Nah, we’ve read the whole thing, and there’s nothing dirty. Tricksy tricksy Meghan! The column’s called “The GOP Doesn’t Understand Sex” and it’s like, for serious, what is up with the GOP totally not ever talking about sex? What is up with that dudes? But she’s Meghan McCain and she don’t censor nothin’, she’ll write about sex (vaguely) all day long; can you hatin’ bitches even handle that?

A couple of things to point out. (If you just want a verdict, though, the column’s dull and vague and hypocritical and self-important and poorly written. See you at the next post!)

Let me get something straight: Bristol Palin, as an eighteen-year-old adult, is free to make her own choices and decide how she wants her life to unfold. But for whatever reasons, the American public and media remain overly engrossed in our politicians’ sex lives and, as in this case, those of their families. There’s an especially unhealthy attitude among conservatives. Daughters of Republican politicians aren’t expected to have sex, let alone enjoy it—as if there were some strange chastity belt automatically attached to us female offspring. God forbid anyone talk realistically about life experiences and natural, sexual instincts. Nope, the answer is always abstinence.

As for Bristol, well, maybe her mother shouldn’t keep thrusting her onto the teevee or the lecture circuit every minute and instead declare her off-limits to the media permanently. Then people might forget sooner or later! But enough about goddamn Bristol Palin, and on to the topic at hand: do you, Meghan, wear the chastity belt, as you are required to? We are never told. (Because that would be weird.) (Then why even write this?)

This is something I know about firsthand. During my father’s 2000 presidential campaign, a reporter asked how he would feel if I became pregnant and wanted an abortion. He answered that it would be my choice, sending shockwaves throughout the party (because for the GOP there is only one answer, and obviously Senator McCain’s daughter shouldn’t be engaging in sex ever)…

But seriously, here was a father, delicately navigating a question about his teenage daughter and being true to the kind of father he had always been, and the Republican Party was outraged. It didn’t matter that my parents raised me knowing, regardless of the mistakes I might make, they would allow me the dignity and courage to make my own choices. That’s the kind of trust my parents have always placed in their children—yet the GOP still needed to get involved and have a say in what I did with my body.

Here’s what I’ve never understood about the party: its resistance to discussing better access to birth control. As a Republican, I am pro-life. But using birth control and having an abortion are not the same at all.

Meghan: you’re pro-choice. Look at the paragraph right above the one where you say you’re pro-life. You say you’re pro-choice. (Editor?)

The GOP Doesn’t Understand Sex [Daily Beast]

Donate with CCDonate with CC


  1. Ah, but Meghan, the GOP does understand sex. It’s just that what most those dirty old pervs practice is illegal. You didn’t think it was odd how your daddy’s friends took a shine to your brothers when they were in junior high school?

  2. Since it’s abortion day at Wonkette, I’d like to add that I agree with her final point entirely. Alan Keyes should get be getting arrested for forcing birth control down teens throats to prevent future abortions.

  3. Consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds. And speaking of little minds, the GOP understands sex just fine, Meghan. The GOP just don’t like women.

  4. “The GOP Doesn’t Understand Sex”

    The GOP Doesn’t Understand Sex with Adult Women

    More better accurate now.

  5. Well duh, Meg. Of course the GOP don’t understand sex or anything to do with tax cuts, pork for their “buddies”, racist banter or anonymous gay sex in a toilet stall.

  6. All I care about is finding out which “daughter of a conservative politician” wants to hop in the sack with meghan, and is she hot, astroglide, etc…

  7. Ugh. She’s like some college sophomore who thinks “I know all about sex and stuff ’cause I lived in a co-ed dorm for 8 months. I should totally write a column for the campus paper that gives striaght talk about penisies and all that!”

  8. “The GOP Doesn’t Understand Sex.” As the French say, Quelle fuckin’ revelation. I’ll just toss sex in the list along with war, finance, diplomacy, budgets, human nature, science, freedom of choice, evolution, pleasure, humor, satire, bipartisanship, pragmatism, common sense, government, the economy, setting an example, the rule of law, the Constitution, empathy, cause and effect, energy, mass, probability, comb-overs, pizza, mustard, plumbing and the kitchen fucking sink.

  9. The Republican resistance to birth control is very easy to understand, Meghan; it means that those dirty sluts can go without getting punished for having the sex. Women are only virgins, whores, or married with lots of kids.

