The Bathroom Habits Of Astronauts

  • World Health Organization officials are continuing to keep a “close eye” on the pig death virus, which has thus far killed 75 people. Flu season starts soon in the southern hemisphere, and folks are worried. [Wall Street Journal]
  • Oh yay, the borderline anarchist state of Pakistan is “rapidly adding to its nuclear arsenal.” [New York Times]
  • Astronauts just don’t wear diapers when they’re driving cross-country to hunt down romantic rivals; they also wear them IN SPACE. [Washington Post]
  • Los Angeles experienced “a garden-variety earthquake” but the damage looks pretty minimal. [Los Angeles Times]
  • President Obama spoke at Notre Dame on Sunday about how much he loved abortion, all the time for everyone, and forced every single person attending commencement to accept a coupon for one free abortion on their way out the door. [Chicago Tribune]
  • The decades-long civil war in Sri Lanka is over, and the leader of the Tamil Tigers is dead. [Globe and Mail, BBC News]
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About the author

Sara K. Smith was Wonkette's morning editor from 2008 to 2010, and now contributes a weekly (?!) column to Wonkette, to prove she still loves you all!

View all articles by Sara K. Smith

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32 comments

  1. WIDTAP

    Barack Obama is single-handedly destroying the Snark Industry with these “Let’s discuss this reasonably” speeches. First it was race and class wars. Now he won’t play ball on abortion. I swear if he comes out for marriage consoling for bad marriages, I’m moving to Canada.

  2. Hunger Tallest Palin

    I heard he forced Alan Keyes to have an abortion! And then he made him gay marry Jesse Ventura!1

  3. tehbenton

    [re=318987]WIDTAP[/re]: Seriously. Just once, I want to see him slouch across the podium in the manner of Bush the Younger and show mock bewilderment at the fact that not everyone thinks like he does. About everything.

  4. ManchuCandidate

    Space suits are expensive, probably hard to send out to dry clean (who wants to smell someone else’s pee or kaka in their suit?) and not very friendly for the krazed jealous jilted female who wants to kill her rival as it has no place for a stun gun and club.

    NASA might need to rethink this and a stun gun holster and a place to put a club if Star Trek’s vision of boinking green skinned babes in bikinis is true.

  5. 4tehlulz

    >>“The Bush administration turned a blind eye to how [nuclear production] is being ramped up,”

    I keep thinking that we are finally going to hit bottom in Bush administration venality/malfeasance/incompetence/etc., and then something like this comes out.

    Worst. President. Evar.

  6. charlesdegoal

    Re. Pakistan, I like the highly informative quote from Robert Gates at a Senate hearing, reported verbatim in the NYT:
    ““Yes,” he said quickly, adding nothing, clearly cognizant of Pakistan’s sensitivity to any discussion about the country’s nuclear strategy or security.”
    Indeed, those Pakies are sooooo sensitive. Let’s just give them a few billions more to soothe them.

  7. raysmuckles

    I actually knew the romantic rival that the diaper astronaut was going to kidnap. I studied abroad in Germany with her for a semester. Nice girl. We voted her least likely to be abducted by a diaper-wearing astronaut.

  8. dave666

    I am starting a petition to have Bush’s head placed on Mt Rushmore. ( I don’t mean carved)

  9. Mild Midwesterner

    If I were floating outside of a spaceship, I’d probably shit my pants too.

  10. Come here a minute

    Less than 1/4 into the season and the Tigers are surrendering to the Royals — even though they still lead the division. Poor Jim Leyland.

  11. hobospacejunkie

    Well, Bush has kept a respectful silence through President Obama’s first 100+ days so…all is forgiven!

    Maybe now Tamil will get a new, modern mascot. Tigers is sooo 1950s.

    And fuck Maureen Dowd, dirty bitch (not actually fuck her, because ewww.) I suppose it’s too much to hope she gets fired in disgrace? Yeah, NYT only does that to black men.

  12. Mr Blifil

    [re=318994]Crow T. Robot[/re]: What sucks about aging is that you can no longer cover up your errors and lack of initiative with a few strategically distributed blowjobs.

  13. Mr Blifil

    [re=319002]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: Meanwhile Horatio Sanz continues to survive. Weird.

  14. Professor Proffy McProfalton, Prof.

    Daily Briefing: Diapers! Diapers/Briefs! Puns! Lulz! Oh, why are we so easily amused?

  15. Texan Bulldoggette

    [re=319002]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: For some reason they removed his picture at the link, but you can see it on HuffPo’s front page. Eerie…

  16. WadISay

    [re=318989]tehbenton[/re]: Did Bush actually give commencement speeches anyplace besides military academies and a few deep South Vo-Tecs?

  17. DC Hates Me

    Those peace loving Buddhists of Sri Lanka totally kicked Tamil ass. Sweet victory!

  18. tehbenton

    [re=319026]WadISay[/re]: Only if the “Free Speech Zones” were conveniently located two counties over.

  19. Custerwolf

    [re=319164]DC Hates Me[/re]: Jesus, great cammo for hiding in horizontal foliage.

  20. AxmxZ

    So I was reading through a CDC presser transcript from May 15th, because that’s what I do, and I came across this marvelous tidbit:

    “Operator: The next is from Donald McNeil, The New York Times. Your line is up.

    Donald McNeil: Hi, Dr. Jernigan. There’s a growing gap between the usefulness of that 4,714 confirmed and probable cases and the actual number of cases around the country. I know the teams aren’t all in yet but do you have any sort of estimate at all about how many cases we’re talking about across the country? Is it 10,000, 20,000, 30,000? Any sense at all of what the real number is like?

    Dan Jernigan: Yeah, I agree with you regarding the utility of the numeric figure for influenza. And for that reason, we don’t enumerate the numbers of individual cases each year in the United States. Somewhere between 7 percent to 10 percent of the U.S. population each year gets influenza, which is maybe 21 million to 30 million people a year. And so with the amount of activity that we’re seeing now, it’s a little hard to make an estimate about what that means in terms of the total number of people with flu out in the community. But if we had to make an estimate, I would say that the amount of activity we’re seeing with our influenza-like illness network is probably upwards of maybe 100,000, but that’s something we will have a much better estimate of once we get the information back from the field teams that are collecting that data.”

  21. Custerwolf

    Well, apparently Tony the Tiger is not backing down. When asked what he thinks about the violent Tamil rebels his only comment was, “Theeeee’re GREAT!”

Comments are closed.