Wonkette
Remember Sarah Palin, the briefly famous wingnut lady who can’t speak, can’t read and can’t even remember the name of a single newspaper she pretends to read every day? Yeah, she’s getting millions of dollars from HarperCollins to write her “memoirs.” Jesus. She hired a lawyer last year (after she lost the election for McCain) to go after an $11 million advance.
The Anchorage Daily News reports:
She called that figure “laughable” in January but has never provided another. Palin said she’d give a portion of the book money to charities, although she hasn’t decided how much or which ones.
This snowbilly grifter is the biggest con artist in American History.
“Palin said she’d give a portion of the book money to charities, although she hasn’t decided how much or which ones.”
The American Society for the Advancement of Single Teenage Daughters of Governors, and the Society for Moose-Killin’.
I predict that a few GOP and fundie groups will buy copies to give as gifts. The rest will sit around bookstores and warehouses, being discounted more and more, until they are sent to be turned into pulp.
that picture made me throw up in my mouth a little.
Agghh- Jesus christ!! Todd actually puts his cock in that thing?
Ha, no charity in the world is gonna see a dime of that money, unless it’s the “Fuck You, All Mine Palin Fund”. You know what this means, though: BOOK TOUR! I await her interviews on Jon Stewart, Oprah & the View.
I was going to compliment the picture–really speaks to her essential character.
Harper Collins “won” the bidding. Regnery must really be running short of cash.
JMP: That should be Single Teenage Mother Daughters of Governors, obviously.
Terry: The publisher will probably also spend several months flogging the book on Wonkette, not getting irony.
I heard that Skinamax optioned it.
Captain McAwesome:
…and yet, the guys here were calling her the GILF.
Palin is to great literature what Liberace was to pumping iron.
I wonder what kind of cut Greta’s husband gets?
Foreward by Tonya Harding.
Buzz Feedback: Epilogue by Carrie Creamedherjeans.
When can I preorder my copy of Happy Birthday, Mr. Baby Jesus: a Hillbilly Hottie’s Musings on America?
“There have been so many things written and said through mainstream media that have not been accurate, and it will be nice through an unfiltered forum to get to speak truthfully about who we are and what we stand for and what Alaska is all about,” Palin said.
And I cannot goddamn wait until Rumsfeld writes his memoirs either.
So, where do you propose the book will be filed?
Humor? Science Fiction? Occult? (Hey, you can’t call the same-old-shit ‘New Age.’)
Hmmm. Not so sure I want my nutz resting on her chin now.
Ken, got any close-ups of Jessica Alba’s lips to make us all feel a bit better?
Terry: That was when they had only seen B&W “Sarah Barracuda” basketball picture.
If they had seen the one at the top of this page GILF would have stood for Gross Images Lacking Feces.
Yeah, she’s getting millions of dollars from HarperCollins to write her “memoirs.”
Correction: She’s getting millions of dollars to drive several ghost writers to a hot bath and a few messy minutes with a razor.
God, looks like she could create diamonds between those lips.
Those are the upper lips, right?
I look forward to reading about her college years, and how tough it was finding a GOOD school to get into.
How do you author a book when you don’t do teh reedin.
Texan Bulldoggette: And probably Steven Colbert because, you know, he really is conservative.
Finally - a jeebus-luvin jizz twizzlin beauty queen flunky is here to tell me what Alaska is all about. Can’t fucking wait.
Terry: Yeah, but who said anything about kissing her?
Terry: It’s strictly Kindle. As in fire-starter.
What happened to the reality show? Did I miss it?
Hominidx: “God, looks like she could create diamonds between those lips.”
Greta was overheard bragging how the tip of Todd’s cock was the hardest element she’d ever come across (or on).
lmj: They’re waiting to see how the book does.
Eleven million bucks for a pop-up book?! Sweet!
“Whack Like Me”
Custerwolf: only after Track broke it in for him…
I hope she gives some money to the coalition of trailer trash and log cabin meth labs of America. The meth that been going around lately is just awful.
PSA for Meth Labs from the Clinton Years- http://acksisofevil.org/audio/C-D/PSA.mp3
Money is power, right? So if she gets to roll around in literally millions of dollar bills does she really need to run for another office? I mean, millionaires don’t have to read shit and no one gives a good goddamn.
Custerwolf: Thanks for the sleepless night tonight.
Bearbloke: I was talking about the lips in the photo, dear. You’d need a rock-hard prick and a pry bar to make passage.
