men without women

New Film Has Important Information About Charlie Crist!

Pictured here wearing the Sacred Fez of HomosexualityOh brother, here we go again. Charlie Crist, the governor of Florida, is known for precisely two things: being orange, and having a dreadful porn mustache in the 1970s, which was the style at the time. Everybody likes to make jokes about how (allegedly!) gay he is, jokes that were only made more hilarious by his engagement to a lady right around the time last year that John McCain was supposed to pick him as his running “mate.”

But Crist got passed over and he still had to marry that woman. And people shook their heads sadly over what a mess he’d made of things, having to marry some broad and put his suspiciously long bachelor days behind him.

Now he’s one of the subjects of a movie about gay Republicans, and all these folks in this movie apparently go on camera and solemnly declare, “Yeah Charlie Crist is totally gay, I fucked him once and I am a man” and really this is exciting because …?

This is about as titillating as news that Oprah is fat again.

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About the author

Sara K. Smith was Wonkette's morning editor from 2008 to 2010, and now contributes a weekly (?!) column to Wonkette, to prove she still loves you all!

View all articles by Sara K. Smith

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47 comments

  1. Cape Clod

    Well, looks like I’m going to skip seeing ‘Star Trek’ in order to catch this cinematic opus.
    Not Really.

  2. Norbert

    this liberal smear campaign is based on faulty intelligence acquired through BDSM

  3. One Yield Regular

    Why do I get the feeling that all your librul talk about Republican closeted homosexuality is just to distract us from Mustardgate? First Nobama slaps Americans in the face by using that fancy arugula-style Dijon, and the next thing you know he’s allowing terrorists into the crown of that foofy French Statue of Liberty, which should have been pulled down and sunk into the mouth of the Hudson back in 2002-03 when decent Americans were pouring 1er Cru Bordeaux down the toilet and restoring Freedom Fries to their rightful place next to baseball and mom’s apple pie. But nOoOoOoOoOooo. Wonkette just won’t tackle the REAL issues.

  4. Lazy Media

    Yeah, yeah, Charlie Christ, Mitch McConnell, Lindsay Graham. YAWN. Tell us something we don’t know. If that movie has footage of Cheney taking it from Condi with an unlubed strap-on, I MIGHT Netflix it.

  5. JadedDIssonance

    “All the signals I’ve been getting is that he probably will [get into the race], but I don’t want to make any announcements for him, because he’s the one who will ultimately decide whether to pull the trigger or not,” Sen. Conryn

    Pull the Trigger is right.

  6. Doglessliberal

    I actually am thinking about seeing this tomorrow. It is playing in DC (not a big surprise there). It either is going to be awful and too Michael Moore-ish or interesting; the reviews vary.
    Since everyone else is going to be in Star Trek, I have a feeling it won’t be hard to get tickets.

  7. ExecutorElassus

    So, in Dr: Horrible’s Sing-Along Blog, the phrase “next up: Who’s gay?” was treated as a news item. It was supposed to be parody. I wonder what the next parody of contemporary American society will turn out toe be just a prediction of American society three years from now.

    My vote is for Invader ZiM’s Valentine’s Day gifts of meat slabs. Or maybe watering our plants with Gatorade.

    USA USA USA!!!1 Also

  8. TeddyS

    Much doodoo about nothing. Next up, the big expose on Harvey Milk, Ellen, Richard Simmons, women golf pros and male ballet dancers. If the Flodridas want to elect an orange strange-sex hypocritey buffoon, let ‘em. Free country and all that. I mean, we can’t think any less of their politics, can we?

  9. SayItWithWookies

    It’s not hypocrisy — they just have such noble standards that not even they can live up to them. Think of how much better the world would be if it was run by Bristol Palin and Charlie Crist.

  10. frailamerica

    The tagline at the end of the trailer is the best part: “We know what you did last session”

  11. gjdodger

    [re=311855]zenferret[/re]: He used to be. I read a book about the history of the NFL, and one passage describes him going out on a date with the daughter of the owner of the Patriots.

  12. Come here a minute

    The filmmakers claim to be outing hypocrite gay politicians. Ummm…no you cannot out Charlie Crist, too late.

  13. WIDTAP

    Men in Baltimore are fisting little red puppets in front of children, and all you people can think about is gay Republicans! Wake up Sheeple!!!1!!1! Also.

  14. TGY

    It’s about time Christ came down off that cross and out of the closet.

    Oh, Crist.

  15. as the world burns

    [re=311871]ExecutorElassus[/re]: holy shit ! a ZIM reference !!!
    GIVE ME ALL THE MEEEEEEAT !!!

  16. azw88

    Actually, Crist screwed himself over with the engagement announcement last year. John McCain, former Navy officer, was looking for a running mate/cabin boy. Christ was his ‘man’ until he announced he likes women, so McCain was forced to pick Palin, a mans-man in Tina Fey glasses and a skirt. (word on the street was that she had some Greek ancestry and thus already knew how to take it like a man)

  17. Country Club Jihadi

    Looks like Charlie changed his lube from butter to Imperial Margerine.

  18. Brendan M.

    Crist opposed the same-sex marriage ban in Florida, so is he really that hypocritical? He’s barely even in the closet. And he’s been friendly with “President” Obama, too. Leave him alone.

  19. Tra

    [re=311871]ExecutorElassus[/re]: Oh, thanks. Just what I needed going through my head for the rest of the day.

    “I just might sleep with the same girl twice.
    They say it’s better the second time.
    They say you get to do the weird stuff.
    Groupies: We do the weird stuff!”

  20. Autochthon

    [re=311889]as the world burns[/re]: “But… invader’s blood marches through my veins, like giant RADIOACTIVE RUBBER PANTS! The pants command me. Do not ignore my veins!”

  21. Scarab

    [re=311865]Lazy Media[/re]: Yeah, yeah, Charlie Christ, Mitch McConnell, Lindsay Graham.
    They’re not hypocrites, they’re just bitter because they’re too unattractive to score any gay guys.

  22. Tra

    [re=311903]Brendan M.[/re]: I like the little I know about Crist. He’s been extremely good on things like restoring felon’s voting rights after they do their time, a law that’s been terrible in Florida for disenfranchising black voters.

    He also endured the conservative shrieks during the last election and extended early voting hours to deal with the historic turnout.

  23. penalcolony

    Hilarious that WaPo chose to mention Crist — but not by name, because he “has denied repeatedly that he is gay, and there has been no substantiated reports in mainstream media about any homosexual relationships or transgressions” even though “he may be bound for a 2012 presidential run.”

    However, since (among others) the NY Times, L.A. Times, San Francisco Chronicle, Philadelphia Inquirer, Miami Herald, St. Petersburg Times, Rolling Stone, and the wire services didn’t choose to be so coy, The Crist Question is now national for the first time.

    Have fun, Charlie! (And Jason Wetherington . . . and Bruce Carlton Jordan . . )

  24. Texan Bulldoggette

    I kind of like Charlie, for a Republican, & could care less if he was gay. At least he doesn’t seem batshit crazy.

  25. Joshua Norton

    Hey! Don’t knock ’70′s porn. It’s so funny that the whole family can watch it together.

  26. President Beeblebrox

    Wut, they’re outing Jim McGreevey? ZOMGZ STOPP TEH PRESSEZ MCGREEVEY IS TEH GHEY!!!!!11

    Wow, Ed Koch is being outed too. I would never have guessed that only known Elmer Fudd lookalike was teh ghey…

  27. as the world burns

    [re=311907]iolanthe[/re]: [re=311910]Autochthon[/re]: you guys rule !

    i love this wonkette thing.

    i’m gonna sing the doom song now ! ……..doom doom do-do-do doooommm…..

  28. A Better American Than YOU

    Not to be judgmental, but would any self-respecting homo wear a hat like teh one being worn by teh Homecoming Queen in that picture?

  29. FlamingSooner

    JadedDIssonance: It wouldn’t surprise me if Cornyn picks up all kinds of “signals” from various men.

    Just sayin’…

  30. chascates

    Crist can run as a gay but not as a moderate. Moderate Republicans are the new faggots.

  31. Canuck13652

    [re=311870]Doglessliberal[/re]: I saw it at an advance screening in LA. It’s not at all Michael Moore-ish. It’s quite well done.

    Though a little more buttsechs would have been nice.

  32. chascates

    The Miami Herald claims new film doesn’t ‘out’ Gov. Crist:
    http://www.miamiherald.com/opinion/columnists/story/1028512.html

    “The film is worth seeing — not because it breaks any new ground on Crist’s sexuality, because it doesn’t. It relies on hearsay from shadowy sources, clever edits and innuendo to build a feeble case. (Crist has denied that he’s gay.)”

    And since he’s denied he’s gay that’s that.

  33. thefrontpage

    Also outed: Barney Frank, Mark Foley, Larry Craig, Truman Capote, Paul Lynde, Rock Hudson, Freddie Mercury, Rupaul, Rosie O’Donnell, Wanda Sykes, that guy from the “Stargate” movie, and Donald Rumsfeld.

  34. assistant/atlas

    Gay schmay, why aren’t more people concerned that Crist is literally orange?

  35. marioninnyc

    [re=311865]Lazy Media[/re]: yeah, thanks a lot. now i won’t be able to fall asleep again, ever.

Comments are closed.