DECLARATIONS  9:41 am May 12, 2009

It’s Official!

by Sara K. Smith

Charlie Crist has a wife. [Charlie Crist's Twitter]

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hockeymom May 12, 2009 at 9:41 am

10 bucks says he spelled her name wrong.

sezme May 12, 2009 at 9:42 am

Classic punchline!

TGY May 12, 2009 at 9:43 am

An announcement on Twitter? FAIL!

TGY, Thinking Big in a Small Media

hobospacejunkie May 12, 2009 at 9:45 am

His mouth says wife but his eyes say fag hag.

Doglessliberal May 12, 2009 at 9:46 am

[re=314083]hockeymom[/re]: That spelling is like Olde Towne. What is the purpose of the ‘e’? In Olde Towne, it is to make us think it is more old-y and town-y, I suppose, so maybe here it is to make us think she is more female? To prove he is not actually married to a transvestite?

bitchincamaro May 12, 2009 at 9:48 am

After careful consideration, I have decided not to give a shit.

Lee May 12, 2009 at 9:49 am

I thought gay marriage was illegal in Florida?

freakishlystrong May 12, 2009 at 9:50 am

Like toilet snakes this also makes me happy. Thank goodness Boner will now have competition in the closedted gay, not found in nature person of color department in Congress.

bago May 12, 2009 at 9:51 am

Alt-text, respond. Alt-text? ALT-TEEEEEEXT!

Texan Bulldoggette May 12, 2009 at 9:54 am

The only thing wrong with Charlie is that he’s in the closet (albeit a poorly constructed closet–like those with the folding doors) & he’s a Republican. If he came out & became a Dem, he’d probably add 20 years to his life. Then he could retire in Key West with all the other gehzs.

WagTehGod May 12, 2009 at 9:54 am

“Twitter. You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.”

Noonan May 12, 2009 at 9:55 am

[re=314093]Doglessliberal[/re]: Or an ‘h’ at the end of ‘Sarah’ or in the middle of ‘Meghan’. Not necessary. Furthermore proving the point that SKS > Meg McCabe.

charlesdegoal May 12, 2009 at 9:55 am

[re=314093]Doglessliberal[/re]: You mean, like Carol Reed?

Joshua Norton May 12, 2009 at 9:55 am

Does he pay her by the hour? Or does he get the special monthly rate? Will she keep changing – like Darren in “Bewitched”? I mean, he can’t expect the same girl to be available all the time. She has other customers, you know.

tehbenton May 12, 2009 at 9:55 am

wife beard

Fixed that for you, Charlie.

bitchincamaro May 12, 2009 at 9:57 am

[re=314110]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: That’s why they’re called “bi-fold” doors.

Numbat Dundee May 12, 2009 at 9:58 am

He thoughtfully considers with her.
BTW – we Aussies had a closeted gay PM towards the end of the Vietnam War. He married a society nympho for convenience and she gave birth to two children. One of these, who went on to play the demon lover in Charmed, added to the mystery by the fact that, despite the fact that he was/is a hunk and his dad was short and balding with big ears and a voice like a nanny goat, he sort of looks a bit liken him about the eyes and that.
If you want to know just google William (Billy) McMahon.

themightysea May 12, 2009 at 10:00 am

Wait, why are we excited again? I get my southern hypocrites mixed up.

Naked Bunny with a Whip May 12, 2009 at 10:05 am

“Thoughtful consideration”? Isn’t Crist a Republican? He should say he has prayed for guidance and God told him to run.

Thinking. That’s so elitist.

Doglessliberal May 12, 2009 at 10:07 am

[re=314112]Noonan[/re]: This is even worse, because, in theory, the e changes the pronunciation, so it should be Cair-OLE, but it is not, so it is extra stupid.

Monsieur Grumpe May 12, 2009 at 10:07 am

Crist is running for Senate and Hobo Beans are discounted!!!! This is turning out to be a good news day.

Guppy06 May 12, 2009 at 10:07 am

[re=314093]Doglessliberal[/re]: The extraneous E is there to stress that it is actually a woman, and that Charlie didn’t marry John Paul II or Archie Bunker.

Doglessliberal May 12, 2009 at 10:08 am

[re=314123]Naked Bunny with a Whip[/re]: And bound to get you into trouble. If you just do what the Lord tells you (as transmitted to you via your selected nutjob right-wing preacher or radio or TV commentator), life is so much simpler.