Country Club Jihadi: for the win.
All the copies
purchased bysold via NewsMAX are gonna have have plastic-laminated pictures, ’cause, you know… all her male readers are gonna be, ahem, ‘voting’ for the “hot chick”…Custerwolf: so was I!
That’s a crazy amount of pancake makeup.
It’s a shame that White Fang is taken. How about…
East of Sweden
Still Life with Moose Pecker
Never Cry Katie
Bearbloke: You dawg.
“Beyond The Palin” a book & movie deal (a porno from 1975 with Gov Crist’s mustache)
SayItWithWookies:
Oil of me
Exxonerated
Northern Overexposure
Drill Bitch Tailored
In Alaskan Braille which is bullet holes
Custerwolf: yeah! **kis*s*in*g her might lead to… mouth to mouth regurgitation!….
Bearbloke: Hey, I’ll try anything once…
http://i389.photobucket.com/albums/oo336/brontie2/gertie.jpg
She only bribed McCain $1 million, so that’s a nice $10 million profit.
How to Slut Yourself in Alaska and Get Rich Doing it
You Betcha: a Memoir of Drilling in Alaska
Dreams From My Daughter: A memoir of white-trash
The Audacity of White People: Tales from Alaska
Desperate Hockey Moms
From Alaska with Love
How I Scammed an Entire Nation By Looking Like Tina Fey
Wasilla Blues: A Story of Triumph
Alcohol: How I Named My Children
She was very good in that movie, “Nailin Palin”, she is not only a brilliant Thespian, but a prolific writer obviously.
How anyone figured her a GILF is beyond me (I won’t think of hate fucks, anyway).
That pic looks a bit like Mrs. Doubtfire BUT, for some odd reason, I’m seeing Tom Cruise
in Dusty Rose lipstick.
I’d still hit that.
I bet that she would check the grammar from my last post and comment that she uses those little squiggles in place of the dots all the time.
THIS is what they blew all that Dan Brown money on?
Fuck you, publishing industry.
I HAVE COMMANDEERED A COPY:
Chapter 1 (there is only one chapter):
THERE IS THINGS LIKE RUSSIA OVER DER. IT IS GUNNA COME OVER HERE AND ATTACK. LUCKILY ME AM THE FIRST LINE OF DEFENSE. DON’T HAVE ABORTIONS BECAUSE OF DOWN SYNDROME. SHOOT THINGS OUT OF HELICOPTERS CUZ YOU NEVER KNOW WHEN THAT DARNED GOTCHA JOURNALISM WILL STRIKE AND YOU NEED TO BE READY WITH TODD ON YOUR SIDE. I HAVE GREAT LIFE. NEVER WORKED FOR ANYTHING, BUT STILL KINDA COOL. RAD. ALL THAT. THIS IS MY BOOKE, HAVE A NICE DAY.
THANK YOU FOR SPENDING $24.95 ON THIS. I AM VERY HAPPY ABOUT THAT. BABBYS ALSO.
Todd’s finally gonna get himself that gold-plated snowMACHINE he’s always been done dreamin’ of.
Hallelujah.
Custerwolf:
“In What Respect, Charley . . .”
“‘A Black Girl Beat Me in the 1984 Miss Alaska Pagent’: How the Things I Learned as a Beauty Queen Helped Me Lose the 2008 Election”
The Difference between a Hockey Mom and a Pit Bull: lipstick, Prada shoes, a Gucci handbag, and a few $3,000 Suits”
“Starbursts”
shortsshortsshorts: Sure there’s not much text, but its glossy pages will be adorned with an assortment of Sarah action photos to illustrate her folksy gibberish.
shanemacgowan: Whichever book title they go with, you can read it to me in bed.
weird. she’s a very attractive woman (yes, she is) and that close-up captures it all:
small minded,
mean
repressed
artificial
tense
weird.
sigh, I feel the need to point out a Very Important Fact: Harper Collins is owned by News Corp, which is also Fox News. Expect a glowing forward by Greta, and afterward by Hannity, and maybe the book jacket will be written by Satan.
Remember that West Virginia preacher who won $100 million or so in lottery, only to end up with multiple DUIs and car crashes, ripped off by pole dancers, hookers, lost his wife,had a daughter and nephew overdose and die, and other generally hillbilly mayhem?
Sit back and watch when the check arrives. This could be fun!
Custerwolf: For the sake of America’s safety, we can only hope it’s a pop-up book.
shortsshortsshorts: Well, if shanemacgowan takes me up on my offer we can always make our own.
