DAILY BRIEFING  8:38 am May 18, 2009

The Bathroom Habits Of Astronauts

by Sara K. Smith

  • World Health Organization officials are continuing to keep a “close eye” on the pig death virus, which has thus far killed 75 people. Flu season starts soon in the southern hemisphere, and folks are worried. [Wall Street Journal]
  • Oh yay, the borderline anarchist state of Pakistan is “rapidly adding to its nuclear arsenal.” [New York Times]
  • Astronauts just don’t wear diapers when they’re driving cross-country to hunt down romantic rivals; they also wear them IN SPACE. [Washington Post]
  • Los Angeles experienced “a garden-variety earthquake” but the damage looks pretty minimal. [Los Angeles Times]
  • President Obama spoke at Notre Dame on Sunday about how much he loved abortion, all the time for everyone, and forced every single person attending commencement to accept a coupon for one free abortion on their way out the door. [Chicago Tribune]
  • The decades-long civil war in Sri Lanka is over, and the leader of the Tamil Tigers is dead. [Globe and Mail, BBC News]
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Joehoya May 18, 2009 at 8:48 am

I’ve always liked the Tamil Tigers. More rebel groups should have mascots.

WIDTAP May 18, 2009 at 8:50 am

Barack Obama is single-handedly destroying the Snark Industry with these “Let’s discuss this reasonably” speeches. First it was race and class wars. Now he won’t play ball on abortion. I swear if he comes out for marriage consoling for bad marriages, I’m moving to Canada.

Hunger Tallest Palin May 18, 2009 at 8:53 am

I heard he forced Alan Keyes to have an abortion! And then he made him gay marry Jesse Ventura!1

tehbenton May 18, 2009 at 8:55 am

[re=318987]WIDTAP[/re]: Seriously. Just once, I want to see him slouch across the podium in the manner of Bush the Younger and show mock bewilderment at the fact that not everyone thinks like he does. About everything.

ManchuCandidate May 18, 2009 at 8:56 am

Space suits are expensive, probably hard to send out to dry clean (who wants to smell someone else’s pee or kaka in their suit?) and not very friendly for the krazed jealous jilted female who wants to kill her rival as it has no place for a stun gun and club.

NASA might need to rethink this and a stun gun holster and a place to put a club if Star Trek’s vision of boinking green skinned babes in bikinis is true.

4tehlulz May 18, 2009 at 8:57 am

>>“The Bush administration turned a blind eye to how [nuclear production] is being ramped up,”

I keep thinking that we are finally going to hit bottom in Bush administration venality/malfeasance/incompetence/etc., and then something like this comes out.

Worst. President. Evar.

charlesdegoal May 18, 2009 at 8:59 am

Re. Pakistan, I like the highly informative quote from Robert Gates at a Senate hearing, reported verbatim in the NYT:
““Yes,” he said quickly, adding nothing, clearly cognizant of Pakistan’s sensitivity to any discussion about the country’s nuclear strategy or security.”
Indeed, those Pakies are sooooo sensitive. Let’s just give them a few billions more to soothe them.

Holy Cow!! May 18, 2009 at 8:59 am

I had hoped he perform an abortion live on stage.

Crow T. Robot May 18, 2009 at 9:01 am

NYTimes columnist admits using blogger’s words

That would be, ahem, Maureen Dowd, plagiarizing Josh Marshall…


Just Sayin’.

raysmuckles May 18, 2009 at 9:04 am

I actually knew the romantic rival that the diaper astronaut was going to kidnap. I studied abroad in Germany with her for a semester. Nice girl. We voted her least likely to be abducted by a diaper-wearing astronaut.

Monsieur Grumpe May 18, 2009 at 9:08 am

Vitter’s in space?

dave666 May 18, 2009 at 9:11 am

I am starting a petition to have Bush’s head placed on Mt Rushmore. ( I don’t mean carved)

Mild Midwesterner May 18, 2009 at 9:20 am

If I were floating outside of a spaceship, I’d probably shit my pants too.

Come here a minute May 18, 2009 at 9:31 am

Less than 1/4 into the season and the Tigers are surrendering to the Royals — even though they still lead the division. Poor Jim Leyland.

