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Levi & Bristol?Did you all have a “great” Mother’s Day Sunday Holiday? A brunch, perhaps, and maybe some flowers or the giving of a crappy stuffed animal toy actually intended for a toddler? GOOD FOR YOU. And now, as Wonkette’s Monday night present to all you muthas, go to this awful new website Awkward Family Photos because you might as well do it now, as 500 people — possibly including your own mother — will send you this link in the days to come. [Awkward Family Photos]

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85 COMMENTS

  1. This is just plain cruel subjecting us to this, especially right after the k-lo post. Please cancel my subscription to Wonkette.

  2. Christ. If anyone ever posts that horrifically awkward family portrait of my kin and me by the river… I mean, I die a little every time I see it, and I can do that by walking into my parents’ living room.

  3. Hey Mr. Blondie, are you sure that’s your kid? That girl looks a little too familiar. (or is she not really pregnant, in which case I don’t recognize her)

  4. [re=313866]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: That wonder years photo just leaves you with far too many unanswered questions. There’s no way they are American, right?

  5. [re=313854]Custerwolf[/re]: Plus we can’t see her tits so how am I supposed to get a decent preggers girl titfuck fantasy going?

  6. We had a great time. We took grandma on a flyover of the Statue of Liberty in our Gulfstream IV. It was so great to see those ants running for cover – oh I guess those were New Yorkers.

  7. So the guy pumps at the gym 5 days a week and gets tats for his ripped shoulders, and THEN goes with the gauzy lens effect? Who wants to be they were doing anal before they even knew each other’s names? Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

  8. That may be the most disturbing thing that I have ever seen on Wonkette. Nay, the most disturbing thing that I have seen in life. And I have seen a baby cut up, man, so that’s how disturbing that is.

  9. [re=313875]Downtheroadapiece[/re]: I prefer awkwardboners.com myself.

    Ha ha, the jokes on me. There really is such a site. Hmmm…

  10. If they name the girl Miley, just call social services and have them ready to take the kid away when she squeezes it out. The poor thing is doomed.

  11. Oh and this one is weird — though not even for the reason they give. I think it looks like Dwight Shrute and two kids who happened to wander onto the beet farm one day.

    [re=313966]SayItWithWookies[/re]: And I know, the poor critter’s doomed regardless of whether they name it Miley or not. But Miley would be grounds for immediate state custody, I think. That and Blanket.

  12. “Momma, you’re gonna be a grandmomma! Ah know, ain’t it great? Sis jest told me yesterday, right before we got our photer took!”

  13. Dear Jolene — I am sorry for the trouble I have caused you and for bringing shame upon your family. Honestly it never even occurred to me that if I was going to take your picture topless you should at least be holding a rifle. Love, Jethro.

  14. It was a beautiful wedding — it took place in the garden center of the local Wal-Mart, and was officiated by Pastor Jenkins, who hasn’t had much work since his radio show got cancelled on account of him makin’ out with that fifteen-year-old Mullins tart while Mahalia Jackson was singing “How Great Thou Art.” He gave a moving speech about commitment and responsibility in front of an altar that was a palette of vermiculite with a tablecloth over it.

    The cake was in the shape of a Camaro, and the bride’s first dance was “Promiscuous Girl” where she showed off her pole-dancing skills to an impressed audience. The groom, who everyone was worried would be sullen the entire day, was actually convivial and talkative. He recommended to us the amazing regenerative qualities of six Miller Lights, five white crosses and two bowls of the Hawaiian. The giant, liquor-soaked Maduro, however, finally put him over the edge. After sneaking off to the parking lot with his brother, four cousins and some fishing buddies and lighting those things up, he turned a suspicious green, got wobbly, and was escorted to the bushes where he yacked for 20 minutes.

    Fortunately, after a quick beer gargle and a breath mint, he was back to his bright-eyed self with no women the wiser. And just in time for the speed metal band. Yes, some of the customers were put off and made them turn it down (to ten, ha ha) but a good time was had by all. We would most like to thank Wal-Mart, without whose gracious use of the facilities and two hours donated leave time for Bobby Lee and Crystal, this event would not have been possible.

  15. [re=313992]SayItWithWookies[/re]: When you said they had white crosses I got all pumped thinking this shindig was gonna light itself up into a Klan rally. Then I realized you probably meant speed. Darn.

  16. The Wonder Years one is disturbing on so many levels, including that the little girl doesn’t seem to be doing a very good job stroking her daddy’s johnson.

  17. [re=313998]CaliforniaMike[/re]: I think he’d probably help her out, but Dr.Spock does say to let the little ones develop the penile grasping skills at their own pace. I’m sure she’ll get the hang of it eventually.

  18. You people give Bristol a bad rap. Blame Palin for her existence before judging her, you bastards. After that, vote for Palin when your country needs it most and such. And than impregnate somebody younger than you, and see how that works out.

    Palin/Bristol 1992

    Time to move on.

  19. [re=313854]Custerwolf[/re]: That’s because, unlike you and your fellow libtards, he’s never studied latin. Among Southern, Republican whites it’s called, “The Gettin’ to Know You” place, but only after the first, 6th grade home invasion of a relative.
    I look upon it as underground, Faulknerian: a Baptist fatwah against the Chardonnay gaysexuals and the sybaritic evils of teen tanning salons.

  20. [re=313998]CaliforniaMike[/re]: That’s why I love me some Wonkette. Over there at Awkward Family Photos, the comments for “The Wonder Years” are all “Eww! Child porn! Call Social Services!”

    Here: “That little girl needs to work on her technique”

  21. I’m just proud of myself that I didn’t make any fat jokes or talked about how K-lo looks like Meatloaf in 1975 in that last post.

  22. [re=314043]LittlePig[/re]: Wait, so over there they don’t have a problem with her technique is what you’re sayin’?

    It’s like we’re looking at two totally different pictures.

  23. My favorite thing about the teens above is that having the guy’s hand on his lady’s ass keeps it classy. A lesser photographer might have put the young lady in a doggy-style position and the guy smoking a cigar behind her, which would’ve just cheapened the love depicted.

  24. It needs repeating:

    That picture is disturbing. I realize it’s a part of American history but really, it’s too much.

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