Last great American whale.Hmm, what are the Republicans acting outraged about today? The usual — Obama offended the Hunchback of Notre Dame, Biden said something about his basement, Nancy Pelosi is a California lady who has an important job, etc. There are probably Twitters on all these important subjects! But, as the Twitter fad seems to be fading faster than the new Tom Hanks movie about terrible airport paperbacks, the GOP’s hundred warring factions need a new way to scare off the rest of America. Hmm, what’s something that’s destined for failure even when the pros do it? Poetry!

Mike Huckabee, remember that dumb guy? We thought he gay-married Chuck Norris at the Alamo when it seceded back to Mexico, but we do not read World Net Daily enough to say for sure. One thing we do know is, like every has-been on Earth, Mike Huckabee has a personal website that’s all about Mike! For example, you could donate money to Mike, right on Mike’s website. Everybody likes to donate money, to Mike!

Also, jesus fucking christ, he has posted a “poem” about how he wants Nancy Pelosi to, uhm, resign, we guess from Congress? Why are southern white men angry at Nancy Pelosi, that woman, today? BECAUSE OH MY GOD THAT LIBERAL LADY says the CIA — which hides everything it does and was run by psychopaths for the past eight years under the direction of an actual hell monster who, to this day, is still braying in bug-eyed joy over his proud role in torturing people — didn’t tell her all the details of the illegal torture it was doing, to people.

Mike Huckabee is so upset about this that he wrote a terrible gay abortion of a poem or a limerick or fuck even knows what he was attempting, and you can read it, if you hate yourself. Here’s a sample:

If forced to believe whether the CIA and her colleagues in Congress are lying;
Or it’s Speaker Pelosi whose credibility and career is dying.
I believe in the integrity of the men and women who sacrifice to keep us safe;
Not the woman who has been caught flat-footed, lying to our face.

I say it here and I say it rather clear-
It’s time for Nancy Pelosi to resign and get out of here.

Palin-Huckabee 2012!

Fancy Nancy [Mike Huckabee]

UPDATE: More and more the timeline is raising the question of why, if the torture was to prevent terrorist attacks, it seemed to happen mainly during the period when the Bush crowd was looking for what was essentially political information to justify the invasion of Iraq.

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  • Judas Peckerwood

    Mike’s success as a poet is rivaled only by his success as a presidential candidate.

  • Tommmcatt

    Is there no kind of torture to which the GOP will not sink? Waterboarding is one thing, but that poem…my god…

  • Servo

    “Not by the jizz on yer chinny chin chin.”

  • Cape Clod

    Roses are Red,
    Violets are Blue,
    Shut the fuck up, Huckabee
    Go back to your fat family, too.

  • Mustang


  • norbizness

    What phrase would best rhyme/complement “dog killing obese sons” in order complete a couplet? “Scarfing down Cinnabons”? “Convinced me to run”?

  • Mustang

    Huckabee went to Jupiter to get more stupider. Pelosi went to college to get more knowledge.

  • The Legend of TeaBagger Vance

    that poem looks just like something my dog did in his graduate creative writing class. he took a dump right on the desk in front of the teacher and everybody. we still talk about it to this day.

  • sevenrepeat

    it sounds like something lady gaga would write for her next hit single!

  • penalcolony

    Since everyone is obligated to laugh at their “jokes,” members of the clergy soon develop a tenuous gasp of reality, but only in the most hopeless cases does this lead to poetry.

  • AzDownboy

    Don’t have to rhyme
    or follow
    a regular meter

  • SayItWithWookies

    Huckabee may play the bass, but his verse (I shan’t call it poetry) is 100% drummer-quality.

  • Chickensmack

    The Vogons clearly told us they were going to clear out planet for the new hyperspace bypass. This poem is only a prelude to the destruction.

    42. Also.

  • JMP

    Hm, it doesn’t quite show the talent or whit of Grunthos the Flatulent’s “Ode to a Small Lump of Green Putty I Found in My Armpit One Midsummer Morning”

  • The Legend of TeaBagger Vance

    mike huckabee is almost as good a poet as Jewel.

  • shortsshortsshorts

    Huckabee wrote the Divinci Code? Wow, he really is a loser.

  • Custerwolf

    There once was a guy named Mike Huckabee
    who absolutely sucked at writing poetry.

  • Tommmcatt


    “I eat Crisco by the ton”?
    “Ranch dressing on my wife is fun”?
    “My fourth breakfast has just begun”?

  • Crow T. Robot

    “More and more the timeline is raising the question of why, if the torture was to prevent terrorist attacks, it seemed to happen mainly during the period when the Bush crowd was looking for what was essentially political information to justify the invasion of Iraq.”

    I agree, an excellent and original analysis of the situation.

  • charlesdegoal

    How come he wasn’t invited to jam at the White House with the others?

  • Come here a minute

    If forced to believe, where believe means decide,
    whether Huck is a moron or just has no pride
    in writing a poem with rhythm and rhyme
    and logical sense all at the same time,
    I would have to believe that it is the latter.
    Making sense, to Huck’s followers, just doesn’t matter.

  • Custerwolf

    The ditty about Pelosi
    didn’t even come closey
    to being funny
    t’was just more dumbfuckery.

  • McDuff

    Mike, Mike, father of dog killer,
    now on Fox, he rants, he raves,
    who better to judge a thriller
    as Nancy weaves and waves.

  • germansteel

    “…lying to our face?”

    Speak/write English much, you cracker-preacher moran?

  • NoWireHangers

    If his 2012 run fails, Hucks can always do Barry’s Inaugural poem come January 2013.

  • earnestcivilservant

    As my 85 year old aunt actually said many times during his campaign, “Huckabee, fuck-a-bee.”

  • Turd Way

    Also, Pelosi ousted Allende in Chile on 9/11/73. So terrorist Pelosi did 9/11.

  • CivicHoliday

    [re=319220]The Legend of TeaBagger Vance[/re]: His hands are small I know but they’re not yours they are his own

  • NoWireHangers

    Huckabee writes poems
    He must hate America
    One tear falls, also

  • Advocatus_Diaboli

    There once was a dumbass from Little Rock
    Who tried to woo the nutwing voting bloc
    He said on the stump
    McCain is a chump
    But now he can’t wait to suck his cock

  • Gopherit

    So the dems have the house, the senate, the presidency, and will soon have a sympathetic SCOTUS……..and their adversaries are douchebags like Mike Steele, Huckabee, and Limbaugh……and they are STILL getting their asses handed to them in the press? Huckabee’s shitty poetry might have a point.