  10. Meghan, come on over, you are not a Gooper, you believe the same things we do, and have an inappropriate and unrequited love for that 12 pack Shock dude..all is forgiven.

  11. “…yet the GOP still needed to get involved and have a say in what I did with my body.”
    Oh, Meg McCabe. You’ve got everything, girl, but money can’t buy you teh smarts…
    Just… go stand in an intersection and spunkily throw your hat into the air like Mary Tyler Moore… In silence.

  12. Republicans can’t figure out that choice doesn’t always mean abortion. You can CHOOSE to keep the child, although for the sake of the gene pool, maybe keeping the MicroBlogette wouldn’t be the right choice. There, I said it.

  13. Congrats, Meg. You managed to write something that was both stupid and boring. Now, can I have those three minutes of my life back?

  14. [re=311191]mattym[/re]: I bet she sucks like the drain at the bottom of the deep end of the pool, the one that can suck your intestines out, all 37 feet of them, before you even know whats happening, if you sit down on it.

    I’m wondering what strategist told Sarah she had to rehabilitate her trollop daughtyer by having her go out and campaign for abstinence. I wonder if Sarah blames the loss on Bristol. Can you imagine the vicious cuntiness in that house?

  15. Does she really hope we like it, or does she really really hope we like it? Well, I really really really liked it, so she should be really really really happy.

  16. What the hell does that mean, “As a Republican, I’m pro life????????????????????” Did she actually say that? What the hell?

  17. Beautiful young Meg McCabe thinks date rape is a possible consequence of sex.

    wait, what?

    only if you’re doing it right. also, too.

  18. To all you gents out there, Megs only sucks greatly at writing and picking up dudes. If you want the real fellate mignon you’re going to have to go straight to Cindy.

  19. [re=311225]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Excellent list. I don’t think the GOP understands Truck Nutz either, but your list had a beautiful rhythm to it that shouldn’t be spoiled.

  20. FTA: “We live in a big world, one where you can contract a life-long STD, have an unplanned pregnancy, or get date-raped, just to name a few of the dangerous results of having sex.”

  21. [re=311202]Min[/re]:Did you just say small minded GOP are Knob Gobblin’? Oh, and a foolish consistency is the buttsecks of wingnuts. Also.

  22. Maybe Megs should wear that T-shirt she was given from the Suck, Bang, and Blow drive-thru biker bar last year. That’s guaranteed to be a conversation starter with the fellas.

  23. Well, I unnerstand Meggie girl, pro-choice, pro-life , i always get those two confused.
    Because which life are they talkin’ about? Which choice?
    See? Very confusing.

  24. well, the GOP base hates her dad and does not care for her and would like to see them both leave the party. For some reason, they see these things she writes as being aimed at them.

  25. [re=311222]magic titty[/re]: You know, the pic kinda makes Meg look like 80s Madonna–you know, the Material Girl/Papa Don’t Preach/suck-start a Harley Flathead Madonna as opposed to the current undead/Lich Queen/distaff version of Keef Richards Madonna.

    Excuse me, I have to go to the restroom for a moment…

  26. “…a reporter asked how he would feel if I became pregnant and wanted an abortion. He answered that it would be my choice, sending shockwaves throughout the party…”

    So what you are saying Ms. Pro-Life Meghan McCain and Mr. Pro-Life John McCain is that if Meghan wants to have an abortion that’s ok but every other woman in the country not so much?

  27. Well, considering how Republicans steamroll comprehensive sex ed with useless abstinence-only programs, pass laws that make it fiscally and/or practically impossible to get an abortion even in states where it is still legal, and yes, conflate birth control with abortion, I would say that there is a very REAL chastity belt in play here. Except it gets slapped on all women, not just piggy-eyed blond fame whores of sad, defeated GOP sacks.

  28. “A friend of mine, whose father is also a conservative politician, used to joke it would be easier for her be a lesbian because then there would be no risk of getting pregnant and having a resulting scandal.”

    Who can it be? Does Tom Ridge have a daughter, and with a father like that to demonstrate what men are like, wouldn’t you choose to go the other way, like Phlyllis Schlafly’s son did?

    “God forbid anyone talk realistically about life experiences and natural, sexual instincts. Nope, the answer is always abstinence. This is something I know about firsthand.”

    Ha ha ha!