Custerwolf: “Agghh- Jesus christ!! Todd actually puts his cock in that thing?”
Okay, that was funny. I’m big enough to admit it.
No moooing around.
I think Palin is hot. And Malkin too.
But I do not like the idea of ‘hate f**ks’ I do not understand them.
I think it might be a sign that I like to be degraded.
I hope it is “OK” to express deep secrets like that at a family sex gossip blog like this.
Except, if it is true that she tatooed her lips for permanent lipstick, then forget it.
I wouldn’t like to be THAT degraded, even if it is true that I do like to be degraded.
That would be too much degradation
Even for a family sex-news blog like this one here.
Sarah Palin. Book.
I can’t even put them in the same sentence.
I would betcha a dime bag o’ Wasilla Meth that her general follower doesn’t read much beyond the back of the SoftScrub while taking a shit. Oh, while they may claim the the jebus bible is the only book worth reading, they have yet to actually turn a page of it, except for the back part where they write in relative’s name when the kettle explodes.
Oh I so wish Wonkette did photoshop contests… I very much want to design the cover to her book.
Neilist: Neilist: If “big enough to admit it”
If you’re big enough when you admit it, I’ll be small enough to make it worth your while.
Custerwolf: Jesezus, can you tell I’m drunk? Fuck. Girl.
But, but Carrie said it was a very windy day at THE photo shoot!
jetjaguar: Do it! Do it!
“Memoirs of a Valley Girl” could be the title or the “Witch of Wasilla” After this big book deal, then maybe she can buy those clothes from the RNC and pay her own legal fees. Can’t imagine many Americans are going to contribute to her legal fund after this news. She has become the Britney Spears of politics. I hope she gets enough money from this deal to retire and stay in Alaska. I’m hoping her 15 seconds of fame are drawing to a close soon.
lips like salmon, salmon kisses….
This is why the publishing industry deserves its imminent death.
If only McCain had chosen Lieberman, we would have been spared this grifter cunt. I guess I have another thing to add to my “Things I Can Legitimately Blame Joe Lieberman For” list.
I assume Meghan McCain will be the ghost writer.
obfuscator: I thought that was Stephen King?
I predict a musical in about 2035 entitled “Don’t Cry for Me, Alaska.” Andrew Lloyd Webber will be taken out of cryogenic storage to write the book and music. A reanimated Madonna will star. It’ll be huge.
Typical Republican reaction:
Wow! Sarah Palin is writing a book??? Who would know, she’s beautiful AND brainy!
Custerwolf: I’d read that. I wouldn’t buy it, but I’d read it whilst loitering at Barnes & Nobles.
This isn’t original, only true. My sex drive screamed “Red alert! Mental fellatio image approaching!” My penis, however, somehow sucked itself up into my stomach in response. And then the image hit me and I understood why. Can we not do this thing with the picture again? K, thx.
Custerwolf: With nothing between us but two glasses of whiskey and a copy of “Dreams of My Father.” You had me at Chapter 1.
It might just be the only book I ever burn.
…after I steal it, of course.
With her U$D 11mil, Bible Spice will be able to buy about 10mil shares of GM, according to the afternoon news - it’s about Noon, and I’m wondering if I should use my lunchmunnies for food or a new Buick Snowmobile to get home on this first snowday of the season…
So is this some kind of back door way of making illegal campaign contributions or something. It can’t be because they think they’ll make a profit. You can’t tell me any of these multi-million dollar wingnut tirades they’ve published over the last 8 years has ever cleared enough to cover the cost of the ink to print it. They should save themselves counter space and just unpack the books directly into the .25 mark down bin.
doesn’t one write “memoirs” at the END of ones career?? Thank gawd….she’s admitting she’s a “has-been”!
The Audacity of a Snowbilly Cunt Who Shamelessly Uses Her Family And Throws Anyone Who Ever Helps Her Under An Argo. also
SHEEZ LIEK HORSLEY IN TEH BATTLE OF TROOF. WAKE UP SHEEPLES. SHEEZ WILL HAVE TEH BEST COLORING BOOK OF ALLZ.
MO Inkslinger:
That - “the Britney Spears of politics” - was my thought exactly. Except she won’t be able to burn through her money as quickly, because what’s she going to spend it on in Alaska? Strawberries?
Mmmm lips… My dick just threw up in its mouth a little.
