Wonkette
It’s time for the TeeVee Personality Newz here at Wonkette! In today’s first-and-only edition, Keith Olbermann acts like a jackass! According to New York’s CityFile, MSNBC’s “Wost Person in the World” stomped off the job for three nights because his pal and protege Rachel Maddow had movie star/Web traffic expert Ben Affleck booked for her April 16 show. But Olbermann decided Jennifer Garner’s husband needed to be on Olbermann’s April 16 show. When MSNBC executives refused to grant his wish, Keith stormed away and didn’t return to work until three shows later.
During this crisis, David Shuster filled in for Olbermann on the Countdown program. And nobody would’ve ever known or cared about the micro-melodrama, save for Shuster’s important “Twitters” during the tragedy, when he sort of let on that Olbermann maybe didn’t really have the flu, but Olbermann was still a “great guy.”
Now, go look at yourself in the bathroom mirror and repeat after Wonkette: “If I didn’t watch cable news, I wouldn’t know who the fuck these people even were …. If I didn’t watch cable news, I wouldn’t know who the fuck these people even were ….. If I didn’t watch cable news, I wouldn’t know who the fuck these people even were.”
Meltdown with Keith Olbermann [CityFile]
Who the fuck is Ben Affleck?
Keith gay loves Ben Affleck. Keith haz teh jealous.
Keith wanted to interview a DUCK??
FMA: It’s some sort of venereal disease, I believe.
Good grief, people! Olbermann goes for his biannual botox ‘n virgin blood treatment and everyone gets their knickers in a twist. You don’t think he looks that way naturally do you?
Who the hell actually receives these twitters? I don’t think I know a single person who receives twits. Is it the same group of people who are on Second Life? I don’t know any of them either.
RoscoePColtraine: He’s the one I always momentarily mistake for Ben Stiller — until I remember to stop caring.
Mild Midwesterner: You, my friend, are blessed.
He’s going to have a SPECIAL COMMENT about the cold and calculating nature of an A-/B+ list celebrity whose charming demeanor and everyman looks conned poor Keith Olbermann out of $9 and two hours of his life with the Christmas tale “Reindeer Games.”
Is Keith on medication? If not, he should be.
I feel like this guy Olbermann did his job in getting Bush gone, and now he needs to go away before he starts to turn people off. He’s just way too intense, and I can’t even watch him anymore.
Sweet Jeebus I’m glad I don’t have a TV. I CAN watch segments of Stewart, Maddow or Colbert but haven’t had that desire for Olbermann. Now I know why.
Mild Midwesterner: I know no one who twitters, is on Second Life, plays dungeons and dragons or Darkon, has a sexy Web cam or a Britney Spears record.
What a weird triangle Olbermann, Maddow and Affleck make.
This is a blatant lie. Keith was attending the Penguins - Capitals series and drinking 3 litres of Crown Royal a day.
In the celebrity world it’s called a Puerto Rican vacation.
Jesus fuck, olbermann is as big a primadona as O’Reilly? In other news, water is still wet.
Why don’t they just go with Ben’s brother Casey? It would help out the younger Affleck who we haven’t seen enough of and who has of late been seen stalking a rapping hobo.
Now, if Maddow had Ben STEIN booked, that would be cause for a hissy fit. I don’t have cable news, but I’d pay to see Olbermann’s head explode.
Mustang: But if Keith goes away, where do we find another liberal egomaniac to pick on all the wingnut egomaniacs?
Custerwolf: It was to be an investigative report, to find out what part of the duck the tape comes from
That’s OK. If he wants to quit. I hear Glenn Beck is hiring. We can tune in and watch them hit each other with chairs.
hpwilliams: Egggsellent….
Joshua Norton: I’d buy that for a dollar!
Gopherit: They’d have a great hate sex.
SayItWithWookies: Ben Stiller: I always mix him up with Adam Sandler. One is a dumber version of the other, but I can’t remember which is which.
Custerwolf:
Why a duck? Why-a no chicken?
Star of Gigli, Paycheck, and eleventy Kevin Smith movies Ben Affleck?!?