  29. as an unapologetic liberal, I don’t think it’s that bad. Sure it’s kinda dumb but it’s better than anything else the republicos have to offer. As for “If you just want a verdict, though, the column’s dull and vague and hypocritical and self-important and poorly written See you at the next post!” I would think you’d have some sympathy Jim.

  30. [re=311254]Prommie[/re]: You now owe Chuck Palahniuk $0.13 in royalties for stealing his story that he stole from someone else…

  31. Ha Ha Ha! I’m sure Bristol was enjoying the hell out of the sex until Levi’s sperm fucked her egg and made that goddammed tit sucker. Now that she has a brand new baby cock blocking her baby-maker, she wants some company in her misery called abstinence.

  32. it’s probably just the horny talking, but i think it is still possible for her to become a real person. she has the power to stop her personality abortion, but will she?

  33. [re=311307]Lee[/re]: That’s the problem, really. You get the feeling she really does mean well and that she could benefit from an editor saying: “That doesn’t make any fucking sense.”

  34. [re=311317]tunamelt[/re]: I don’t think she means that well. She markets herself. In every single twitter or column she brags about how authentic and raw and honest she is, and then she writes these unbelievably watered-down and censored columns about obvious atmospherics, while making people feel sorry for her. Maybe I was too harsh on this one but she’s an adult and can handle criticism of her punditry, of which there will be much, much more if she keeps whinily trying to guilt trip everyone into leaving her alone.

  35. [re=311338]Jim Newell[/re]: Scary! Why does she have multiple images of Mommy Cindy wallpapered across there? It’s not arousing my sympathy. Or anything else.

  36. Megs is in that pitiful sad netherworld of medium sized girls where their too heavy for a liberal BF, and too skinny for a conservative one.

  37. Ms. McCain: Dan Savage writes about sex in a real way. And he is a gay man. And he freaks out teh Republicans. Learn.

  38. [re=311357]RoscoePColtraine[/re]: Please deliver message directly to Meghan. She obvs needs more arguments in favor of abortion.

  39. “That’s the kind of trust my parents have always placed in their children” — and the kind of trust that gets them kicked directly the fuck out of the neo-tard party.

  40. [re=311368]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: On second thought: Ms. McCain, give me a call. I’ll show you EXACTLY what it’s like to enjoy sex in a real way. I will leave you completely exhausted; too tired, in fact, to do much writing about how real and raw you are… and you will be raw. sweetheart. Then, after you have recovered, you can go ahead and take some time to talk about how you can do whatever you want with your body and how sex is good for adults and everyone should have it.

    Until then, pick up some of Lynn Cheney’s fiction and shut the hell up.

  41. Yes, they respect her and she can make her own choices in this hardscrabble world and if she blows one million dollar trust fund, well, there’s plenty more to make choices about where that one came from. She’s just like anybody’s chile!

  42. [re=311204]chascates[/re]: For Republicans children are props.

    On the campaign circuit, you’d see a stage full of kids who should be in school or in bed, and there’s Simple Sarah spoting one dead to the world just like Charlton Heston did his 30-06.

  43. [re=311302]tunamelt[/re]: She has the same claim on smart as every other junior college sophomore; she talks fast. Ain’t that mean articulate?

  44. [re=311236]V572625694[/re]: isn’t that true for every rich white conservative, who would still be able to pay a good doctor to perform their abortion somewhere other than a back alley where the rest of the peasant class are having them, after conservatives have succeeded in making it illegal for everyone else to have that option?

  45. [re=311332]Jim Newell[/re]: You were too nice. Her self promotion would be benign if it wasn’t so stupid:

    Perhaps the worst sexual double standard in politics right now is that too many subconsciously believe Republican women are void of sexual desire altogether

    Of the 435 representatives in Congress, 54 are women, and only 17 of those are Republican women and “too many subconsciously believe Republican women are void of sexual desire” is the currently the worst sexual double standard in politics? Everything just boils down to how hard it is for this chubbo to get laid. Bitch needs to expand her dating pool. Liberals love a little meat on the bones.

  46. [re=311388]Bowdoin[/re]: I see nothing wrong with the old oral contraceptive – having a dick shoved in your mouth – I mean, you still can’t get pregnant that way, right, or has something changed?

  47. [re=311254]Prommie[/re]: “I’m wondering what strategist told Sarah she had to rehabilitate her trollop daughtyer by having her go out and campaign for abstinence.” My vote is for Greta Van Sustren and her husband. They’re on the “communications strategy” payroll.

