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Attention Job Seekers: Glenn Beck Is Hiring!

Free shipping!If you want to weather the recession in style, there’s no better bet than serving our nation’s ever-diminishing population of wingnuts. As more Americans climb aboard B-Rock NObama’s Socialism ‘n’ Poetry Jams Express, frustrated conservatives have flocked to a few of the nation’s last reputable wingnut media outlets for soothing words about how right they still are about everything even if “the news” says they’re wrong.

This is why Fox News still has awesome ratings, and Newsmax is doing just great, and Glenn Beck, that weeping dough-headed whore, still has a job.

And now you can have a job, too, if you apply! Looky, it’s a listing from the popular sexual deviant hookup site “Craigslist”:

Full-Time Staff Writer (Midtown)
Reply to: job-hqkb5-1169741827@craigslist.org
Date: 2009-05-13, 9:01PM EDT

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Mercury Radio Arts is the New York based production company owned by Radio and TV host Glenn Beck.

Mercury seeks a writer for contributions to Glenn’s radio program, magazine, and web site. The ideal candidate will have a strong interest in news, current events, and politics.

Key responsibilities will include contributing original content to GlennBeck.com and to Glenn’s radio program and magazine. Writing will include a mix of short pieces and long articles, fact-based commentary on the news of the day, etc.

Requirements:

• Strong written and verbal communication skills
• Research skills
• At least 2 years of journalism experience

Too bad Obama already outlawed all the conservative publications and think-tanks where a popular commentator might otherwise go looking for support staff, instead of trolling on a common Web site. Is this listing on Monster.com, too?

Full-Time Staff Writer (Midtown) [New York Craigslist]

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About the author

Sara K. Smith was Wonkette's morning editor from 2008 to 2010, and now contributes a weekly (?!) column to Wonkette, to prove she still loves you all!

View all articles by Sara K. Smith

Hola wonkerados.

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65 comments

  1. Mild Midwesterner

    There must be two Glen Beck’s in the world. This ad specifically cites “fact-based” commentary.

  2. Texan Bulldoggette

    Requirements:

    * Must have brain checked at the door
    * Must have tissues ready to wipe Glenn’s face (or ass–whichever is runnier)
    * Must like watching buttsecks between Glenn and Hannity — see point 2

  3. Hart88

    I’m calling bullshit on that one – no way Beck needs someone with research skills or journalism experience, and I’m kind of doubtful about the written and verbal communication skills as well.

  4. Chickensmack

    “Mercury Radio Arts”? Hell. If it were a science, they’d know what they were talking about.

  5. ManchuCandidate

    Why can’t he just go through Craigslist Erotic Services like everyone else?

  6. CharlesRockyPamplin

    at least Glenn gets delivered free to your door. not sure how i’d rate the transaction though.

  7. Woodwards Friend

    “We are an Equal Opportunity Employer.”

    Obviously this means Glenn Beck is a socialist fag. He’d probably hire Muslims too.

  8. CockedAle

    More application questions

    Religion
    ____ Louisiana Southern Baptist Synod
    ____ Southern Dominionist Adventist
    ____ Mountain Spring Fundamentalist Unity
    ____ Seventh Assembly of KKKnights of Arkansas

    Firearms you own and where you keep them:
    ____ truck
    ____ bedroom
    ____ outhouse
    ____ kitchen
    ____ shed

  9. x111e7thst

    I’m surprised the Glennster doesn’t hire from among the commenters on his “blog”.
    Surely the genius who came up with: “The recession is sexist .It’s targeting men.“ has all the necessary qualities.

  10. freakishlystrong

    Does force-feeding Glenn a bag of dicks contstitute as “Strong written and
    verbal communication skills”?

  11. bumfug

    What a great opening for an aspiring comedy writer! Work for Beck for a couple of months then take your demo of the bits he uses over to the Daily Show.

  12. ChernobylSoup

    Does 2-years of leaving very unwitty comments on Wonkette count as journalism? If so, I’m qualified and I’m applying.

  13. bago

    owned by Radio

    Unneeded capitalization? Check.

    Genuine wingnut post probability: 65%

    Proper apostrophe usage and the equal-opportunity disclaimer make this suspect.

  14. mookworthjwilson

    • Strong written and verbal communication skills
    • Research skills
    • At least 2 years of journalism experience

    Wow…this person will be way more qualified than Beck…

  15. lightninglouie

    Isn’t Beck terrified of assassination? Seems like this would be an ideal way for The Conspiracy to infiltrate his show. Through the er, back door, if you will.

  16. OReillysVibrator

    [re=316390]mookworthjwilson[/re]: hahahaha.

    Anyway if I wasn’t studying for the bar this summer I’d do some serious double-agent stuff, shouldn’t one of us work undercover for 6 months and then film him taking meth and stuff?

  17. Cape Clod

    There should be something in there about, “ability to produce material easy enough to be understood by mobs of undereducated, potential violent cretins.”

  18. WIDTAP

    “Too bad Obama already outlawed all the conservative publications and think-tanks….”

    Since the heralds of Joe the Plumber and Sarah the Dingbat, Republics wingnuts have not needed this “thinking” thing you speak of. (At what point was it unclear that Stephen Colbert had a prosperous career.) They just need someone who can put together an emotional argument with a fig leaf of misstated “facts”.

