Wonkette
Monstrous wingnut Joseph Ratzinger somehow became pope a few years ago — this is because of ancient Catholic-Sith rules dictating that each “good pope” must be followed by a “loathsome beast.” But Ratzi is unique even among the Sith Popes, for he is the first Bishop of Rome to be an actual Nazi, for Hitler, in Nazi Germany. Jesus, talk about your breaking of historical barriers …. Obama’s got nothing on this creep! Anyway, Ratzinger comically lived up to expectations by supporting actual Holocaust-denying fellow wingnut bishops, and now he’s in Israel kissing ass, but luckily nobody believes his evil horseshit.
Every now and then, the curtain is pulled back a bit and we see that while all right-wing extremists are dangerous idiots who basically occupy the same thug/creep position in any troubled political system, there is an old-school division between, say, the European fascist Aryan-Nationalist types and the wingnut Israeli right. For example, the former tried to exterminate the latter. Irony!
So, the Israeli far right is doing everything it can to disrupt and destroy the visit of “Pope Benedict.” A bigshot rabbi is urging everybody to avoid the old creep, because of the Sith Pope’s personal antisemitic history and the Catholic Church’s longtime policy of torturing and murdering Jews in the various Inquisitions and Crusades, along with Pope Pius’ quiet support of Nazi atrocities against Jews. Deutsche Presse-Agentur reports that “Ultra-nationalist legislator Michael Ben-Ari called a meeting of the activists to plan ways of ruining the visit,” which we hope involved classic knucklehead pranks such as letting a bunch of noisy goats loose in the reception, or hiring a blimp to circle the area with the flashing message “Ratzi is a fag.”
Ben-Ari, who is no doubt one of the more terrible people in the entire Middle East, is nonetheless providing lots of material for Ratzinger haters everywhere:
Ynetnews reported Knesset Member Michael Ben-Ari of the National Union party said the parliament should state its position on the Catholic spiritual leader, who he claimed “is an anti-Semite, was a member of the Hitler youth and returned a Holocaust-denying bishop to the church.” He also said the pontiff continues to blame the Jewish people for the killing of Jesus.
Well duh! If that wasn’t true, it wouldn’t be in that Mel Gibson movie about the Mayans, now would it?
Anyway, Ratzi’s now fouling up the various Holocaust memorials in Israel, which is sort of like Darth Vader visiting the Alderaan Memorial, the end.
The pope in the Middle East [Financial Times]
I will be having nightmares from that pic and even the alt-text can’t save me. What an evil little man. Yikes.
That’s it. This post did it. You can’t attack il Papa like that. I’m never reading Wonkette again.
.
.
.
I’ll have my secretary read it to me.
King Leer?
Santa?
Are we sure he’s not secretly British? The teeth…
Is that a swastika in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?
Good pic, but needs more Blingee.
I’d go on a rant about what a jerk the Poop is but too tired from yelling at telemarketers all morning.
I still don’t get why teh jews get blamed for killing teh jeebus. Didn’t he “die” to “save” all teh pope-lets from their “sins?”
issssn’t he preciousssssss?
No, it’s Emperor Palpatine.
JadedDIssonance: Being crucified was actually plan B.
JadedDIssonance: depends on which gospel you read.
Seig Papa!!!1!!
Monsieur Grumpe: I never yell at telemarketers. They’re only trying to make a shitty living pimping for some rich pricks who would never dream of actually speaking to one of us.
I could never understand: one hand, “vow of poverty;” other hand, entire Liberace luxury lifestyle (and I do mean “entire”). Heraclitian Tension of Opposites? Do as I say? Arrogant hypocrite?
Great moments in holy-land-touring history:
“I can never forget old Godfrey’s sword now. I tried it on a Moslem, and clove him like a doughnut. The spirit of Grimes was upon me, and if I had had a graveyard I would have destroyed all the infidels in Jerusalem.”
Mark Twain, The Innocents Abroad
Custerwolf: I mean, spreading eternal hope and goodness and lovingness of one’s neighborness is good and all, but teh jews are as guilty as the rest of us. Our crime? Not knowing a good thing when we had it.
ihasasad: I keep referencing the Jerry Falwell Limited Edition ™ “Jews Are People Too Let’s Save Israel From Teh Muslins” Bible. New Slim-Line Reading.
