Wonkette
Good christ but this guy is a terrifying shit-monster — a leering death clown who is supposed to go away, but cannot, because he is the world’s biggest asshole. Thanks, Dick Cheney, for reminding us how to hate again. Here are the main lies from his foul hymn to Satan today. [Talking Points Memo]
Blingee is too happy and cheery a name for this moral dwarf’s robo-gif. Fuckee, suckee, scare-ee, shittee. Whatever, it’s awesome.
My office all of the sudden went cold when I clicked on that picture. It’s ok, cause the a/c ain’t so good.
Thanks for confirming all the flaming hatred that is you and for reminding us of 37 gazillion tons of fear-based bullshit you jammed down the gaping throats of your moronic followers as you ran America (into the ground) from your basement. KthxBai.
It is much closer to the truth that terrorists hate this country precisely because of the values we profess and seek to live by, not by some alleged failure to do so.
I say we prove that right now — let’s throw your lying, scheming, torturing, bullying, innocent-cabbie-killing ass in jail and see if there’s less terrorism.
Clicking on the blingee pic brought the smell of sulphur.
Oh wait. Someone farted.
One evil demon-growth rule: obey.
Blingee win
I can think of some excellent uses for that nifty Craftsman Hammerhead Auto-Hammer thingy advertised over on the TPM. Enhanced uses. Not suggesting that of course. That would be illegal.
Hmmm dick dont want to libel our professionals in intelligence but says guards abused prisoners at Abu Ghraib? Well I wont sit by and let face shooter disparage our boys who were only practicing enhanced detention. See its all in the wording.
with apologies to Monty Python:
Brave Dick Cheney got five deferments
Bravely got five deferments
When the Vietnam War reared its ugly head
Brave Dick Cheney turned and fled
Yes brave Dick Cheney bravely ran away
Cheney’s just a little fussy. Let him eat his afternoon snack of a bag of dicks and have a nap, and he’ll be cheery in no time.
I thought I told him to go anally fuck himself into an eternal dirt nap, not twenty minutes ago, on these pages! Goddamit.
Dear Dick:
It’s better to keep quiet and be thought an evil torture monger and human embodiment of Satan, than to open one’s mouth and remove all doubt.
kthkxbye
He had yellow eyes! So, help me, God! Yellow eyes!
Everytime I see Dick’s picture, that J. Robert Oppenheimer quote about the first atom bomb blast comes into my head, “I am become Death, destoryer of worlds.”
i can’t think of anything snarky to say b/c i’m so damn pissed off that this ass clown won’t just shut the fuck up! honestly, dude, we voted your party out of power now be humble and return to wyoming. now.
bored with gravity: I thought you wrote “a bag of dicks and have a rape”, which, well …
Cheney could have left office quietly and been safely forgotten, but for the bionic beating of his hideous, tell-tale heart. Louder! Louder!
[T]o call this a program of torture is to libel the dedicated professionals who have saved American lives, and to cast terrorists and murderers as innocent victims.
Well, congratulations on doing your part in that. And how is this not a recruiting tool for al-Qaida?
This guy really, really needs to go away.
You know why he won’t go the fuck away?
Because the cablettes hang on his every word.
bitchincamaro: too weird to live, too rare to die.
It’s going to be a sad day (but funny) when Lynne has to rent seat fillers when Beelzebub comes for Dick to make good on the deal he made with him. I suspect W wouldn’t even show up if he died today. All that would be left would a a crying (what’s new) Beck & all the ass turds at Fox.
I would like to begin the inevitable noun- and/ or verb-i-zation of our past guy Darth. Since the story (the verdict?) is still ongoing it may be a trickier dick to identify. To cheney: lie, manipulate, obfuscate obsessively. As in “Don’t cheney me about your work experience.” Or “Don’t pull my cheney.” Or cheney: a slobbish, insufferable person. Or maybe cheny: Satan, a Republican. Also.
Texan Bulldoggette: Rush would certainly be there, if nothing else but to fellate the corpse.
SayItWithWookies: But see, here’s the thing. If you’re using these techniques on any old asshole, maybe some of them ARE innocent victims. Abu Ghrain, etc.