    Beside, if the head of FEMA can come straight out of a pony show, then Beck’s qualified research team can be found through Craiglist erotic service posings.

  19. A Harlequin Bromance

    I’m really surprised the job requirements don’t include an MFA in Fiction. Also.

  20. Tra

    I love my country! Socialism! Fascism! (20 second pause for bawling.)

    We surround them! (60 second pause for prolonged sniffles and hiccuping, devours a live dove on stage.)

    … So am I hired?

  21. heroinmule

    Research skills? That won’t be necessary. Just “believe in something even if it’s wrong!”

  22. shortsshortsshorts

    “Must speak in tongues, have contact with moonbeams. Serious applicants will flog themselves at job interview, douse themselves in gasoline and set self ablaze. Must enjoy masochism— crying will assist your chances.”

  23. FMA

    You know, folks, the swine flu came from Mexico. And flu viruses have been known to mutate. We have seen numerous occasions in which viruses mutate to cause people to turn into flesh-eating zombies.
    What are we doing to make sure we are overrun by flesh-eating Mexican zombies?
    I love my country and do not want to awake one morning to find a flesh-eating Mexican zombie devouring my brain. I don’t know about you, but that its not the America I love.
    Is it possible that the Mexican zombie flu is man-made, part of a conspiracy to have flesh-eating Mexican zombies take over America? I don’t know. I’m just asking the question, as a patriotic America.

    I hope I passed the audition.

  24. Paterlanger

    That’s funny. Twenty years ago the phrase “fact-based commentary” would have struck us as odd, because what other kind would there be unless you’re a nut. Ten years ago it would have sounded like an admonition to do quality work and today it just sounds like a wink and nod to, you know, be sure the commentary you write for Mr. Weepy has a certain flavor of truthiness to it.

  25. gjdodger

    [re=316390]mookworthjwilson[/re]: • Strong written and verbal communication skills
    • Research skills
    • At least 2 years of journalism experience

    Wow…this person will be way more qualified than Beck…

    Shhh. Beck doesn’t know about the ad.

  26. Mr Blifil

    Poetry Jams:

    Word to my motha
    I live in her garage
    cold fappin to the brotha
    I be Beck’s entourage

    Mad worried for the nation
    Muslin terroristas
    Socialist Playstations
    I cry to my barrista

    My fambly disowned me
    Say I’m off my medz
    Tell me Glenn has pwned me
    l’m sad they’ll soon be dedz

  27. DoctorCulturae

    [re=316404]FMA[/re]: Thank you Mr. FMA. Very nice. Can you drive Mr. Beck’s stick shift? So to speak. As it were. Plus. Also.

  28. hobospacejunkie

    This is the best opportunity to discover if Glenn Beck has a navel & taint or is actually a malfunctioning cyborg pig sent from the future by SkyNet to really really annoy us into submission.

  29. as the world burns

    i’ve read so many great *fake* wingnut posts here…there are so many wonketteers who could do this job, easy. just think of how one could manipulate him, and thereby manipulate 21% of amurrica !

    cum in his hair !

  30. chascates

    [re=316408]bago[/re]: Oh Great! Then we’ll have parasitic flies to deal with. And now we’re getting nutria around Austin.

  31. queeraselvis v 2.0

    [re=316403]Monsieur Grumpe[/re]: Agreed. Surely there’s a village somewhere in rural Buttfukistan that has an idiot whose sorely in need of gainful employment.

  32. rereridiculous

    [re=316383]CockedAle[/re]: You have an outhouse AND a shed? Well aren’t you Mr. Fancy!?

  33. hobospacejunkie

    [re=316443]chascates[/re]: More nutria than the few that have been in the cove leading into Barton Springs for years? They & the turtles sunning themselves were the main attraction to renting a row boat in that area. Of course I haven’t done that in ~ 15 years. There’s less fecal matter in my own pool than in the springs.

  34. proudgrampa

    DEER GLN BECK:

    I RITE RIL GOOD. I CN DU YORE RESERCH FOR U TO. PLEZE HIRE ME!

    REEGRDZ

    A FAN

  35. norbizness

    Republicans are now only good for stink tanks, which is interestingly Wasillian slang for a toilet.

  36. El Pinche

    Hiring a bipolar psycho retard (or as Beck puts it ,”comedian”) and making money from him is one thing. Work for one is another.

  37. Custerwolf

    [re=316375]ManchuCandidate[/re]: Boy, this is pretty complex codification for an erotic ad, Glenn. I guess since CL banned the whore section (due to murderous side effects), you’ve been forced to get a little creative all up in here.

  38. S.Luggo

    If you read more of the ad, it says “reach-around skills a plus”.

    Plus what? I don’t get it.

  39. qaf

    [re=316382]Woodwards Friend[/re]: Well, he is a Mormon. They’re practically the same thing.

  40. Gallowglass

    And all I’d have to do is sell my soul and the sexual rights to my asshole. What a deal!

  41. EdFlinstone

    Appropriate attire is newly shapen tinfoil hat and you can teleconference from your bunker.

  42. Bruno

    DOES THIS MEAN EVERYTHINGS I WRITES IN ALL CAPS GOES DIRECTLY INTO BECKS TeLePRoMPTr?

Comments are closed.