  • Texan Bulldoggette

    We haven’t heard from the queen of the GOP about this yet? When does Bible Spice get Nancy & Miss CA mixed up & churn out a release about the liberal media elite forcing Nancy to pose topless?

  • earnestcivilservant

    Haiku for who?

    Not a campaign for those of
    weak heart/faint stomach

  • Sussemilch

    Once upon a time Mike Huckabee was relevant
    But it’s 2009 and his credibility is absent
    Like the fat he once shed
    His career is now dead
    A lumpy, yellow mass of resentment

  • Tommmcatt



  • americanscandoanything


    aren’t these the same guys who said the CIA was run by bunch of liberals who were “at war” with George Bust and determined to undermine him?

    the tune has changed again

  • Servo

    The home-schooled certainly do try so hard. I guess he grew tired of buttering his corn all day.

  • proudgrampa

    There once was a loser named Huckabee,
    Who wrote a poem about Nancy Pelosi,
    It wasn’t cute,
    It was kinda stupid, to boot,
    No matter what, Mike’s still a wannabe.

    I swear, Wonkette just brings out the creative juices in me!!!

  • Crab1


    Oh hell noetry!


  • Gallowglass

    I have no talent for rhyme, so I wrote a haiku:

    Arkansas preacher,
    Fails at everything in life,
    Huckabee, fuck off

  • Tommmcatt


    I dunno. If I painted myself blue and ran naked around the National Mall screaming “Peeeennnisssss!!!!” I would get more press than Nancy Pelosi too. Which is to say, “More is not actually better.


  • The Legend of TeaBagger Vance

    a limerick for huckabee

    Little Rock once had a preacher
    who once was a jabba-like creature
    got his ass to shrink
    but he still couldn’t think
    and now he’s a second-rate media-whore failed presidential candidate with a porn-loving animal-abusing kid and a really bad website where he publishes bullshit poetry and makes us all hate his awww-shucks folksy fail douchebaggery

  • Kingbee

    Gov. Huckabee is truly desperate, in turning in protest to poetry. As Kurt Vonnegut said in a 2003 interview, regarding the protest of American artists against the Vietnam War: “This weapon proved to have the power of a banana-cream pie three feet in diameter when dropped from a stepladder five-feet high.”

    I think Huckabee’s sons, however, will know what to do with a three foot diameter banana-cream pie.

  • Chickensmack
  • TGY

    Vogon poetry? A cunning ploy.

  • Zadig

    [re=319219]JMP[/re]: But he’s no Paula Nancy Millstone Jennings. Thank Jeebus for that, at least.

  • Gopherit

    Huckabee spends time
    writing stupid lines of verse
    Rapture him Jesus.

  • Vewol Mevemont

    A white lotus blooms
    Huck seethes between hits of meth
    Abort this man, please

  • magic titty

    Hm. Sounds like something Maureen Dowd might want to plagiarize.

  • ServiceJervixJuice

    Go back to “hanging out” in your de-luxe 5 seat Arkansas shithouse and resume leafing through Hustler’s “Beaver Hunt” with your animal torturing sons, Huckster.

  • Gopherit

    [re=319262]TGY[/re]: Well, it’s no “Ode to a Small Piece of Green Putty I Found in My Armpit on a Warm Summer Afternoon,” but it’s pretty bad.

  • gjdodger

    [re=319240]Advocatus_Diaboli[/re]: Don’t blame us Poca Roca folks for Huck; he’s from Hope, just like what’s his name, the guy with the misshapen penis.

  • Red Zeppelin

    What is that, a villanelle?

  • Joshua Norton

    Roses are red.
    Violets are blue.
    Gee, Mr. Huckabee
    It sucks to be you.

  • Custerwolf

    Shit states are red
    Great ones are blue
    Two letters addressed to Huckabee:
    “F” and “U.”

  • phineas_bounderby

    I wonder if he’d be a better poet if he were “descended from primates”. I came to the conclusion after he made that observation that he must be a Marsupial, mainly because Marsupial Mike has a nice alliterative ring to it. Much better than Rodentia Mike.

  • SayItWithWookies

    It was Governor Huck’s best intention
    To declaim on Pelosi’s retention
    On her knowledge of torture,
    Yet his verses are more sure
    To defy the Geneva Conventions.

  • Boojum

    Proud fart sack, poet
    Huckabee’s waterboard screed
    Tortures my eyeballs

  • Godot

    First of all, what the fuck kind of fucked up meter is he using? Just look at that sample! 21/19/23/16, then 11/16? Trash! You’d think he just tried to make sure every two lines rhymed, except through no contortions of pronunciation will you ever be able to make “safe” rhyme with “face”.

    Stick to haiku, Mike.

  • snideinplainsight

    Look down his news list to “Why I Am Not Afraid of The Swine Flu” –

    “Security Secretary Janet Napolitano said we shouldn’t call it that because it hurts the feeling of the pigs — just like we’re not supposed to use the word “terror” anymore, because it hurts the feelings of the jihadists” — err, what?

    And I’m paraphrasing now, because the logic of it just overwhelms my puny cerebral cortex;

    “I fly on planes about five days a week. I shake lots of hands, lots of hands. I meet lots of people, lots of people. I do wash my hands and use sanitizer frequently, but I’m not in a panic and I’ll tell you why: because of abortion, that’s why.”

  • Gopherit

    [re=319284]Joshua Norton[/re]:
    Roses are red.
    Violets are blue.
    Gee, Mr. Huckabee
    Eat a bag of shit.


  • snideinplainsight

    “Why I Prefer Pistachio to Cookies-n-Cream : because of abortion, that’s why.”

    Ladies and Gentlemen, the Chewbacca Abortion Defense.

  • Naked Bunny with a Whip

    you can read it, if you hate yourself.

    You know your readership so well, Ken.

  • ignu

    That update is disconcerting. I can envision a poetry battle with our side being ironic and their side not and I’m not sure if that would be hilarious or tragic.

  • bobwurst

    There once was a doofus name huckabee
    who wore diapers for when he had-ta-pee
    his president killed frogs
    and his own son killed dogs
    but his own presidency, just wasn’t to be.
    and he sucked, also.

