Wonkette
Somebody on MSNBC said that Obama’s speech was ten pages single spaced and this must be true, because this has been going on half an hour and he is just getting started. How does this guy manage to talk at such lengths without a glass of water nearby? Because he is Magic.
11:03 AM — Well enough about that Guantanamo stuff. Let’s talk about the torture memos and prisoner photos.
11:04 AM — He is trying to strike a balance, y’all, between transparency (memos) and national security (photos) and that is why he will release one and not the other.
11:06 AM — In sum, when he said “transparency” he did not mean “provide propaganda to be used in a theater of war.”
11:09 AM — A vow to treat other branches of government as coequals, etc. A review of the many ways in which the Obama administration does NOT resemble the Bush administration.
11:12 AM — “There are those who’d like to re-fight debates that have been settled — in some cases, debates that they have lost.” Hologram Dick Cheney quivers with rage.
11:13 AM — Hmm Hopey’s TelePrompTer appears to have malfunctioned, briefly. Impeach this man immediately.
11:14 AM — “Honesty, care, and a dose of common sense.” Is that really all we need to resolve this question of what to do with detainees who cannot be tried and cannot be released? And a sack of quivering pussies in Congress who are too afraid about getting re-elected to tell their constituents that keeping an accused terrorist in a local prison will not spread the Terrorism AIDS to their communities?
11:16 AM — This whole speech is about Dick Cheney.
11:17 AM — Terrorism: Get used to it! (This is a very British attitude.)
Oh God now to the pundit reactions … Oh but Cheney is waiting to give his speech, so now we have to look at Cheney. COFFEE BREAK. Thank you all for reading.
He don’t need water when he has them thar TELEPROMPTERZ!!!111!
So no “Hotties of Abu Ghraib” photospread in Maxim?
when’s he gonna admit he’s got the secret cure for AIDS stored in a break-room fridge at Gitmo?
Jeebus Magical Christ, this guy makes too much freakin’ sense. ‘murikins will be totally confused. But he IS magic, so roll with it.
“the american people are not abolutists” That is 100% wrong.
SayItWithWookies: They’re going for the more tasteful “This Summer’s Hottest Burkas” coverage.
So he will deny us the satisfaction of seeing Dick Cheney have a massive heart attack upon being sentenced to life in prison? Boooo!!!!!
Dear American People,
You are all acting like incredible idiots right now. Stop it.
Love,
Yr. President.
“There are those who’d like to re-fight debates that have been settled — in some cases, debates that they have lost.”
HAHAHA. Time to buttsecks Dick Cheney with the business end of a machete.
queeraselvis v 2.0: Unfortunately, the Republican strategy — at least since Nixon — is to insist you won for longer than the winner insists he won. Does it work? Look at Newt Gingrich.
Wow, “we will not be safe if we use national security as a wedge to divide America.”
That’s a pretty fucking savage blow to the shitheads (Republicans) who thought that was their best bet for a wedge issue.
BO knows constitutional law.
Hey, what happened to the steak? Oh well, I could sure go for a burger about now.
this asshole dick cheney is now on CNN
please liveblog and assrape him with vigor.
OMG, Cheney, just DIE already! The president can talk as long as he wants, bitch.
Dick Cheney thinks that if a speech goes longer than two minutes, we all lose interest. Probably true for people from Wyoming.
there’s this horrid, alien-like creature on my teevee!!! Oh, Cheney. Well, like I said…
Oh come on, liveblog the evil curmudgeonly attention-whore already.
TeLepRoMt3RLuLzXors™ are for muslins. Every word he speaks is an insult to our Judeo-Christian Lord Jesus.
It burns!!!!
Seriously, listening to Cheney makes me want to breathe deeply. He sounds like a bunch of bagpipes that have been stomped on.
Cheney should have just feigned a heart attack and fled the building.
Of course you viewed the attack in the underground bunker, Mr. Cheney! You LIVED in the underground bunker the entire eight years!
There’s a rumor Cheney plans to fly a Piper Cub into the Sears tower while wearing a burqua.
RoscoePColtraine: He even sounds like Darth now…
stew: STEPHANOPOLOUS’S LATEST STORY: Now that the rumor’s out there, how will Dick Cheney respond to it?
