Wonkette
The good news is that new unemployment claims were down a bit from the previous terrible week. The bad news is that there were more new jobless people than dumb economists had predicted. The worse news is that we now have 6.66 million people getting unemployment benefits, which proves the Devil is not only a true thing, but He’s here in America, having fun. Oh also millions more have just completely given up even looking for work, and their unemployment payments ran out long ago. [Bloomberg]
Christ on a crutch, Ken. It’s not a sign but a cry for help from the Dark Lord. Poor Satan lost his job when Dick Cheney used his Gitmo Torture Monies taken from the Bilderbergs, Carlyle Group and Haliburton in a hostile takeover of hell.
i have it from a credible source that dick cheney intends to fly a small plane into a tall building while wearing exotic garb! anyone else hear this?
I sumitted an application for doing the Devil’s work, but they denied my application, claiming all they needed was a guy named Dick.
Whoa, a triple-Dick trifecta.
Custerwolf:
Jinx!
But seriously, it’s not exactly a ringing endorsement of Dick “Dick” Cheney’s humanity when we have (mock) sympathy for the devil.
I’ll believe it when all the real Christians are raptured and only the liars, nonbelievers and hypocrites are left. Oh shiiiiiiiit…
Don’t worry, there’s a plan. Obama and Biden just need one chance to rock his socks off.
SayItWithWookies: Is it possible we slept through it?
So the Devil is a jobless hobo now? If so, should I have sympathy for the Devil?
Ahh Jeeeze..don’t hit submit comment, don’t hit su
ManchuCandidate: Damn slow postings!
freakishlystrong: Hey Lucifer - looks like you’re in need of some restraint.
I think it’s just further proof that Obama is the anti-Christ.
As a very successful and important member of the American Employed Class, I say let the wretched masses of un-non-anti-employed rot in their own evil dirty jobless Cheneydevil orc feces, where they belong. Because that’s what capitalism is all about.
Custerwolf: Some accounts say 144,000 is the number of people who’ll be raptured. Since about 153,000 people die each day, the rapture would really only be a slight statistical blip. That’s assuming that the last Christian didn’t actually die 2,000 years ago.
6.66 million people getting unemployment benefits. No way, think of it as 6.66 million with new government jobs, only they will not be filling out time cards. And unlike real government workers, if the newly unemployed do nothing for 18 months, they will be fired.
Layoffs will occur at GITMO when that closes, also.
SayItWithWookies: when they are raptured do we get their houses,cars and secret porno stash?
SayItWithWookies: Don’t know any of those Christicles. Would not notice if they were raptured. Except perhaps for the increase in articles of clothing (in non-natural fabrics) lying empty in the gutter.
Well, idle hands and all that.
engulfedinflames: Yes, but their cars are gas-hog suckmobiles, their houses are horribly decorated, and the porno is all “bisexual” and tranny porn. So, you decide.
engulfedinflames: No thanks, the rapture-ready Christian’s porno stash consists of “Home and Garden” and “Southern Living” magazines.
Custerwolf: Have some courtesy leave my guy L alone.
SayItWithWookies: I think I am not sure how many of us atheistsit’s 144k jews will be saved, but I’m not sure how many how many atheists…
Custerwolf: Hey now, Beelzebub…
x111e7thst: Just curious, are the Stones planning on revising their lyrics to replace Bombay with Mumbai?
Custerwolf: I think so. They are also entertaining suggestions for a new title for “Bitch”.
x111e7thst: Were you suggesting they use my name?
Baby Jeebus save us now!
SayItWithWookies: Actually, the amount will be more in the millions as it will include all the non butt-sex loving Evangelicals and all the children as children are considered saved up until the moment they start getting nasty thoughts about Megan Fox when they see the Transformers movies.
x111e7thst:As I live in San Francisco, I probably won’t notice when anybody gets raptured up too.
(I kind of know all about this stuff as nothing brings the LOLZ more than Rapture stuff. I’ve actually read some of the “Left Behind” books due to their hilarity quotient)
Zadig: You forgot Readers Digest and Guns and Ammo. For shame!
queeraselvis v 2.0: Whoops. Also, I forgot about all their cardboard boxes full of Jack Chick tracts, which are admittedly pretty hilarious.
“……..millions more have just completely given up even looking for work…..”
Shit. I’ve wondered what I would do if I just couldn’t find work (not unemployed at the moment)…………I’ve got two kids. I guess I would just go to grad school and get some more student loan money to live off of for a little while?