eh) here is that the armed students can take out the shooter, but tx seems to be collectively forgetting that this strategy failed with whitman, when austinites were encouraged to show up with rifles and take aim at the tower.
    i wish they’d stop doing things to make the rest of us sane texans look bad.

  36. [re=322608]thatonegirlsays[/re]: Were you told about the heat & humidity there before you moved? We may be in for a bad summer in Texas.

  37. So in Texas, a school shooting will involve one person killed by the original shooter and 30 more killed by friendly fire.

    I see no problem with this.

  38. [re=322578]Holy Cow!![/re]:Exactly! Possible up-side to your scenario: the morons carrying under this law are guaranteed a minimum of honorable mention status at the next Darwin Award banquet.

  39. [re=322587]iwillsavethispatient[/re]: Actually UT students held a rally at the Capitol in opposition to this bill. UT officials don’t support it either. A former Virginia Tech and current UT student whose girlfriend was a victim of the VT masacre even spoke out against it.

  40. Some years ago, a grad student (from Boston) decapitated a cleaning woman at Texas Tech.

    If they play their cards right, Texas universities can use this new law as a recruiting tool: “Hate those namby-pamby Massachusetts gun laws? Then enroll at Midwestern State University in beautiful Wichita Falls.”

  41. Only guns real men need are these babies right here below my shoulders. Just pumped ’em up with 3 sets of 15. Mwah (right gun) Mwah (left gun).

  42. [re=322631]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: It’s better than: “You ARE going to give me an A in your course” followed by a pat of the jacket pocket.

  43. [re=322611]Monsieur Grumpe[/re]: I was actually wondering this myself. Generally speaking, the police – who actually use and are, you know, trained with guns – aren’t huge fans of everyone carrying them under their coats. But I’m sure the good Senator from Texas imagines a libertopian wonderland, where the police are obsolete because anyone breaking the law faces the wrath of his upright neighbors cold steel.

  44. When I was a TA, a student sent me a threatening email for reporting him for plagiarizing a paper. I’m so happy that disgruntled UT students will have a more direct means to voice their anger.
    Seriously though, are they going to issue their professors and TAs protective vests?
    At my university it wasn’t uncommon to see undergrads crying in the library during finals week. Exam stress + guns = fun times for all!

  45. Maybe we’re going about this the wrong way – rather than sit on our hands and watch these fuckwits bumble about threatening to secede from the US, why can’t the rest of us find a way to vote them OUT of the US? You know, like how those scientists stripped Pluto of its planetary status?

  46. Hey it is armed robbery season (early spring through early fall) on my non-texan campus. Since my centurion bucketheads have been confiscated, and I sold my gas guzzling raiders when the price passed $4 per gallon, a gun is starting to look pretty good. One of those Hydrophobic dogs would be nice too, as long as the hydrophobia doesn’t infect the rez ship and leave me stranded on this forsaken rock when the invasion comes.

  47. I think you are all missing the fucking point, Wonktards. The sick soma-bitch going on a rampage won’t be carrying a concealed handgun, as his will be out for the world to see and feel. Therefore, the law-abiding students will know who is the bad guy. Then, when they draw their weapon to perform heroic vigilantism…uh, er…oh wait…..let me think this over again. BRB.

  48. [re=322642]Cicada[/re]: This year, the university where I TA had a bomb scare just before finals, and the school (which is having budget problems already) had to fork over a small fortune to pay for private security for the entire campus.

    So aside from the whole “being shot is not fun” thing, there’s the whole “fiscal responsibility, what fiscal responsibility” angle, too, although I suppose I may be missing the point again in that security won’t be necessary when everyone has gu- asdfgk oh god, the circular reasoning, my brain, my poor brain.

  49. [re=322651]RoscoePColtraine[/re]: — “I would feel personally guilty if I woke up one morning and read that something similar [to Va. Tech] had occurred on a Texas campus,” he [Wentworth] said. —
    So, Senator Wentworth, the Texas Clock Tower Massacre happened at a strip mall in Guam, am I right? On the other hand, U. of. T. students on the ground, armed with handguns, would certainly been able to hit sniper Charles Whitman as he picked off civilians from his perch on the tower’s 28th floor. I see your logic, sir.

  50. [re=322626]capitolstaffer[/re]: Thanks for pointing this out. As a grad student at The University of Texas at Austin, I never observed any support for this law, but considerable opposition among the students. This is just grandstanding by the same Republican lege pigf–kers who challenge university funding every session. The students whose safety they claim to care so much about are just pawns. It’s funny that so many posters mention the Whitman massacre… they actually used it as a SELLING POINT for this ridiculous law, arguing (somewhat correctly) that the supressing fire by civilians with their deer rifles kept Whitman behind pillars on the Tower and thus unable to take out anymore innocent victims.

    If there’s any reassurance, it’s that students who carry firearms on campus will have to follow the same concealed carry laws as regular Texans (background check, 21+ years of age, safety training, etc.)