Holy fucking shit. WHO listens to these two men and says ‘I like Cheney.’
Cheney is starting to look like NOSFERATU!
Presenting DICK CHENEY!
http://www.lodi.k12.wi.us/schools/hs/Aderhold/Quarter%203%202009/Project%20Based%20Learning/nosferatu.jpg
OMG. They wanted to release information on policies that are under judicial review, but not release Top Secret intelligence information? This IS a serious injustice!
stew: Yea, and while doing it he will shout into the radio, “TORTURE WORKS! BY GOD, TORTURE WORKS! I TOLD YA WE’D GET HIT AGAIN! I TOLD YA!!! AAAAAAAaaaaaaggghhhh!”
I heard that Cheney plans to fly a Piper Cub into the Sears tower while wearing a burqua. Can’t remeber where I heard it, though.
But Cheney hasn’t said, “We weren’t trying to get terrorists to admit to non-existant links between Saddam Hussein and Al-Qaida…” because THAT WAS THE PRIMARY REASON for “pushing harder” wasn’t it, Dick?
I can’t stand listening to this asshole gasp for breath. Suck some O2 already. Also, I don’t think Republicans will be very enthusiastic to have Dick-ey go out and give the response any more. Jesus.
Liz Cheney is running around the room at the American Enterprise Institute nudging people and trying to get them to applaud. It finally worked: ONCE
Wow, one applause at AEI! Wow, I remember when a speech at AEI would get the useful idiots there to applaud every single sentence that fell out of Bush or Cheney’s mouth!
Cheney response = MASSIVE FAIL
Jeez. Wonder if he upped his Lipitor dosage this morn.
RoscoePColtraine: Isn’t that wheezing a symptom of congestive heart failure? I sorta think of Cheney’s heart like it’s the Grinch’s little dog — overburdened, beaten down, forced to carry as imposing a physical burden as a psychic weight. It probably looks like a charred crabapple with a faint beat to it, and it’s hooked to the world’s largest internal pacemaker which zaps the living shit out of it just to get it to pulse. How they fit four D-batteries in Cheney’s chest cavity is still a medical mystery.
RoscoePColtraine: I like Cheney better. The guy just makes sense. This is someone you could have a beer with on a Saturday and barbeque a Muslim.
Somebody had it right a couple nights ago on KO when they described Cheney as being frightened as a little boy by 9/11 and his paranoia and fear just grew and grew from that point. This chickenhawk got five deferments from Vietnam. He is a crybaby fattypants who shit his diaper every time the threat level was raised. All his illegal policies spring from his bottomless well of cowardice. He’s yellower than commie dijon mustard and has to talk tough to cover the fact that he’s a quivering coward. Fuck him right in the ear.
Oh, Dick, you should have just gone to Viet Nam and DIED!
Did Cheney actually begin his remarks by criticizing Obama for going on and on and on and on……
Cheney: “FEAR, FEAR, FEAR, FEAR…..”
By the way, Cheney, that “broad based strategy” of protecting American, otherwise known as “VACATION in Crawford” didn’t keep us safe on 9/11.
GaySailor: Big Mistake putting Cheney in here… Next time, the GOP is going to have Sarah Palin come out and defend torture in her high heeled boots, while brandishing a whip.
SayItWithWookies: I think that was a Simpson’s ep…
hobospacejunkie: “Fuck him right in the ear.”
No need to worry. History appears to be inching up behind him.
dick cheney is one of the few people out there that truly deserves to have a really massive stroke.
MSNBC - Lawrence O’Donnell calling it like it is “sleezy presentation” while Pat Buchanan and Chris Matthews tried to play “apologists” for Cheney!
PROTECT US MR VICE PRESIDENT
/Washington press corps
sarcasticusername: Just to clarify, you mean the brain bleed kind of stroke, not the awesome handjob kind.
Coffee break? Time to bust out the fucking Wild Turkey.
freakishlystrong: Oh, come on — FOX doing actual reporting? It strains credulity.
I love how the latest terrorist plot was broken up by old fashioned FBI work versus torture and “vacationing in Crawford” tactics:
http://www.theage.com.au/world/ny-plot-foiled-by-fbi-sting-20090521-bh1u.html
Oh god, I feel another one of those days where I don’t get a damn thing done.