Texan Bulldoggette May 18, 2009 at 9:45 am

Just saw a picture of the dead Tamil Tiger leader. I swear he looks just like Horatio Saenz (SNL) with a mustache. Check it out:


hobospacejunkie May 18, 2009 at 9:46 am

Well, Bush has kept a respectful silence through President Obama’s first 100+ days so…all is forgiven!

Maybe now Tamil will get a new, modern mascot. Tigers is sooo 1950s.

And fuck Maureen Dowd, dirty bitch (not actually fuck her, because ewww.) I suppose it’s too much to hope she gets fired in disgrace? Yeah, NYT only does that to black men.

Mr Blifil May 18, 2009 at 9:54 am

[re=318994]Crow T. Robot[/re]: What sucks about aging is that you can no longer cover up your errors and lack of initiative with a few strategically distributed blowjobs.

Mr Blifil May 18, 2009 at 9:57 am

[re=319002]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: Meanwhile Horatio Sanz continues to survive. Weird.

proudgrampa May 18, 2009 at 10:00 am

So when did the Tigers move to Tamil? I always liked Norm Cash.

Professor Proffy McProfalton, Prof. May 18, 2009 at 10:01 am

Daily Briefing: Diapers! Diapers/Briefs! Puns! Lulz! Oh, why are we so easily amused?

Texan Bulldoggette May 18, 2009 at 10:03 am

[re=319002]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: For some reason they removed his picture at the link, but you can see it on HuffPo’s front page. Eerie…

WadISay May 18, 2009 at 10:04 am

[re=318989]tehbenton[/re]: Did Bush actually give commencement speeches anyplace besides military academies and a few deep South Vo-Tecs?

El Pinche May 18, 2009 at 10:08 am

Vitter=Diapers forever and forever , amen

DC Hates Me May 18, 2009 at 10:34 am

Those peace loving Buddhists of Sri Lanka totally kicked Tamil ass. Sweet victory!

x111e7thst May 18, 2009 at 10:35 am

[re=319028]El Pinche[/re]: Some porn star want to run against him for Senate. Best Race Ever

tehbenton May 18, 2009 at 10:57 am

[re=319026]WadISay[/re]: Only if the “Free Speech Zones” were conveniently located two counties over.

Custerwolf May 18, 2009 at 11:16 am

[re=319049]DC Hates Me[/re]: Indeed it gives cause for celebration.

DC Hates Me May 18, 2009 at 12:16 pm

Rebel leader Prabhakaran’s death is a victory for fashion sensibility.


Bearbloke May 18, 2009 at 1:20 pm

In space, no one can smell your poop…

Custerwolf May 18, 2009 at 1:39 pm

[re=319164]DC Hates Me[/re]: Jesus, great cammo for hiding in horizontal foliage.

AxmxZ May 18, 2009 at 2:52 pm

So I was reading through a CDC presser transcript from May 15th, because that’s what I do, and I came across this marvelous tidbit:

“Operator: The next is from Donald McNeil, The New York Times. Your line is up.

Donald McNeil: Hi, Dr. Jernigan. There’s a growing gap between the usefulness of that 4,714 confirmed and probable cases and the actual number of cases around the country. I know the teams aren’t all in yet but do you have any sort of estimate at all about how many cases we’re talking about across the country? Is it 10,000, 20,000, 30,000? Any sense at all of what the real number is like?

Dan Jernigan: Yeah, I agree with you regarding the utility of the numeric figure for influenza. And for that reason, we don’t enumerate the numbers of individual cases each year in the United States. Somewhere between 7 percent to 10 percent of the U.S. population each year gets influenza, which is maybe 21 million to 30 million people a year. And so with the amount of activity that we’re seeing now, it’s a little hard to make an estimate about what that means in terms of the total number of people with flu out in the community. But if we had to make an estimate, I would say that the amount of activity we’re seeing with our influenza-like illness network is probably upwards of maybe 100,000, but that’s something we will have a much better estimate of once we get the information back from the field teams that are collecting that data.”

Custerwolf May 18, 2009 at 3:07 pm

Well, apparently Tony the Tiger is not backing down. When asked what he thinks about the violent Tamil rebels his only comment was, “Theeeee’re GREAT!”

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