Here’s the other thing: Are we really supposed to clap for someone, military or not, who stood and fake-drowned someone else who was tied to a plank? Thats’ heroic and/or brave, somehow?
Here’s another thing: Wasn’t most of the *torture* done to establish a phony link between Saddam Hussein and Al-qaeda? Where is the honor in that?
And another thing: Do you think he farts in bed and tells his wife to ‘Shut it!’ when she complains?
Oh come on guys! Dark Lord is just trying out to be the new lead singer of Def Leppard! He just keeps singin’ “Armagedden It” over & over again hoping to make the lead. Good Luck Dark Lord!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YI6Ms0b4q-4
“Ya better come inside when youre ready to But no chance if ya dont wanna dance
You like (a) four letter words when youre ready to (”Go Fuck Yourself” Ha Ha!”)
Yeah, but are you gettin it? (Armageddon It!)Ooh, really gettin it? (yes, Armaggedon It!)”
PS: Great Blingee! ~Love, Dark Lord
I know we throw this around a lot, but Dick Cheney really is a disgusting horrible monster from Satan’s lower colon. Truly. Verily.
queeraselvis v 2.0: Naah, I think he would only do that to Reagan’s corpse. He’s just waiting for Nancy to kick the bucket because she doesn’t approve.
What self-loathing republican considers naked male pyramids abuse? Isnt that a good Friday night with Heritage Foundation interns, congressional pages, Mark Foley, Larry Craig and a glory hole?
All of a sudden I have a craving for roast fatty pig in a sauce of bitterness– anyone else?
i think he is a shit
Shrunken Head Death Puppet has revealed that Jessica Hahn the way back when ho tried to have her way with him & he said NO!
http://www.parade.com/celebrity/hollywood-wire/2009/05/21/jessica-hahn-and-larry-king.html
I guess Michael Steele finally failed his many auditions to be the anti-Obama. Once again, Cheney hires himself.
Dick Cheney is a fucking twatwaffle. Why are we still listening to him?
Cheney: “Everyone expected a follow-on attack, and our job was to stop it.” Later in the same paragraph: “We had the anthrax attack from an unknown source.”
Dude is 0-2 at preventing domestic terrorist attacks. Why is he on my TV?
Think of it this way-the more Fuckstick talks, the more EVIDENCE he’s going to inadvertantly give up.
So please keep talking, Dickey Boy…I’m sure someone at the DOJ is listening.
magic titty: Sorry, I wasn’t very clear — the italicized portion was a Cheney quote from the TPM article. The sentence below was my response. The pain unto organ failure will also be mine, after I suck down enough beer and/or wine to dull the throbbing in my head that Cheney’s justifications for torture always trigger.
I hope his pacemaker gets the pig flu.
His next arguement will be from the Marquis De Sade the infamous Medieval torturer. Watch for these quotes:
“All universal moral principles are idle fancies.”
“The desire to make off with the substance of others is the foremost - the most legitimate - passion nature has bred into us and, without doubt, the most agreeable one.”
“Are not laws dangerous which inhibit the passions? Compare the centuries of anarchy with those of the strongest legalism in any country you like and you will see that it is only when the laws are silent that the greatest actions appear.”
Rethugs, Dark Lord, Shrub, Rove etc…right out of Marquis De Sade’s Torture Playbook. Heck of a job Satan!
Dick Cheney’s breath smells like colon cancer
Do you think just maybe Cheney is putting himself out front on this so much because he knows that if there is any sort of “Truth Commission” (and what a pinko faggy thing that would be!), they’re going to find irrefutable proof that he belongs in Gitmo as much as anyone? He’s all about the pre-emptive action, right, so why wouldn’t he get pre-emptive on defending himself against potential charges of war crimes?
The other possibility, of course, is that he’s a self-important pile of crap that can’t stand not being in power.
Not that these things are mutually exclusive.
OKAY, enough already. Can we just drop him off and leave him in the middle of nowhere about 50 miles northwest of Islamabad?
