IT'S YOUR TURN WASHINGTON  5:49 pm May 18, 2009

Fighter Jets Will Attack D.C. Tonight & Tomorrow

by Ken Layne

Here’s some service-y journalism for you, so you can enjoy everybody else screaming and otherwise going nuts after midnight, when Air Force fighter jets begin a two-night assault on Washington’s fragile psyche. “A pair of F-16 fighter jets are scheduled to make periodic passes over downtown Washington at relatively low altitudes early tomorrow and again in the predawn hours Wednesday as part of a military exercise,” the Washington Post reports just late enough in the day for nobody to hear the news. Luckily nobody ever freaks out when huge scary low-flying roaring jets just pointlessly scare the shit out of everybody in the middle of the night. [Washington Post]

 
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{ 37 comments }

bitchincamaro May 18, 2009 at 5:54 pm

Fuck. This is serious shit if Layne neglected the hilarious alt-text.

Packherd May 18, 2009 at 5:56 pm

Who the hell’s downtown at that time of night?

Now if they were going to buzz Crystal City, THAT would be news!

rereridiculous May 18, 2009 at 5:59 pm

DON’T Y0U SEE PEOPLE!? This one’s an INSIDE job!

rambone May 18, 2009 at 6:02 pm

Which obamaton will be forced to resign/apologize for this one? I’m hoping for Biden.

Packherd May 18, 2009 at 6:05 pm

[re=319700]rambone[/re]: Noooo! Not Biden!!! We need to bring the phunk back into the White House.

Suds McKenzie May 18, 2009 at 6:22 pm

Rock the Casbah!

hobospacejunkie May 18, 2009 at 6:25 pm

Can the WaPo please report that Summers & Geithner are piloting each jet & therefore must be forced to resign? I fear this is the only way to keep US America from being completely given over to what’s left of the financial services industry.

slappypaddy May 18, 2009 at 6:28 pm

i thought they sent that fly-over moron back to new mexico

ManchuCandidate May 18, 2009 at 6:30 pm

The panic created by the low flying Vipers will be like the Spielberg movie 1941 made with Jim Belushi instead of John Belushi. More flab, less talent and not funny.

x111e7thst May 18, 2009 at 6:34 pm

[re=319709]hobospacejunkie[/re]: I’m growing extra hobo beans this summer. So that I’ll have something to eat in the fall as I warm my hands by a fire of broken furniture or orange crates under an LIE onramp. If you can get here I’ll share. Sullenly but don’t let that bother you, sullenly is how how I do most things.

DC Hates Me May 18, 2009 at 6:40 pm

The chemtrails are less visible at night.

hobospacejunkie May 18, 2009 at 6:46 pm

Meghan McCain’s gonna be on The Colbert Report tonight, at least according to TitanTV.

hobospacejunkie May 18, 2009 at 6:55 pm

[re=319717]x111e7thst[/re]: Your offer to share in our times of trouble brings tears to my eyes. You are a true US American. However, I will stay in Texas for the winter, supping on prickly pear cactus, which are abundant in the southwest. Their light, slightly tart flavor and crisp, mucilaginous texture promise to see me through. At least until the UN planes rain down tasty bags of rice & flour.

jasper f. krone May 18, 2009 at 7:09 pm

[re=319711]slappypaddy[/re]: yeah, so that he can “preside over” our “flagship” “university”.

Rush May 18, 2009 at 7:29 pm

Someone remember to hang the “Mission Accomplished” sign when they land. Its not my turn.

OrangeAlert May 18, 2009 at 7:40 pm

Can’t Netanyahu just use a damn limo like everyone else?

OrangeAlert May 18, 2009 at 7:42 pm

[re=319709]hobospacejunkie[/re]: Brilliant. They could even fit Emanuel in the copilot seat.

nutcracker May 18, 2009 at 7:50 pm

Hopefully there will be some drunk college kids at GW who will hurl themselves out of their dorm windows in fear as the jets buzz overhead. But seriously, can someone at the DOD explain what the real purpose is?

lawrenceofthedesert May 18, 2009 at 7:56 pm

[re=319714]ManchuCandidate[/re]: While “All About Jim” was not my fave t.v. show by a mile, don’t underestimate Jim Belushi’s talents. I started performing folk music at the Earl of Old Town right across the street from Second City the same week that John Belushi started in the SC cast; I was quickly a big fan of John’s. But two or three of my all-time favorite Second City skits were conceived by Jim, who joined the cast a few years later; they included one based on a night of carousing with John at the White Horse in NYC that made me hurt with laughter. He’s a funny, intelligent, talented man with a tough brother to follow.

