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Imaginary sample page courtesy of blogslut. The real ones are scarier.Oh hey has everyone seen that GQ article by the perpetually awesome Robert Draper about how completely insane the Defense Department went under the crazed leadership of lilliputian despot Donald Rumsfeld? GOOD GOLLY, as Rumsfeld would say.

Let’s see, so first and most egregiously, Rumsfeld would hand-deliver these briefing documents to the president during the early days of the war, and the briefs had covers with photos from the war combined with Biblical quotes. So cheesy, right? And the layouts, jesus god, did the Defense Department have not a single queer atheist designer who might have made this shit not look like a PTA newsletter from 1980? Yellow drop-shadows, seriously?

Also: separation of church and state, creepily explicit overtones of the Crusades, Muslims not liking it so much when you make war on them while quoting Jesus, etc. Whatever! Rumsfeld didn’t believe any of that shit anyhow! But he knew that 1) Bush would be impressed with Bible quotes all over his war briefings and 2) Bush probably wouldn’t read past the cover anyhow, so the cover really had to count.

Ugh. Also, Rumsfeld spent most of his time as Defense Secretary just getting out of doing his homework.

At meetings, he’d throw up every obstacle he could. “Rumsfeld would say, ‘Golly, we haven’t had time to read all of these documents! I mean, this is radical change!’ ” the official adds. “And then, if you suggested that maybe he should’ve read all the documents when everyone first got them a week ago, he’d say: ‘Well! I’ve been all over the world since then! What have you been doing?’ ”

Fucking drama queen. And he was just an awful man in every way, a woman-hating bully, a profound delayer of important action, a shirker of responsibility, and a man who turned everything he touched into shit. In short, he embodied everything terrible about the Bush presidency, and maybe somehow this is Republicans’ way of shifting the blame for its horrible failure from the president to the SecDef? DOUCHEBAGS ALL.

Military intelligence briefing cover courtesy of blogslut.

AND HE SHALL BE JUDGED [GQ]

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