DESTROYER OF WORLDS  4:20 pm May 8, 2009

Obama Won’t Save Polar Bears From Bush’s Death Sentence

by Ken Layne

'I'll take a question from the polar bears.'
Boo hoo, Nobama’s so-called “empathy administration” sure doesn’t have much empathy for the nation’s Polar Bears. Mean old George W. Bush wouldn’t put the Snow Monsters on the Endangered Species list, and now Barack Obama’s Interior Department won’t do it, either. Why does this slick street hustler hate nature?

Because, obviously, Polar Bears are white. Somewhere out there, the elites are hiding a videotape of Michelle Obama and Louis Farrakhan leading an anti-Polar Bear parade in Wasilla, in the ’60s.

Also, well, the Endangered Species Act is really of no particular use in this case, as the argument for putting the Whitey Bears on this list was that global warming is affecting the ice-ursine habitat. And while that’s not really in doubt — except amongst the WingNuts, who know Alaska used to be a magical swamp full of dinosaurs who lived with Jesus and his Dino-sciples, which proves there’s no such thing as climate change — the cause of global warming is, well, kind of global.

The ESA basically gives Fish & Wildlife the ability to go after specific people/companies/whatever to stop them from doing harm to endangered species. If your factory is dumping toxic filth in the river where the Endangered Night Toad spawns, then the U.S. Fish & Wildlife Service can stop you from doing that. It’s not so helpful when the culprit is, say, all smokestacks and diesel trucks and coal-burning plants all around the world.

So the new Interior Secretary, Ken Salazar, is sticking with the decision of the old Interior Secretary, Dirk Kempthorne, and keeping the Snow Monsters on the Threatened Species list, while the administration tries to deal with climate change through various large-scale deals like renewable energy and carbon cap/trade things and etc., the end.

Environmental groups are pretending to be livid but the just sound goofy:

Today’s decision was criticized by environmental groups: John Kostyack, of Defenders of Wildlife, conceded that it would have been difficult to tackle a massive problem like greenhouse gases through the endangered species bureaucracy. But he said that should not be a reason formally to let polluters off the hook.

Each smokestack is “just like buying another pack of cigarettes,” Kostyack said. “You’re adding to the risk of the species.”

What?

Obama Administration Keeps Bush-Era Policy on Polar Bears [Washington Post]

 
Related video

Hola wonkerados.

To improve site performance, we did a thing. It could be up to three minutes before your comment appears. DON'T KEEP RETRYING, OKAY?

Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.

{ 43 comments }

Tommmcatt May 8, 2009 at 4:16 pm

Wow, the furries are really getting bold with their lifestyle of late. What’s next, furry pride parades? Glossy, furry coffee-table books and greeting cards? Yiff placemats?

Bearbloke May 8, 2009 at 4:16 pm

Hey! Where did you get this pix of me & my Senior-Bearbloke at our last Furryparty? That’s COPYRIGHTED, folks!

Crab1 May 8, 2009 at 4:18 pm

Grizzly bears in a cobra pit, man.

hobospacejunkie May 8, 2009 at 4:19 pm

He means if those damn bears would quit smoking then they’d be put on the endangered species list. As it is they puff away, and remain on only the threatened list. I have some sympathy with the bears. Smoking is hard to quit, nicotine gum tastes like crap, and those patches are stupidly expensive. Plus no bear looks cool chewing gum on the street corner.

ManchuCandidate May 8, 2009 at 4:26 pm

It’s pay back for all the times Polar Bears stole Ranger Barry’s pickanick baskets.

azw88 May 8, 2009 at 4:28 pm

Polar bears are WHITE. the black, muslin president hates him some WHTE bears! Now if you was talkin about some good ol’ BLACK bears, or maybe even some BROWN bears, he’d bail that shit out faster than an AZ Republican Director can drive down the Loop 101!

Mad Farmer Manifest May 8, 2009 at 4:32 pm

Sarah and Todd Palin are inside the fur suits, but the MSM won’t report it. COVER UP!!!!!!111!!!1!

As the douchenozzle law prof at Cornell says, it’s not the crime, it’s the cover up. Even if the crime is going on a killing spree while wearing a polar bear suit.

The Cold Sea May 8, 2009 at 4:34 pm

Oh, so that’s how it goes, Obama. If they were urban, innercity polar bears it would different. They’d have welfare, abortions on demand every day and free food stamps. Michael Steele needs to get crazy on this! Empathize!

Brendan M. May 8, 2009 at 4:34 pm

[re=312158]hobospacejunkie[/re]: I have some sympathy with the bears.

As long as you don’t have empathy for the bears, like Hitler.

suchsweetthunder May 8, 2009 at 4:35 pm

Fuck. Marry. Chuck.

chascates May 8, 2009 at 4:37 pm

Do those furries have name tags or is it some kind of ‘don’t shoot’ permit they’re wearing?

Carrot Stick May 8, 2009 at 4:37 pm

Maybe, when they run out of food, we can just start feeding them Alaskans.

Doglessliberal May 8, 2009 at 4:39 pm

Really, we know it is because the damn seal lobby bought him off. Polar bears die, their asses are safe. AND it is a known fact that seals are Muslin.

Custerwolf May 8, 2009 at 4:42 pm

So now these fuckers are going to just sit while the Polar bears melt? That’s it, I’m turning in my Defenders of Wildlife badge.

Naked Bunny with a Whip May 8, 2009 at 4:43 pm

Polar bears are not racially transcendent and therefore must die.

Scandinavian Fetus May 8, 2009 at 4:43 pm

[re=312180]azw88[/re]: I don’t know. Polar Bear skin is actually black. I am getting confused.