    That said… this is another embarassment to a state which (believe it or not) is home to many fine universities.

  51. [re=322581]bonghitsforjesus[/re]: back in my day (96-00), flinging used condoms at those nice folks always had them running for outer parts of Knox Co. “disaster & abortion averted. aren’t you going to thank me?”

  52. I been givin’ this some more thought. The Texas senate is right. Had this law been in place in Ohio during that certain unpleasantness at Kent State, at least it would have been a fair fight.

  53. The law does not allow guns at athletic facilities. Anyone see something racist in this? I mean, gawd knows that soccer teams at Texas colleges are probably dominated by fucking Colombians, but this going too far. Whatever happened to the presumption of innocence, hmmm?

  54. [re=322660]Zombie Reagan[/re]:
    Deer Rifles? From what I know of guns there are a few things that don’t make sense to me:
    1) a Deer Rifle is not considered a concealable weapon unless you’re Yao Ming.
    2) it’s more of a problem of target identification here
    3) How are handguns going to stop a Charles Whitman type of massacre anyway?
    4) pistols vs assault rifle or submachine gun (usual berserker weapon of choice), pistols generally lose

    The stupid is pretty strong in Tejas.

  55. [re=322681]ManchuCandidate[/re]:
    1) Exactly why the bill’s proponents were so disingenuous in invoking the Whitman analogy!
    2) Absolutely, imagine the horror of being a police officer responding to God forbid a berserker campus attack and being unable to ID the actual rampager.
    3) The won’t, at all, and would probably make a VT type rampage worse.
    4) Berserker weapons vary by access, but do we really need a campus arms race? I think not. What part of my calling this a ridiculous and unnecessary law did you not get.

    Every time something retarded (“intelligent design,” racism, etc.) happens, I always have to cross my fingers and say “please not Texas, please not Texas… ,” and am usually disappointed. But Texas has a lot of loud idiots but many quiet level-headed people.

  56. I actually think it’s a great idea. Texas has been growing much too fast and has gained too much political influence. By arming all Texans, we allow them to thin their own herd.

  57. [re=322681]ManchuCandidate[/re]: Excellent points! Clearly, the only solution is to institute on campus weapons lockers with high-accuracy rifles (subsidized, of course) that can be accessed in case of an emergency, such as a belltower sniper, or a food fight in the cafeteria.

  58. “I would feel personally guilty if I woke up one morning and read that something similar had occurred on a Texas campus,” he said.

    Apparently, he hasn’t heard that little ditty by Kinky Friedman?

    He was sitting up there for more than an hour,
    Way up there on the Texas Tower
    Shooting from the twenty-seventh floor. yahoo!
    He didn’t choke or slash or slit them,
    Not our charles joseph whitman,
    He won’t be an architect no more.
    Got up that morning calm and cool,
    He picked up his guns and walked to school.
    All the while he smiled so sweetly
    And it blew their minds completely,
    They’d never seen an eagle scout so cruel.

    Now won’t you think for the shame and degradation
    For the school’s administration
    He put on such a bold and brassy show.
    The chance looked right, it’s adolescent
    And of course it’s most unpleasant
    But I got to admit it was a lovely way to go.

    There was a rumor about a tumor
    Nestled at the base of his brain.
    He was sitting up there with his .36 magnum
    Laughing wildly as he bagged ’em.
    Who are we to say the boy’s insane?

    Now charlie was awful disappointed
    Else he thought he was anointed
    To do a deed so lowdown and so mean.
    The students looked up from their classes
    Had to stop and rub their glasses,
    Who’d believe he’d once been a marine.

    Now charlie made the honor roll with ease,
    Most all of his grades was a’s and b’s.
    A real rip snorting trigger squeezer
    Charlie proved a big crowd pleaser
    Though he had been known to make a couple c’s.

    Some were dying, some were weeping,
    Some were studying, some were sleeping,
    Some were shouting ¡Texas # 1!
    Some were running, some were falling,
    Some were screaming, some were balling,
    Some thought the revolution had begun.

    The doctors tore his poor brain down,
    But not a snitch of illness could be found.
    Most folks couldn’t figure just-a why he did it
    And them that could would not admit it,
    There’s still a lot of eagle scouts around.

    There was a rumor about a tumor
    Nestled at the base of his brain.
    He was sitting up there with his .36 magnum
    Laughing wildly as he bagged ’em.
    Who are we to say the boy’s in
    Who are we to say the boy’s in
    Who are we to say the boy’s insane?

  59. [re=322559]Lascauxcaveman[/re]: You didn’t mention that his name is not only Nelson, but Nelson Blewett!

    Cue not very funny but fun to make plays on words…

    Nelson sure Blewett when he decided to play that stupid game.

    Nelson Blewett…all over his face, with lighter fluid.

    And etc., also.

  60. And here I had always thought that when a Republican said “I want to blow your head off, he always meant it in a Larry Craig sort of way.