  • IceCreamEmpress

    There once was a joker named Huckabee
    Whose dick was too teeny to fuck a bee
    He wasted our time
    With his imbecile rhyme
    When he should have been trying to suck a tree.

  • 19kevin8

    [re=319259]The Legend of TeaBagger Vance[/re]: that last line(+) is fucking inspiring. you hear me? in-spir-ing!

  • aliphile

    Mike Huckabee: He’s an expert in MIRACLES, not MATH. (or rhyming)

  • Custerwolf

    [re=319318]IceCreamEmpress[/re]: That one’s going on my Christmas cards.

  • Custerwolf

    I just think that more and more the timeline is raising the question of why, if the torture was to prevent terrorist attacks, it seemed to happen mainly during the period when the Bush crowd was looking for what was essentially political information to justify the invasion of Iraq.

  • OrangeAlert

    I think that I shall never see
    A poem as lovely as enhanced interrogation
    Waterboarding is as American as the Declaration
    Now if you’ll excuse me I have to get hysterical about socialization
    Cuz if you all aren’t shitting yourselves with terror
    All the shows on Fox face cancellation

    I wonder which stanza Maureen Dowd will steal…

  • bugland

    he should have just recycled the lyrics to Black Magic Woman.

  • dijetlo

    ‘Twas brillig, in the caucus lair
    They did gyre and gimble in the air;
    All mimsy were the RNC,
    as they spied Nancy on TeeVee.

    “Beware the Pelosi-wock, my son
    The jaws that bite, the claw that rips!
    Beware the Hopey bird, and shun
    all the poor fucks who work for tips

    They sought their vorpal sword from hock
    Long in dark strategies did they plan
    So rested they by a giant cock
    Save Sen Craig who went to the can.

    And, as in uffish plot they stood,
    The Nancey-wock, with eyes of flame,
    Came whiffling through the tulgey wood,
    And burbled as she came!

    “Screw you, screw you, you limpdicked Pub
    The CIA DID lie for shrub
    My insane cohort wrote it down
    So suck my Guccis, bonehead clown!”

    Nothing could the Pubbers say
    Come to our arms, our beamish Speaker!
    O frabjous! Callooh! Callay!”
    Only Huckabees poetry’s weaker.

  • Come here a minute

    More and more
    the timeline is raising

    the question of why, if
    the torture was to prevent

    terrorist attacks,

    it seemed to happen

    during the period
    when the Bush crowd
    was looking for what
    was essentially political
    information to justify


  • DeathOfIrony

    Well, someone beat me to the whole Vogon poetry thing, so I thought I’d write a Haiku, anyhow, I went to the Haiku generator to get a start, and it randomly created this…

    eels detonate, pikes
    moping, neatly, dismal duck
    preying, darkly, flat

    And I decided that it was entirely apropos, along the lines of monkeys and typewriters, I think this neatly captures the whole thing. I was just disappointed that it said nothing about a sack of dicks.

  • howsad

    I can see that some of you realized that you can rhyme “huck” with fuck. Not particularly original or funny btw. Also, what the hell does Mike Huckabee have to do with any of this? Doesn’t he have a talk show? I’m sorry guys, but like it or not the only one looking foolish in all this is Nancy Pelosi. You can pick on Mike Huckabee all you want, but you’re the only ones who care about him or his poem. Also, what do you mean the angry Republicans? Granted, they are having a field day now….but they aren’t the one’s who were stirring up all this waterboarding drama in the first place. You would have to be mentaly retarded to think that she didn’t know or participate, she was on the freaking oversight committee!! It was in part her job to decide if the EIT’s were legit, and she’s the only member to deny knowing or make such accusations. Don’t you guys think her silence since that last press release is a bit telling? This is obvious to pretty much every other American………and you guys are making a big deal out of Huck’s poem? You’re going to have to make fun of a lot more “angry Republicans” to defend Pelosi in the next few weeks. But hey, if it makes you feel better????

  • bitchincamaro

    [re=319244]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: “…Nancy to pose topless?” If only! She may be “flat-footed” but it doesn’t extend to her chest from what I can see.

  • Anonymous Office Zombie

    There once was a preacher named Mike
    A gal named Pelosi he no like
    A liar he called she
    In tortured po-e-try
    Please just spare us and call her a dyke

  • imissopus

    Mike Huckabee should be our new National Poet Laureate. Fuck Robert Pinsky. Or Kay Ryan. Or whoever.

  • the problem child

    Huckabee’s rhymes are so trite
    They’ll only inflame the far right,
    But among all the jeers,
    Of the proud Wonketteers,
    Poems lurk, and their words will take flight!

  • imissopus

    [re=319347]howsad[/re]: TROLL!!! Time to warm up the pimp-slappin’ hand!

  • JMP

    [re=319261]Chickensmack[/re]: A few others, now. There’s more than a few geeks around Wonkette, it would seem.

  • DeathOfIrony


    Sigh….I think it’s more about making merry over some really bad poetry. Bad poetry knows no boundaries or political strip…it makes us one…

    On the other hand, getting in a lather of sad Nancy Pelosi while ignoring the underlying issue of torture makes no sense, the way that getting worked up about PICTURES of torture while remaining silent on what the pictures represent makes no sense…

    So let’s enjoy the bad poetry together, and have a freaking sense of humor….!

  • Gallowglass

    [re=319347]howsad[/re]: Be honest, no matter what the situation or what company he keeps, Mike Huckabee always looks foolish.

  • norbizness

    “Mentaly retarded” = irony so compact, a mini-black hole formed.

  • Gopherit

    [re=319347]howsad[/re]: Why is it I always end up saying the same thing to trolls here? tl;dr Be pithy, be snarky, and be concise, or GTFO. Please.

  • SayItWithWookies

    [re=319347]howsad[/re]: Um — if it’s not torture, then it’s not a crime. If it is torture, then a lot more people besides Pelosi are a lot more liable. Yoo, Bybee, Gonzales, Bradbury, Addison, Rumsfeld, Ashcroft, Cheney and Bush are their names. Wanna keep playing?

  • howsad

    From what I understand, we are seeing a bi-partisan effort by comedians to make fun of Nancy Pelosi for being such a lying cow. The talk show hosts and comedians are “reaching across the isle” for the common goal of demonstrating Nancy’s full of shitness.