This is a guy who thinks getting AIDS is fitting punishment for being born in Africa.
Get me Sinead O’Connor’s agent; I have a little project for her (this time involving the real thing rather than just a photo).
We miss you Juan Pablo II….
He looking a little “NOMish” in that pic.
We miss you Juan Pablo II…..
This post should provide plenty of good ‘letters to the editor’ material.
Oh yea, the ‘condoms spread AIDs” Pope.
JadedDIssonance: Well then, there’s your problem! I learned early on from a bumper sticker that the King James is the One and Only B-I-B-L-E …yes that’s teh book for me!!
This is the initial salvo of Bentdick’s campaign to have David Duke elected Prime Minister of Israel.
That picture make me want to scrub my eyeballs with ground glass.
Can’t really let the idea that J2P2 was a “good” pope pass without noting that he was an enemy of women everywhere, made all the priests get out of politics (including the liberation theology types in Latin America), and generally a total Papist.
Custerwolf: Monsieur Grumpe: Actual frequent dialog that expiates my guilt in yelling at telemarketers:
Me answering phone: “This is V572625694.”
Telemarketer: “May I speak to, uh, V572625694, please?”
Me: “If you’d listened to me when I answered, you’d know that you already are.”
Telemarketer: “Whu.”
Me: “What do you want.”
Telemarketer: “Can I speak to the person in charge of buying copier paper?”
Me: “What’s the name of the company you’re calling?”
Telemarketer: “Uh [looking it up], V572625694 & Company.”
Me: “When you call V572625694 & Company, and V572625694 answers the phone, don’t you think you already are talking to the person in charge of buying copier paper?”
Telemarketer: “Uh….wanna buy some copier paper?”
John Paul was the good pope? Ahem, he let Ratzinger run crazy with his 16th century view of the church in the Office of the Inquisition. He encouraged the Nazi, fer chrissake. JP II may have had political savvy, and he may have been popular, but he set the stage for the way the church is today. I have friends who lost their jobs b/c of JP, and I did, too. I think I’ll skip the canonization.
Is that creepy old guy still alive? I thought he got the nod to molify the Opus Dei crowd, with the understanding that he was only going to live for a few months. Shouldn’t he be back in Rome, burning Ron Howard and Tom Hanks in effigy?
needs more Star Wars references
Skeletor?
Custerwolf:
But these were Vatican telemarketers!
What a lovely smile! He must have been watching the flaying of a Sodomite.
Um, no. You can’t pin the Nazi/Anti-Semitic tag on him. There are lots of other tags available, however. Just not that one.
Monsieur Grumpe: Say no more.
nestor: I thought Star Wars(tm) was originally modeled after the great Papist/Lutheran Wars of the Printing Presses. You can’t make new references to what was already frameworked, you’ll hurt someone.
Stop the Presses!
Dateline: Middle East.
Religious whackjobs hate different religious whackjobs.
ChernobylSoup: WIN
V572625694: Having a last name that’s easy to mispronounce is one of the fastest ways to weed out those calls.
Do you know how to say Abele?
What’s with all these STAR WARS references? I thought we should be promoting the much sexier star TREK right now. Does Wonkette no longer care about teh sexy?
Jeeze louise anyway. Kill a few millions Jews an’ everybody’s up in ya grille alla time.
Just chill out, Israeli rabbis, a’ight?
ihasasad: I stand ALONE on teh WORD OF GOD…and now it has shoeprints on it.
Not all Germans back then were true believer Nazis, just the notorious SS, who took an oath to Hitler and had all kinds of silly ’sacred’ ceremonies, and the brainwashed Hitler Youth.
Now what branch was Ratzi in?
Now that he switched his swastika iron-on patch to a crucifix, sure! It’s like switch hats!
JadedDIssonance: I jebus died to save all the people from their “sins”, why were the chinese only told the “good news” in the 16th century.
It wants the meat. The MEAT. Lick the meat. Eat the meat. Fondle the meat!
Custerwolf: If it were Eye-tralian, it’d be something like “Ah-beh-leh.” But it doesn’t sound Italian. Auf deutsch it’d be ah-buh-luh, but it ain’t that either. That’s all teh furriner-talk I knowz. Help?
