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DECLARATIONS

It’s Official!

Charlie Crist has a wife. [Charlie Crist's Twitter]


9:41 AM on Tue May 12 2009
By Sara K. Smith
2812 Views

  1. hockeymom says at 9:41 am, May 12th, 2009

    10 bucks says he spelled her name wrong.

  2. sezme says at 9:42 am, May 12th, 2009

    Classic punchline!

  3. An announcement on Twitter? FAIL!

    TGY, Thinking Big in a Small Media

  4. hobospacejunkie says at 9:45 am, May 12th, 2009

    His mouth says wife but his eyes say fag hag.

  5. Doglessliberal says at 9:46 am, May 12th, 2009

    hockeymom: That spelling is like Olde Towne. What is the purpose of the ‘e’? In Olde Towne, it is to make us think it is more old-y and town-y, I suppose, so maybe here it is to make us think she is more female? To prove he is not actually married to a transvestite?

  6. bitchincamaro says at 9:48 am, May 12th, 2009

    After careful consideration, I have decided not to give a shit.

  7. I thought gay marriage was illegal in Florida?

  8. freakishlystrong says at 9:50 am, May 12th, 2009

    Like toilet snakes this also makes me happy. Thank goodness Boner will now have competition in the closedted gay, not found in nature person of color department in Congress.

  9. Alt-text, respond. Alt-text? ALT-TEEEEEEXT!

  10. Texan Bulldoggette says at 9:54 am, May 12th, 2009

    The only thing wrong with Charlie is that he’s in the closet (albeit a poorly constructed closet–like those with the folding doors) & he’s a Republican. If he came out & became a Dem, he’d probably add 20 years to his life. Then he could retire in Key West with all the other gehzs.

  11. WagTehGod says at 9:54 am, May 12th, 2009

    “Twitter. You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.”

  12. Noonan says at 9:55 am, May 12th, 2009

    Doglessliberal: Or an ‘h’ at the end of ‘Sarah’ or in the middle of ‘Meghan’. Not necessary. Furthermore proving the point that SKS > Meg McCabe.

  13. charlesdegoal says at 9:55 am, May 12th, 2009

    Doglessliberal: You mean, like Carol Reed?

  14. Joshua Norton says at 9:55 am, May 12th, 2009

    Does he pay her by the hour? Or does he get the special monthly rate? Will she keep changing - like Darren in “Bewitched”? I mean, he can’t expect the same girl to be available all the time. She has other customers, you know.

  15. tehbenton says at 9:55 am, May 12th, 2009

    wife beard

    Fixed that for you, Charlie.

  16. bitchincamaro says at 9:57 am, May 12th, 2009

    Texan Bulldoggette: That’s why they’re called “bi-fold” doors.

  17. Numbat Dundee says at 9:58 am, May 12th, 2009

    He thoughtfully considers with her.
    BTW - we Aussies had a closeted gay PM towards the end of the Vietnam War. He married a society nympho for convenience and she gave birth to two children. One of these, who went on to play the demon lover in Charmed, added to the mystery by the fact that, despite the fact that he was/is a hunk and his dad was short and balding with big ears and a voice like a nanny goat, he sort of looks a bit liken him about the eyes and that.
    If you want to know just google William (Billy) McMahon.

  18. themightysea says at 10:00 am, May 12th, 2009

    Wait, why are we excited again? I get my southern hypocrites mixed up.

  19. Naked Bunny with a Whip says at 10:05 am, May 12th, 2009

    “Thoughtful consideration”? Isn’t Crist a Republican? He should say he has prayed for guidance and God told him to run.

    Thinking. That’s so elitist.

  20. Doglessliberal says at 10:07 am, May 12th, 2009

    Noonan: This is even worse, because, in theory, the e changes the pronunciation, so it should be Cair-OLE, but it is not, so it is extra stupid.

  21. Monsieur Grumpe says at 10:07 am, May 12th, 2009

    Crist is running for Senate and Hobo Beans are discounted!!!! This is turning out to be a good news day.

  22. Guppy06 says at 10:07 am, May 12th, 2009

    Doglessliberal: The extraneous E is there to stress that it is actually a woman, and that Charlie didn’t marry John Paul II or Archie Bunker.

  23. Doglessliberal says at 10:08 am, May 12th, 2009

    Naked Bunny with a Whip: And bound to get you into trouble. If you just do what the Lord tells you (as transmitted to you via your selected nutjob right-wing preacher or radio or TV commentator), life is so much simpler.

