OH GOLLY  4:18 pm May 19, 2009

GOP In Trouble BUT ONLY Among *Human* Voters

by Jim Newell

Well here’s some good news for Republicans: they’ve finally rid the party of all non-Real Americans! ES UN ROAD TO RECOVERY? And besides, just look at how liberal this liberal poll is. Aside from “Nonwhite” — wtf, like Martians or something?? — it doesn’t even show the trend with Hispanic Mexicans! Surely the GOP has made huge gains in this demographic, hmm? [Balloon Juice]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 57 comments }

Red Zeppelin May 19, 2009 at 4:21 pm

Yeah, and if they took off the votecs and the Cousin Goober’s Bible Colleges, the college graduate numbers would be approaching zero.

space stout May 19, 2009 at 4:21 pm

what of the lizard people? and no, not talking about Newt again…

magic titty May 19, 2009 at 4:22 pm

Yes but how are they doing amongst deceased bitterz with defunct Guns & Ammo subscriptions and ancestral ties to the Klan???

ManchuCandidate May 19, 2009 at 4:22 pm

Don’t worry GOP, the Mole People still loves yah.

ChernobylSoup May 19, 2009 at 4:23 pm

This is good news for John McCain.

Advocatus_Diaboli May 19, 2009 at 4:27 pm

Good thing ya still got that magic sky wizard vote there, republicans.

Obamaton May 19, 2009 at 4:27 pm

I hear they are up with teh buttsecks enthusiasts.

SayItWithWookies May 19, 2009 at 4:30 pm

So among people older than 64, not making money and attending church weekly, they’re rock solid. This should certainly appeal to the kids.

professionalcynic May 19, 2009 at 4:30 pm

Among ACORN-loving squirrels the Republican loss is at 30 percent.

Tra May 19, 2009 at 4:30 pm

The whole “We’re done apologizing to all of you!” thing from earlier today, is starting to make more sense now, in a bad relationship breakup kind of way. Next up, drunken texts to all former Republican voters at 3 a.m.

Naked Bunny with a Whip May 19, 2009 at 4:31 pm

This study totally disses the fursuiter voting bloc, the new base of the GOP.

Texan Bulldoggette May 19, 2009 at 4:33 pm

Wait until they find out a black guy is in charge of the RNC. I expect the “Black” category to skyrocket to … 11??

Gopherit May 19, 2009 at 4:33 pm

I am shocked, SHOCKED I TELL YOU, that only half of republicans go to church regularly. The Fundies will fix that when they take over Atwood style.

Suds McKenzie May 19, 2009 at 4:33 pm

meh, .. put a “Trucknutz\” in front of every category and their fine.

Monsieur Grumpe May 19, 2009 at 4:38 pm

They can do better than that. More Dick Cheney and Rush love fest please

WadISay May 19, 2009 at 4:39 pm

[re=320444]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: The figures for the “Black” category are actual numbers of persons, not percentages.

RoscoePColtraine May 19, 2009 at 4:41 pm

Jeebus hates teh socialisms.

shortsshortsshorts May 19, 2009 at 4:42 pm

Hardy Harr THEY HAVE NOTHING TO LOOK FORWARD TO:
http://www.shortsshortsshorts.com/?p=3201

Gallup polls are not looking very good for our “friends” in the GOP.

Mr Blifil May 19, 2009 at 4:43 pm

I see GOP polls are not great at the mathz. A drop of 12% to 10% is a hell of a lot more significant than a drop from 43% to 40%. This list is simply fucked. Unless the poll sampled exactly 100 people each year. Then I can see how the numbers really help get the bigger picture.

queeraselvis v 2.0 May 19, 2009 at 4:46 pm

[re=320430]ChernobylSoup[/re]: [re=320438]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Yup. This is what the GOP call the “Get Off My Lawn” demographic.

Texan Bulldoggette May 19, 2009 at 4:50 pm

[re=320456]WadISay[/re]: Hee Hee. Everyone on Fox was all ‘blacks are reverse prejudiced because they are only voting for Barry because he’s a fellow black.’ Looks like this little misconception got cleared right up. Barry snagged up the rest of the blacks who weren’t Alan Keyes-like crazy.