  • Gallowglass

    [re=319383]howsad[/re]: Yes, but I think the point SayItWithWookies was making was that Pelosi is one of the smallest stars in the constellation of torture shitiness.

  • Custerwolf

    [re=319347]howsad[/re]: There is no rhyme or reason to your comment. howsad.

  • MrsNateSilver

    Anyone notice this little pun of Ed Ken (did he even notice??) “for failure even when the pros do it? Poetry!” Get it? PROSE and POETRY?
    Also, dijetlo wins with Jabberwocky spoof. I’m coming back with a Terza Rima in a mo-mo, tho.

  • Come here a minute


  • RoscoePColtraine

    Hey you libtards are reading it all wrong. Put the shit up next to some beats and you got republicon rap. Mike Huckabee is in da house yo.

  • Crazybroad

    [re=319218]Chickensmack[/re]: Niiiiiice.

  • Custerwolf

    Also, what do you mean the angry Republicans? Granted, they are having a field day now….but they aren’t the one’s who were stirring up all this waterboarding drama in the first place. You would have to be mentaly retarded to think that she didn’t know or participate, she was on the freaking oversight committee!!

    – Maureen Dowd

  • TimesUp

    The meter is so wildly-off in this verse I kept stumbling over my tongue, the tone is amateurish, and the content, imbecilic. I give it a -10.0.

  • russellmuscle1

    Sayitwithwookies, you can play with yourself. If you’re not a slobering fan of Nancy Pelosi, than you should have no problem with my comment. There’s no need to rebute arguments that haven’t been made, such as who else is to blame in the toture debate.

  • russellmuscle1

    Sorry, that was me……(howsad).

  • Custerwolf

    [re=319425]russellmuscle1[/re]: Welcome. You are one of our more high-functioning autistics.

  • 19kevin8

    [re=319425]russellmuscle1[/re]: Moo? Did you say moo? Moo, i say. MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!

  • snideinplainsight

    [re=319412]Custerwolf[/re]: Dowd, FTW!

  • 19kevin8

    [re=319424]russellmuscle1[/re]: Can I play with myself too? And just who IS to blame in the torture debate, since you seem to know everything… hmm?

  • Tra


    Well, hello, Looney Tune. Thanks for visiting!

    What you don’t seem to realize is that we don’t care if Nancy Pelosi was involved, because we want investigations no matter what. If Nancy Pelosi was involved, by God, we want to know.

    This is because we are sane, rational people who don’t want our government torturing people no matter which party is in charge — even if *gasp* it’s ours!

    I know you will find this hard to understand, belonging to a party that believes in undying fealty to whichever idiot you happen to have in office at the time, as long as he/she is on your side, even if that person is drowning, beating, starving and freezing people, and locking them in tiny boxes.

    In conclusion, please pull your head out of your ass. Please come again!

  • Custerwolf


  • russellmuscle1


  • snideinplainsight

    Sorry, that was me (snideinplainsight).

  • russellmuscle1

    “I know you will find this hard to understand, belonging to a party that believes in undying fealty to whichever idiot you happen to have in office at the time, as long as he/she is on your side, even if that person is drowning, beating, starving and freezing people, and locking them in tiny boxes.”

    Wow, talk about the pot calling the kettle black. Do you always assume this much about people you don’t know?

  • BobTheBuilder

    huckabee shilled for a party so down
    (that limbaugh’s bloated head wore its crown)
    spring summer autumn winter
    he played bad bass, his sons diddled dick.
    Its women and men (both little and small)
    cared for anyone not at all
    they palined their isn’t, they steeled their sane
    sun moon stars rain

    republicans guessed (but only a few
    and down they forgot as democrats grew
    autumn winter spring summer)
    that noone loved them more by more

    when by now and ballot by vote
    huckabee sang as limbaugh screeched
    torture by water and global by warm
    nobody’s votes are belong to us

    someones left for anyone else
    like arlen specter who fed got up
    (sleep wake hope and then)
    they left huckabee and secessionist rick
    stars rain sun moon

    (and only fox news even tries to explain
    how the public is apt to forget to remember
    with up such bullshit republicans down)
    one day the GOP died I guess
    (and no one stooped to kiss its corpse)
    pundits buried it side by side
    with whigs, KKK and know-nothings

    all by all and stunt by stunt
    and more by more like coulter’s dry cunt
    noone republican won in november vote for obama screw boehner and dick
    Women and men (craig dong larry ding)
    summer autumn winter spring
    they lost more elections and went their came
    sun moon stars rain

  • Custerwolf

    [re=319439]russellmuscle1[/re]: I know I shouldn’t, but – try hitting that “reply” button.

  • queeraselvis v 2.0

    There once was a troll named howsad
    who failed at Wonkette really bad.
    He engaged with the Wooks,
    which gave Ken Layne the spooks.
    And howsad was thus banned, and we’re glad.

    Ode. Ode. Ode. Also.

  • Beau Radley

    [re=319405]RoscoePColtraine[/re]: Exactly! …if there’s a problem, Huckabee solves it. Now check out the hook while the DJ revolves it.

  • SayItWithWookies

    [re=319424]russellmuscle1[/re]: That’s right — we could go on and on about who actually tortured people, who actually lied to cover it up, and who actually wrote flimsly legal justifications for doing it. But that would detract from the real game — going after Nancy Pelosi for who-the-fuck-cares-what.
    So go ahead and play small ball. The actual shit is going to hit the Republicans and hit them hard. The more they’re distracted by this petty bullshit while they get indicted, the happier I’ll be.

  • russellmuscle1

    And I must say, if you don’t care if Nancy was involved……………then why are you so offended at Mike H.’s poem, or my comment? I think that maybe I’m not the one that needs to pull my head out of my ass. It seems much more obvious that you are in fact disturbed at the idea of someone mocking Nancy Pelosi.

  • russellmuscle1

    [re=319446]Custerwolf[/re]: Thank you!

  • Tra

    [re=319443]russellmuscle1[/re]: Only when they show up to defend torture, my friend. Then I think I can make a few safe assumptions pretty quickly, none of them particularly kind.

    Oh, and just so you know, you’re going to get eviscerated on here.

    But your type tends to like that kind of thing.

    When it’s happening to other people, anyway.