Well, he’s probably right to be angry with Rachel. I’ve heard she doesn’t do dick around there.
RoscoePColtraine: He can come back in, say, late summer of 2011.
Custerwolf: That is one fancy avatar you got there, are you some sort of horticulturist, sexual vegatable artist, or is it a prescribed medication
norbizness: I liked him in Smokin Aces. He kept it short and sweet.
I saw that interview, and as I recall Affleck said he specifically wanted to be on Rachael’s show. Why are KO’s panties in such a bunch? He always gets Joel McHale who is waaaay funnier.
Oh, Keef’s ok. He’s pretty funny when he does little cameos on The Soup and stuff and makes fun of himself. Is that anti-Olbermann site still around? It was a right wing version of the anti-o’Rielly site, except way way way more lame. For months the only dirt they could find on Keef was that he had a hot blonde 20 year old girlfriend for awhile who posted some pictures of herself partying at a frathouse.
Rachel: Do you like apples?
Keith: What?
Rachel: Do you like apples?
Keith: Yeah.
Rachel: Well, I got one of those poncy chowderheads from Project Greenlight to appear on my show. How do you like them apples?
Keith: Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit…..
In all seriousness, I think Olbermann was actually on bereavement leave because HIS MOTHER HAD JUST DIED.
Too hard to look it up?
Is there anything from the world of Perez Hilton we should know? Has TMZ sighted Hannah Montana with a boy yet? If not, then why haven’t they found the girl? Is there a secret sex dungeon in the White House? Enquiring minds want to know.
Personal note: Contact Affleck and find out if he got any of Maddow’s hair. Soon the spell shall be complete…
I found out last night that those that twitter are tweeple and those that troll twitter are…. YOU GUESSED IT!!!!! Twolls.
Mild Midwesterner: Are you sure? It may just be that you don’t know anyone who admits to using twitter or Second Life.
hpwilliams: A bit of all three.
wheelie: I think the dumber one is Stiller, he makes 9 or 10 million less per picture than that other dumb guy.
Uh oh…looks like Shuster’s in line to be the Worst Person in the Woooooooooooooorld! tonight.
SomeNYGuy: I’m just not seein it.
I dont watch cable news, and I have no idea who the fuck that person is. Seems like a shithead though.
KO!
Mild Midwesterner: I honestly thank people for reading the shit, so I don’t have to…
Custerwolf: Guess I should have looked up.
Texan Bulldoggette: If he can’t find a way to blame this on Fox News and conservative radio, then I don’t won’t know how to feel anymore.
Tommmcatt: I keep asking that question. Nobody understands me.
Joshua Norton: Joshua Norton as in “Emperor of these United States and Protector of Mexico”?
And hell yes I’d tune in to that episode. The more damage inflicted in general, the better for my well-being. My money’s on Olbermann, though.
Oh silly Keith…was it really that important?
bago: It’s deep water. That’s why a duck.
Leave Keith Olbermann alone!!
Leave him alone!!
Tommmcatt: Groucho: Now here is a little peninsula, and here is a viaduct leading over to the mainland.
Chico: Why a duck?
[more back-and-forth between the two ... ]
All right, why a duck? Why a duck, why-a no chicken?
Groucho: Well, I don’t know why-a no chicken. I’m a stranger here myself. …
This is what beneath contempt feels like.
Mr Blifil: And I’m beneather than you.
S.Luggo:
One of the greatest comedy routines in history. Better than “Who’s on First”, in my opinion.
The bit starts around 3:43….
SomeNYGuy: Well, his mom died on April 4, so this was a week and a half later. It’s possible but…eh, who knows?
Olbermann can be a self-important ass and is given to bloviation, but he’s also smart and direct and funny and I like him, so whatev. Everyone on TV can be a douchebag sometimes, why do we ever act surprised?
I think he would look much better in a pink shirt.
I was wondering what, “Keith has the night off” REALLY meant! And nobody anywhere was reporting on this…thanks, Wonkette and CityFile!
