This is what a poetry slam feels like.In the ninth circle of Hell, just between the usurers and the winged demon Satan flapping his wings in that frozen pond, lies a self-important little coffee house full of nerds who vote on each other’s poetry, which is universally awful. The Obamas will bring a slice of this Hell to their own home tonight, when they host the first-ever White House Poetry Slam. Why does Barack Obama hate America so much?

“It’s an incredible honor any time to receive an invitation from the White House and President Obama,” said Arizona Rep. Krysten Sinema, who is among the 100 people invited to attend the event. “But to see our nation’s talent and be a part of history at the first-ever White House Poetry Slam is amazing. I’m very excited to be a part of this moment.”

On the plus side, James Earl Jones will be there. On the minus side, that lady who writes all the time about how much she loves to fuck her husband will also be there, with her husband (Michael Chabon).

STOP THE PRESSES, CORRECTION: This is a poetry “jam,” not a poetry “slam,” which apparently means it’s not a competition. Everybody wins! (Except America.)

Obamas to Host First Ever White House Poetry Slam [NBC New York]
Obamas Hosts James Earl Jones at Tuesday Night Poetry Jam [Politics Daily]

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  1. There once was a girl from Madras,
    Who had an incredible ass.
    It wasn’t rounded or pink,
    As you just might think,
    But was grey, had long ears and ate grass.

  2. I actually read the “I Loves to Fuck my Hubby” article.

    What I learned was:
    a) I can endure lots before I throw up
    b) I understand why they have 4 kids
    c) Their kids are going to die of embarrassment when classmates bring this article up thanks to the intertubes

  3. They had frequent poetry slams at the U of C back when I was an undergrad, which was the same time Obama was a professor there. Maybe that’s where he got the idea. I never went, because the people who liked them were the same folks who though the swing dance revival was a good idea.

    Anyway; sorry? I guess.

  4. I’m still waiting to hear from usually forthcoming gheys and hetero ladies on the subject of whether or not they agree with Mrs. Chabon on her hubbie’s fuckability.

  5. Maybe insted of reciting a poem about how much she loves to hit it (then step back and hit it again) Ayelet will drag hubby dearest on stage and demonstrate. Would I pay to see that?

  6. Based on his jacket photo, Michael Chabon’s pretty fuckable. Based on that, and the fact that he’s such a ridiculously talented writer, I plan to stalk and kill him at some point.

    J/K, Mr. FBI man. Jeez.

  7. [re=314227]Lazy Media[/re]: Oh, and I’m not the ghey or the lady type, but I still know what fuckable guys look like. The standard is, how close to Elvis do they look? Because, I’m not funny or nothin’, but if I HAD to fuck a dude, I’d fuck Elvis.

  8. [re=314227]Lazy Media[/re]: Actually, better plan, I’m gonna seduce his wife. Because MILFs who don’t think children are the center of the universe are HAWT.

  9. poetry slam=rap.hip-hop without the beat.

    subversive Barry.
    good way to sneak teh ghetto crowd into the ‘House’ without alerting the villagers.

  10. [re=314202]Crab1[/re]: No, believe me, you would rather sit through a poetry reading than endure that awful NYT article about a new mommy who Michael Chabon is repeatedly fucking. Isn’t he gay anyway?

  11. Wonder Boys is great. I haven’t seen the movie and I can’t bring myself to, but that’s a personal thing. See, I understand the movie cuts out the middle third of the book, which is my favorite part. It’s set in a fictional town that’s supposed to be pretty close to the real town I grew up in, so it has special meaning.

    My wife thinks Michael Chabon is dreamy, but I know enough about Ayelet Waldman to safely say there’ll be no wife-swapping if we ever meet the Chabons. I mean, seriously.

  12. [re=314205]JMP[/re]: Hey, swing dance revival was an AWESOME idea!!

    As for the lady who’s into her husband against all laws of social decorum, judging from her description of him, she’s married to Severus Snape, so she can be excused.

  13. [re=314379]Lazy Media[/re]: Yeah, she’s attractive enough. It’s just that flakes give me hives, so I couldn’t steel myself enough.

  14. I thought Ayelet’s article was nice (sorry no snark). I’m lucky that my wife still chases me around the house even though we have a mess of babies. No secks would give me a sad.

  15. Poetry slams are a fucking crime. They’re poetry for people who hate poetry but who love to talk about their own irritating lives in a cadence that makes me want to machete fuck their eye sockets.

  16. In the ninth circle of Hell, just between the usurers and the winged demon Satan flapping his wings in that frozen pond, lies a self-important little coffee house full of nerds who vote on each other’s BLOGS, which is universally awful.

    Fixed that for you.

  17. [re=314441]proudgrampa[/re]:

    There once was a pol from Chicago
    Who won the White House imbroglio
    He gave contests in rhyme
    About all the damned time
    But only to please his seraglio.

    Or something. Limericks are *hard*.

  18. [re=314441]proudgrampa[/re]: There once was a girl from Nantucket
    Who wrote dirty verse by the bucket
    She rhymed cock with schlock,
    Vadge with cadge, balls with smalls
    And with orange she rhymed, um, ah….fuck it.

  19. [re=314418]PopeyesPipe[/re]: Thank you! Last Thursday I went to this a comedy club in Inglewood for my sister’s birthday thinking I was about to laugh at some dumb Bill Bellamy big-booty jokes. We walk in loud and laughing already, wearing tiny dresses (scantily clad, yes), drunk and high (on the Man’s narcotics, yes) and who the fuck do we interrupt droning on upon the stage? Taalam Acey – the spoken word, “True Lies” dude. The Lakers’ game had pushed back “Def Floetry Jam” night and there he was up there complaining about the scantily clad ladies and narcotics in Black culture, while some guy painted besides him.

    I mean, the guy makes an interesting documentaries, but really? At a nightclub, on my night off?

  20. A slam hosted by Barack O,
    With poets few people will know,
    It will prolly be lame,
    with the rhymes all the same,
    But I’d beat up your mother to go.

  21. James Earl Jones’ poem:

    Barack, I AM your father!
    Come over to the dark side.
    Forget those Kansas crackers;
    WE ARE your staunchest backers.

    visit in a week or so to view the complete Fake News article on the White House Poetry Slam, from the paper that serves Slam participant Rep. Kyrsten Sinema’s constituents: The Midtown Messenger!

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