RoscoePColtraine: Plus some of us oldsters aren’t believers in STAR WARS except as a giant wallet-vacuuming enterprise aimed at indoctrinating kids. Kinda like the Catholic Church. Or every other organized religion.
Why do so many Israeli names sound like something you’d hear playing a record backwards?
That’s Bea Arthur, right?
allainjules: You have any pictures of Benedict playing rugby?
x111e7thst: St.Peter wasn’t sure there would be enough chairs to go around.
freakishlystrong: Wash your goddamned mouth out with soap.
V572625694:
But a lot less kid touching and more self abuse (judging by the only Science Fiction convention I attended.)
Hey dude. I love the dress, but your purse is on fire.
Looks like a recruitment poster boy for senior Nazis.
Personally, I suspect the Spanish Inquisition.
V572625694: No, the Italian - DeMartino - is Mom’s. Abele is pronounced ‘able,’ as in ready willing and.
I saw the potato.
Lascauxcaveman: Two groups the world should learn to leave alone: Teh Jews and Teh Brits. Brits because, hell, did you see that crazy evil mother-fucker Edward the Longshanks in “Braveheart?” And, oh yeah, I know that was a movie, but he was an actual person who was all MEAN like that. And these Brits haven’t mellowed out at all since then. The Jews, because these people eat stuff like ‘borscht’ and ‘gefilterr fish.’ Turns you all mean and crazy when your diet consists of such things. They’ve also had alot of shit dumped on them over the past couple thousand years, too.
V572625694: Custerwolf: Here’s my polite and uplifting response to the telemarketer wage slaves: “You need to talk to your boss about a raise, because they are definitely not paying you enough to do this stuff.”
Subversive in a couple of ways: they either take that as a more polite version of “GET A REAL JOB!” or, they hear that from a couple of people like me and start to think, “You know, I really do deserve a raise,” and even tho they ain’t gonna get it, it creates a hassle for management.
Custerwolf: I love these little clues. Don’t think I’m not assembling a little dossier.
Joshua Norton: I don’t know why that’s cracking me up , but it is.
freakishlystrong: No, he reminds me of John Lithgow in “The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai.”
Whilst we’re bullshittin’, what fresh hell is this? Priests having sex with women?
http://www.cnn.com/2009/US/05/11/florida.priest.affair/index.html?eref=rss_topstories
“The Rev. Alberto Cutie”
And yes, he is. Also.
x111e7thst: They all looked scary. Plus, all the Moslems got in teh way. Must Save Teh Holy Laands!
hobospacejunkie: Personal historical note: my German teacher in Jr College was an ex-brownshirt (his family fled Germany in ‘41, when he was 14 years old).
When discussing his experience, he’d say, “I didn’t really know what a Jew was; had never met any Jews. But, boy, I sure hated them.”
Lascauxcaveman: Now that’s some honest grass roots action I can stand behind.
Custerwolf: Yiddish loanwords that made it into the language?[re=313300]
ManchuCandidate[/re]: The only sci fi convention I ever attended was came to a premature close when some dumb fuck S decided to hang his M from a sprinkler pipe. The pipe tore, the room flooded and the cops shut the shit down. Good times.
Lascauxcaveman: holy shit.
tehbenton: That’s him? Get the frock out of here.
slithytoves:
Yeah, JP II was pretty much the Regan pope i.e., a hard-core, conservative, right-winger and former actor who somehow charmed people enough to distract them from how he was regressing the RC church back to pre-Vatican II backwardsness.
x111e7thst: I laughed at that without even understanding what the guy’s “M” was.
According to Malachi’s List or some such prophetic thing, isn’t Ratzi supposed to be the last Pope, the one denominated by Malachi as “Religeo Depopulata?” Or, do we have to wait for a few more Vicars of Christ to come up in the list?
JadedDIssonance: You squished the word of God? Lego Jesus is NOT going to be happy.
omfg that article is so blasphemous. When my brilliant government changes the law the Wonkettes are so fined €100,000 by multiples of many.
http://news.google.ie/news?pz=1&ned=en_ie&cf=all&ncl=d-DzcSde4V4ukxMqjwuScAo63uvpM
omfg I am blasphemous for saying omfg. I can haz lenience?
