Wonkette
- Cheerios won’t cure your cancer, no matter what the packaging says. [Bloomberg]
- Even though the NRSC speedily endorsed Charlie Crist for the Senate, the rank-and-file (Glenn Beck, etc.) find him too “soft” and “friendly.” [Miami Herald]
- Bank repossessions fell off last month, but a shit-ton of households saw the foreclosure process begin, which means we can expect to see a high number of repossessions at some point in our glorious future. [Washington Post]
- Intel owes the EU 1 billion euros for being mean to AMD. [Wall Street Journal]
- President Obama doesn’t exactly know how he’ll reform the health care system, or who will help him do it, but by gum the House of Representatives will pass some sort of heath care reform bill in, uh, two and a half months. [Fox News]
- The president also wants to know who key Judiciary Committee and Senate members would like to see appointed to the Supreme Court, not that it matters because he’s just going to pick Bill Ayers. [AP]
Hell, you should have seen General Mills’ next incarnation of the Cheerios ad campaign: EAT CHEERIOS OR END UP JUST LIKE FARAH FAWCETT!!!!!
Glenn Beck is being unfair. Maybe Charlie was a little “soft,” but it’s nothing a dose of Levitra wouldn’t fix.
MEMO TO GOP:
Move Palin or Bachmann or Joe Wurtsleburger down to Florida, ASAP, and get them in this race.
I thought he was gonna pick Rev. Wright (but only after he’s post-op).
I believe Frankenberry cures schizophrenia. When I eat it the crunching sound drowns out the voices in my head.
Monsieur Grumpe:
Well, Corn Pops helps cure my craving for heroin. Nothing sez drug rehab like commercials comparing a sugar coated cereal to an addiction. Gotta have my Pops and I’ll cut any fucker who gets in my way (thanks Kellog!)
Cocoa Puffs still makes your dick bigger, right?
So Kashi Good friends doesn’t prevent STDs???
Monsieur Grumpe: Nice!
Johnny Zhivago: Kitty Harris: Tanned, rested and ready.
Fruit Loops for all those in N. England (except VT) and Iowa.
Shouldn’t they report the foreclosures just once? Seems like we hear about the same foreclosures about a million times instead of just the one time that house is foreclosed upon. Can someone explain this one?
Even so, Cheney did very well with that Count Chocula diet.
I have eaten cheerios and I am 100% cancer-free. Side effects like the superfluous third nipple are a small price to pay for the benefits of this wonder cereal.
Cheerios will, however, help keep you regular, which is important to mature ladies.
I dunno about these food medical cures. I tried oysters for potency, once, but they kept slipping off.
Ok, I stole that one.
Naked Bunny with a Whip: and the Frosted Mini-wheats claim is TRUE! Thanks to all that sugar, my children have “increased attentiveness”… to thousands of things in micro-second long bursts.
ManchuCandidate: There are two important benefits to heroin addiction.
When you have heroin you are happy!
When you are without heroin you know exactly what you need to return to a state of happiness!
ManchuCandidate: So Corn Pops come laden with buprenorphine? Then goddammit why am I paying $150/month just for a fucking prescription? And why didn’t somebody tell me about this earlier?
What about those 18-hour boner claims from Cap-N-Crunch?
hobospacejunkie: buprenorphine?
Am I missing out on something good?
Country Club Jihadi: Cocoa Puffs should be avoided at all costs. Animal testing has proven that it drives you bat shit crazy.
x111e7thst: Buprenorphine? Dude you are SO missing out! To remedy this situation all you have to do is get seriously addicted to opiates, go into withdrawal (fun!) and pay $2000/year (if you have insurance, otherwise ~$5600) for your prescription. But don’t be a pill pussy when establishing your addiction, be a man & stick a needle in your arm!
hobospacejunkie: “be a man & stick a needle in your arm!”
The only dope worth shooting left office back in January.
Country Club Jihadi: Sure, if you eat them while someone’s sucking your cock.
Custerwolf: I agree. I was just pointing out the best way to get buprenorphine/suboxone/subutex.
Custerwolf: If you stick that needle in your arm while someone is sucking your cock the experience is (trust me) incomparable. The first couple of times.
Eventually you lose interest in the cocksucked part. And there are other downsides.
My mom is well on her way to being a “bird lady”. Her house is like the grocery store of the bird world. She feeds them a nice variety so they won’t get bored, but she says they absolutely refuse to eat Cheerios.
hobospacejunkie: win
From the Cheerios article:
The warning letter represented the FDA’s first action against a “mainstream food product” in more than nine years and showed the agency is exerting its authority under President Barack Obama…
Wait, so Obama takes office and all of a sudden our food is less safe? Where’s the Drudge siren? He can’t blame this on Bush! Dubya kept our food safe since before 9/11, and now Obama has gone and ruined it. No wonder Congress wouldn’t accept all those teabags! Freeeeedom!
x111e7thst: Well put.
Mustang: That is the cutest story I’ve ever read here.
Custerwolf: I’m trying to create my niche. Cute’s a wide open area, unlike the overcrowded environments of “juvenile fascination with graphic sex talk” and “babbling about some weird stuff.”
I’d love to have Ayers on the court, but I’m worried the pick would bomb.
Josef K.: He’s grown out of that.
SayItWithWookies: Dang, does this mean also I will no longer have the reassuring, slightly bored and irritated voice of Garrison Keillor telling me each week that Honeynut Cheerios can lower my cholesterol?
Gonna miss that.
Custerwolf: Meh. You like anything about critters, no matter how disgusting.
“Soft” in the anus and “friendly” with the schoolboys. Orange Jesus strikes again.
Just say it. Charley Crist sucks dicks and that’s why they don’t want the big gay Senator from Florida sitting next to rest of the Republicans in Caucus.
It appears Irving Einstein, Alberts crack smoking nephew and science adviser to the Talibangelicals posits the aggregate queerness of the Republican party might coalesce to form a uni-dimensional “Queer Hole” that would suck all the hetero out of the world.
That’s why Newt Gingrich never stands next to Larry Craiq.
Cheerios does lower your cholesterol- you just have to sprinkle them with Lipitor
I think Glenn Beck, Rush etc. should finally run for office. I look forward to the crying and Norm Colman style legal cases when they lose like the cockroaches they are
Soft and Friendly? No I prefer my leaders brutal and uncaring. Thank you very much. Maybe this is why the word empathy is not heard of in the GOP
Cheerios? Please. Everyone in Alaska knows Oreos are a main component of a balanced diet.