Wonkette
Anybody in possession of a telephone, which is to say, 105 percent of all Americans, have been harrassed to death by these stupid idiot robots who call you up about your expiring car warranty, even if you don’t have a car. Well, they made the mistake of messing with Chuck Schumer, a very nasty man, who sicced the FTC on them. If only they’d called Schumer months ago when your editor was getting oh five or six of these fucking things a day, they would already have been prosecuted for War Crimes.
The Federal Trade Commission said the telemarketing campaign was one of the most aggressive it had ever encountered, with as many as 1.8 million calls placed daily. The companies evidently dialed every number in a given area code, including many numbers on the National Do Not Call Registry.
[...] The seller took in more than $10 million as a result of the calls, as well as related mailings, according to the commission.
Well, shit. Ten million dollars? It’s kind of nice to see somebody’s making money these days!
But now these turds will suffer the torments of anal crucifixion at the hands of Chuck Schumer, who will be sure not to scrub under his fingernails first.
F.T.C. Cracks Down on Car-Warranty Robocalls [City Room Blog]
Guess I can cancel my phone service now since those were the only goddamned calls I got.
Hey - is today Video Friday? I’d love to see Ken’s rebuttal.
If only Rachel from card services would call Mr Schumer.
It’a about fucking time. Hm, both companies behind this are in Florida. Crist on a crutch!
How the hell does anyone make money with those calls? Oh, wait. America is full of people who pay money for porn, so right — some people will pay for anything.
Moral of the story - don’t robocall “the jew”.
‘That Jew’ does it again.
Go Chuck! I got a ton of these just last week, eating up my minutes. And people are stupid to fall for such an obvious scam (though yeah, since I don’t own a car it was more obvious for me); but then, people still fall for the Nigerian emails.
$10 million? For what? Who ARE these people and why can’t they give their money to me?
War on!
That’ll teach them not to defy the international conventions against torture to build a portfolio of shaky intelligence linking Iraq to 9/11! I hope our elected representatives get to the bottom of this and out executive and judicial branches mete out steaming bowls of JUSTICE to these evildoers.
(whisperwhisperwhisper)
Wait. What? They’re investigating dickish robocallers instead of the inhuman monsters whose sick-ass shit we are confronted with every morning in the newspapers? Well, that’s cool, I guess.
SayItWithWookies: That’s what I was thinking. Well, Wonketteers, it’s time to strike out on a new business endeavor. Let’s sell money over the phone. If we make 2 million calls a day we could all afford our own gold plated masturbatoriums. It’s the American dream.
SayItWithWookies: I consider it a stupidity tax.
Jew wanna fuck with me? Okay.
Jew wanna play rough? Okay.
Say hello to my little friend!
SayItWithWookies: The paid for porn is of a higher more noble quality than the “free preview” variety. It’s one thing to see a nude midget with a condom on his head rushing at a naked women with her feet in the air, it’s quite another to witness the impact.
10 Million? Ha! Chump change. I’m getting 100 Million as soon as that guy in Nigeria I sent my bank account info to deposits it for me.
I have a car yet they never called. I feel empty, meaningless and futile.
If only Schumer would go after the alumni offices of my respective institutes of higher learning. You will get NO MONEEEZ from me, motherfuckers! Mwahahahahahaha!
I feel so left out. I’ve never received one of these calls. But I never answer a call from a number not in my address book so who knows? But yeah, so long as the torturers don’t receive these calls I’ll sleep easier at night.
I want to deep-tongue kiss Chuck Schumer at this very moment. Those fucktards called my cell phone 4 times a day and then started on my home phone! Oh how I love “that Jew”
Never mess with That Jew. He’ll call Those Other Jews, and before you know it, you’re being sodomized with a lit menorah.
I was getting two of those fucking calls a day for a while. I own two cars, both of which were built in the 1990s and both of which are falling apart as we speak, so I know there’s no chance of there being some warranty on these cars that I somehow overlooked. If these assholes are willing to give me money for owning them, I’ll take it, but they better hurry up because I’ll be abandoning at least one of them on the side of the road any day now.
JMP: Nigerian? I get emails from the FBI almost daily.
10 million dollars!?!?!?
Those telemarketers suddenly seem younger,sexier and more attractive.
This isn’t on-topic, but I think everyone should know that Andrew Sullivan is offering butsecks how-to advice on his web-log today.
http://andrewsullivan.theatlantic.com/the_daily_dish/2009/05/the-honesty-of-jerry-taylor.html
dijetlo: Well, that’s just what I was missing in all that free porn — nobility. No wonder I felt this emptiness in my daily routine.
rambone: Ha — that’s what I call the lottery.