Sure the Pope’s not George Bush III starring in the, “Mosquito Coast”?
I felta fish once - I can’t say it was that much fun. For me. I never asked how the fish felt.
RoscoePColtraine: We need to have a beer together sometime.
AnFearBolg: Just become a protestant. Then you can say “fuck the pope” all you like.
Having said that, if the Pope knew what I was thinking right now about the Hayden-Harder rollergirl there, well, I’m sure he’d never let me be an altar boy again.
The Pope is in Israel? This begs the question, who’s more infallable, the Pope or an Israeli woman?
AnFearBolg: You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.
I hope he does one of those prayers for the Holocaust dead. You know, the one where they ask the Virgin Mary to intercede and make sure they get saved in the afterlife? Jews love it when you do that for them.
RoscoePColtraine: Some sadist hung his masochist
x111e7thst: Thanks! But it was still funny even not understanding everything. BTW, why didn’t you just spell it out in the first place?
snideinplainsight: Last I checked on her she was still smoking, so apparently you were quite satisfying.
x111e7thst: That’s how my mind filled in the blanks.
jagorev: The Pope is a Mormon?
Actually, that would explain a lot.
AnFearBolg:
So how much are 100,000 “E” thingies in real money?
jagorev: I’ve come to the realization that any belief in an afterlife is just another form of procrastination.
jagorev: So who will win in the battle of the gods, Mormon Jesus or Nazi Pope?
4tehlulz: He refuses to believe in the Mormon church and claims the name Joseph Smith is just a hotel desk pseudonym for horny old pedophiles.
Custerwolf: I was getting around to that. Someday.
Hey! Why don’t we get the Mormans to mormify the Pope? That would clean up a lotta loose ends right there! They already got Hitler and Anne Frank!
It’s like a big party in some Tori Amos song about the afterlife! All they need is Shari Lewis and Lambchop!
He kinda looks like good ol’ Bilbo eying up ‘the precious’.
Hey pope dude, those red prada shoes are sure to covert the heathens
So get down upon your knees
Fiddle with your rosaries
Bow your head with great respect
And genuflect, genuflect, genuflect
Make a cross on your abdomen
When in Rome do like a Roman
Ave Maria, gee it’s good to see ya
Gettin’ ecstatic an’ sorta dramatic an’
Doin’ the Vatican Raaaaaag
Joshua Norton: I believe it works out to about 45,000 quatloos.
The Devil…lives in Rome
The Devil…cloaked in robes
Joshua Norton: Rachmaninoff.
RoscoePColtraine: Not sure. I think that’s how we made fun of it at the time.
pdiddycornchips: I LOL’ed
RoscoePColtraine: Become a Lutheran. Even wingnut Jews respect the Lutherans when it comes to wild-eyed Pope hating. Suffice it to say if the Catholics want another hundred years war, Gods people say “Bring it”.
I am not sure if the Wonkette congregation is prepared for the coming onslaught from William Donoghue and the Catholic Crusaders. When they get wind of this thread, we’re all going to be threatened with eternal damnation and/or litigation.
That IS one scary picture.
Custerwolf: Yeah, that is pretty scary… I think censorship, even in this country, is not too far down the road. Jebus, they’re after Wanda Sykes for making a joke about Limbaugh. WTF - LIMBAUGH??? — he IS a joke.
dijetlo: The Thirty Years War could be done in Wisconsin and Minnesota; civil war between the Germans then the Scandinavians and Poles get involved. Not sure about the French, Czechs, Hungarians and Italians, but I guess that means it would spread to Chicago. In which case, the Irish and South Slavs would be involved. that means it might mushroom. maybe not such a good idea.
qwerty42:I’m doing Gods work here son, step the fuck back.
proudgrampa:
Wanda is my hero. I haven’t had this much fun since Sandra Bernhard cockpunched Anne Coulter.
how do you crucify a no-armed jesus?
RoscoePColtraine: Protestants ain’t safe neither - ain’t nobody safe. We gonna sue us some Danish cartoonist, some Quaker Oats salesmen - them’s all blasphemy.
Custerwolf: Kiddin ya re what?
Other person - €100,000 is a lot of money. Once upon a time, in the before days, it was around $130,000. Now, because of your Wall Street, it’s $1.8 trillion.
