Wonkette
If there’s two things our president loves, it’s detention camps and torture. So, obviously, he just used the whole “I will shut down that terrible den of Cuban shame” line to get into office, knowing that once he got in he would stop at nothing to open a thousand Guantanamos all over the Atlantic. We hear this speech he’s about to give, allegedly “explaining” his recent “decisions,” is really going to be one of these namby-pamby “on the one hand, but on the other hand” type deals that he loves so much. Let’s WATCH and LEARN.
Oh and uh NO we will not be liveblogging Dick Cheney, because that little attention whore does not need any more coverage from reputable news outlets like your Wonkette.
Andrea Mitchell repeats this thing that journalists like to repeat, which is that Cheney is running around to every news outlet blabbing about the glories of torture because he really believes it’s a good thing. This is kind of a gross and infuriating thing to hear, isn’t it? Like it’s so honorable to a sadist as long as you’re not doing it for POLITICAL reasons.
Does it not also strike anyone as a little odd, this assumption that Obama made all these campaign promises about shutting Gitmo without having any worldly idea how it would be instituted? It does not seem to be Obama’s style to just run off at the mouth without having any plan at all. What that plan is, who knows, but your editor guesses that he does have an actual plan that just happens not to be in accord with public sentiment at the moment. But who knows, maybe he really is just some loser whose mouth wrote a check his ass can’t cash. This has certainly happened to American presidents before!
Matthews to Buchanan: Why are Americans such pussies about keeping people in jail? Buchanan: This whole “we’ll catch cooties from the terrorists” argument just keeps everybody scared and itching to engage in more Middle Eastern wars. (We’re watching MSNBC, by the way, which might be a mistake.) Ugh. OK well, we’ll just sit tight until Latesky Obama shows up for his 10 AM speech.
10:28 AM — Oh hey thanks man, nice of you to show up.
10:29 AM — ATTENTION TERRORISTS, everyone from the SecDef to the Secretary of State to the AG to the Official Archivist of the United States is in the same building in Washington. (Joe Biden is hanging out in his basement, trying to figure out how Cheney’s old jazzerciser/thumbscrews combo machine works.)
10:31 AM — A long list of stuff the government is doing to fight THE TERRORISS: diplomacy, war, military innovation, blah. But: the most important weapon is the Constitution. Remember how he was a professor of Constitutional law? That’s how much he digs the Constitution.
10:35 AM — High-flown rhetoric, tyranny vs. rule of law, chaos vs. resilient moral values and institutions. Why does Barack Obama want to release the terrorists on the streets of downtown Peoria, where they will be free to kill again? ANSWER THE QUESTION.
10:36 AM — He just called the Bush administration a bunch of frightened pussies. Ditto the press.
10:38 AM — Remember how John McCain also wanted to close Guantanamo? Yeah, so even if he was president we’d still be having this discussion.
10:40 AM — Hey DLCC, how about scheduling your fundraising calls for those few occasions when the president isn’t giving a major policy speech? Jesus.
10:41 AM — Even Bush administration officials, says Obama, argued about the efficacy of torture. Dick Cheney’s supposed to start giving his own speech soon, right? CNN will probably beam him in, hologram-style, right next to the president.
10:43 AM — Bottom line, Guantanamo “has weakened” our national security. Plus, so expensive!
10:45 AM — Make no mistake, America: George Bush left a steaming pile of shit on the doorstep of the new administration, and now President Obama has to make it into a rose. This is no easy task.
10:47 AM — He’s very good in this, “Look, people, quit being pussies and act like adults” sort of mode.
10:50 AM — Hey, it’s a Plan: 1. Try these terrorists in federal courts whenever possible. You cannot try and convict these people without bringing them into the US first. 2. Detainees who violate the laws of war will be tried through military commissions. If they were good enough for George Washington then goddammit they are good enough for Obama. Military commissions that aren’t rigged kangaroo courts are just fine with him. 3. People who courts have already said have to be released, will be released, because that is the LAW. 4. What’s the fourth category? We were too busy looking for photos for another liveblog installment because this one is just getting out of control.