  24. MARCdMan says at 10:09 am, May 12th, 2009

    Carole can be a man’s name too…

  25. plowman says at 10:09 am, May 12th, 2009

    We in Florida have wondered about the Gov’s TRUE sexual leanings for some time but a local story has outed him: http://www.nwfdailynews.com/news/spooner-17263-sheriff-okaloosa.html

    The replacement Sheriff of Okaloosa County (the old one arrested by the Feds, tee hee) states: “At this point, I serve to pleasure the governor.”

    This new Sheriff isn’t hot, cute or even campy from what I hear, I’m not sure about Charlie’s taste in guys, maybe he’s just now getting the hang of being gay…

  26. And, right on cue, he’s being disinvited from the Republican party.

    “That said, Crist’s work with Obama on the stimulus speaks to a larger truth: the far-right Republican base tends to hate the Florida governor … the governor will face a very aggressive Republican opponent — former Florida House Speaker Marco Rubio — who will run far to Crist’s right. In fact, Rubio, laying the groundwork for his primary message, recently said, “If you agree with Susan Collins or Olympia Snowe on some of these issues, you might as well become a Democrat.”

    Rubio recently won plaudits from the Weekly Standard, will no doubt enjoy support from the Club for Growth, and is rumored to enjoy the quiet backing of Jeb Bush. He’s going to spend the next year throwing red meat to the party base, dismissing Crist as an unprincipled moderate.”

    Join us, Charlie. We have cookies and sane people.

  27. Hopey dont play that game says at 10:11 am, May 12th, 2009

    This guy is so far in the closet, the only person between him and the wall is Tom Cruise. Hi-ooooo!

  28. Joshua Norton says at 10:15 am, May 12th, 2009

    We have cookies and sane people.

    And lots of left-over cupcakes. If K-Lo didn’t eat them all.

  29. The Legend of TeaBagger Vance says at 10:20 am, May 12th, 2009

    not that there’s anything wrong with that! also, too.

  30. hobospacejunkie says at 10:23 am, May 12th, 2009

    Tra: Though it would be better for the Dems if the crazy right-wingtard wins the republican primary, I will experience a simulacrum of pleasure when CC wipes the floor with the wingtard’s ugly butt.

  31. Dog Trombone says at 10:25 am, May 12th, 2009

    Guppy06: Karol Cardinal Wojtyla or Carroll O’Connor. Pretty fast for a Guppy.

  32. Chickensmack says at 10:28 am, May 12th, 2009

    themightysea: Mind you, they can’t always be hypocrites. some southern Republican leadership really do hate gheyness, but their stance alone may cause uncertain judgment about their possible “closet-state”.

    For a different explanation, try the evolutionary argument. If they could legislate history, this place would be 6,000 years old ON PAPER, BY GOD.

  33. Brian MORAN says at 10:28 am, May 12th, 2009

    tehbenton: Exactly.

    Wolf Blitzer, who has white hair, is famous for his beard.
    Charlie Crist, who also has white hair, is going to be famous for his beard if Lord Limbaugh commands the first fleet of the Supreme Wingnut Guard to come to “non - Socialist” Mark Rubio’s aid and out Mr. Charles for the gay one he is. There’s got to be a few Conservagays who hooked up with Governor Good Hair (no, not Perry… the butt seckssionist, not the secessionist).

    This has already been foretold in the Bible… and Dianetics.

  34. Mr Blifil says at 10:28 am, May 12th, 2009

    Gee won’t he miss her an awful lot while he’s out on the campaign trail?

  35. x111e7thst says at 10:33 am, May 12th, 2009

    Mr Blifil: After careful consideration of his wife he decided to run for Senate.

  36. Mahousu says at 10:36 am, May 12th, 2009

    From a report right before his wedding:
    He said he was “blessed” to have found Rome, adding of his wedding: “In just nine days, it gets consummated in a very formal way in my hometown of St. Petersburg, and I’m looking forward to it.”
    If you’re wondering, “in a very formal way” meant he had to do it in front of three witnesses. No trick photography or simulation allowed. Say what you want, but I’m proud of the man. It must have been difficult. Thankfully, he’ll never have to do it again.

  37. shortsshortsshorts says at 10:37 am, May 12th, 2009

    There is an airport scandal here somewhere. Just wait.

