About the author

Sara K. Smith was Wonkette's morning editor from 2008 to 2010, and now contributes a weekly (?!) column to Wonkette, to prove she still loves you all!

View all articles by Sara K. Smith


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  • hockeymom

    10 bucks says he spelled her name wrong.

  • sezme

    Classic punchline!

  • TGY

    An announcement on Twitter? FAIL!

    TGY, Thinking Big in a Small Media

  • hobospacejunkie

    His mouth says wife but his eyes say fag hag.

  • Doglessliberal

    [re=314083]hockeymom[/re]: That spelling is like Olde Towne. What is the purpose of the ‘e’? In Olde Towne, it is to make us think it is more old-y and town-y, I suppose, so maybe here it is to make us think she is more female? To prove he is not actually married to a transvestite?

  • bitchincamaro

    After careful consideration, I have decided not to give a shit.

  • Lee

    I thought gay marriage was illegal in Florida?

  • freakishlystrong

    Like toilet snakes this also makes me happy. Thank goodness Boner will now have competition in the closedted gay, not found in nature person of color department in Congress.

  • bago

    Alt-text, respond. Alt-text? ALT-TEEEEEEXT!

  • Texan Bulldoggette

    The only thing wrong with Charlie is that he’s in the closet (albeit a poorly constructed closet–like those with the folding doors) & he’s a Republican. If he came out & became a Dem, he’d probably add 20 years to his life. Then he could retire in Key West with all the other gehzs.

  • WagTehGod

    “Twitter. You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.”

  • Noonan

    [re=314093]Doglessliberal[/re]: Or an ‘h’ at the end of ‘Sarah’ or in the middle of ‘Meghan’. Not necessary. Furthermore proving the point that SKS > Meg McCabe.

  • charlesdegoal

    [re=314093]Doglessliberal[/re]: You mean, like Carol Reed?

  • Joshua Norton

    Does he pay her by the hour? Or does he get the special monthly rate? Will she keep changing – like Darren in “Bewitched”? I mean, he can’t expect the same girl to be available all the time. She has other customers, you know.

  • tehbenton

    wife beard

    Fixed that for you, Charlie.

  • bitchincamaro

    [re=314110]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: That’s why they’re called “bi-fold” doors.

  • Numbat Dundee

    He thoughtfully considers with her.
    BTW – we Aussies had a closeted gay PM towards the end of the Vietnam War. He married a society nympho for convenience and she gave birth to two children. One of these, who went on to play the demon lover in Charmed, added to the mystery by the fact that, despite the fact that he was/is a hunk and his dad was short and balding with big ears and a voice like a nanny goat, he sort of looks a bit liken him about the eyes and that.
    If you want to know just google William (Billy) McMahon.

  • themightysea

    Wait, why are we excited again? I get my southern hypocrites mixed up.

  • Naked Bunny with a Whip

    “Thoughtful consideration”? Isn’t Crist a Republican? He should say he has prayed for guidance and God told him to run.

    Thinking. That’s so elitist.

  • Doglessliberal

    [re=314112]Noonan[/re]: This is even worse, because, in theory, the e changes the pronunciation, so it should be Cair-OLE, but it is not, so it is extra stupid.

  • Monsieur Grumpe

    Crist is running for Senate and Hobo Beans are discounted!!!! This is turning out to be a good news day.

  • Guppy06

    [re=314093]Doglessliberal[/re]: The extraneous E is there to stress that it is actually a woman, and that Charlie didn’t marry John Paul II or Archie Bunker.

  • Doglessliberal

    [re=314123]Naked Bunny with a Whip[/re]: And bound to get you into trouble. If you just do what the Lord tells you (as transmitted to you via your selected nutjob right-wing preacher or radio or TV commentator), life is so much simpler.

  • MARCdMan

    Carole can be a man’s name too…

  • plowman

    We in Florida have wondered about the Gov’s TRUE sexual leanings for some time but a local story has outed him: http://www.nwfdailynews.com/news/spooner-17263-sheriff-okaloosa.html

    The replacement Sheriff of Okaloosa County (the old one arrested by the Feds, tee hee) states: “At this point, I serve to pleasure the governor.”

    This new Sheriff isn’t hot, cute or even campy from what I hear, I’m not sure about Charlie’s taste in guys, maybe he’s just now getting the hang of being gay…

  • Tra

    And, right on cue, he’s being disinvited from the Republican party.

    “That said, Crist’s work with Obama on the stimulus speaks to a larger truth: the far-right Republican base tends to hate the Florida governor … the governor will face a very aggressive Republican opponent — former Florida House Speaker Marco Rubio — who will run far to Crist’s right. In fact, Rubio, laying the groundwork for his primary message, recently said, “If you agree with Susan Collins or Olympia Snowe on some of these issues, you might as well become a Democrat.”

    Rubio recently won plaudits from the Weekly Standard, will no doubt enjoy support from the Club for Growth, and is rumored to enjoy the quiet backing of Jeb Bush. He’s going to spend the next year throwing red meat to the party base, dismissing Crist as an unprincipled moderate.”

    Join us, Charlie. We have cookies and sane people.

  • Hopey dont play that game

    This guy is so far in the closet, the only person between him and the wall is Tom Cruise. Hi-ooooo!

  • Joshua Norton

    We have cookies and sane people.

    And lots of left-over cupcakes. If K-Lo didn’t eat them all.

  • The Legend of TeaBagger Vance

    not that there’s anything wrong with that! also, too.