If you can afford to blaspheme in Ireland you can afford to bail out the US. Not that you’d want to.
qwerty42:Sorry Dude, didn’t mean to ignore your well thought out point but the holy ghost was all up in me… I’m better now…except for the anal bleeding.
dave666: U-clamps
No, no children, I know you’re trying to ‘elp! But me mind’s made up–and it’s going to be medical experiments for the lot of you.
frumious_bandersnatch: I love that movie!
dijetlo: oh cripes, not the feared anal crucifixion? Where did our Wonkette get that?
Papa Ratzi vs. Netanyahu: no rules, no limits, no time outs…and only one will leave Jerusalem alive.
The winner? All of us. And of course, the Pay Per View people.
AnFearBolg: Censoring “blasphemy.” No wonder they call it Ireland, I’m pissed all the way over here. By the by, are you an Irishman - and if so can you please comment in an Irish accent?
Custerwolf: If he sounds like any of these people, he’s not REALLY Irish:
http://my.spill.com/profiles/blogs/the-irish-and-oirish-in-film
proudgrampa: Thank you for the link!
The only thing I disagree with in this post is the implication that the last Pope was “good”. He wasn’t a Nazi is all.
V572625694: There have been no good Popes, just some who were not as bad as others. Alexander VI of the House of Borgia makes a lot of scoundrels look not quite so horrible.
The rollover should be: “Hello, Clarice…”
Custerwolfe: Ah shure begorrah top a de mornin to you ye’ll never get me lucky charms.
BTW I really am an Irish man. We do talk like that, all the time. Also like Tom Cruise in Far & Away - that’s a good guide really. Better still Julia Roberts in Michael Collins. Sounds like me own mammy.
George Washington on Israel
“A passionate attachment of one nation for another produces a variety of evils. Sympathy for the favorite nation, facilitating the illusion of an imaginary common interest in cases where no real common interest exists, and infusing into one the enmities of the other, betrays the former into a participation in the quarrels and wars of the latter without adequate inducement or justification.” ~George Washington Farewell Address
“The nation which indulges toward another habitual hatred or habitual fondness is in some degree a slave. It is a slave to its animosity or to its affection, either of which is sufficient to lead it astray from its duty and its interests.” ~ George Washington
“Peace, commerce and honest friendship with all nations; entangling alliances with none.” ~ Thomas Jefferson
tommyj7648: Man, those Founding Fathers sure had it right, huh? Can’t we just bring them back?
Washington / Jefferson — 2012
AnFearBolg: AnFearBolg: Do you reside in Ireland?
Oh horseshit. Check any newspaper at the time, check with any eyewitnesses at the time, check with the official record at Nuremburg, even check with the state of Israel, and you’ll find that Pope Pius XII did everything in his power to save Jews. Saved 860,000 of them, in fact, if the state of Israel is to be trusted. Eight hundred sixty thousand Jews saved, and people call Pius XII a collaborator because he had the good sense to not do something reckless and extroverted that would provoke a deadly and final response from Berlin?
Read up on what the guy actually did … granted, he didn’t ride a motorcycle to Berlin and punch Hitler in the chops (like he would have if he REALLY hated the Nazis), but for a guy armed only with a single missal, he didn’t do so bad:
http://www.catholicleague.org/pius/dalinframe.htm
Yes, that page comes from the Catholic League; but it doesn’t say anything you can’t confirm elsewhere, and if even half of it is true, it blows apart the notion that he was a collaborator. So once and for all, let’s quit tarnishing the good name of one of Hitler’s greatest foes, Pope Pius XII.
Thrillho: “for a guy armed only with a single missal”
Yeah, that was his first mistake. Fucking apologist.
Lascauxcaveman: That is a fantastic story. Thanks for sharing.
Thrillho: Thrillho doth protest too much. Pius was not terribly unhappy when the (partially catholic) Germans were kicking the shit out of the atheist Russians.
And if he was such a foe of Hitler why won’t the Vatican release all his papers from that period so historians can confirm what a great man he was?
Custerwolf: so are you in a position to refute anything in that article? Impress me.