MARCdMan May 12, 2009 at 10:09 am

Carole can be a man’s name too…

plowman May 12, 2009 at 10:09 am

We in Florida have wondered about the Gov’s TRUE sexual leanings for some time but a local story has outed him:

The replacement Sheriff of Okaloosa County (the old one arrested by the Feds, tee hee) states: “At this point, I serve to pleasure the governor.”

This new Sheriff isn’t hot, cute or even campy from what I hear, I’m not sure about Charlie’s taste in guys, maybe he’s just now getting the hang of being gay…

Tra May 12, 2009 at 10:10 am

And, right on cue, he’s being disinvited from the Republican party.

“That said, Crist’s work with Obama on the stimulus speaks to a larger truth: the far-right Republican base tends to hate the Florida governor … the governor will face a very aggressive Republican opponent — former Florida House Speaker Marco Rubio — who will run far to Crist’s right. In fact, Rubio, laying the groundwork for his primary message, recently said, “If you agree with Susan Collins or Olympia Snowe on some of these issues, you might as well become a Democrat.”

Rubio recently won plaudits from the Weekly Standard, will no doubt enjoy support from the Club for Growth, and is rumored to enjoy the quiet backing of Jeb Bush. He’s going to spend the next year throwing red meat to the party base, dismissing Crist as an unprincipled moderate.”

Join us, Charlie. We have cookies and sane people.

Hopey dont play that game May 12, 2009 at 10:11 am

This guy is so far in the closet, the only person between him and the wall is Tom Cruise. Hi-ooooo!

Joshua Norton May 12, 2009 at 10:15 am

We have cookies and sane people.

And lots of left-over cupcakes. If K-Lo didn’t eat them all.

The Legend of TeaBagger Vance May 12, 2009 at 10:20 am

not that there’s anything wrong with that! also, too.

hobospacejunkie May 12, 2009 at 10:23 am

[re=314131]Tra[/re]: Though it would be better for the Dems if the crazy right-wingtard wins the republican primary, I will experience a simulacrum of pleasure when CC wipes the floor with the wingtard’s ugly butt.

Dog Trombone May 12, 2009 at 10:25 am

[re=314126]Guppy06[/re]: Karol Cardinal Wojtyla or Carroll O’Connor. Pretty fast for a Guppy.

Chickensmack May 12, 2009 at 10:28 am

[re=314120]themightysea[/re]: Mind you, they can’t always be hypocrites. some southern Republican leadership really do hate gheyness, but their stance alone may cause uncertain judgment about their possible “closet-state”.

For a different explanation, try the evolutionary argument. If they could legislate history, this place would be 6,000 years old ON PAPER, BY GOD.

Brian MORAN May 12, 2009 at 10:28 am

[re=314115]tehbenton[/re]: Exactly.

Wolf Blitzer, who has white hair, is famous for his beard.
Charlie Crist, who also has white hair, is going to be famous for his beard if Lord Limbaugh commands the first fleet of the Supreme Wingnut Guard to come to “non – Socialist” Mark Rubio’s aid and out Mr. Charles for the gay one he is. There’s got to be a few Conservagays who hooked up with Governor Good Hair (no, not Perry… the butt seckssionist, not the secessionist).

This has already been foretold in the Bible… and Dianetics.

Mr Blifil May 12, 2009 at 10:28 am

Gee won’t he miss her an awful lot while he’s out on the campaign trail?

x111e7thst May 12, 2009 at 10:33 am

[re=314148]Mr Blifil[/re]: After careful consideration of his wife he decided to run for Senate.

Mahousu May 12, 2009 at 10:36 am

From a report right before his wedding:
He said he was “blessed” to have found Rome, adding of his wedding: “In just nine days, it gets consummated in a very formal way in my hometown of St. Petersburg, and I’m looking forward to it.”
If you’re wondering, “in a very formal way” meant he had to do it in front of three witnesses. No trick photography or simulation allowed. Say what you want, but I’m proud of the man. It must have been difficult. Thankfully, he’ll never have to do it again.

shortsshortsshorts May 12, 2009 at 10:37 am

There is an airport scandal here somewhere. Just wait.