SnarkNotFark May 19, 2009 at 4:52 pm

By this math, with non-Church attending at -9, weekly/monthly church at -6 and weekly church at 0, all the GOP needs to do is create and popularize a religion where people attend Church 3 or more times a week and they’re back in the saddle, baby. If a moderately successful science fiction writer of limited talent could do it, how hard could it be? Maybe rig some E-meters that zap the gay out of you. Come on, GOP, use your brainz.
[re=320425]space stout[/re]: Dammit, beat me to it.

Tommmcatt May 19, 2009 at 4:52 pm

They would have done much better if there was a “douchebag” catagory….

EdFlinstone May 19, 2009 at 4:52 pm

Everyone knows 65 year old white southern males attending church weekly are the fastest growing segment of the population.

germansteel May 19, 2009 at 4:55 pm

Intuits are marginalized and ignored, again. How can they do that the same year as Sarah Palin reared her head? HENNNNNGHH?

Lascauxcaveman May 19, 2009 at 4:57 pm

I was trying to tell them Republican strategists, oh, way in 2003 or 04 it was, “You’ve got to get mandatory weekly church attendance written into LAW, it’s the key to the 1,000-year reich majority y’alls are after… Put it right there, in that Patriot Act thingee, idiots in congress will vote any old shit you stuff in there.”

June Cleaver 2.0 May 19, 2009 at 5:01 pm

[re=320444]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: And that’s 11 people — not 11%.

Bruno May 19, 2009 at 5:06 pm

It looks like its been said already, but if I attend church somewhat less than weekly I have a brain…but at a higher frequency I’m in the GOP??

Very interesting.

shortsshortsshorts May 19, 2009 at 5:06 pm

[re=320483]Lascauxcaveman[/re]: SRSLY IF THEY USED THEIR POLITICAL CAPITAL BACK THEN TO KILL OFF ALL DIM MUSLIMS AND JEWS, GYPSIES AND BROWN HAIRED PEOPLE WE WOULD BE FINE.

Another missed opportunity for the GOP.

EdFlinstone May 19, 2009 at 5:06 pm

The 9% of liberals must be the ones into kinky bondage and torture.

CorkPopper May 19, 2009 at 5:08 pm

But who are the 9% of people of “liberal ideology” who STILL identify as Republicans? Logical thinking FAIL.

Internally valid May 19, 2009 at 5:09 pm

9% of people who claim a liberal ideology also claim to be republicans.

So only 9% of people claiming to be liberal are functionally retarded; suck on that, Limbaugh!

Mustang May 19, 2009 at 5:09 pm

Nose pickers +45
Flatlanders +30
Butt diggers +20
Getting to watch the downfall of the GOP – Priceless

Internally valid May 19, 2009 at 5:10 pm

[re=320499]EdFlinstone[/re]: [re=320502]CorkPopper[/re]: Double-threeway-jinx! Sexy!

Lionel Hutz Esq. May 19, 2009 at 5:10 pm

As Karl Rove said:

White men! White women! The flag is calling you. The sacred and ancient symbol of your race, since the beginning of time. The Jew is using The Black as muscle against you. And you are left there helpless. Well, what are you going to do about it, Whitey? Just sit there? Of course not! You are going to join with us. The members of the American, Old, Church-Going, White Peoples’ Party. An organisation of decent, law abiding white folk. Just like you!

hobospacejunkie May 19, 2009 at 5:10 pm

Republicans aren’t afraid of no silly polls like this. If they can only gum up the gubmint works for two years, force the economy off the cliff, create the largest number of poors ever, deny health insurance to everyone and continue to purge the party of fake conservatives they will storm back to large majorities in the House and Senate. It’s a no-lose proposition, according to Rush. And he’s never wrong. Just ask him.

the problem child May 19, 2009 at 5:15 pm

Oh, it’s okay. This survey only covers the ‘leaned Republicans”. Among the fatted, they are doing fine, percentage wise… although alot of that fat seems to be melting away.

shortsshortsshorts May 19, 2009 at 5:15 pm

[re=320503]Internally valid[/re]: Meghan McCain!

germansteel May 19, 2009 at 5:21 pm

[re=320481]germansteel[/re]: Inuits?

peorgietirebiter May 19, 2009 at 5:24 pm

To be fair, the last raid on Smithfield Meats could account for the one point drop in the non-white category.

sarcasticusername May 19, 2009 at 5:38 pm

no worries, soon michael steele and ronald reagan’s futuristic ghost will save us all and make everyone republican; at least i think that’s what he said earlier.

peorgietirebiter May 19, 2009 at 5:39 pm

[re=320503]Internally valid[/re]: Hey wait a minute, a liberal could identify Republican without going full ‘tard! I do it on occasion for the same reason I freely pass around my Kroger rewards card.
Let the bastards model based on a white, single male, over 50 who buys Nicorette, a carton of Camels, tampons, ensure, tomatillos, powdered milk and fills a script for Antibuse on the same day.