10:56 AM — And the last category of prisoner: the people who can’t be released, but there isn’t enough evidence to try them. A thorny issue indeed!
OK let’s start another thread, this one is TOO LONGS. Go here now or you will be sent to Leavenworth forever.
All Wonktards must listen to Buena Vista Social Club, on loop, for the duration of this liveblog.
Thank You.
Magic Titty
In before some reichtard accuses Obama of setting up the arrest this morning to forward his Islamofascist agenda.
Oh good, a “here’s why I’m breaking another campaign promise” speech, designed to make us feel better about why “it’s just so hard to change things in Washington.” Next speech: why Don’t Ask/Don’t Tell is really the best policy going forward.
I like to dine on the hearts of babies. Lightly grilled, then sliced quite thin. Served on a bed of vinegared rice. But never for political reasons.
“We hear this speech he’s about to give, allegedly “explaining” his recent “decisions,” is really going to be one of these namby-pamby “on the one hand (THE RIGHT ONE), but on the other hand (THE OTHER RIGHT ONE)” type deals that he loves so much.”, also.
x111e7thst: Fetus Omelette for me, with peppers, onions, and a placenta reduction sauce. Washed down with a Blood Orange “Mimosa,” made with real blood squeezed from a discarded uterus and fermented urine in place of champagne. I like to drink it from a Mason Jar. I also like water sports.
Latesky Bamer has to be late to keep his cred of CPT/not rushing for the white devil/weighting his gloves for Cheney
b as late as possible..cheney can’t take the pressure. also
To be fair to BHO, Congress are the real pussies here (inorite? SHOCKING!). After all, they’re subscribing to the whole NIMBY OMYGAW we have to RELEASE RELEASE RELEASE these terrists before we can ship ‘em to the nearest Supermax.
aeiou: cannot use them prepersitions
FTW on the damn alt text!
I’m playing my own drinking game in my cubical during this presser. Every time O says “911″ I take a swig of whiskey out of my flask. I’m a bit buzzed already, also.
magic titty: Well, if that’s an order. Shouldn’t we be drinking Cuba libras as well?
I am playing my own game. Whenever I imagine that Obamer is smilin’, I glare at a Somali.
I’ve said it before but it’s worth repeating - I’ll take some Uighurs. I have paddocks that desperately need cleaning and am willing to put up with a little terrorism if that’s what it takes.
NIMBY
i’m glad his late ass showed up. the old people on cspan were driving me crazy.
Good God man, stop spewing your useless facts.
Oh sure — the previous administration opened Guantanamo and made a huge mess. Next he’ll be blaming Iraq, the economy and the unfinished Katrina cleanup on them too. When will it stop?
“As president I refuse to allow the problem to fester. I refuse to pass it on to somebody else.”
Wait — so he won’t be resigning in disgrace anytime soon?
If it wasn’t for the complete transparency we have now received as a benefit of the Obama presidency, why, I’d be really upset about Gitmo, “looking forward and not back”, and now, the fact that the Obama Administration is urging the Supremes not revive the lawsuit regarding the treasonous exposing of Valerie Plame by Cheney and his friends.
Hell, even Karl Rove welcomes Obama’s “about face” on national security policies, which are now more in-line with Bush policies!
Thank [some deity] for Change™!!!
All this would be moot if he would just execute everyone down there at Guantanamo.
Isn’t that trouble-maker Castro guy dead yet?
Sweet, O just gave a shout out the all the homos in the house via Lyndsey Graham. Damn lib’ral homotard agenda.
Hey, what’s going on? Who is that? Did that black dude kill President Bush?
What that plan is, who knows, but your editor guesses that he does have an actual plan that just happens not to be in accord with public sentiment at the moment.
Public sentiment ≠ 90 Senate fraidycats.
Oh no, Please don’t convince me to go along with those military tribunals. Must. Not. Listen. To. Reason.