Cuthbert J Twillie May 12, 2009 at 10:37 am

Not only does Charlie have a wife, but she’s the multi-millionaire heiress to a Halloween costume company. How gay is that? And she has a place on fabulous Fisher Island, just a short ferry ride from South Beach. If you have to marry your beard you could do a lot worse.

sanantonerose May 12, 2009 at 10:38 am

I cannot see or read about Charlie Crist without craving a Monte Cristo.

Cape Clod May 12, 2009 at 10:39 am

I wonder if he has campaign staff that will exercize the doomsday option if it looks like he’s going to win.

jasper f. krone May 12, 2009 at 10:41 am

[re=314130]plowman[/re]: Governor appoints Spooner? So Charlie is a bottom?

norbizness May 12, 2009 at 10:42 am

“She wore the same type of wedding dress Nicole Kidman and Katie Holmes did!”

charlesdegoal May 12, 2009 at 10:42 am

[re=314142]Dog Trombone[/re]: and Carol Reed, Carol McLaughlin, etc.

Filthy Crapcan May 12, 2009 at 10:44 am


tehbenton May 12, 2009 at 10:46 am

[re=314145]Brian MORAN[/re]: no, not Perry… the butt seckssionist, not the secessionist

Pity it probably wasn’t McGreevy. Because that would’ve been middle-aged hot.

frumious_bandersnatch May 12, 2009 at 10:47 am

Hey, we teh ghayz have a big tent (we inherited it from Ethel Merman, bless her heart). Big enough for that petite, white-haired version of George Hamilton and his costume-laden wife, certainly. Dibs on the stash of Pirate hooks!

Kingbee May 12, 2009 at 10:48 am

[re=314100]Lee[/re]: Gay marriage is legal in Florida, as long as it’s between a man and a woman.

tehbenton May 12, 2009 at 10:48 am

[re=314155]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: Nah, Charlie’s good-looking enough to avoid having to be a bathroom goblin. I’m thinking cleverly-worded ad on Craigslist.

Guppy06 May 12, 2009 at 10:52 am

[re=314155]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: I suspect there’s enough sex going on in Orlando International’s bathrooms as it is. It’s the “happiest” place on earth!

Lazy Media May 12, 2009 at 10:53 am

Wife, beard, whatever. Charlie just doesn’t trust anything that bleeds for five days and doesn’t die.

WadISay May 12, 2009 at 10:54 am

[re=314156]Cuthbert J Twillie[/re]: Are we 100% sure that Mrs. Crist is a woman?

Lazy Media May 12, 2009 at 10:56 am

This is actually pretty awesome, considering there’s a whole MOVIE out now, full of guys saying they fucked Charlie in college. You go, Charlie. Haterz step back, this girl is going to WASHINGTON!

thefrontpage May 12, 2009 at 11:06 am

Wife? What an “outrage.”

thefrontpage May 12, 2009 at 11:07 am

Ethel Merman was not “gay.” And neither was George Hamilton, for that matter.

Scrodd May 12, 2009 at 11:16 am

Nor was Jane Edgar Hoover.

Mad Farmer Manifest May 12, 2009 at 11:48 am

George Hamilton for Senate! I loved him in “Zorro: The Gay Blade”

hillary1 May 12, 2009 at 12:16 pm

Oh, for God’s sake Charlie! Fifty something years as a single man and all of a sudden you have to start consulting the little wifey to see if you can run for office? Especially when that’s the whole reason you married her in the first place?

Crankenstank May 12, 2009 at 12:29 pm

It’s just two or three short steps from here to resigning to spend more time with your family.

Mad Farmer Manifest May 12, 2009 at 12:59 pm

[re=314353]Crankenstank[/re]: 1. Win election 2. Be sworn in 3. Get caught with dick in prostitute or small boy

Does that cover it?

proudgrampa May 12, 2009 at 1:35 pm

[re=314156]Cuthbert J Twillie[/re]: But who’s the guy on the other side of her?:

AKAM80TheWolf May 12, 2009 at 2:35 pm

Charlie, Methinks the lady doth protest too much; and I ain’t talkin’ about your beard.

Fivetree May 12, 2009 at 3:10 pm

You could say he’s thrown his beard into the ring.

Lionel Hutz Esq. May 12, 2009 at 3:35 pm

[re=314115]tehbenton[/re]: He wrote “wife” because he wasn’t sure if you spelled beard “berd” or “beard.”

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