2druk2phluq: I don’t see how that picture evokes a sexual response. When I see it, this is who comes to mind. Although that’s not really kind — to Peggy.
lukewarm: Oh, they have “snow” in Alaska, I’m sure. “Powder”, no doubt.
Just wait for those photos of Palin letting it all out on the hot Juneau club scene.
Chapter 12: The Importance of Religion at Home
People ask me how was I able to deal with Bristol telling me she was pregnant. I won’t deny that it was a hard blow, but I knew that our religion would get us through it. Call me crazy, but Bristol’s and Levi’s deep religious beliefs let me know everything would be all right. I remember how, before the pregnancy, Bristol and Levi would pray together in her room. “Oh God!, Oh God! Oh God!” she would scream as the spirit overwhelmed her, followed by her talking in tongues. They would also discuss politics together, as the first time I ever heard “Drill, Baby, Drill!” was when Bristol shouted it from her room.
Terry: Sadly, if there are people who buy Ann Coulter’s or Jonah Goldberg’s books, there will be people who buy this. The only good thing is that most of them probably can’t read.
“If It Moves, Kill It: The Sarah Palin Story” … although “A Sale Of Two Titties” works too.
A hard road ahead for Governor Palin. The toughest part for her is going to be keeping track of all the little numbers that go over the dots.
AliBabaInBA: Most librarians will file her book under … missing!! Haha, don’t fuck with librarians, bitch.
Mad Brahms: Funny enough my mom’s boyfriend sold
KISS their coke when they were touring Anchorage.
Too bad “Fear and Loathing on the Campaign Trail” is already taken.
“Dashing Great Expectations”?
“Winked the Beloved Cuntly”?
“Pride and Prejudice Went-eth Before the Fall”?
“The Sarah Palin Lessonbook for Kids Who Want to Read Good and Want To Do Other Stuff Good Also. Also.”?
Terry: Anyone remember Newt Gingrich’s novel, 1942? It earned him a multi-million dollar advance from one of Rupert Murdoch’s tame publishers. In fact, it was a lightly disguised bribe, for allowing M. to own more than one TV station in a city. Perhaps Palin’s book is hiding a bribe as well. On the other hand, maybe it’s a big joke, like the memoirs of Morris the Cat.
Zhu Bajie
“And I cannot goddamn wait until Rumsfeld writes his memoirs either.”
I’m waiting for something like Procopius’ _Secret History_, full of stories of how Bush was really a demon, who carried his head under his arm, late at night, and what a harlot Condi was, wishing for a 4th “portal for emissaries of cupid,” so that she could entertain 4 admirers at once, instead of only 3. Who knows, it might even be true.
Zhu Bajie, ancient historian
AliBabaInBA: As-told-to autobio.
Zhu Bajie
Custerwolf: Any port in a storm, I suppose, but I’ll bet the bars/massage parlors of Alaska’s fishing ports have lots of better-looking females.
Zhu Bajie
shortsshortsshorts: Maybe Horsley can be husband #2; or #1 concubine.
Zhu Bajie
What do you want to bet that every member of the Assemblies of God, etc., will be pressured to go out, buy her book? Even if they never read it. (Most born-agains don’t actually get around to reading the Bible, after all.)
Zhu Bajie
“Mein Kampf: The Snowbilly Edition”
zhu is either a night owl or a morning person.
DC Hates Me: It’ll be right next to “Daddy’s Roommate”.
Custerwolf: He mighta tried to pump Jeremy.
I hope they print it on toilet paper, preferably Charmin, ’cause that is all it will be good for.
Bearbloke: I have a redneck neighbor who has a “I love Palin” sticker in the back window of his car. Not I love McCain/Palin, mind you, just Palin. I’m sure his wife must be so pleased.
MGBYG: BEST POST EVAR…..ALSO
Joe the Dumber will write the forward.
I hope some of that stimulus money went to upgrading and extending America’s remainder shelves.
BTW, ginormous bonuses aren’t necessarily a gift from Bacchus. If the book doesn’t actually sell, she might even have to give some of it back.
Lionel Hutz Esq.: Now that is a book that would sell!
…definitely on the NYT best seller list with the * notation…
(*) lots of copies “sold” but in bulk, so doesn’t really count
Please make her go away!!!!!!!
Loose lips sink ships.
Tight lips limp dicks.
zhubajie: It’s true. The churches will sell copies from a table in the back of the parish hall (coffee room). You know — where they sell the DVDs of pastor’s best sermons and the copies of the LaHaye books. In the pastor’s post-sermon wrap-up remarks, everyone will be very strongly urged to get a few copies.