  • russellmuscle1

    [re=319449]Beau Radley[/re]: Hahahaha!!!

  • 19kevin8

    [re=319439]russellmuscle1[/re]: [re=319456]russellmuscle1[/re]: we are offended by huckabee’s atrocious poem because it’s, well, atrocious!

  • russellmuscle1

    [re=319459]Tra[/re]: Oh, please show me at which point I defended torture?

  • Tra

    [re=319456]russellmuscle1[/re]: Huckabee’s poem is awesome, setting a standard for verse that mere mortals like ourselves can only dream of reaching. Why are you so offended by literary criticism?

  • russellmuscle1

    [re=319461]19kevin8[/re]: true, true…..and cheesey

  • Tra

    [re=319462]russellmuscle1[/re]: I await your resounding repudiation of torture. By all means, prove me wrong and restore a little of my much-abused faith in humanity.

  • 19kevin8

    I love you, man.

  • RoscoePColtraine

    [re=319456]russellmuscle1[/re]: I think we’re offended by the sheer retard quality of the poem. He could have written about Saint Nick and would have been just as shitty. Nancy Pelosi is no sacred cow here. Stick around long enough and you’ll see we get around to laughing at everybody.

  • SayItWithWookies

    [re=319424]russellmuscle1[/re]: Wah, wah, wah. Huckabee’s poetry sucks, and the case against Pelosi is flimsier than Charlie Crist’s heterosexual marriage. What’s funny is that the Republicans — beagles all — think they’ve treed a fox because one of ’em stopped to pee.

  • russellmuscle1

    [re=319470]Tra[/re]: So you want me to prove myself to you? Damn, you suffer from a exaggerated sense of self importance.

    You jump onto me, a complete stranger, presenting opposition to points that I haven’t even made. Then you make all kinds of assumptions about who I am and what I believe, even what my political affiliation is…………as if that were any of your business or something you could even begin to know about me. You pretty much tell how I’m going to eviscerated on the comment section (like I give a damn), demonstrating the lack of tolerance for people here on this site ( I hope that’s not true).

    Then, you want me to prove myself to you? Hhhhhmmmmmm……

  • russellmuscle1

    [re=319466]Tra[/re]: Oh yes, that’s exactly it. You guys are so upset over the quality of Mike Huckabee’s writing!! DAMN HIM!!!

  • russellmuscle1

    [re=319479]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Sorry, but she’s screwed. She’s lost all credibility with the public.

  • russellmuscle1

    [re=319474]RoscoePColtraine[/re]: I don’t think it was supposed to be great literature, but ok. I’m all for making fun as long as it’s “equal opportunity”.

  • Custerwolf

    [re=319495]russellmuscle1[/re]: I’m just hoping they find out who he plagerized it from.

  • SayItWithWookies

    [re=319501]russellmuscle1[/re]: Uh, the 21% of the public with whom she’s “lost all credibility” are the same bunch who have apoplexy when Sean Assity mentions her name. In other words, they weren’t exactly her demographic to begin with. And Republicans hammering home this same evidence-free point over and over again isn’t going to make it any truer.

  • Tra


    It’s cute how you think you’re an enigma, when you’re spouting Republican talking points. What’s really adorable, though, is that those talking points come down to “But, but, everyone does it!” Which does not hold a ton of water when the topic is, say, beating people to death.

  • Lascauxcaveman

    Whose rhymes these are, I think I know/
    They must be Huck’s, they suck just so/
    But Howsad, does he suck or blow?

  • russellmuscle1

    Hey guys…….can I ask you something? This is one of the great mysteries of life I think.

    You use water to clean things, right?

    Then why is it that dogs stink when they get wet?

    Ok, I have to get back to work. Nice talking with you fine folks. Maybe I’ll come back laters.

  • the lady MS.Sheila Dixon

    [re=319495]russellmuscle1[/re]: how ’bout this little ditty:

    “When this issue started to resurface I called the appropriate people in the agency and said I would like to know the dates from your records that briefings were held,” Graham recalled. “And they contacted me and gave me four dates — two in April ’02 and two in September ’02. Now, one of the things I do, and for which I have taken some flack, is keep a spiral notebook of what I do throughout the day. And so I went through my records and through a combination of my daily schedule, which I keep, and my notebooks, I confirmed and the CIA agreed that my notes were accurate; that three of those four dates there had been no briefing. There was only one day that I had been briefed, which was September the 27th of 2002.”

  • russellmuscle1

    [re=319514]SayItWithWookies[/re]: 21% huh? You’ve been researching this?

  • 19kevin8

    [re=319495]russellmuscle1[/re]: Get a grip dude. People here are LAUGHING about the poem, not fuming with righteous indignation.

  • Tra

    [re=319495]russellmuscle1[/re]: Oh yes, that’s exactly it. You guys are so upset over the quality of Mike Huckabee’s writing!! DAMN HIM!!!

    *Marks off “blind to irony” on Republican traits checklist.*

  • RoscoePColtraine

    [re=319495]russellmuscle1[/re]: No, no not upset. It makes us laugh. Just as when any hillbilly preacher presidential candidate tries his/her hand at creativity. It’s funny because we know that the “folks back home” eat it up. Like a big bubbly casserole.

    A favorite example that I often point to is John Ashcroft, composer. Enjoy!

  • russellmuscle1

    [re=319522]19kevin8[/re]: I didn’t realize that I was upset.

  • 19kevin8

    [re=319518]russellmuscle1[/re]: A dog’s stink when it’s wet is a matter of opinion. I happen to like the smell of wet dog.
    Now, maybe you bathe YOUR dog in a septic tank, and maybe you get naked and down there with it, that’s your business. But talking shit on all dogs just because you have an opinion is… wait, where am I going with this? oh fuck it, you probably left anyways…

  • Mr Blifil


    howsad came by in defense of Huck
    no matter the fact Huck’s a mendacious fuck

    sniffed poetry critic howsad
    that the poem made Pelosi look bad

    to our scat jokes and jeering
    howsad answers “tut tut.”

    now we’re pointing and laughing
    at this fucking wingnut.

  • 19kevin8

    [re=319529]russellmuscle1[/re]: I didn’t say you were upset. I said “get a grip”. You sound a little wingnutty.

  • Tra

    A Zen Poem for Our New Friend

    Barn’s burnt down
    Lots of people had matches
    Doesn’t that make it OK?