  38. Cuthbert J Twillie says at 10:37 am, May 12th, 2009

    Not only does Charlie have a wife, but she’s the multi-millionaire heiress to a Halloween costume company. How gay is that? And she has a place on fabulous Fisher Island, just a short ferry ride from South Beach. If you have to marry your beard you could do a lot worse.

  39. sanantonerose says at 10:38 am, May 12th, 2009

    I cannot see or read about Charlie Crist without craving a Monte Cristo.

  40. Cape Clod says at 10:39 am, May 12th, 2009

    I wonder if he has campaign staff that will exercize the doomsday option if it looks like he’s going to win.

  41. jasper f. krone says at 10:41 am, May 12th, 2009

    plowman: Governor appoints Spooner? So Charlie is a bottom?

  42. norbizness says at 10:42 am, May 12th, 2009

    “She wore the same type of wedding dress Nicole Kidman and Katie Holmes did!”

  43. charlesdegoal says at 10:42 am, May 12th, 2009

    Dog Trombone: and Carol Reed, Carol McLaughlin, etc.

  44. Filthy Crapcan says at 10:44 am, May 12th, 2009

    Ghey.

  45. tehbenton says at 10:46 am, May 12th, 2009

    Brian MORAN: no, not Perry… the butt seckssionist, not the secessionist

    Pity it probably wasn’t McGreevy. Because that would’ve been middle-aged hot.

  46. frumious_bandersnatch says at 10:47 am, May 12th, 2009

    Hey, we teh ghayz have a big tent (we inherited it from Ethel Merman, bless her heart). Big enough for that petite, white-haired version of George Hamilton and his costume-laden wife, certainly. Dibs on the stash of Pirate hooks!

  47. Kingbee says at 10:48 am, May 12th, 2009

    Lee: Gay marriage is legal in Florida, as long as it’s between a man and a woman.

  48. tehbenton says at 10:48 am, May 12th, 2009

    shortsshortsshorts: Nah, Charlie’s good-looking enough to avoid having to be a bathroom goblin. I’m thinking cleverly-worded ad on Craigslist.

  49. Guppy06 says at 10:52 am, May 12th, 2009

    shortsshortsshorts: I suspect there’s enough sex going on in Orlando International’s bathrooms as it is. It’s the “happiest” place on earth!

  50. Lazy Media says at 10:53 am, May 12th, 2009

    Wife, beard, whatever. Charlie just doesn’t trust anything that bleeds for five days and doesn’t die.

  51. WadISay says at 10:54 am, May 12th, 2009

    Cuthbert J Twillie: Are we 100% sure that Mrs. Crist is a woman?

  52. Lazy Media says at 10:56 am, May 12th, 2009

    This is actually pretty awesome, considering there’s a whole MOVIE out now, full of guys saying they fucked Charlie in college. You go, Charlie. Haterz step back, this girl is going to WASHINGTON!

  53. thefrontpage says at 11:06 am, May 12th, 2009

    Wife? What an “outrage.”

  54. thefrontpage says at 11:07 am, May 12th, 2009

    Ethel Merman was not “gay.” And neither was George Hamilton, for that matter.

  55. Scrodd says at 11:16 am, May 12th, 2009

    Nor was Jane Edgar Hoover.

  56. Mad Farmer Manifest says at 11:48 am, May 12th, 2009

    George Hamilton for Senate! I loved him in “Zorro: The Gay Blade”

  57. hillary1 says at 12:16 pm, May 12th, 2009

    Oh, for God’s sake Charlie! Fifty something years as a single man and all of a sudden you have to start consulting the little wifey to see if you can run for office? Especially when that’s the whole reason you married her in the first place?

  58. Crankenstank says at 12:29 pm, May 12th, 2009

    It’s just two or three short steps from here to resigning to spend more time with your family.

  59. Mad Farmer Manifest says at 12:59 pm, May 12th, 2009

    Crankenstank: 1. Win election 2. Be sworn in 3. Get caught with dick in prostitute or small boy

    Does that cover it?

  60. proudgrampa says at 1:35 pm, May 12th, 2009
  61. AKAM80TheWolf says at 2:35 pm, May 12th, 2009

    Charlie, Methinks the lady doth protest too much; and I ain’t talkin’ about your beard.

  62. Fivetree says at 3:10 pm, May 12th, 2009

    You could say he’s thrown his beard into the ring.

  63. Lionel Hutz Esq. says at 3:35 pm, May 12th, 2009

    tehbenton: He wrote “wife” because he wasn’t sure if you spelled beard “berd” or “beard.”

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