Dick is my new role model for ridiculously over-the-top comic book villainy…
thank god he the closest he got to a son was a daughter whom half his own party considers to be a bigger abomination than a half-breed muslin preznit.
8 years was far too long to put up with his crimes against humanity and using the Constitution as his toilet paper. Spare us enduring 8 more years his crapulous excrescences.
SayItWithWookies: magic titty: Well, aside from the fact that some of the tortured may have been innocent, there’s still a larger problem Cheney’s quote somehow totally misses: Whether they committed an act or not, by carrying out an inhuman punishment upon them you are *creating* victims of cruelty, for the rest of the world to witness.
This is not a new idea. Hey Cheney - Cesare Beccaria. Read it, motherfucker.
Great Dick blingee. But could we please have a combo of Dick working the grill on some Krauthammer beer can butt chicken?
queeraselvis v 2.0: Better fellate than never, I always say.
dick cheney sells rats-assholes to blind people as wedding rings.
Mad Brahms: Exactly the point I failed so horribly to make. By doing sadistic things to suspected terrorists, we make sympathetic characters out of even the most guilty of them. Which also makes us look pretty damn thuggish when they’re acquitted because all the evidence against them was obtained under torture.
I wonder how he hasn’t gone septic already. If we ignore him, he might slither back to his viper pit
McDuff: Wow. That is so deep. Let me think about it a minute.
Okay, All done. now I’m going to go take another (legal) narcotic and watch an Indian movie. Like, South Asia, India-home-of-rockin’-election Indian.
Actually, I’ve spent all day serving a luncheon at church that preceded a dear friend’s funeral, a woman who died peacefully in her home, with her daughter, after her 95th. birthday party with her family was over. I would totally like to go like that.
So, I’ve been immersed in poignant, meaningful shit all day and just stopped by wonkette to get the tear ducts dried up again.
It worked.
Oh moral dwarf of infinite cowardice
Mock-ed be thy lies
Thy bunkerdom come
Thy will be done
To you as it was in Gitmo
magic titty: “And another thing: Do you think he farts in bed and tells his wife to ‘Shut it!’ when she complains?”
If you think people in that age group and that income level (who can afford more than one bed) sleep together, then you are adorably, hopelessly romantic. Old men fucking snore. They surf porn, then they go to bed and snore. End of story.
Sorry to ruin your romantic dreams of eternal love rainbows, kids, but someone’s got to tell you the truth before you commit. It’s for damn sure your wedding planner isn’t going to.
hobospacejunkie: Very pithy, sir. Done whilst supinely draped upon your divan?
Nerdalicious: I had completely forgotten Jessica Hahn. I don’t want to bother with the link–isn’t she the little blonde who refused to go along with the “commando hero” yarn the Bushies and the DOD were trying to spin about her?
bitchincamaro: Actually while sitting on our covered, screened-in porch watching the deer eat the corn I just threw at them beyond our pool, after a long day of napping. So, yeah, pretty much.
DustBowlBlues: That was Fawn something or other. Jessica was the red-haired minx who Tammy Fay Baker’s husband paid for sex (?) and who later appeared in playboy, with large breasts.
hobospacejunkie: then who was (is) jessica lynch? (the fawn person was a hall, i think, can’t remember who she sucked though)
engulfedinflames: Jessica Lynch was the Army woman whose “rescue” was invented by higher-ups who decided they needed to create an Iraq war hero. She very soon came out to say it was all bullshit and she had no idea why they (higher-ups) were doing this to her.
And Fawn Hall was Ollie North’s secretary who smuggled classified documents out in her bra.
SayItWithWookies: Thank you. I feel much better now.
hobospacejunkie: As I recall, Ollie made a point of bragging that he didn’t fuck Fawn, even though nobody accused him of doing so.
hobospacejunkie: Totally different Jessica, then. BTW–WTF is Rachel saying about Hopey tossing people into dungeons for decades for committing “future crimes.” Even Tom Cruise wearing a silly hat knew that was bad.