Hobospacejunkie: historians can already confirm what Pope Pius XII actually did. I know you “heard” that he was a collaborator, it’s something that “everybody knows”, and you’re comfortable with “knowing” that too; but oddly enough, it used to be that people knew something very different. So what did Golda Meir said upon Pius’s death? I’ll let you look it up … if there’s anyone who knew who was a friend to the Jews, it’s Golda Meir, and she considered Pius XII one of the very few voices speaking out for the Jews during WWII.
Calling Ratzinger a Nazi is counter-productive and inaccurate. He was a sixteen year old draftee who deserted the first chance he got as the war was ending. Agree or disagree with his statements and policies as Pope all you want, but he’s no more a nazi than I am a Republican because at 15 I kinda liked Reagan. God forbid anyone would hold me accountable for the poorly formed ideas I had when I was sixteen! On a side note, its interesting to realize that Pope Benedict XVI is the last world leader with real first hand wore-a-uniform experience of World War II. All we will be left with are “Saving Private Ryan” fans who buy all that “greatest generation” ballyhoo, while the people who actually remember what a terrifying disaster the war was will be gone. My Dad had just turned 18 when Truman dropped the bomb on Hiroshima. After four years of watching classmates come home in boxes he can still remember at 81 just how profound his relief was that he might not have to go.
Thrillho: Maxfretless: Take your humorless catholic history lessons elsewhere. In case you haven’t noticed, this is a satirical blog, where we make fun of the news and newsmakers, not try to one-up each other with our historical knowledge. Either get funny or GTFO already, you’re boring everyone.
HOBOSPACEJUNKIE SMASH!
Thrillho: Now that’s more like it!
Religion makes people do strange things. Some good, some bad. ‘Nuf said.
I found a picture of Joey Ratz when he was younger and thinner…
Bearbloke: …and an official photograph of the College of Cardinals…
Thrillho: “so are you in a position to refute anything in that article?”
Yes, it’s called the missionary position. Next question.
Maxfretless: You need to lighten up. Here:
Did you hear about the time the Pope went to Mt.Olive?
Popeye found out and beat the shit out of him.
A minister, a priest, and a rabbi walk into a bar together.
Bartender says, “Is this a joke?”
Worst of all, from some points of view, Israeli Catholics are all Arabs!
Zhu Bajie
ihasasad: Of course, Scotch Jimmie was queer as a three dollar bill….
Zhu Bajie
slithytoves: He was more clever about rhetoric and timing.
Zhu Bajie
Custerwolf: Because most of them come from Arab countries.
Zhu Bajie
dear Wonkette
please don’t write about serious topics.
thank you
–the six million
decora: Sorry. You are way outnumbered.
Sofia!: Fuck that guy. John Paul II was a rightwingnut cocksucker, too. The only thing he did was fight Communism, out of sheer self-interest (communists being atheists and whatnot). There hasn’t been a decent pope since John XXIII.
Ooops! “Religio Depopulata” was the cryptic name of the Pope during WWI. Ratzi is “De Gloria Olivae.” The very last Pope ever, according to the prophecy list, is the next one, “Petrus Romanus.” Keep your fingers crossed, Wonketeers!
Thrillho, you’re wasting your time. Correcting factual inaccuracies is a banning offense. Jesus, re-read the thread. The Pope is compared to a sci-fi villain, a Tolkein villain, repeatedly called a Nazi, excused for being a Nazi because (sing along with me) Germany nearly kicked Europe’s ass despite having only a couple dozen “actual” Nazis, is considered no more or less eeeville than JP2, is accused of eating (or possibly humping) human children, and invited to fight Bibi to the death in Jerusalem… and guess who gets called on a party foul for being tedious and tweenful? That big old unfunny butthole in the mirror, that’s who. Behold the world in a grain of sand.
When the Wonk’s on, it’s on. When it’s off, it crashes and burns right around comment 30. After a while you learn to distinguish between threads where the usual people say the usual things (give or take a box of wine) and the possibly interesting threads without even seeing who posted it or what the alt-text says.
Has anyone else seen Exit the King–with Geoffrey Rush? If the pop is in stripped pajamas he could be his understudy.
GreenHalo: If we snark for snark’s sake without a modicum of truth, what worth is this site? Might as well go over and troll the Freepers for fun.
Bearbloke: Um, what?