Josh Fruhlinger May 18, 2009 at 7:58 pm

“The two Air Force jets, taking part in an exercise run by the North American Aerospace Defense Command, are slated to fly over the city at about 5,000 feet several times between midnight tonight and 6 a.m. tomorrow, and again during the same time frame starting at midnight Tuesday, said Air Force Lt. Col. Almarah Belk. She said two Cessna prop planes and a helicopter also were scheduled to take part in the exercise.”

Uh … that … that sounds odd. Is NORAD practicing in case we are attacked by terrorists in Cesnas?

Hedley Lamar May 18, 2009 at 8:03 pm

[re=319757]Josh Fruhlinger[/re]: Last time this happened, Alex Jones attacked the pentagon and
the jews attacked the WTC. I’m scared.

wheelie May 18, 2009 at 8:10 pm

Planes flying over DC = not a reassuring exercise.

Planes flying, which are then shot down, and pilots captured, and waterboarded, pilots confess to every crime since McKinley being shot = cool exercise.

Otherwise, don’t bother.

WhatTheHeck May 18, 2009 at 8:23 pm

How do we know that the aliens haven’t already taken over NORAD? And that this exercise isn’t meant to get people out of their houses to “see the planes” and then have them beamed up to the mother ship?

the problem child May 18, 2009 at 8:23 pm

What the hell… they were firing cannons in my city today in honour of Queen Victoria. More explosions later tonight, once it gets dark enough to be pretty. As long as the pilots aren’t drunk or stupid like GWB or McCain, you all have no worries.

problemwithcaring May 18, 2009 at 8:56 pm

If they fly ‘em window level at the Pentagon, then we KNOW he’s fucking with us….

nader paul kucinich gravel May 18, 2009 at 9:11 pm

Lots more sheep husbandry fear needed.

The Bush Rove Cheney Rummy 911 Plan:
The “evidence” must be kept secret to protect your “freedoms”

Big trouble in Fairy Tale Land…

Hunger Tallest Palin May 18, 2009 at 9:20 pm

Cool. Jets from Andrews or Bolling regularly rattle our windows. Time for someone else to have a turn. Of course those suckers will have to come in really low and loud to be heard over National’s traffic…

SayItWithWookies May 18, 2009 at 10:06 pm

They will also be bombing houses and taking prisoners. So nobody panic — it’s all part of the drill. But if Dick Cheney lands on an aircraft carrier and gives a speech, I will be halfway to Costa Rica before he finishes talking.

DoctorCulturae May 18, 2009 at 10:12 pm

[re=319810]SayItWithWookies[/re]: I’ll make enough gallo pinto for everyone.

bitchincamaro May 18, 2009 at 10:32 pm

[re=319717]x111e7thst[/re]: “…under an LIE on-ramp”. Ha! Real hobos be up under the Bruckner or Major Deagan on-ramps, you elitist tramp.

Noonan May 18, 2009 at 11:27 pm

[re=319718]DC Hates Me[/re]: The Alex Jones is strong with this one.

chascates May 18, 2009 at 11:45 pm

[re=319840]Noonan[/re]: Speaking of teh man hisself:
http://www.shortsshortsshorts.com/?p=3196

animalmagnetism May 18, 2009 at 11:55 pm

Freedomizing, people!

Ignore_this_comment May 19, 2009 at 12:50 am

Christ, why are people in New York and DC such pussies? Are you all terrified of planes now? You know what Londoners did the day after their subways and buses blew up on 7/7? They got on the bus and the tube and they went to work. Man up, America.

canadians for pussy May 19, 2009 at 1:22 am

And thanks to no liquids on airplanes we all have to drink are own urine on the plane.
Queen Victoria Rocks.. Also

Captain Swing May 19, 2009 at 7:54 am

While reports of a rogue pilot in a fighter jet buzzing the White House at dive-under-the-nearest-desk altitude continue to pour in, a Flight Controller at Andrews removes one headphone and turns to his commander. “Sir, I’m picking up some weird chatter from that plane…”

“Well, you’d better put it on the speaker, son.”

“…Yeah, this is John ‘Maverick’ McCain here MISTER O-bama. So, you and that other sissy Biden think those damned helicopters are tough- Let me show you some REAL air power!”

Meanwhile, on the TV in the Officers’ Rec Room, a concerned looking aged care nurse is talking to a CNN reporter.

“I swear, I only let him out of my sight for a couple of minutes…”

WIDTAP May 19, 2009 at 10:01 am

[re=319884]Captain Swing[/re]: Entirely plausible except that McCain would probably crash the jet on takeoff.

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