And still the Lord tarries, failing to show up with his whip, to teach the Neopharisees the same lesson he taught their philosophical forebears.
Those lips are the spitting image of Nurse Ratched. No shit.
Stop freaking me out.
Perhaps the clearest evidence that the Christians are right, and the World is fallen.
I really don’t get the publishing industry throwing tons of $$$ at people like her. Number one, the demographic that likes Palin doesn’t like reading anyway. Who will buy this except for a handful of people? There are many great writers out there who are so much more talented than her, and they just get shafted by deals like this.
I am now officially organizing a local party where we will get smashed and take turns reading aloud from this book while other partygoers act it out for the edification of all. With props. I hope to make it a yearly event, if the fire department and paramedics say I can.
“Where the Stupid Things Are”
NewSpence: There is one sadly neglected group always left out of these discussions. The Wasilla Wingnuts are big on high school dropouts, and they’re economically challenged too!
Custerwolf: … or Miss California for humping irony.
How come they didn’t ax me to ghost write it? I’m a ghost and I’ve been writing for–well, since before Governor Moosejaw got toilet trained. (What? Oh, really? Gross.)
It hurts my heart that a single other sentence of Snowbilly Methqueen’s (ghost writer’s) words will be immortalized on paper, much less a book. I weep in shame before posterity, on behalf of our dark times.
Though I do hope to yet see to Brian Murray (or whoever it is at HarperCollins calling the shots)stepping down in a shitstorm of recrimination when the book fails to recoup.
hpwilliams: How do you author a book when you don’t do teh reedin.
It’s so easy even Dohbya is doin’ it. The most honest faux-author was one of the sTrumpettes, who signed a multi-million contract for a mystery and then advertised for someone to write it.
Her charity of choice: The Bristol Palin Home for Unwed Mothers.
loquaciousmusic: Cooze lips slip Tripps.
“None Dare Call It Treason” sold 7 million copies. If radio talk shows give away “None Dare Call Me Brite,” Harper Collins might move a few books before they get remaindered.
BobLoblawLawBlog: “Winked the Beloved Cuntly”?
Ok, that was funny right there.
Can someone now spend $1m in grease money to get the real inside story on her? I’m sure $50k to the Johnstons will unlock a lot of forgotten family secrets.
It’ll be bigger than Mein Kampf!
ladymacbeth: …weird. she’s a very attractive woman (yes, she is) …
I literally cannot see it. It’s that synthesis symptom. Like, when you’re riding through beautiful vistas along the coast and you have to go to the bathroom real bad? You think you’re appreciating the scenery? There is no way that witch looks good to me. She represents a missed toilet stop.
Also, her base doesn’t read any more than she does. It’s organizing an alpine skiing trip in Kansas.
If there’s one thing HDTV has taught me, it’s that maybe you really wouldn’t do that lady TV anchor, after all.
Texan Bulldoggette: That would be so awesome. But if Couric’s interview was considered “gotcha journalism”, I can only imagine what she thinks of Stewart. If she has heard of him.
I thought she already wrote her memoirs? Didn’t Bush read it to kids while the Twin Towers were falling?
SayItWithWookies: Win.
Custerwolf: Double win!
The Subpeona-a-Day Desk Calendar
1001 Wasillans - The Palin Family
Seven Inlaws for Seven Brothers
Don’t Know Much About Geography … - the Sarah Palin Story
Meth and Methodology: A Normative Analysis of Taigal Hermeneutics
Obamy will gay marry socialist Dracula, also.
Terry: “…and yet, the guys here were calling her the GILF.”
That was before she started talking.
I love encountering wingnut libraries - that one shelf of books in the family room with the Left Behind series, The Purpose Driven Life, various Chicken Soup Soul remedies, the Rise and Fall of the Third Reich (always there) and the Living Bible. I’ll probably see Palin’s book on shelves like that in the future. That is, if this book ever gets written. This is Palin after all. $5 says that the next time we hear about this, she’ll be firing yet another ghost writer and taking her legal disputes with HarperCollins over her advance public with a diatribe about the socialist media.
Hmmm, that pic needs bukkake…
The governor said she wants to do a lot of the writing herself
That’ll keep it at a George W. Bush reading level.
I had to come back here and say that picture is haunting me. Why would someone do that? Why not tattoo the whole lip?
Memoirs to me have always implied that someone has something to say about something sometime. Or had a thought about something sometime.
“ALSO”