- Bruce Marks, head of the Neighborhood Assistance Corporation of America, helps distressed homeowners by calling up banks and just being a shouty jerk to them until he gets what he wants. [Wall Street Journal]
- Once signed by President Obama, the credit-card bill that institutes badly needed reforms still won’t go into effect for nine months. [New York Daily News]
- You will die unless you drive around in a 2500-pound sack of lead that gets 4 miles to the gallon. [USA Today]
- The rollout of this missing-link lemur thing is the biggest media event since the topless tween Hannah Montana appeared on the cover of Vanity Fair, a porn rag for the Hamptons set. [New York Times]
- More civilian casualties in Afghanistan, this one thanks to a NATO-led airstrike. [Voice of America]
- Guantanamo detainees shouldn’t come to America because “U.S. jails are typically for U.S. citizens,” says Mitch McConnell, which will be welcome news for the 8 percent of our incarcerated population who are citizens of another country. [Washington Post]
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Authors
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Jim Newell (5412)
Kirsten Boyd Johnson (791)
Wonkette Jr. (617)
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Kaia Mursi (39)
Blair Burke (170)
Matt Langer (40)
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Arielle Fleisher (385)
{ 41 comments }
Mitch, just STFU.Go stand in the corner with Harry and snowball each other or something.
won’t go into effect for nine months
Oh, good. That gives the sharks plenty of time to raise our rates sky-high before they come under new rules. :p “Credit sharks! The customer is our chum.”
“‘The deadlines are so tight that downsizing will be a tempting compliance strategy’ for automakers, says John Graham”
Downsizing, thou was ever an evil temptress. Thou art truly the Siren that captured the US American ship of state.
You know, you won’t be any safer if everyone is driving around in tanks, either!
Maybe we should send McConnell inside to find out for himself. Perhaps that 8% can make themselves known to him by making him their new cockslave. Bitch McConnell. I like it.
Tweety needs to have the missing link lemur thingee on and shout-question-spit-interrupt at it to see if it believes in evoloution…
That missing link lemur-thing was rattling around some German guy’s closet for the past 25 years. Science had as much to do with it’s discovery as Oppenheimer did with Brownian Motion, amirite?
To be blunt, the majority of people who want 2 tons of metal with an aggressive name wrapped around themselves are usually lousy drivers. I say fuck them and help improve the gene pool at the same time. Why should the human race lift a finger to protect the self centered unaware and uncoordinated?
Maybe if these morans weren’t in a tank then they’d, I don’t know, drive better, talk on the cellphone less, stop shaving or actually pay attention to the fucking road conditions?
Re: the credit card bill: One element cut from the bill was a 36% rate cap. One that got added was an amendment to let people tote loaded guns in parks.
Six of one, half dozen of the other, I’d say. This allows people who just got socked with a 125% rate to pop a cap in the first credit card exec they see walking in the park.
[re=320888]freakishlystrong[/re]: I actually like how Matthews makes these morans look like the total morans they are. Yesterday he had Dana Rohrbach (R-CA) on & he finally admitted ‘his religion allows him to believe in evolution’ (whatever the shit that means) but was adamant that global warming was cyclical and man had nothing to do with it.
Shoot, now Mitch McConnell tells me. Here I was on a jury that found an El Salvador citizen guilty of first degree murder for a drive-by gang shooting (of someone who was not a gang member).
If I had only known we don’t put foreign citizens in US prisons, the jury and I could have voted to put this fellow back on the street, despite the several eye-witnesses who directly identified him as the shooter.
2500-pound sack of lead? But are there enough Newt Gingriches for everyone?!
[re=320890]hobospacejunkie[/re]: Or, to quote Eric Cartman, “What the fuck is wrong with German people ” that they would keep Hannah Montana in a closet for 25 years? Though, to be fair, that’s more of an Austrian thing.
[re=320892]queeraselvis v 2.0[/re]: Yeah, that’s retarded. But I thought the ‘loaded gun in park’ thing was to make it easier to off yourself in an attractive surrounding after you got deep in debt.
[re=320901]TGY[/re]: Oh, I thought it was if you saw a rabid prairie dog chasing after you, you could blow it’s little foaming head clean off.
My car is a motorcycle. If I ride in parks can I carry a gun and pop a cap in the next suv drivin’ tweet twattin’ asshole who tries to kill me because s/he is too self-absorbed to notice that I’m there.
[re=320909]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: Good point. I am often accosted by rabid prairie dogs in parks and am sick and tired of bludgeoning them to death with an unloaded Glock, which is HARD. Little bastards.
This is crazy!!….
Egyptian citizens who have married Israelis might have their citizenship revoked… http://www.governmentalityblog.com/my_weblog/2009/05/egypt-revoking-citizenship-on-those-wed-to-israelis-.html
That ‘bigger is better’ philosophy worked so well in every application so far. When everybody is super, nobody is.
Perhaps a little common sense and courtesy in drivers would make our roads a bit safer. That’s a lot cheaper than fuel-robbing heavy armor or environmentally-destructive exotic materials.