He’s a wordy bugger, isn’t he?
Lawrence O’Donnell’s hair on fire on msnbc. Beautifully so.
RoscoePColtraine: Yep: Catatonic in Merica.
GaySailor: Torture kept us safe for EIGHT YEARS. Henghhh. Also.
sarcasticusername: True. But I don’t want it to be too massive. I want him to be completely incapacitated physically but with his brain still working. So he has to be moved around in a wheelchair, has to use a colostomy bag, and has to listen to everyone talking about what a lawless, torturing fuckbag he was while being unable to speak to defend himself. In other words, I want him tortured.
hobospacejunkie: “I was really scared” is a somewhat decent excuse for stupid decisions, but Cheney goes full coward and uses his shit-stained drawers to justify the continuation of stupid decisions, forever. Sigh.
Good article about how WRONG Bush Cheney were:
http://www.washingtonmonthly.com/features/2003/0312.bergen.html
SayItWithWookies:
“And what happened next? Well in America they say,
Dick Cheney’s small heart grew three sizes that day.”
And then he tore down Guantanamo with his bare hands.
hobospacejunkie: To the death? No, to the pain.
4tehlulz: Handjobs are overrated. I prefer mouth handjobs.
“…a sack of quivering pussies” — Mmmmmmmmm. “in Congress”, no less!!!
Dick Cheney is a fraud and a pussy and this has been known for some 60 years.
Let us end the discussion about him, because there is nothing left to mull over.
I liked Barry’ speech, except the part where he reserves the right to throw people in prison indefinitely, without trial. Oh, and the part about letting the torture masterminds completely off the hook. Otherwise, nice job.
DoctorCulturae: I love O’Donnell, in a BROTHERLY way!!! Buchanan is such a steaming pile of shite! “Cheney’s speech worked by Lawrence’s reaction…” Whatever, Patty, whatever…
bitchincamaro: And I’m not a fan of Barry’s plan to continue with the military tribunals, either.
Actually, the speech sucked.
GaySailor: To be fair to Buchanan, he still thinks McCain won the debates.
GaySailor: That really caught me by surprise too. So, flipping out because a guy goes on TV and tells lies, and contradicts himself from one sentence to the next - the intense reaction to that gall - shows the speech worked. Well, OK Pat. For dumb douchebags like yourself, I guess it works. And Murika is full of dumb douchebags.
cover yer ass dick, cover yer ass. more contradictions per linear inch than anything ever… where’s the credibility? why has anyone given any credence to anything he’s said since he appointed himself president? the fact that he can appear in public without being taunted and defamed is testament to exactly how fucked this country is.
I liked Cheney better when he did “Da Bears!” on SNL.
RoscoePColtraine: Just goes to show ya how Pat Buchanan doesn’t believe an effing word he says himself. Buchanan thinks its all just political theater or one big game of tiddly winks.
Zadig: Scratch that, “Cuba” fits the meter better than “America”.
So like Pontius Pilate, Obama washes his hands of the Bush administration, leaving it to the jews in congress to crucify them.
What, Bobby Jindal wasn’t available?
Now I understand why Cheeeny is so terrified of having Guantanamo terrists being sent to ‘meriken prisons. He’ afraid one will be his cellmate!
GaySailor: I remember that nutcase on TV the day after 9/11 explaining that ONLY Iraq could possibly have been responsible.
She could use a good waterboarding.
I’m with bitchin’camaro; I don’t like triangulating when the Constitution and international treaties are involved. You get no cookie for not being as fucking evil as Cheney.
Cheney was perfectly free to make this exact same speech any day of the week for the 7 years that people were being rounded up, sent to gitmo, and tortured. All the sudden he’s standing on principles. He’s been flushed out like a disgusting cockroach under a blast of sunlight, scampering around looking for new corner of the kitchen to shit in. Its pretty amazing how Obama is basically making all these people flail around like fools, even when he changes his mind, makes gaffes, whatever. He’s in charge per se.
hobospacejunkie: My words exactly, but you said them better.
hobospacejunkie: Except for the last sentence. Never my words.
I get hungry when Hopey talks about fish mongering.
Internally valid: You wrote: “the american people are not abolutists” That is 100% wrong. I took one off for spelling, but gave ya a ten for brilliance. Well done.