  • hobospacejunkie

    [re=314131]Tra[/re]: Though it would be better for the Dems if the crazy right-wingtard wins the republican primary, I will experience a simulacrum of pleasure when CC wipes the floor with the wingtard’s ugly butt.

  • Dog Trombone

    [re=314126]Guppy06[/re]: Karol Cardinal Wojtyla or Carroll O’Connor. Pretty fast for a Guppy.

  • Chickensmack

    [re=314120]themightysea[/re]: Mind you, they can’t always be hypocrites. some southern Republican leadership really do hate gheyness, but their stance alone may cause uncertain judgment about their possible “closet-state”.

    For a different explanation, try the evolutionary argument. If they could legislate history, this place would be 6,000 years old ON PAPER, BY GOD.

  • Brian MORAN

    [re=314115]tehbenton[/re]: Exactly.

    Wolf Blitzer, who has white hair, is famous for his beard.
    Charlie Crist, who also has white hair, is going to be famous for his beard if Lord Limbaugh commands the first fleet of the Supreme Wingnut Guard to come to “non – Socialist” Mark Rubio’s aid and out Mr. Charles for the gay one he is. There’s got to be a few Conservagays who hooked up with Governor Good Hair (no, not Perry… the butt seckssionist, not the secessionist).

    This has already been foretold in the Bible… and Dianetics.

  • Mr Blifil

    Gee won’t he miss her an awful lot while he’s out on the campaign trail?

  • x111e7thst

    [re=314148]Mr Blifil[/re]: After careful consideration of his wife he decided to run for Senate.

  • Mahousu

    From a report right before his wedding:
    He said he was “blessed” to have found Rome, adding of his wedding: “In just nine days, it gets consummated in a very formal way in my hometown of St. Petersburg, and I’m looking forward to it.”
    If you’re wondering, “in a very formal way” meant he had to do it in front of three witnesses. No trick photography or simulation allowed. Say what you want, but I’m proud of the man. It must have been difficult. Thankfully, he’ll never have to do it again.

  • shortsshortsshorts

    There is an airport scandal here somewhere. Just wait.

  • Cuthbert J Twillie

    Not only does Charlie have a wife, but she’s the multi-millionaire heiress to a Halloween costume company. How gay is that? And she has a place on fabulous Fisher Island, just a short ferry ride from South Beach. If you have to marry your beard you could do a lot worse.

  • sanantonerose

    I cannot see or read about Charlie Crist without craving a Monte Cristo.

  • Cape Clod

    I wonder if he has campaign staff that will exercize the doomsday option if it looks like he’s going to win.

  • jasper f. krone

    [re=314130]plowman[/re]: Governor appoints Spooner? So Charlie is a bottom?

  • norbizness

    “She wore the same type of wedding dress Nicole Kidman and Katie Holmes did!”

  • charlesdegoal

    [re=314142]Dog Trombone[/re]: and Carol Reed, Carol McLaughlin, etc.

  • Filthy Crapcan


  • tehbenton

    [re=314145]Brian MORAN[/re]: no, not Perry… the butt seckssionist, not the secessionist

    Pity it probably wasn’t McGreevy. Because that would’ve been middle-aged hot.

  • frumious_bandersnatch

    Hey, we teh ghayz have a big tent (we inherited it from Ethel Merman, bless her heart). Big enough for that petite, white-haired version of George Hamilton and his costume-laden wife, certainly. Dibs on the stash of Pirate hooks!

  • Kingbee

    [re=314100]Lee[/re]: Gay marriage is legal in Florida, as long as it’s between a man and a woman.

  • tehbenton

    [re=314155]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: Nah, Charlie’s good-looking enough to avoid having to be a bathroom goblin. I’m thinking cleverly-worded ad on Craigslist.

  • Guppy06

    [re=314155]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: I suspect there’s enough sex going on in Orlando International’s bathrooms as it is. It’s the “happiest” place on earth!

  • Lazy Media

    Wife, beard, whatever. Charlie just doesn’t trust anything that bleeds for five days and doesn’t die.

  • WadISay

    [re=314156]Cuthbert J Twillie[/re]: Are we 100% sure that Mrs. Crist is a woman?

  • Lazy Media

    This is actually pretty awesome, considering there’s a whole MOVIE out now, full of guys saying they fucked Charlie in college. You go, Charlie. Haterz step back, this girl is going to WASHINGTON!

  • thefrontpage

    Wife? What an “outrage.”

  • thefrontpage

    Ethel Merman was not “gay.” And neither was George Hamilton, for that matter.

  • Scrodd

    Nor was Jane Edgar Hoover.

  • Mad Farmer Manifest

    George Hamilton for Senate! I loved him in “Zorro: The Gay Blade”

  • hillary1

    Oh, for God’s sake Charlie! Fifty something years as a single man and all of a sudden you have to start consulting the little wifey to see if you can run for office? Especially when that’s the whole reason you married her in the first place?

  • Crankenstank

    It’s just two or three short steps from here to resigning to spend more time with your family.

  • Mad Farmer Manifest

    [re=314353]Crankenstank[/re]: 1. Win election 2. Be sworn in 3. Get caught with dick in prostitute or small boy

    Does that cover it?

  • proudgrampa

    [re=314156]Cuthbert J Twillie[/re]: But who’s the guy on the other side of her?:


  • AKAM80TheWolf

    Charlie, Methinks the lady doth protest too much; and I ain’t talkin’ about your beard.

  • Fivetree

    You could say he’s thrown his beard into the ring.

  • Lionel Hutz Esq.

    [re=314115]tehbenton[/re]: He wrote “wife” because he wasn’t sure if you spelled beard “berd” or “beard.”