Naked Bunny with a Whip: Not yet — the appeals process is long and slow everywhere but Texas.
“….as President, I too am bound by the rule of law…..”
Oh yeah, he just bitch slapped Bush and Cheney. More! More!
Gawd, the scairdy Democratic Senates must feel like like Lindsey Graham’s ass after a “session”
3. People who courts have already said have to be released, will be released, because that is the LAW.
OMG TERRORIST LOVER
the appeals process is long and slow everywhere but Texas.
Dang!
As for Texas, this is considered a kindness to prisoners, since being killed at least gets you out of Texas.
I just turned on the stream and Barry has his “You’re going to be without dinner” face on. I like it.
Releasing memos detailing techniques we no longer use doesn’t actually help the terrorists? President Obama must be in a continual state of disbelief that he actually has to explain these types of things.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eqKpLBrk4qE&feature=player_embedded
Thank you Ana Marie Cox for holding Obama Admin accountable!
“Asked Cox: “Is their dismissal a part of his national security strategy, or is their dismissal itself a threat to national security?”
Gibbs then went on to say that Obama is working with the Secretary of Defense and the Joint Chiefs of Staff to “make [the repeal of Don't Ask, Don't Tell] happen”, when in fact a Pentagon spokesman said yesterday that there were no plans to repeal the policy.
Said Pentagon spokesman Geoff Morrell to CBS News: “The secretary has not asked his service chiefs, his service secretaries, his combatant commanders, anything of that sort to, sort of, start to — to do, you know, polling on that matter.”
http://www.towleroad.com/2009/05/white-house-lies-says-obama-working-to-repeal-dont-ask-dont-tell.html
Goddam he talks purty. I love presidents who can speak coherent sentences without some stupid-ass frat-boy grin on his face the whole goddam time.
SayItWithWookies: Yes, but it’s a STRONGLY WORDED memo.
The black guy makes a good point: we shouldn’t put soldiers in harm’s way, which is what the naughty pics of the S&M frat pranks would do (and it’s bad to put soldiers in harm’s way).
Try these terrorists in federal courts whenever possible.
Whenever possible? WTF does that mean? When is it possible and when is it unpossible?
And the last category of prisoner: the people who can’t be released, but there isn’t enough evidence to try them.
Uh, why can’t they be released? If there isn’t enough evidence to try them, they must be released, or else this policy is no better than Cheney’s “lock ‘em all up forever” anti-policy.
If I were Cheney, I’d feign a heart attack rather than face the cameras.
So we’re cool with putting the Unabomber - a dude who actually killed people with actual bombs and was actually found actually guilty - into the Supermax prison in Colorado for the rest of his life, but we’re not cool with putting alleged terrorists who allegedly maybe kind of supported Bin Laden & Friends into the same facility?
Mr Blifil: Christ, we’ve become the cooking channel.
Mr Blifil: Barefoot Contessa, is that you?
RoscoePColtraine: Useless facts are political speech Blingie.
“Who knows, maybe he really is just some loser whose mouth wrote a check his ass can’t cash. This has certainly happened to American presidents before!”
But it’s never happened to a BLACK President before! History-making!
freakishlystrong: I always preferred LULU (Locally Unwanted Land Use), or we could describe Congress as a CAVE Group (Citizens Against Virtually Everything). I am just waiting to hear the cries of “Think of the children!”.
magic titty: I think they should put the track where they sing about “El Chango” (the monkey) on repeat
I heard that a Gitmo prisoner’s sweat causes acute gay marriage, and if he looks at you, you spontaneously abort any fetus you may be carrying. They can shoot lasers out of their asses, also.
Obamaton: Don’t forget my personal favorite: BANANAs (Build Absolutely Nothing Anywhere Near Anybody).
Gitmo
Gitless
Git Back to Where you Once belonged…
Congress has no problem putting that APPROVED stamp on another $91 billion for war$
but shutting down the torture camp….. that’s gonna take some discussin’