ZorinZorin May 19, 2009 at 5:45 pm

THEY STILL HAVE THE ORCS SO THEY ARE OKAY!

pat robertsons personal trainer May 19, 2009 at 5:47 pm

I’m happy for the next ten years–but just wait until all the Palin, Santorum, & Bachmann kids* can vote. They’re going to outbreed the booksmartin’, non-”abstaining” set of arugala eaters.

*Palin’s “kids” under 14 may or may not all be her grandchildren.
Santorum’s “kids” include the 6 he and his beard have raised plus the dozens he adopted, i.e. he legally adopted all viable sperm of Lindsay Graham, Ann Coulter, Saxsby Chambliss, Mitch McConnell & Jeff Gannon.
Bachmann’s kids count if she ever received payment from the state of Minnesota for locking them in the basement and/or forcing them to sew ladies’ plus size fashions for sale in the greater Twin Cities area.

hobospacejunkie May 19, 2009 at 5:51 pm

[re=320531]peorgietirebiter[/re]: Antabuse, damn, that’s some serious shit. I thought I was all badass with buprenorphine but you gotta be a serious motherfuckin’ drinker to earn Antabuse. I salute you, peorgietirebiter, or whichever friend of yours needs the script.

Accordion-o-rama May 19, 2009 at 6:04 pm

[re=320478]EdFlinstone[/re]: Well, they’re the fastest growing segment of the RNC…

Tommmcatt May 19, 2009 at 6:36 pm

[re=320536]ZorinZorin[/re]:

Tee hee…

EdFlinstone May 19, 2009 at 7:02 pm

Personally I dont think this poll was fair because the republican base doesnt get phone service in their bunkers..

SaveTheBirds: May 19, 2009 at 7:08 pm

Maybe it’s not nice to take pleasure in the spectacular implosion of the GOP, but it fills me with glee!

People who say “i told you so” and “that’s what you get” and “I knew that was gonna happen” are generally assholes. So, I’ll cop to it up front:

I’m a self-satisfied, Liberal snob who’s FINALLY got some vindication…and I intend to milk it for all that it’s worth.

problemwithcaring May 19, 2009 at 7:22 pm

[re=320617]EdFlinstone[/re]: I don’t think it’s fair, because they obviously shouldn’t include the figures for non-whites, who we all know have secret muslin biases.

the problem child May 19, 2009 at 10:17 pm

[re=320638]problemwithcaring[/re]: If you cut a muslin on the bias, does it bleed?

Jukesgrrl May 20, 2009 at 1:09 am

I won’t believe this until Nate Silver tells me I can.

Sabre_Justice May 20, 2009 at 7:26 am

I came.

Crazyfortheblue May 20, 2009 at 8:59 am

Darn those iconvenient truths, which apparently Gallup also likes to ignore… from their own company: http://www.gallup.com/poll/15370/Party-Affiliation.aspx.

ya’ll continue to make me chuckle. I consider you my wacked out liberal friends. Ya’ll are like 9/11 truthers. You’re strange, idiotic, and clearly driven by facts from a different dimension or you’re all just oddly paranoid. I think it’s paranoid. But clearly facts and your opinions never seems to quick mesh. But keep trying. Ya’ll are at least amusing to read.

Unlearned Hand May 20, 2009 at 9:43 am

Clearly biased. Look at all the missing categories:

1) Talk radio hosts
2) Neo-Nazis
3) People receiving inpatient treatment for psychiatric conditions
4) Long-haul truckers
5) Serial killers
6) Zombies
7) People who’ve been up in Bristol Palin’s bizness

TGY May 20, 2009 at 9:49 am

The GOP is the ruling part of Jesusland, obvs.

engulfedinflames May 20, 2009 at 10:24 am

[re=320880]Crazyfortheblue[/re]: when these asshats came to power in 2000 and people i know and love were depressed about it i told them “give them enough rope they”ll hang themselves”, i meant it figuratively. i then watched as they figuratively hung themselves over and over and over again. now it looks as though there’s a chance they will literally hang. it appears from your comment that you support these criminals, you should be ashamed.

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