  48. She is now officially as dumb as Sarah Palin, who also did the “I made a choice to have a baby, which makes me pro-life” thing.

    Seriously, I hate this bitch so much that I can’t even mock her and want to go back to work. FUCK that’s annoying.

  49. [re=311378]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: Ain’t it the truth. Try this on for size Megs – by the time I was 5 I’d already been kissed and fondled by the neighbor boy while my older brothers held me down on the ground. When I was 10 I saw my first porn flick containing beastiality and sat on the same bed as my father while he busily fucked his girlfriend. By the ripe old age of 12 I was dropping acid, french-kissing boys and letting them feel me up. I was, however, a virgin up until the age of 19, whereupon my first fuck consisted of meeting a guy on a boat and fucking the end. Since I had suspicions that the guy was a lousy lay and that the experience held far more promise, I set myself on a decades long journey to find a man who could do it better.

  50. [re=311338]Jim Newell[/re]: Holy shit! That background cartoon of hers is more cross-eyed than a siamese cat! Who the fuck told her that that was a good idea?

  51. [re=311432]Custerwolf[/re]: Where were the women like you when I was in high school? I was also a virgin until age 19, but previous to that my life was slightly less, uh, interesting than yours.

  52. [re=311451]hobospacejunkie[/re]: “Where were the women like you when I was in high school?”
    Smoking dope in the parking lot.
    The summer I turned 10 I was living with my Dad at his hippie pad in Hermosa Beach. It was truly one of the best years of my life. My brother and sister and I would roam the area day and night checking out all the local shops and swimming at the beach. My dad had a sailboat so we’d hang out at Marina Del ray and watch the dead pigeons float by. At night he’d hand us over a ten spot and tell us to get lost for awhile so he could bang his model girlfriend in peace and we had the fucking time of our lives out there on those streets. One time I remember we walked into some funky piano bar with a wonderfully large woman playing and singing and smiling hugely, with me wearing only a long T-shirt, sans skivies, and no one kicked us out. My dad had a restaurant down there called Fat Faced Fenner’s Faloon. Now it’s called something else, because nothing gold can stay, but goddamn those were good times.

  53. “…The first time I ever heard about oral sex was during the Lewinsky scandal.”

    Get the fuck outta here! I bet Meghan was sucking them lollipops way before Monica did. That’s just what Repug girls do cos that way they save themselves for marriage, don’t they?

    And, yes, I’d hit it.

  54. “As a Republican, I am pro-life.” This sounds like she gets her beliefs off a checklist. A thinking person would have said, “I’m pro-life, so I’m Republican.” In theory, anyway.

    Also, at first I thought that tweet was from Glenzilla.

  55. Here’s a clue Megan, no, we are not interested in YOUR sex life, the Palin daughter’s sex life, and ESPECIALLY not in YOUR family’s sex life! Even Dick Cheney would consider your twitterings and bloggings cruel and unusual punishment. Please, why can’t her father get her some no-show job, or is she his punishment for us not electing him?

  56. Twitter is the great equalizer because absolutely everybody sounds like a self involved fourteen year old. In that regard, it’s MayGuns medium, she was born to twitter. In her defense she didn’t ask to be Walnuts daughter and reading her screed it’s pretty obvious she doesn’t “get” the Republican party.
    “yet the GOP still needed to get involved and have a say in what I did with my body.”
    MayGun honey, that and Tax cuts IS the Republican Party.

  57. [re=311436]hobospacejunkie[/re]: no shit. I had to make sure the twatter URL was valid, and it wasn’t a palin-bachmann trick again.

  58. The GOP doesn’t understand sex.
    GOP sex is entirely utilitarian. It’s to create the Jeebus Army. The Christian life is supposed to be completely void of pleasure. I’m sure their faces in mid-orgasm is not much different than my face when I’m putting on my socks at 5:30 AM. I don’t wanna do it, but I have to.

  59. [re=311338]Jim Newell[/re]: ICK.

    OK, we get it. You want us to hate her, and maybe she does too.


    Wow. And ummm…? My folks were very staid (Nixon) Republican conservatives. Mom, a Catholic in the choir and on the Parish Council, dad not Catholic at all, but a Rotarian, chamber of commerce kind of guy, had his own Barbershop Quartet (Not gay! Honest – I have no less than six siblings who will back me up on this.) I never questioned their politics until Reagan came along and I said, “Huh? This guy’s a fucking idiot.”