    — Masahide

  • Tra

    [re=319470]Tra[/re]: Poor, poor Faith in Humanity. Someday, we will be reunited. But not, unsurprisingly, today.

  • Custerwolf

    [re=319518]russellmuscle1[/re]: Short answer: hydrogen ions.

  • russellmuscle1

    [re=319539]19kevin8[/re]: No I’m back. I’m afraid I couldn’t resist your charm. Doesn’t “get a grip” usualy imply that one is upset and needs to calm down?

    Sorry to keep answering questions with questions………….but seriously, you guys are assholes! I mean………..good job!! You guys should get like the most “difficult to have a reasonable conversation with” blog……….or one of them.

    Seriously, on one hand you’re mad as hell at me writing stupid poems and such………when I’m simply saying that Nancy P. is screwed. When I point out that you’re obviously upset with me…….you say…………”hey, we’re just joking!!”

    You people need to calm down, for real.

  • Tra

    [re=319448]queeraselvis v 2.0[/re]:

    “Ode. Ode. Ode. Also.”

    I just wanted you to know that made me laugh in the middle of my tomblike-silent office. You bastard.

  • russellmuscle1

    Hahaha!! And that one dude is breaking out statistics and shit!! Nooooo……….you guys aren’t one sided. Not at all.

  • SayItWithWookies

    [re=319521]russellmuscle1[/re]: No, I just made that shit up. So it’s proof that Hannity’s screwed.

  • Tra


    Seriously, on one hand you’re mad as hell at me writing stupid poems and such………when I’m simply saying that Nancy P. is screwed. When I point out that you’re obviously upset with me…….you say…………”hey, we’re just joking!!”


    Shouldn’t you be getting ready for your talk show?

  • GreatOldOnesParty

    [re=319495]russellmuscle1[/re]: You don’t seem to understand. We aren’t upset. We aren’t losing any sleep. We’re snickering at the dumb kid who read his godawful poem in front of the class who had no idea how bad he sucked. He posted that clusterfuck of words and bandwidth, much to our benefit. Thanks to teh Huckster, our afternoon was just that much more funny and enjoyable.
    Everyone loves laughing at the paste-eating loser who smells like pee!

    And while I’m still lucid, I fully support torture/enhanced interrogation techniques if it keeps us safe. If, by engaging in torture, it does not keep us safe, I am against it. But, since I’m also morally bankrupt, ethically questionable and, most likely, insane, I think we should jail everyone responsible just to be sure and satisfy a bloodthirsty public. I think that’s a good compromise. For fuck’s sake, Rove and Cheney alone should be getting teh unwelcome buttseks hourly for what they did to the CIA.
    FUKKIT, also.

  • russellmuscle1

    [re=319554]Custerwolf[/re]: Hydrogen Ions? So hydrogen with negatively charged neutrons? I graduated a while back so I don’t remember much about that stuff. It was a really nasty day yesterday, and I had to walk my dog as usual. The wetter she got the more she stunk……..and it just got me thinking about it.

    Oh, and if you like the smell of wet dog………you have something wrong with you. That or you’ve never had a dog.

  • Custerwolf

    [re=319557]russellmuscle1[/re]: “Doesn’t “get a grip” usualy imply that one is upset and needs to calm down?”
    I thought it had to do with masturbation.

  • wevotedforyou

    I keep reading how the right believes that Dem’s will back down from a Truth Commission or other independent investigation as some believing that non-repubs will be caught up in the net. I say, as so ignorantly said previously “Bring it on”. If democrats (or independents for that matter) or any other governmental body knew of, approved or in any way were co-conspirators in this illegal activity, they too should be brought to accountability. I think it’s a ridiculous presumption one would ignore the misdeeds of the past years in order to preserve a few people for partisan reasons. It really is time to remind the politicians that wevotedforyou!!!

  • russellmuscle1

    [re=319564]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Actualy, Hannity has a show during prime time. Personaly, I don’t get it………..but apparently a lot of people like his show for him to get that time. There are a lot of really extreme people these days, like Hannity (and you guys apparently). Anyway, screwed………no. If this thing with Mrs. P. doesn’t work out, he’ll just ignore it and move on like it didn’t happen.

  • GreatOldOnesParty

    [re=319557]russellmuscle1[/re]: “but seriously, you guys are assholes! I mean………..good job!! You guys should get like the most ‘difficult to have a reasonable conversation with’ blog……….or one of them.”
    By far the best compliment I think we’ve ever recieved.

  • Custerwolf

    [re=319570]russellmuscle1[/re]: I gotta check my source, Bill Nye the science guy. Interesting question really.

  • RoscoePColtraine

    How self-described “liberals” could let Madam Speaker fall (if found to be complicit with law-breaking) has our friend Russell befuddled.

    Isn’t party above everything???

  • Custerwolf

    [re=319574]wevotedforyou[/re]: goddamned right.

  • Tra

    [re=319569]GreatOldOnesParty[/re]: If we’re made any more safe, why, we’ll have to devote a full-time staff to destroying the evidence of what we did so people won’t try to kill us over it.

  • russellmuscle1

    That’s kind of screwed up. I don’t know……….I definantly don’t think we should torture. However, I think Nancy and the rest thought they were doing the right thing at the time. I don’t think they should be prosecuted….but we probably should refrain from anymore waterboarding in the future. 83 times! They waterboarded the hell out of that one guy!
    Like……..breakfast lunch and dinner for a month!

  • russellmuscle1

    [re=319586]GreatOldOnesParty[/re]: It is an acheivement. I’ve met some assholes too………I’m an asshole!! I really piss people off and I’m impressed.

  • bitchincamaro

    [re=319569]GreatOldOnesParty[/re]: Diagramming the joke for the wingnuttery always kills the punchline.

  • russellmuscle1

    [re=319591]RoscoePColtraine[/re]: Let her fall? Nooo……that’s not what I got out of this at all. I don’t see anyone here cool with the idea of her falling………not thus far.

  • SayItWithWookies

    [re=319579]russellmuscle1[/re]: Gee, thanks for clearing that up.

  • 19kevin8

    [re=319557]russellmuscle1[/re]: “difficult to have a reasonable conversation with”
    raise your hand if you came here to have a reasonable conversation… anyone? anyone?
    seriously, dude, this site is just a bunch of class clowns making snarky comments. if you want insight and serious conversation, go to yglesias’ blog. also.