NoWireHangers: How do we stay in business? Volume.
I hates me a robocaller. They are much harder to mess with than a human.
Custerwolf: …or just press #2 to be removed from our list.
$10 Million! I’m going to start my own robocalling business. Extended lifetime warranty for your pets. Can’t miss.
They made the mistake of not spending $50 million in federal lobbying, a portion of which would gave gone to an ivory backscratcher for Schumer and monkey butlers for Timmy Geithner.
Monsieur Grumpe: Pet health insurance? You’ll have to try harder, Monsieur. Plus, they did not cover my late cockatiel’s pre-existing condition (mental retardation). http://www.gopetplan.com/index.html?engine=google&keyword=mnpet+life+insurance&match_type=&gclid=CMicirTXvpoCFSMgDQodbiv5rQ
Shit, now cancel his Health Insurance so he’ll do something about the rest of us.
Again with the anal crucifiction! SKS, next time you use that phrase I demand a diagram explaining how something like that would work, because I am demand-y and too lazy to use my imagination.
x111e7thst: I have a car yet they never called. I feel empty, meaningless and futile.
Don’t feel that way. You probably just live in an area code with a higher average I.Q. than most, so you’re pretty far down the call list.
They haven’t called me yet either. But I think in my case, they just somehow found out that my car actually has a failing transmission, and they sure as hell don’t want to have pay out on any actual gaddanged warranties.
SayItWithWookies: “Some people will pay for anything.”
Hence the millions of dollars in sales of penis enhancement pills.
Wait. Chuck Schumer doesn’t scrub under his figernails?
What a dirty slut.
boatapple:
Isn’t his column always kinda assfuckish?
So can I have Chuck Schumer’s cell phone number so I can forward all the telemarketers I get to him, since that’s the only way shit gets done?
Really, Chuck tried really hard to sound like a total tool when he called these folks out. “They somehow got around the Do-Not-Call List!” Yes, nobody thought there would be an evil genius dastardly and diabolical enough to not bother using the list to begin with? And all the complaints he’s made apply equally well to the telemarketers that have legal protections thanks to the legislation tools like him helped to pass.
How about taking the opposite tack, a do-call, opt-in list of people that actually want telemarketing? Or, better yet, put the onus of investigating telemarketing crimes on someone other than, say, the victim of the crime, who has to play along with the telemarketers long enough to get a name and number before they can report it to the FTC? Once you get that much information, it’s far more effective (and satisfying) to post it on /b/ than to deal with the useless feds.
Maybe I should try my hand at being a single-issue, anti-telemarketing candidate…
“This is your final notice….” If only. I get these calls at my office and cell, and my car’s 15 years old.
Custerwolf: I believe Larry Craig said something similar.
I suppose as long as they are nice and return the money, everything will be fine.
WadISay:
Yes, but my insurance pays out 2000billion% if at any time your pet dies after it is dead. Guaranteed!
Monsieur Grumpe: My policy used to stipulate that, but then it got declaused.
Oh, boy! Lumber Liquidater where I am going to go to for most of this whole week. I have agreed to use up another week off the back end of my life to install a floor that will soon be under 10 of water if Al gore is right.
BTW,I love Chuck. I still remember years ago when they first deregulated our electric and everyones bill tripled in exactly one month. He got all personally crazy and was on the Teevee with a huge blow up of his personal bill and was yelling and slamming around with his arms waving. I just fell in love right there. Also in person he is cute and will trot right over to you to shake your hand if you smile at him. I will vote for you forever and ever Chuck.Now shut the fuckers down.
If one wonders what else Americans will pay for, one only has to look at those “snugly” commercials plying our fair land, a robe you wear backwards? Now they actually have nights were all those folks get together and wear them in PUBLIC and walk the streets like zombies.
I too feel left out, got a car -a car whose original factory warranty has just run out and I didn’t get a call at all, just Amnesty International asking for money again. I am so bummed out, drink time!
Elm Hugger: You mean a hospital johnny? With the butt open?
What about the credit card douchebags that call? The robot says that I have nothing to worry about, they are calling to give me a lower rate on my credit cards. Anyone familiar with them? When you call back and tell them you have NO credit cards, they get all rude and argue with you!
Monsieur Grumpe: No no he’s not dead, he’s, he’s restin’! Remarkable bird, the Norwegian Blue, idn’it, ay? Beautiful plumage!
Itsjustme: That’s another outright scam. They sign you up for a new credit card. Then they take the number they just gave you, do a cash withdrawal, and bet it all on the trifecta at Saratoga.
Darkness: That’s why they want your card number right away.