DustBowlBlues: Rachel is just trying to show she can be as hard on Hopey as the evil right-wing conspiracy, though I can’t say it’s unjustified considering all the hedging now going on about Guantanamo.
hobospacejunkie: I gotta agree with ya, but I will cut hopey this slack. After leading the dems to 59 senate votes, he turned around found 6 who had his back. The other 53, mostly all the same spineless fucktards that went along with Iraq. So dems, rejoice, youll have that 60 vote super majority when you elect 600 dem senators. BOOO!!! Oooops, just made Harry Reid shit himself.
EdFlinstone: After leading the dems to 59 senate votes, he turned around found 6 who had his back.
Which shows that these asshat Democrats are only in it for themselves (big surprise) and care most of all about re-election, not, you know, doing what we supposedly elected them to do. Fucked up thing is that they know they can get away with this shit because the alternative, the republican party, is no alternative at all for a majority of Democrats. So fuck those assholes. The demise of the republicans means senate Dems are hardly accountable to anyone!
DustBowlBlues: I’m usually the first to hate on love, but my dads folks slept together by choice to the non-bitter end. 65 years, by god, of marriage. They still held hands and necked discretely. It helped that Grandma was smokin’ hot. Puts a crimp on the snark, don’t it?
If the twee ever threatens to raise my blood sugar, I just think of my mom’s folks who were also married for about 65 years. In that case, hell was other people in a single-wide full of old prescription bottles. The remainder of the room was filled with Tab cola, Old Crow and racist salt-and-pepper shakers.
Dick Cheney has caused me to remember a G.K. Chesterton hymn lyric from my Episcopalian childhood. The first verse is featured in the Iron Maiden tune, “Revelation” … so you know it’s classy!
irst verse isn’t bad, but the second verse sounds as if it was written for/about Cheney:
From all that terror teaches, from lies of tongue and pen,
From all the easy speeches that comfort cruel men,
From sale and profanation of honor and the sword,
From sleep and from damnation, deliver us, good Lord.
Any chance the Praetorians might throw him out of a helicopter 500 feet up? Over the ocean, of course.
Zhu Bajie
Dick Cheney, here once again to remind the world that while Obama may have the IQ of a roasted cabbage, roasted cabbages are by and large not inclined to break your kneecaps with a lead pipe and scream at you.
Perhaps Obama and Cheney will eventually go out back and have a knife-fight, loser gets waterboarded into brain-death, then Joe Biden can be in charge and impress us all with his ability to count to 20 with his shoes on.
I’ve been trying to figure out why Dick Cheney has become the current spokesman for
Evilthe Republicans.But then I realized that there is a new Harry Potter coming out, and I figure that the Republicans and Cheney needed money, and they agreed to make Cheney their leader for a few mil from Warner Brothers so that everyone would wonder what it would be like if Voldemort became Vice President.
If anyone has a better idea, I would like to hear it.
I’m the biggest flaming atheist you’ve ever met but right now, I’m down on my knees in my office…(no, that is NOT my normal position and no, I am NOT a congressional aide)thanking sweet jesus himself that this “lawn gnome-beezelbub-angry retirement smurf” no longer has any real power.
now, why won’t the big news outlets stop giving him airtime??? don’t they know they’re just encouraging him???
The more this guy is out of office the more I realise it is true he was the puppet master. Aside from the Sad Clowns, the next most scary thing is a puppetless puppet master.
So what’s Jeb up to these days?
Remember Ciacescu and his twat wife in the cemetery? I don’t think they had a dyke daughter but WOW, that was so efficient. No fuss, no muss — just lovely silence.
Well MSNBC decided there wasnt enough talk about Cheney yesterday, so they decided to turn morning Joe over to torture spice Cheney.
Makeithurt: The dyke daughter, Mary, is not the dangerous one. The dangerous one is young Elizabeth, lifelong champion of the doctrine of the Unitary Executive. Elizabeth might actually run for something, or, worse, be appointed to something. And she’s every inch her Daddy’s Little Ideologue.
Jeebus, he’s that damn Agent Smith! “You destroyed me, Mr. Obama. Afterward, I knew the rules, I understood what I was supposed to do… but I didn’t. I couldn’t. I was compelled to stay… compelled to disobey”. Matrix Reloaded