  • GreatOldOnesParty

    [re=319579]russellmuscle1[/re]: Ratings can be misleading. I watch Hannity and I think he is the biggest retard in the entire world. I can actually stand O’Reilly and Limbaugh, and I get my LULZ from Glenn Beck. But Seanny Boy is simply too dumb to live. He’s not funny, he’s not original, he’s completely uninspiring and he doesn’t have teh hots for teh TeeVeez. Limbaugh can at least look like a shady Russky Mobster in a dark leather jacket and smoking a cigar while giving us a “I’m a badass in my own mind” look. Sean couldn’t look cool in any situation no matter how hard he tried. Plus, he says nothing new. He says nothing that Rush, O’Reilly or Beck hasn’t already.

  • Gopherit

    [re=319507]russellmuscle1[/re]: Oh, russell. Equal opportunity? Please read the site before you troll. I am sad for you.

  • 19kevin8

    [re=319597]russellmuscle1[/re]: i like my waterboarding with a side of bacon. also.

  • GreatOldOnesParty

    [re=319597]russellmuscle1[/re]: Yeah, I know it’s fucked up. But that’s just how I roll. Even I’m thankful I’m not allowed to make decisions regarding policy. That’s why I can have these opinions and not care about it affecting any public discourse.


    [re=319604]bitchincamaro[/re]: It died a long time ago. Consider the diagramming as a kind of euology.

  • GreatOldOnesParty

    [re=319594]Tra[/re]: Which, in turn, means: MOAR JOBZ 4 ALL!!!!!111

  • RoscoePColtraine

    [re=319573]Custerwolf[/re]: Brings up a sad memory of a guy I dated. Tiny dick. Extremely. Grip? He had to hold his like a cigarette.

  • jagorev

    Let me be the first to suggest that More and more the timeline is raising the question of why, if the torture was to prevent terrorist attacks, it seemed to happen mainly during the period when the Bush crowd was looking for what was essentially political information to justify the invasion of Iraq.

  • Custerwolf

    This has absolutely nothing to do with poetry, it’s about wood.

  • Anonymous Office Zombie

    How sad ’tis to see
    a troll such as thee
    Huckabee to defend
    “These attacks, they must end!”
    you fail to understand
    let me give you a hand.

    In D.C. lies rate as petty crime
    politicians tell them all the time
    Pelosi surely is no saint
    yet fans of her we surely ain’t
    it just takes a special breed of fool
    to make our jaded palettes drool.

    Huck is a clown
    his dumb thoughts he wrote down
    in versified form
    ’twas hardly the norm
    our great delight
    was motivated by spite
    that’s all there is to it
    the dumb ass, he blew it
    now stop being a lout
    and get the fuck out.

  • Tra


    All right, but how do you keep people from torturing in the future if you don’t prosecute it now? We have laws against stealing — how well would those work if everyone turned their backs whenever people walked out of a store with whatever they felt like taking?

    When you give people that power, they use it. And I’ve got no doubt this is eventually going to come back to bite us if we don’t stop it now. A country that allows its leaders to get away with torture is not a safe country to live in.

  • Gopherit

    [re=319570]russellmuscle1[/re]: Jeez I hate talking science here. It makes me feel all oookie. You can have positive ions, too, hence an electron being knocked off an atom, and the atom being ionized. You’re welcome. Now give your degree back to your alma mater, because you suck as much at physics as you do politics.

  • Dean Booth

    Mike Huckabee
    Calendar Age: 59
    RealAge: 5

  • 19kevin8

    [re=319620]jagorev[/re]: um. uh. ah…. ? you aren’t the first to suggest that. and if you are, i invented the printing press.

  • Gopherit

    [re=319456]russellmuscle1[/re]: Sigh……here:[re=319242]Gopherit[/re]

    Now, seriously, would you kindly fuck off?

  • Gopherit

    [re=319605]russellmuscle1[/re]: sigh again:[re=319242]Gopherit[/re]

  • Custerwolf

    [re=319627]Gopherit[/re]: You can talk science with me anytime. I find it quite sexy.

  • Gopherit

    [re=319597]russellmuscle1[/re]: “Nancy and the rest”. Nice deflection. If only Nancy were the only one to blame, huh? Fuck them all.

  • Tra

    [re=319620]jagorev[/re]: Yeah. Torture is really about confessions!? Who woulda guessed?

    I mean, it worked so well with the Jews who drank those Christian babies blood … and the witches … and those American pilots spreading imaginary germ agents on Korea … and that Cambodian schoolteacher who confessed to being a prince … and any of our prisoners of war from Vietnam … and …

  • Custerwolf

    [re=319570]russellmuscle1[/re]: So the most pressing question left for me is – what kind of a dog do you have?

  • GreatOldOnesParty

    [re=319626]Tra[/re]: “Sir, you’ve gone mad with power.”
    “Of course I have! Ever gone mad without power? It’s boring.”

  • Custerwolf

    [re=319640]Tra[/re]: Jesus christ, see what happens when you copy off the guy who copied off the guy Dowd copied off of?

  • JadedDIssonance

    [re=319445]BobTheBuilder[/re]: Fucking brilliant.

    [re=319624]Anonymous Office Zombie[/re]: and awesome.

  • BobTheBuilder

    My russelmuscle is starting to pucker from all this serious shit…

  • Gopherit

    [re=319652]BobTheBuilder[/re]: Nice. That’s the wonketteer spirit missing from this discussion.

  • Tra

    [re=319644]Custerwolf[/re]: Ya lost me, dude. Say what?

  • Custerwolf

    [re=319656]Tra[/re]: Sorry, I meant to reply to jagorev.

  • zhubajie

    I hope he runs again. I look forward to calling him Fuckabee for x number of months.

    Zhu Bajie

  • Advocatus_Diaboli

    [re=319347]howsad[/re]: … but they aren’t the one’s who were stirring up all this waterboarding drama in the first place.

    So this is just “drama”? Nancy Pelosi can get her own bag of dicks to eat, as far as I’m concerned. But this is more than “drama”. This is a breach of the Constitution; a major breakdown in human rights, and you think it’s just a drama about who knew what when? Please.

  • Advocatus_Diaboli

    [voice I use talking to puppies]: Where’s the little russllmuscle? Where is he? Where is he? Did the big bad commenters scare him away?