And why didn’t you use a photo of dead Chicago schoolchildren with this article? Does your theme machine conjure up just the right photo for each article, just like they did in the Confederacy?
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/05/14/iwashington-timesi-run-ob_n_203413.html
keith just dissed you guys on his show
Whom ever had the nerve to write such an obvious paranoid, insensitive, and disgusting article should be put out of their misery. His mother DIED! Who cares what he chose to mourn? When my grandfather died I went whitewater rafting because he loved to do that more than anything else in the world. I am sorry it did not meet your standards of mourning. Which with the disrespect you have shown yourself to have for another human being in the article I am thinking your ’standards’ are probably throwing your mother in a ditch with the family pet in a drive by. And by the way…this is what you have the time to do in your day? Keeping track of the nights KO takes off or not? Seriously…get a girlfriend…or a bottle of lotion because there has to be something way better to do with your time you cave dwelling prick.
His mother died you freaks.
WAIT!!!!!1!!!!11 SOMEONE’S MOM DIED??????????? That usually means a shitstorm of trolls hitting a website they just learned about if memory serves me correctly.
violetgraham: Whomever is one word.
That’s the only portion of your comment that deserves a respone. You really shouldn’t throw pearls to swine. We’ll only hawk them for hobo beans and trucknutz.
violetgraham: Thanks for the scoop.
danadevin85: That’s nothiing, you should have read the letter Ken got from Pope Benedict XVI.
A war with Dem-Under?
http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=104×2774999
violetgraham: Aren’t you even going to ask me what a “respone” is?
The writers of this article just got pwned by Olbermann. Tards.
JonnyStabbins: Explain? CityFile wrote an ‘article,’ which turned out to be false. So I assume you are implying (since “writers of this article” is rather non-specific) that CityFile just got pwned by KO. So they are also ‘tards,’ in your estimation. Am I correct in my assumptions? Or are you just a homotroll butt hurt because KO told you to be butt hurt?
JonnyStabbins: “The writers of this article.”
Well, actually, it’s a team of writers, little Jonny Stabbins, it’s not just one or two people. It takes hordes of men, in fact, to write these lyrical beauties that you see here. And so I think now we shall all form a circle-jerk in your honor - and you’re welcome to join us should you ever come to your senses.
My fear is that if Keith is forced to spend an inordinate amount of time addressing matters such as this, he’ll have less to spend on Joe the Plumber or Carrie Prejean updates.
Anyone else remember how happy Olbermann was to report the “breaking news” (I remember KO breaking into a Hardball repeat) that John McCain was having an affair with a young female lobbyist. I don’t think he ever apologized for gleefully reporting that piece of shit story.
Nietzschean: Where were you earlier when I was calling for back-up?
Of COURSE the story is fake! We know because it references Ben Affleck as an “A-list actor.” I mean, Keith going to visit transsexual Guatemalan hookers is more believable then ANYONE going ape-shit over booking Affleck. I don’t think even Jay Leno would care.
violetgraham: He isn’t the first motherfuck to have his mother die! He’s a prick who’s begging for abuse.
Custerwolf: Oh we trolls knew about you earlier. We just didn’t give a fuck. I guess you can only swallow enough, “OH I DON’T EVEN WATCH CABLE WHO IS THIS GUY?” bullshittery before you want to toss your cookies
velvetsmog: Custerwolf went to bed. So you are just talking to yourself. And boring anyone else who might still be up. Besides the fact that Custerwolf posted about 20 times in this thread so it’s entirely unclear just what you might be referring or replying to. And your comment doesn’t really make much sense anyway, which is no surprise. But I’m sure I can speak on behalf of Custerwolf when I say “who are you & why are you boring me?” Get funny or get the fuck out. Them’s the rules. You don’t like it? Well then go eat some of that bullshittery, velvetsmog, if that is your real name.
NEOCONS hate their mothers
velvetsmog: This is funny in the context that I live where cable (much like yourself) hasn’t even been laid yet.
FuckWonkette: That’s simply untrue. I fuck mine whenever I get the chance. She’s truly wonderful - and satisfying.
Geez…what are they saying? professional resume writing.