SHARE

Free shipping!If you want to weather the recession in style, there’s no better bet than serving our nation’s ever-diminishing population of wingnuts. As more Americans climb aboard B-Rock NObama’s Socialism ‘n’ Poetry Jams Express, frustrated conservatives have flocked to a few of the nation’s last reputable wingnut media outlets for soothing words about how right they still are about everything even if “the news” says they’re wrong.

This is why Fox News still has awesome ratings, and Newsmax is doing just great, and Glenn Beck, that weeping dough-headed whore, still has a job.

And now you can have a job, too, if you apply! Looky, it’s a listing from the popular sexual deviant hookup site “Craigslist”:

Full-Time Staff Writer (Midtown)
Reply to: job-hqkb5-1169741827@craigslist.org
Date: 2009-05-13, 9:01PM EDT

Mercury Radio Arts is the New York based production company owned by Radio and TV host Glenn Beck.

Mercury seeks a writer for contributions to Glenn’s radio program, magazine, and web site. The ideal candidate will have a strong interest in news, current events, and politics.

Key responsibilities will include contributing original content to GlennBeck.com and to Glenn’s radio program and magazine. Writing will include a mix of short pieces and long articles, fact-based commentary on the news of the day, etc.

Requirements:

• Strong written and verbal communication skills
• Research skills
• At least 2 years of journalism experience

Too bad Obama already outlawed all the conservative publications and think-tanks where a popular commentator might otherwise go looking for support staff, instead of trolling on a common Web site. Is this listing on Monster.com, too?

Full-Time Staff Writer (Midtown) [New York Craigslist]

$
Donate with CCDonate with CC

65 COMMENTS

  1. Requirements:

    * Must have brain checked at the door
    * Must have tissues ready to wipe Glenn’s face (or ass–whichever is runnier)
    * Must like watching buttsecks between Glenn and Hannity — see point 2

  2. I’m calling bullshit on that one – no way Beck needs someone with research skills or journalism experience, and I’m kind of doubtful about the written and verbal communication skills as well.

  3. “We are an Equal Opportunity Employer.”

    Obviously this means Glenn Beck is a socialist fag. He’d probably hire Muslims too.

  4. More application questions

    Religion
    ____ Louisiana Southern Baptist Synod
    ____ Southern Dominionist Adventist
    ____ Mountain Spring Fundamentalist Unity
    ____ Seventh Assembly of KKKnights of Arkansas

    Firearms you own and where you keep them:
    ____ truck
    ____ bedroom
    ____ outhouse
    ____ kitchen
    ____ shed

  5. I’m surprised the Glennster doesn’t hire from among the commenters on his “blog”.
    Surely the genius who came up with: “The recession is sexist .It’s targeting men.“ has all the necessary qualities.

  6. What a great opening for an aspiring comedy writer! Work for Beck for a couple of months then take your demo of the bits he uses over to the Daily Show.

  7. owned by Radio

    Unneeded capitalization? Check.

    Genuine wingnut post probability: 65%

    Proper apostrophe usage and the equal-opportunity disclaimer make this suspect.

  8. • Strong written and verbal communication skills
    • Research skills
    • At least 2 years of journalism experience

    Wow…this person will be way more qualified than Beck…

  9. Isn’t Beck terrified of assassination? Seems like this would be an ideal way for The Conspiracy to infiltrate his show. Through the er, back door, if you will.

  10. [re=316390]mookworthjwilson[/re]: hahahaha.

    Anyway if I wasn’t studying for the bar this summer I’d do some serious double-agent stuff, shouldn’t one of us work undercover for 6 months and then film him taking meth and stuff?

  11. There should be something in there about, “ability to produce material easy enough to be understood by mobs of undereducated, potential violent cretins.”

  12. “Too bad Obama already outlawed all the conservative publications and think-tanks….”

    Since the heralds of Joe the Plumber and Sarah the Dingbat, Republics wingnuts have not needed this “thinking” thing you speak of. (At what point was it unclear that Stephen Colbert had a prosperous career.) They just need someone who can put together an emotional argument with a fig leaf of misstated “facts”.

    Beside, if the head of FEMA can come straight out of a pony show, then Beck’s qualified research team can be found through Craiglist erotic service posings.

  13. I love my country! Socialism! Fascism! (20 second pause for bawling.)

    We surround them! (60 second pause for prolonged sniffles and hiccuping, devours a live dove on stage.)

    … So am I hired?

  14. “Must speak in tongues, have contact with moonbeams. Serious applicants will flog themselves at job interview, douse themselves in gasoline and set self ablaze. Must enjoy masochism— crying will assist your chances.”

  15. You know, folks, the swine flu came from Mexico. And flu viruses have been known to mutate. We have seen numerous occasions in which viruses mutate to cause people to turn into flesh-eating zombies.
    What are we doing to make sure we are overrun by flesh-eating Mexican zombies?
    I love my country and do not want to awake one morning to find a flesh-eating Mexican zombie devouring my brain. I don’t know about you, but that its not the America I love.
    Is it possible that the Mexican zombie flu is man-made, part of a conspiracy to have flesh-eating Mexican zombies take over America? I don’t know. I’m just asking the question, as a patriotic America.

    I hope I passed the audition.

  16. That’s funny. Twenty years ago the phrase “fact-based commentary” would have struck us as odd, because what other kind would there be unless you’re a nut. Ten years ago it would have sounded like an admonition to do quality work and today it just sounds like a wink and nod to, you know, be sure the commentary you write for Mr. Weepy has a certain flavor of truthiness to it.

  17. [re=316390]mookworthjwilson[/re]: • Strong written and verbal communication skills
    • Research skills
    • At least 2 years of journalism experience

    Wow…this person will be way more qualified than Beck…

    Shhh. Beck doesn’t know about the ad.

  18. Poetry Jams:

    Word to my motha
    I live in her garage
    cold fappin to the brotha
    I be Beck’s entourage

    Mad worried for the nation
    Muslin terroristas
    Socialist Playstations
    I cry to my barrista

    My fambly disowned me
    Say I’m off my medz
    Tell me Glenn has pwned me
    l’m sad they’ll soon be dedz

  19. This is the best opportunity to discover if Glenn Beck has a navel & taint or is actually a malfunctioning cyborg pig sent from the future by SkyNet to really really annoy us into submission.

  20. i’ve read so many great *fake* wingnut posts here…there are so many wonketteers who could do this job, easy. just think of how one could manipulate him, and thereby manipulate 21% of amurrica !

    cum in his hair !

  21. [re=316403]Monsieur Grumpe[/re]: Agreed. Surely there’s a village somewhere in rural Buttfukistan that has an idiot whose sorely in need of gainful employment.

  22. [re=316443]chascates[/re]: More nutria than the few that have been in the cove leading into Barton Springs for years? They & the turtles sunning themselves were the main attraction to renting a row boat in that area. Of course I haven’t done that in ~ 15 years. There’s less fecal matter in my own pool than in the springs.

  23. [re=316375]ManchuCandidate[/re]: Boy, this is pretty complex codification for an erotic ad, Glenn. I guess since CL banned the whore section (due to murderous side effects), you’ve been forced to get a little creative all up in here.

Comments are closed.

Previous articleBroke Social Security System Means Boomers Really Will NEVER RETIRE
Next articleRepublicans Need To Buy Their Own Damn Clothes