  • the problem child

    BobtheBuilder: Best e.e.cummings poem/ parody ever!

    I’ll just chime in with WCW…

    So much depends

    a red jugger

    glazed with rain

    beside the white

  • DustBowlBlues

    [re=319557]russellmuscle1[/re]: By work, you mean mowing your mom’s lawn. Seriously, shouldn’t you be polishing your scathing review of the new Star Trek movie?

  • Custerwolf

    [re=319790]the problem child[/re]: except it’s not e.e. cummings, it’s William Carlos Williams.

  • Custerwolf

    [re=319790]the problem child[/re]: Sorry, didn’t see the WCW. Maybe I should read more carefully.

  • DustBowlBlues

    I just don’t get trolls. I read conservative blogs once in a while, but I don’t bother actually posting to those idiot sites.

    Trolls, at least the conservative ones, are the kind of people who think clever repartee is to repeat what you say. You know,

    Don’t do that anymore.
    “Don’t do that anymore.”

    No, I mean it, stop.
    “No, I mean it, stop.”

    No, really, stop.
    “‘No reall–aaah you broke my nose!”

    And not to go all troll on your asses but damn, I haven’t read all this thread because I’ve had my quota of poetry, good or bad. Besides, I was sorting the good jelly beans again (and leaving the bad ones for my four year old granddaughter because she doesn’t know they taste like shit) and made myself sick. Eating jelly beans. I’m as mature as that troll, whatever his weird screen name was.


  • S.Luggo

    [re=319220]The Legend of TeaBagger Vance[/re]: An insult to what’s-her-face.

  • S.Luggo

    [re=319339]dijetlo[/re]: Point

    Had we world enough and time,
    This Huckabee were no crime,
    If one were to ignore
    Certain parts of Arkansan law
    Concerning non-consensual animal husbandry

  • S.Luggo

    [re=319839]S.Luggo[/re]: I meant Huckabee.

  • S.Luggo

    “I say it here
    And I say it rather clear-
    It’s time for Nancy Pelosi
    to resign
    and get out of here.

    I seek her here,
    I seek her there,
    that damned vagina
    is everywhere.”
    — Citizen Chauvelin


  • animalmagnetism

    [re=319339]dijetlo[/re]: I must give props for this.

  • teleken

    In other news, Huckabee had Vogon ancestors.

  • Gallowglass

    [re=319579]russellmuscle1[/re]: I….like ellipses….too. Will you… my….friend…..?

  • hobospacejunkie

    [re=319459]Tra[/re]: Oh, and just so you know, you’re going to get eviscerated on here.

    I love it when a troll comes by and is told something along these lines before it happens. It expresses a faith in fellow Wonketteers that I find inspiring and heart-warming. And once again it proved true as the little douche muscle ran away and never returned. Or rather, the douche muscle was eviscerated (separate from his viscera; such an evocative word,) and so was unable to continue due to his untimely virtual death.

  • zhubajie

    [re=319347]howsad[/re]: The real question for me is, why do so many Republicans defend torture? Lincoln did not need to torture people; George Washington did not need to torture people. Why Bush and Cheney? If you Repubs really want to reclaim your honor and be listened to when you bloviate about budgets, you need to punish the Torture Team. Otherwise, you lose the support of every who has any kind of morality.

    Sorry to be serious here, but I have no mercy for torturers or their sycophants.

    Zhu Bajie, alive in the bitter sea

  • arclight

    I thought I was going to be original and mention the Vogon thing but four or five dorks here already beat me to it! Dammit!

  • GreatOldOnesParty

    [re=319882]zhubajie[/re]: Keap yur st00pid honur! Letz g0 waterbordng!

  • russellmuscle1

    [re=319627]Gopherit[/re]: I don’t really think ions have anything to do with wet dog smell at all……….so negatively or positively charged is irrelevant in this respect.

    Sorry for cutting it short yesterday. I just about got caught by the boss man, so I had to go.

  • russellmuscle1

    [re=319874]hobospacejunkie[/re]: I know!! You guys really told me!!! You should be proud.

  • russellmuscle1

    [re=319882]zhubajie[/re]: I think it’s a matter of feeling that the “end justifies the means” for some Republicans. I’m guessing you already realize that though. I’m a bit split on the issue myself………..but I think the answer usualy lies somewhere in the middle. I personaly couldn’t stomach such a thing……….which is exactly why people like me wouldn’t be cut out for the job. On the other hand, the guy they waterboarded would probably gut my children ( or say my dog since I have no children ) in front of me and laugh. Like I said before, I think all of those responsible felt that they were doing the right thing……they aren’t just evil or bad people.

    What bothers me is those people who are only compassionate when it serves a purpose for them. Truley compassionate people are a rare treasure……….you aren’t just compassionate when it benifits you, it doesn’t work that way.

  • russellmuscle1

    [re=319882]zhubajie[/re]: PS: As far as saying Bush and Cheney are the only ones to ever torture…………I certainly wouldn’t put all my eggs in that basket. I’m guessing that there has been all kinds of torture by many presidents that we will never know about.

  • russellmuscle1

    [re=319873]Gallowglass[/re]: ……………………..I love them……………..yes you can be my friend.

  • lawrenceofthedesert

    Note to Mike: “safe” doesn’t rhyme with “face.” But you knew that.

    Isn’t it wonderful that all wingnuts have to do with themselves now is send each other teabags, troll and write stupendously awful poetry? What happened to golf? I thought that was where they liked to spend their free time. I guess Tiger’s complexion kind of ruined it for them?

  • The Schadenfried PAC

    As someone who writes half-decent poetry, I apoligize for Mr. Huckabee…wait no I don’t, fuck him.

  • The Schadenfried PAC

    [re=319443]russellmuscle1[/re]: Not that I can add to the flame war, but you did mess up because I know you registed this name so you can agree with yourself.

  • Mad Farmer Manifest

    [re=319570]russellmuscle1[/re]: You are an idiot. Ions can be positive or negative in their charge. So hydrogen ions: positive charge. 8th grade science. Don’t try to bring the science on this site, chump. We have intelligent persons here. It isn’t one of your little psuedo-con websites where people just pretend to be smart.

    Also, Custerwolf was joking. JOKING. What passes for a conservative movement in this country is a poorly written play for kindergarteners.

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