Custerwolf May 8, 2009 at 4:47 pm

I Knut believe that guy’s name is actually Kostyack.

Custerwolf May 8, 2009 at 4:51 pm

[re=312204]Scandinavian Fetus[/re]: Their skin is black and their guard hairs are actually hollow,providing buoyancy and allowing polar bears to swim long distances…until they sink because they can’t swim any more because they can’t find any food due to global warming and melting floes.

Canmon (the Inadequate) May 8, 2009 at 4:53 pm

[re=312204]Scandinavian Fetus[/re]: That makes it worse. They are “passing”.

dijetlo May 8, 2009 at 5:14 pm

[re=312195]Carrot Stick[/re]: Have you ever tried to clean an Alaskan? It’d be cheaper, and probably better for them, if they just learned to eat the kibble like the Establishment Republicans do every time the movement conservatives invite them out for Pizza

azw88 May 8, 2009 at 5:19 pm

That [re=312204]Scandinavian Fetus[/re]:
naw, that just a damned lie spread by black bears. Just like folks trying to claim Jesus was Black or Jewish. The lengths some folks will go to!

amy amnesia May 8, 2009 at 5:21 pm

I really want a pack of cigarettes.

Custerwolf May 8, 2009 at 5:23 pm

[re=312272]amy amnesia[/re]: Thanks – we could use the taxes.

Accordion-o-rama May 8, 2009 at 5:25 pm

Headline: Obama Leaves Whites to Die at North Pole

Jukesgrrl May 8, 2009 at 5:29 pm

Polar bear is absolutely delish with Gray Poupon. Tres tastee!

timmy_the_tooth May 8, 2009 at 5:32 pm

My friends, that’s not-change you can believe in.

Lascauxcaveman May 8, 2009 at 5:54 pm

Yeah, uhhm … environmental groups? Your ice bears are simply fucked, no matter what we do at this point. Have been for at least 20 years or so, it turns out, so we can’t even have the satisfaction of blaming this one on Bush.

Time to move on to something that can still be saved.

climatewarrior May 8, 2009 at 6:01 pm

Salazar’s decision to adopt Bush’s illogical and illegal rule reducing protections for polar bears is extremely disappointing. Ask the Obama administration to reconsider by signing the online petition http://www.savethepolarbear.org

Custerwolf May 8, 2009 at 6:04 pm

[re=312315]Lascauxcaveman[/re]: Jeezus, had they not outlawed the rich folk’s sport of helicopter land-and-shoots with the passage of the MMPA back in the seventies, we wouldn’t have any of these goddamned polar bears to worry about. Nothing but a bunch of fucking troublemakers.

Scandalabra May 8, 2009 at 6:23 pm

Has Andrew Sullivan chimed in yet on the Obama/Bear issue?

Naked Bunny with a Whip May 8, 2009 at 6:42 pm

@Lascauxcaveman: Can we blame Bush 41 at least? Pweeze?

Pipnosis May 8, 2009 at 7:04 pm

The one on the right is definitely a stormtrooper under the yiff suit.

mrpuma2u May 8, 2009 at 7:20 pm

Wait, what if we schlepp the honkey bears to the SOUTH pole?? They could eat the seals down there, and penguins too!!!! White folks love the south. My folks moved to Nashville and they LOVE it!!

Lascauxcaveman May 8, 2009 at 7:22 pm

[re=312392]Naked Bunny with a Whip[/re]: That wouldn’t be a bad place to start. OR you could blame Henry Ford, or maybe Rockefellers and their oil business, or yourself if you ever drove a gas hog, or, or, or or or

Custerwolf May 8, 2009 at 8:06 pm

All I know is those two white clowns don’t appear threatened to me. They’d better watch their asses or they’ll be D-listed entirely.

prototype May 8, 2009 at 8:17 pm

I love me some polar bears, but I see their point (and Bush’s point, as dirty as that makes me feel). Hippies need to realize it wouldn’t have worked in the first place.

AxmxZ May 8, 2009 at 10:36 pm

Actually, you are all fundamentally wrong. Polar bears are BLACK. They have black skin. It is their translucent – not white! – fur that makes them appear white, the same way translucent frozen water crystals we call “snow” appear white.

Bio lesson over. Also.

AxmxZ May 8, 2009 at 10:37 pm

[re=312531]AxmxZ[/re]: Next time, wait for the entire comment thread to load before hitting ‘submit’, mmkay?

Custerwolf May 8, 2009 at 10:47 pm

[re=312532]AxmxZ[/re]: Well, there’s still those here who may not know that black bears actually come in a variety of colors: black, brown, blonde – and the dreaded CINNAMON.

AxmxZ May 8, 2009 at 11:40 pm

[re=312534]Custerwolf[/re]: I think “Cinnamon Bear” is Rush Limbaugh’s stage name at that club…

Bruno May 9, 2009 at 5:23 am

I have a lot of excess ammo stockpiled by now. If I kill a bunch more Polar Bears, will I be able to get them on the engangered list? This would kill 2 birds with one stone, or something like that but involving white bears.

Custerwolf May 9, 2009 at 10:59 am

[re=312588]Bruno[/re]: Sometimes you gotta kill em to save em.

lawrenceofthedesert May 11, 2009 at 12:46 pm

Would you call a polar bear that swung both ways a bi-polar bear? And that wasn’t Michelle with Louie in Wasilla, it was Rue Paul. Rue sat in on bongos while Louie sang calypso songs for the cruise ship crowd under the stage name “Leon Bibb.”

Comments on this entry are closed.

Previous post:

Next post: