Wonkette
Hey, it’s been a while since we did one of these things, right? So. It turns out that, when you get a reader e-mail that begins with “Here’s a tip,” what follows is never an actual tip. It is just some (thankfully) brief rant from a person who spends their free time yelling at telemarketers and calling up CSPAN to complain about how the Obama administration treats veterans worse than homosexuals and pedophiles.
From: Ad
To: tips
Subject: NoneHere’s a tip: stop being a smarmy leftist cunt. Reading your perky salon-sarcasm just made me vomit a little in my mouth.
Ha ha ha reading about how you “vomited in your mouth” makes a person tempted to blow “coffee out of their nose” on account of all the laughing, so now “you owe us a new keyboard/monitor.”
Now this next one comes from a smarmy leftist member of the Language Police who has a polite request about abortion-related terminology:
From: A
To: jim, sara
Subject: Pro-lifeDear Editors,
“…the most attractive female pro-life Republican governor available to give the McCain ticket some ‘juice’ ”
“Anti-abortion” would be so much more accurate then “pro-life.”
Thanks,
A
Jesus fucking christ.
Oh, quit complaining, you smarmy, salon-sarcasm leftist cunt.
Well, Sara, you may be a c***, but at least you’re perky.
Isn’t beginning your thankfully brief diatribe against smarm and sarcasm with ‘Here’s a tip,’ itself an example of smarm and sarcasm?
Is this an intentional level of irony that I’m not giving ‘Ad,’ if that is your real name, enough credit for?
I, for one, welcome the perky-leftist smarmy salon-sarcasm. Especially that of SKS, it brightens my day, it really does.
Awesome that the language police don’t even know the law. The lefty super-abortive language is “anti-choice,” not “anti-abortion.”
It appears that “A” heard about this “Wonkette” thing at one of her Women’s Studies grad student “parties” and, drunken off of 1 (and a half!) glasses of Yellowtail Merlot, thought she’d try this “funny” thing but, even in her inebriated state, was simply shocked (shocked!) at the unquestioned privilege exhibited at this site.
DEAR CUNT SALON:
THERE IZ NO PROOOF DAT I ROTE DOSE.
- SHORTTZ
Here’s my tip…do you have a webcam, Sarah?
Smarmy rhymes with barmy, which is good if you’re re-writing Gang of Four’s He’d Send in the Army.
P.S. Use more terms every humorless granola-muncher has agreed upon since 1997, like Rethuglican. And stop using “lame” unless quoting an early 80s teen movie, and not even then.
Personally, I happen to LIKE smarmy, leftist cunts.
Aren’t the smarmy ones usually chasing cunts, not possessing them?
God, if ONLY the material generated by Wonkette elevated itself to the level of Proustian salon sarcasm instead of being a blog dedicated to day long jokes about Truck Nutz, ass fucking and being probed by Mitt Romney’s rubber gloved hand.
Is there boffing in this salon? If so, that would make it a Salon of Ill Repute. With ass-feathers, even.
Some of my friends were having an argument the other day: what is the most offensive thing you can say to a woman? The consensus was “cunt.” There’s something visceral about the word that makes it more powerful than “herepes whorealot” or “sandy mcgina.”
Just the tip.
Here’s a tip:
It would have been so much more entertaining to read, “…the most attractive female pro-life, smarmy, right wing-nut job, cunt Republican governor available to give the McCain ticket vomit in the mouth…”
Fucking gawd, try harder.
There is no way the Moose-Witch supports life. She’d rather Drill it, Shoot it (aerially), Skin it, Grill it, or foist it verbally upon our offended and sensitive ears.
Little did Ad know, that this one little encounter with lefty cuntism would lead to a lifetime vomit fetish.
When it comes to cunts, there can never really be enough smarm, actually.
Dear Ad, Tip:
Vomit a lot, and if you don’t like SKS’s smarmy-ass, cunty, libtard writing, don’t fucking read it.
The first letter is from that guy from arizona arrested for speeding, obviously.
Nice “centrism” in this post — soon whole world will bow to SPECTER!
TimesUp:
It’s a shower cam, actually, but to have access you’ve got to be a Wonkette “Pioneer” having raised at least $50,000 in bundled contributions for the site over the past 6 months.
The perky salon-sarcasm of the low life left has a certain ring to it, like The Unbearable Lightness of Being or The Loneliness of the Long Distance Runner. I like it.
Woo: Even better that the Language Police never learned the difference between “then” and “than.”
Serolf Divad: Does that Membership Level come with a swag bag?
“vomit a little in my mouth.”
It’s how Republicans reproduce, Sara, he’s asking you to have his Paultard babies and your just mocking him…
So that’s why I’ve been vomit-burping so much lately. Do smarmy right-wing cunts make you vomit completely? I’d like to get this over with already.
Reading your perky salon-sarcasm just made me vomit a little in my mouth.
I thought all cud-chewing animals did that anyway.
Sara, your comments made me LOLOLOLOLOL — you owe me a new 1991 Mazda 323. (Did I mention I’m reading from my car/home?)
SMARM-0-SNARK-9000
I just vomited on my keyboard/monitor a little. You owe me a new coffee.
evh: win. I look forward to future emails from “A” in which plurals are written as possessives and every “consensus” is followed by “of opinion”. Butseks, trucknuts, also.
I thought tips@wonkette was for cockshots?
Big Liver: And I welcome cunts.
Are all the foul-mouthed e-mails from meganmc@hotmail.com? I ask because they exhibit the kind of nasty language I’d expect from someone who grew up with a father who used the “c—” word and other nasties on a regular basis. Megan: Please get a job, find something productive to do, and stop bothering the Wonkette writers.
Also, ‘perky’!
“You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.”
Ha ha! “May”?
Well, Ad, sometimes you get what you pay for.
Dear Sara,
I am surprised, and astounded as well, that you are capable of rational thought at this ungodly hour of the morning, er, uh, almost noon. If I was in charge of responding to emails today, I would have said, “Friggledy ver whoz wuzza? Wuzza?!” That does not sound good, right?
Thanks for all you do,
Hungover Guy
From: tips
To: AD
Subject: Die
Fuck off and
I’ll take smarmy leftist SKS over dumb-as-a-post “Ad”.
all day.
Today, we are all smarmy leftist cunts.
Blah, blah, blah. Cancel my subscription if I have one.
SKS: The appropriate term is not “Jesus Fucking Christ”. It’s Jesus Tapdancing Christ.
And since we’re talking about tips, Jackie Mason’s brother was a mohel. He didn’t charge a fee. He only took tips.
Try the veal.
“Vomit a little in my mouth” is soooooo 2001. Why not throw in an Erkel reference while you’re at it?
Smarmy cunt? Why didn’t someone tell me it was Talk Like a Pirate Day.
On the ultra rare occasion that I an unshackled to read Wenkette, I find Sara on a rant. Relax. Happy hour is almost upon us, SKS.
if “smarmy leftist cunt” is negative then arid conservative vagina is?
Methinks the “tips” email account will have renewed life after this thread, also.
Here’s a tip:Refer to John Boehner as “John Dick-Joke”.
“Dear Edityrs,
I must protest the use of an expletive that’s so Western-Judeo-Christian-phallo-centric.
Please use Goddess Self-Pleasing Earth Mother.
Thanks,
A”
“Here’s a tip: Using the Lords name in vein is not only anti-biblikul, it’s also impossible for Jesus to fornicate with the Christ, as He is Himself.”
Tip for Ad:
The next time you vomit in your mouth a little
take a long deep breath
before getting on the computer.
queeraselvis v 2.0: i just put up an ad on craigslist looking for a perky cunt.
Salon-sarcasm is what drove me to start cutting my own hair.
american mutt: My tits would like some of what that cunt’s got.
Custerwolf: Is that haiku?
Vomit in my mouth
Like Megan McCain’s picture
Mints for my eyes, now!
Oh Sarah, if you actually DID stop being a smarmy leftist cunt, I would probably stop reading this website…cuntiness is fun!!
Boojum: I had greater aspirations
if you know what I mean
and I think you do.
Yes,
I throw up a little in my smarmy cunt when I read Wonkette, too. This develops into the humunculus that manifests as an incarnation of Cthulu. It’s name is pronounced “Bay-NER”.
Ich bin ein Perky!
“Anti-abortion” would be so much more accurate then “pro-life.”
I like “pro-overpopulation” better.
PEOPLE, THERE’S A REASON WHY THEY CALL BABIES “LITTER”
…damn… all you ‘humans’ and your ‘I’m so special’ crap … as if there isn’t 7 billion of you mouthbreathing idiots infesting the whole world…
Boojum: Custerwolf:
Salon-Sarcasm
Shampoo and conditioner
Best for snarky hair.
Hominidx: Duh! Haven’t you ever heard the expression, “Oh, Jesus, just go fuck yourself!”? HE can do it because HE’s all goddy, and stuff. I repeat, duh!
tonytonytony: +1.
cynbot: Or both
Nobody, and I mean nobody, gets to call our Sara K. Smith a “c*unt” except her gynacologist.
*Exaggerated Scarlet O’Hara accent*
Well, La-di-da. I had no idea that that all this salon talk was giving poor old “Ad” the vapors.
Lascauxcaveman: Silky smooth.
Lascauxcaveman:
Smarmy leftist cunt
Spouts perky salon sarcasm
Only on Wonkette
You will all be banned. You terrible, terrible people.
I’m not sophisticated enough to know what “salon sarcasm” is, I just know I like it.
Why do wimmin/girls get so infuriated by the word “cunt?” I mean, it’s just the root of the word “cuntilingus.” Meaning, “to hang a left and go downtown.” Why the rage? I know so many girlfriends who hate the word for some inexplicable reason.
Sara is not smarmy.
TeddyS: Of course not. Else she’d be a smarmy of one.
RoscoePColtraine: I am always supportive of women: My Cuntry, Right or Wrong!
Take heart: you’ve got nothing to worry about, at least until your salon-sarcasm begins to sag - they charge a fucking FORTUNE to lift that now, y’know … & there ain’t nothing wrong with “Ad” that a Roman Shower won’t cure.
I just commented a little in my mouth. Thanks a lot, Ms. Wonkette, you lone blogger.
And the problem is what? How do you think we all stay slim and supersexy? It’s called bulimia and it is best induced by hearing about the latest exploits of wingnuts.
gurukalehuru: he perky salon-sarcasm of the low life left has a certain ring to it, like The Unbearable Lightness of Being or The Loneliness of the Long Distance Runner.T
Or the Low Spark of High Heeled Boys.
“Bathes in the blood of second-trimester fetuses to keep her crows feet from spreading” would be more accurate still. (See Bathory, Elizabeth.)
Is this what we get for rebuilding the republican party?
NEVER FORGET: http://ideas.rebuildtheparty.com/pages/5641-general
Man, Denby is just getting lazy.
WadISay: And Senator McWALNUTS!…
From: Captain McAwesome
To: A
Subject: Pro-abortion
Dear A,
I hope if you get knocked up you have the sense to get an abortion. You’d make a horrible parent.
Thanks,
Captain McAwesome
vomit a little in my mouth - “AD”
Holy jebus tapdancing christ on a crutch, whatever you do: DON’T MAKE A FUCKING MASTERCARD™ “PRICELESS” JOKE, NEXT.
AND FOR THE LOVE OF TRUCKNUTS, DO NOT ATTEMPT TO RE-WRITE ANY “DESTINY’S CHILD” SONG LYRICS TO MAKE FUN OF SOME TOPICAL EVENT!
“Sara, you smarmy leftist cunt” is the new “Jane, you ignorant slut.”
Atheist Nun: New keyboard/mouse — $20.00
Atheist Nun with panties in a wad — priceless.
Come here a minute:
Non-sarcastic use of the following words/phrases: “congress critter” “googies, pooties and/or woozles” “priceless” and “vomit in my mouth a little”should always result in someone’s teeth getting kicked into the back of their throat.
Banality is the sworn enemy of the true pseudo-intellectual.
maybe you should just have a comment form that makes you go through 5 separate pages of forms to fill out, then says ‘HA HA JUST KIDDING’
Personally, I prefer “foetus fetishist”.
Numbat Dundee: Not being as vowel-mouthed as you Aussies, here we spell it “fetus.”
Here’s a tip, where socks with your crocs! Still looks good and keeps your feet from being ripped to shreds.
.
Sara, the correct term is ‘ANTI-CHOICE’.
fyi-
.