    So my question is, how’d we end up hob-nobbing on Wonkette?

  60. [re=311562]Lascauxcaveman[/re]: We’re an interest group here, that much is for sure. I certainly don’t hate Megan McCain, although it’s sad to see such naive, sheltered people make a living talking about how worldly and real they are, when in fact, they’re just well-meaning kids of average intelligence.

    This is not to say that Wonkette accomplishes anything, other than allowing me to drink more heavily than usual and giving the Daily Show people who lurk here fodder for the next night’s show (trucknutz are OURS, Jon – find your own fucking meme).

  61. [re=311562]Lascauxcaveman[/re]: My wonderful late aunt was actually a nun in the Catholic church (as was my Mom who kicked the habit early on)and I can still remember laughing when us kids caught her and my uncles smoking pot in the living room. She was the best.
    So to answer your question: random chaos.

  62. And, then, in my dream, I was surrounded by all my male relatives. And they were all naked, except they all had bowls of fruit in their laps. And then they all started offering me a banana. But the only banana I wanted was my fathers, which was the biggest and juiciest banana of them all.

    What do you think that dream means?

  63. I’m trying to figure out how making potential readers vomit before they read your article gets them to read your article.

  64. Megs, I have some ideas for kid books to cope with the GOP’s sex issues:

    1) The Misadventures of Mr. Diapers

    2) Watch Out for Uncle Foley

    3) Jesus Knows Mr. Haggard’s Secret

    4) Pop-up Adventures of Larry the Widestancer!

  65. Mehgan is starting to bore me. I would like to hear the GOP’s message be mouthed by Walnuts secret Muslin Bangldeshi daughter. You know, Jindal-style.

  66. Megan obviously has something against sex herself, because when she becomes the topic of conversation my willie shrivels up.

  67. [re=311432]Custerwolf[/re]: I am your devoted follower forever.

    Also, Megan. You are over 18. You can legally change your party affiliation. Then you can talk about sex, or even have sex. You’re not too fat. I think you’re kind of hot.

  68. [re=311332]Jim Newell[/re]: Oh Baby Lego Jeebus! I read some of those vapid twats and now I think my IQ is permanently lowered.

    You know, “honest and raw” would be talking about how she likes sex to be hard and dirty and is a swallower, not a spitter. She could even throw in the obligatory “most republican women don’t swallow” discussion, and how being a republican daughter, she has to sneak around to date bikers or bisexual drag queens. What a poseur.

  69. It’s pretty obvious. Meg needs to get laid and how. I’m not talking the usual 5 minute wham bamm roll over to sleep kind of sex. I’m talking the 2-3 hour, exhausting, sheets askew, don’t sleep on the wet spot, doing stuff straight from the Kama Sutra kind of sex.

    However, I’m not volunteering. Meg really annoys me and when I’m really annoyed it’s hard for me to get into it.

  70. [re=311400]sarcasticusername[/re]: As Dan Quayle said, when asked what would woman do, if abortion were made illegal, he said “well, they could just get a D&C.” The country club term for a discreetly handled gynecological procedure, not an abortion, mind you, poor people go to Frank Sinatra’s mother for those, our kind just gets a nice little D&C.

  71. Jim:
    Agreed, I don’t think she means well either. Yes, I think she’s a self-promoter. But in this era everything — said by everyone — is cynical and self-serving. Everyone, from the bankers to the politicians to the writers, talk their own book. That’s the path to fame and fortune. So the bar is very low — especially for the republicos. But I think her points, substantively, are spot on. She writes horribly, and I’m sure she doesn’t give a shit about substance. But at least she made valid arguments. Which is unheard of these days.

  72. I’m engrossed in Meghan’s sex life, if you take my meaning. I think she’s just a little jealous of all the sexy attention we’ve been lavishing on Bristol, lately.

  73. Paying her for this shite ought to be a felony. Reads like someone’s been dipping into Mommy’s 200-gallon drum of crank. Often. The old raptor probably has her on a running tab for it too.

    She doesn’t need to get railed – she needs a blood-change & protective custody.

Comments are closed.

Previous articleMichelle Obama Palling Around With Red Monster
Next articleMittens Gets Focused