Wonkette
- Today marks the first anniversary of the earthquake in China that killed a whole bunch of kids in poorly built schools. [New York Times]
- The US government says we killed about 50 Afghan civilians last week in a big battle against the Taliban; however, Afghans put the number around 140. [Los Angeles Times]
- California is just so screwed, budget-wise, and a May 19 ballot will determine just how screwed. [Reuters]
- Secretary of Defense Bob Gates fired our main military commander in Afghanistan and replaced him with a special ops guy. [Christian Science Monitor]
- A “combat stress clinic” couldn’t stop a freaked-out soldier from killing five of his comrades in Iraq. [Washington Post]
- And if all this news makes it sound like most of the world is going to have a pretty bad day, well, just be glad you aren’t that guy in Taiwan who got bitten on the peen by a toilet snake. [Reuters]
If I had to sit through a “stress clinic” I’d consider murder-suicide. Self-medication is a much better option.
But was the snake on a plane?
Toilet snakes (Larrious Craigious) are not usually aggressive. But hey, I’d be pissed off too if someone tried to crap on me.
Please, please, please make that picture of Capt. Kirk smacking himself go away. Please?
Looks like Bob Gates wasn’t fooling. The guy that was fired was a member of the Armored Mafia. I’ve never understood why Army puts a guy who was schooled at the altar of George S. Patton in charge of a COIN war with emphasis on Spec Ops and Airmobile tactics.
Note to Self: Always check the toilet before pissing in Taiwan/SE Asia.
A Canada City “PSA” about the hazards of snakes and peeing.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CrIA3e6UnOs
Happy Anniversary to you
Happy Anniversary to you
You killed the only child of thousands of people
And made sure no one mentioned it during the Olympics also too
ManchuCandidate: McKiernan also seemed to have trouble with the whole notion of protecting the civilian population in Afghanistan, or at least that it would be better if we refrained from killing them ourselves. His reaction to the “collateral damage” caused by US bombs was usually “we didn’t kill any civilians, and even if we did the Taliban forced us to do it”.
Don’t let the door hit you inna ass McLoserBoy
ManchuCandidate: No kidding! I was just saying to the wife last night “honey, can you believe they had a Patton guy in charge of a COIN war?” And she was all “I told you my man Gates was not foolin’ around.” Crazy world we live in, man. Crazy.
True Story!
A friend was taking a dump and he felt something tickling his balls. Looking down he saw a blue squirrel sitting in his toilet bowl. He uses one of those toilet cleaners that constantly releases blue coloring to give the impression of a minty fresh bowl which apparently also makes a good rodent dye Panicking, he began furiously flushing until he sent the restroom rodent back to where it came from. His balls were unharmed but the squirrels fate is unknown.
Snake learned that trick from that Samuel Jackson movie, you know the one. What’s it called again?
I’ve been bitten on the peen before, but I don’t know whether I should write about it here, or in the K - Lo post.
Do not say “Huminah Huminah Holy Fuck!” around that woman.
No. Matter. What.
ManchuCandidate:
We had SpecOps in Afghanistan at the onset of the so-called ‘War on Terror’, but were re-assigned to Iraq to help protect the interests of King George and Co. I’m glad that the Obama administration is showing the Repubtards the correct way to fight an unconventional war.
The conventional mindset runs deep in the Pentagon. The old guard refuses to think beyond what was taught at War College. THat moronic thinking has been pissing off JSOC for a long time.
Bruno: Agreed. Grief counselors get it first.
Reads about toilet snake; involuntarily crosses legs.
Toilet Snake indeed cheers me up.
What saddens and infuriates me is that poor soldier serving multiple deployments in an ill-defined and illegal occupation, cold shootin’ five of his comrades, shit.
Someone has to do this: I have had it with these motherfucking snakes in the motherfucking toilets.
Sorry.
Marijuana is the clear solution to at least four of these problems. Too bad McChrystal looks like a total square.
Special Ops will heroically make the world safe for peens! They magically appear in your restroom stall. “Stand aside, sir, your peens in danger,” they say, ever polite. Then they unload the arsenal on le serpent du toilette or whatever lavatory menace menaces and all is well. I read it in Boy’s Life and there was something about a ‘Peen-Saving Merit Badge’, also.
TGY, It’s Known as an ‘Arsenal Dump’
A snake’s mouth isn’t always clean? What about that guy’s dick?
I’ve learned more about the war in Afghanistan in this thread than I have in months of teevee news watching.
Is that still considered a blumpkin, or…?
Then the Taiwanese guy rushes to the doctor & unbuttons his trousers saying, “Doctor, you’ve got to see the snake in my pants!”
And the doctor says, “let me guess, next you are going to say ‘Don’t worry, it doesn’t bite.’”
Snake, respond. Snake? SNAAAAAAAKE!
From the Freudian point of view, a snake biting a “snake” sounds like the manifestation of obsessional neurosis, with homoerotic overtones fixated on the boundary of the “oral” and “phallic” stages. On the other hand, I suppose that sometimes a snake is just a snake.
SKS, my toilet snake will cheer YOU up.
wheelie: And then the doctor will get snake envy..
I sure hope the California voters do what Utah tells them to once more. That’s always the smart bet.
A toilet snake met a trouser snake. Hi-jinx ensued.
Snakes on a Peen!
Mushroom, mushroom! Snake!
sanantonerose: Aminata drink afta dat.
Custerwolf: Am I trippin or what? Here let’s trade vowels and make that an ‘i.’
And that’s the Wonkette round up of stories about animals attacking human genitals. Tomorrow, Miss California has an unusual encounter at the San Diego Zoo with a rhino.
One lousy snake and it makes the news, what kind of shit does a guy’s crabs have to pull in order to make headlines?
Why do snakes always go for the danglely bits?
Why does Sara always post the reports of guys getting bit on their danglely bits?
And…what about Naomi?
Monsieur Grumpe: We had a toilet rat appear one night in my basement apartment in the prestigious Seattle neighborhood of Laurelhurst. My upstairs neighbor, a very funny Fillipino guy named Stan, was something of a practical joker and I assumed he had something to do with it.
So I yell upstairs “Hey! Stan! C’mere. You ain’t gonna believe what I just crapped out!” A bit puzzled, but curious, Stan came down to have a peek, and when he lifted the lid, the half-drowned rat made a desperate lurch and nearly jumped out of the toity, causing the brown Stan to turn white and very nearly shit himself.
The aftermath consisted of a physical comedy of two grown twentysomethings arming themselves with a ski pole and a tennis racket to dispatch the beast, which still managed a “Fatal Attraction” style resurrection (and one more near hart attack for poor Stan) after I had it pinned underwater for a full 3 minutes.
Lascauxcaveman: Uh, you might want to keep that story on the down-lo. Some guy was hanging around here earlier asking questions. Don’t worry, I didn’t tell him anything.
http://i389.photobucket.com/albums/oo336/brontie2/mc.jpg
I have had it with these monkey-fighting snakes in this Monday-to-Friday toilet!!!!!!!!1!!!1!!!
Ball. Peen. Hammer. Useful tool or minimalistic S&M instruction manual?
“A snake’s mouth isn’t always clean.”
Well, of course not if it goes around biting peens.
Are we sure that Larry Craig was not in Taiwan recently?
[url=http://209.85.173.132/search?q=cache:PrF8yN0BIoUJ:encyclopediadramatica.com/Happy_Snake+%22happy+snake%22&cd=1&hl=en&ct=clnk&client=safari]Happy Snake is happy.[/url]