  61. Sen. Wentworth is a frightened little communist girlscout, and you people, you are all sidestepping the issue: the only rational way to maintain order on Texas campuses is to arm the staff and faculty with hand grenades. Please, won’t any of you think of the children?

  62. [re=322730]joementum[/re]: Sir, I like the cut of your jib, but I would submit that parents who CARE about the future of their children will DEMAND that junior high school kids start carrying concealed weapons. Really, it’s the only way out of the current situation.

  63. [re=322752]billy rubin[/re]: The only way to solve the problems Texas has are to get guns into the hands of children as soon as they’re able to walk. Then if some homo-type fellow tries to molest them, they can shoot. Also if the teacher wants them to take a nap or if mommy says no cookies.

    Seems to me it would make a great relaity show. Call it “Texas: Last Man Standing.”

  64. [re=322538]queeraselvis v 2.0[/re]: Please, please tell me Bredesen’s going to veto that. Not that it will make a difference, last I heard it would easily be overridden.

  65. For get the mexicans, Could you please build a wall between your retards and use peace loving commies in canuckland

  66. I teach at a small college near Tech and all my students and I have friends, some relatives at Tech. That day was one of the worst days in my life and I’m 48. Every time an asshole uses that event to cheerlead some pro-gun legislation, it makes me furious. Maybe he just has a really great plan for a memorial with those little stones and flowers and notes that their friends leave. Sorry about the lack of snark.

  67. Social Darwinianism in action, Texas style. I’d say let these idiots shoot it out with each other, except I’ve got a niece attending college in Texas.

  68. Now students, my name is Mister Jones and I am so happy that you have chosen to attend my class on whatever subject your wish it to be. I promise never to disagree with you, and will not even attempt to stimulate a vigorous debate. There will never be a roll call, no homework, nor books and I will guarantee that you all will get an A … make that an A+ … whether or not you attend classes. Please feel free to bring your music and video games. If I have said anything offensive, please forgive me. Class dismissed, and semester is over. Y’all have a nice summer.

  69. [re=322798]TeddyS[/re]: ou talkin’ to me? You talkin’ to me? You talkin’ to me? Then who the hell else are you talking… you talking to me? Well I’m the only one here. Who the fuck do you think you’re talking to? Oh yeah? OK.

  70. I can imagine the coeds of Texas colleges will feel much more safer, saying nooooooo to the drunk BMOC whose been dry humping their leg, knowing the tard is packing a concealed weapon. Now what possibly could go wrong there?

  71. [re=322721]hobospacejunkie[/re]: The whole article is full of insanely funny details. I bet the guy who wrote it is a fan of The Onion.

    Hell, who isn’t.

  72. Take thousands of hormonal, over-sexed, stressed-out, binge-drinking, emotionally immature and fragile teenagers and add guns to the mix? That’s genius! None of them were going to be able to find jobs after they graduate anyway.

  73. [re=322757]CaliforniaMike[/re]: Thank you for finally bringing some refreshing Goddam sense to this conversation.

    CaliforniaMike, your heart is in the right place, however, and I hope I do not offend, but it seems to me that you do not have much direct experience with small children. Being the proud father of two toddlers, I can tell you from experience that the most vulnerable members of our society commmonly lack sufficient motor skills to aim a handgun reliably — especially in a fire fight. This is why I think it’s important that we do not limit them to defense strategies that are clearly out of reach for their developmental stage. Instead, as I said before, we need to start arming OUR PRECIOUS TREASURES with hand grenades if we ever hope for the madness to stop. They grow up so quickly; don’t we want them safe?

    Of course, the average toddler cannot pull a standard grenade pin so easily, and so we would need to re-design them to be able to be operated by smaller, more timid fingers — softer, more pliable materials such as a plasticized PVC would be more manageable than the standard metal wire used, and would mean less risk of them scratching themselves on the sharp edges. It is the only way: this is exactly what Jesus told me just the other day.

  74. [re=322537]snideinplainsight[/re]: Well Texas could never ever have a watchtower sniper now. Unless of course good sniping guns can be concealed. Concealed guns don’t kill people, people with unconcealed guns kill people.

  75. It seems that often people who go on a gun rampage on campuses are kind of quiet / depressed / keep to themselves / not fitting in. Wouldn’t it just make sense to start shooting students who aren’t constantly smiling before they try something?

  76. [re=322926]DCDC[/re]: “loosen the skirts”?
    What the fuck does that even mean? You’re wearing bright red lipstick and writing a list of names on your wall, aren’t you?

  77. [re=322611]Monsieur Grumpe[/re]: I wonder how the campus police feel about this?

    I would imagine given the quality of the reasoning leading up to this rule, that they will be unnecessary, forthwith. Guns for everyone maketh for a holy paradise. (…this offer does not apply in Baghdad, Somalia, or any other country where it doesn’t actually pan out)

  78. [re=322603]finette[/re]: Just take those guns up to the Capitol……

    Why are there 144 state senators and representitives in the Louisiana Legislature?

    Gross ignorance.

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