I know, it’s always somebody else’s responsibility in ME Merika.
[re=320894]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: The fact that you even have to ask someone wheter they “believe” in evolutin in this day and age is astonishing, and what Tweety is really saying is; “What gives you any authority to speak to anything Scientific if you don’t believe in proven Science?”
I like when he does that as well…
To be non-snarkish, I think it should be made law that anyone introducing a gun ruling of any kind into an ENTIRELY UNRELATED piece of legislation should be bludgeoned senseless with the butt of a Smith & Wesson lever-action over-and-under thirty-odd-six with a tactical scope. What a bunch of freaking tools!
What if, say, Megan’s Law had a concealed weapons rider in it? At what point do you really want your own paranoia and cowardice enshrined in law and the public record?
But here’s the thing: When I’m in a National Park will I still be required to conceal my penis?
[re=320990]Mr Blifil[/re]: Only if it’s loaded.
[re=320891]ManchuCandidate[/re]: Another example of human stupidity: Volvo drivers are told by advertisers that they have one of the safest cars on the road. Therefore, they all feel it gives them permission to drive like drucken blind epileptics on crack.
[re=321030]Custerwolf[/re]:
What does one have to indulge in to be ‘drucken’?
You know what pisses me off is we haven’t even finished evolving (and we never will), yet here we are completely absorbed in the goddamned stomach contents of fucking mumified SKELETON of a long-dead creature. That moves us forward HOW? The missing link is christians – got it? They are one fork of a road that leads either to the flourishing success of an upright thinking creature or guaranteed extinction.
[re=321035]Servo[/re]: See what happens when you get stuck behind a Volvo driver?
[re=321038]Custerwolf[/re]:
Can’t be much worse than a family of lard-asses in a Windstar.
[re=321043]Servo[/re]: They usually flank me.
[re=321043]Servo[/re]:
Yes. Vulva (volvo) drivers think they can drive in the left hand lane aka supposedly faster lanes. The Windstar (lard ass filled) low rider usually stays to the right.
[re=321037]Custerwolf[/re]: Given all the crap there is to read about on any given day, some of us take a modicum of comfort in the idea that scientists are studying a 47-million-year-old proto primate that might add to our understanding of our own evolution. Besides, if evidence like this makes even one person think evolution is true rather than whatever half-assed myth they believed before, that’s one less person I have keep from laughing at when they open their mouth. Which might decrease my chances of popping an aneurysm because I’m holding my breath in, and thus add a few minutes to my life.
[re=321037]Custerwolf[/re]: I think it’s nice. Our forebears ate berries and leaves. Whereas when the fozzilized remains of Mark Foley are unearthed a bajillion years from now x-ray analysis will reveal buckets of cum.
the goddamned stomach contents of fucking mumified SKELETON
Research is alimentary, my dear Watson.
Sen. Feinstein says: “We have the facilities to keep convicted terrorists behind bars indefinitely and keep them away from American citizens.”
I don’t pay much attention to the news but when were these ‘terrorists’ convicted?
“It was incredible,” he said. “I could not sleep for two nights, just thinking about this specimen.” See your gastro specialist, then your shrink, dude.
[re=321077]SayItWithWookies[/re]: To paraphrase Goethe:
“Grey are all the fossilized remains,
but green is the tree of life.”
Life holds the important clues, not death.
Just my far superior opinion.
[re=321485]Custerwolf[/re]: Finding stuff out is the essence of science. So if a few paleontology wonks want to get together and add to our body of knowledge, I’m all for it. It won’t solve world hunger, but hey — we weren’t gonna spend that money on curing the world’s ills anyway — most likely the million or two dollars they spent on this fossil would’ve gone to some rich asshole’s yacht fund.
[re=320981]snideinplainsight[/re]: That would be a truly remarkable weapon indeed.
[re=321532]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Don’t get me wrong – I love fossils as much as the next guy, however, I don’t believe they will reveal one iota of useful information relevant to our present living situation. They’re just fun to play around with, and I’m all for that. As a kid I thought every interestingly-shaped rock I stumbled on was a fossil, so I’d pocket them and take them home to add to my vast paleontology collection. My mom eventually discovered the gravel pit in my bedroom closet, and I was forced to release my treasures into the back yard. So maybe I’m just being bitter.
[re=321628]Custerwolf[/re]: For all my fossil hunting as a kid, I only ever found one real one — a clam shell partially sticking out of a rock on the beach in Florida while on vacation. I was thrilled to have finally found one myself — then lost it on the flight home.
The ground near my childhood home was also thick with pyrite-encrusted quartz — so many of my first experiences with rocks were disappointments.
[re=321728]SayItWithWookies[/re]: I had a greater fantasy life, apparently. I remember finding some sort of rocks – don’t have a clue what they were – yellowish, found them while living in Manitoba as a kid. Every day I’d fill up the bathroom sink with water and put them in and watch the bubbles leach out of them. I told all my friends it was because they were dinosaur pieces.
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