Wonkette
A big “thank you” to the Republican party for picking this “new” political strategy, “Democrats Are Still Gay For Terrorists,” after they got bored with economics. Now we will have classic 9/11 fearmongering comedy videos all the time once again.
The fundamental assumption with this new strategy, however, is that most Americans do not understand what a “prison” is. Why would Barack Obama be bringing suspected terrorists within the borders of the United States? Where would they stay — at the local hotel, or in your finished basement? If Barack Obama thinks he’s so *smart* then maybe he should try inventing some sort of, uh, state-run institution thing with fences and thick walls for criminals. It’s impossible!
[YouTube]
Doesn’t Pat Roberts have some tiny voters he should be pissing on?
Kansas!! Kansas!! Send them to fucking Kansas!!
Nobody cares about your watch, Mr. Patty Roberts.
But is it torture to condemn them to spend their days in the darkest pit of flyover country?
LOL! I love a good comedy. Is Eddie Murphey into this one? He plays the preznit, right?
I like how the Virginia sign had shotgun pock marks on it. Stay classy, Republicans!
I’d put one of them up. But only if they stayed in my bed.
Send them to fucking Utah!!
Republicans — proud of all the prisons they built, as long as you don’t put anyone dangerous in ‘em.
I thought Repugs where the bravest, strongest, shootingest motherfuckers on the planet. I idolized such brave strong men like Michelle Bachman, Dick Cheney and Newt Gingrich. Who do I have left? Former Marine and Medal of Honor winner Sean Hannity? I have no heroes anymore.
From the music I assume that Barry can hold the terrorists in Hell until such time as he chooses to unleash them upon an unsuspecting red state populace busily buggering their sisters and sons.
I think I saw that one dude from Office Space, breakdancing.
If your “Neighborhood” is Fort Leavenworth, I think this is the least of your problems. Also, can someone please please put a moratorium on the use of the Carmina Burana in commercials? That shit annoys me more than my terrorist neighbor who refuses to mow his lawn or worship the baby jeebus.
We bell cats who roam free. Maybe we could hang trucknutz off the terrorists.
Local murderers, rapists, pedophiles and thieves, right this way to our escape-proof prison built with your tax dollars. No way you’ll ever break out. What, you want to put some illiterate slob from afghanistan who’s a mental vegetable thanks to harsh tactics at g’tmo? Fuck no, what if he escapes?
KSM will probably try to get a job at KU or something. He could teach multiculturalism.
THEY ARE SENDING THEM TO SAUDI ARABIA, YOU DIPSHITS!
Don’t these people listen to the news? Christ-on-a-cracker!
“O Fortuna?” O Please!
Instead of spending money on new commercials, maybe the Republicans could just recycle footage from Hogan’s Heroes and photoshop Obama’s face over Col. Klink’s.
No one has escaped from Stalag 13!
I’m more afraid of drunk drivers than terrorists in our prisons. Does that make me a terrorist?
Looove the background chorus — what, is that from “The DaVinci Code”?
Omar Khadr may still be young enough for residency at the low-security institution known as “public high school”. Not sure that reminding us they put a 15 year old in gitmo is good marketing.
They’ll do just fine at Miramar, or just about any military prison. Anyone who’s ever seen military prison guards is more afraid of them than a random jihadi just out of Gitmo.
Noodle Salad: Second the fatwa against commercial use of Carmina Burana.
Put em in with like-minded folks, where’s Timmy McVeigh holed up?
This’ll be good. Islamic John Denvers.
What if we sent them to Texas or Oklahoma and then they succeeded? Then the terrorists would be out of America. That’s what.
What’s the story with that one kid who “fought with the Taliban”? I thought WE were fighting with the Taliban, too — or did we make up when I wasn’t paying attention?
prophet1195: You need some help with your grammar. It’s “send them to fuck Utah.”
You’re welcome.
Keep your friends close and your enemies whatever.
Crab1: Texas and Oklahoma will never succeed. Sorry.
freakishlystrong: hell
This could be a real boon for many states. In Utah they could be baptized as Mormons or become Sister-Wives-Brothers. They could be forced to gay-marry in 5 states. In most of the South they could be the new recipients of hatred and forced to work on road gangs. In Alaska, Montana, and Idaho they would be target practice. In most big cities they’d fit right in. In DC they’d probably partner with retired Congress members and become lobbyists.
Since most probably had no connection with 9/11 and perhaps only a tenuous connection with radical Islam (before we captured and then tortured the living shit out of them, that is) they’re most valuable as political pawns for both political parties. The best thing now is to offer their families money in reparation and allow them to commit suicide.
Oh, and the Carmina Bruana? It’s a holdover from Nazi Germany, like the Volkswagon. The Nazis loved it as an expression of the natural superiority of the Aryan race. The composer, Carl Off was supposed to be a member of the resistance…but it’s still a Nazi relic. Which makes it perfect for usde in a Republican spot, I guess.
prophet1195: I second that motion…
Come here a minute: I accept the amendment to the motion…
Orff, I mean. Hmph.
Noodle Salad: V572625694: that’s context for ya, another perfectly good piece of music ruined forever by lazy, shiftless moronic ad men.
Yeah, sure it’s fine to put them INTO prison, but then what about when one of their terrorist buddies flies a chopper into the prison yard to rescue them…No wait, that was the plot of Superman…What about the terrorist who has the map of the prison tunnels tattooed on his back, no that was Prison Break…What about when Sean Connery escaped from Alca…Fuck it, just tell ‘em we’ll keep Jack Bauer on speed dial.
I believe some prime property has just come on the market in Crawford, Texas. Great place for a new Supermax prison.
John Stewart covered this in January: http://vodpod.com/watch/1315268-daily-show-guantanamo-baywatch-the-final-season
“Let’s stop pretending these Guantanamo guys are all super villains. They’re thugs and jackasses, not Magneto. If they had mutant powers we would’ve known by now… So until we can come up with an actual limbo, a phantom zone so to speak, I’ll take my chances with the system that’s been able to contain the brain-eater guy.”
Why can’t they just use one of their 9 other mansions in the meantime?
http://democralypsenow.blogspot.com/
SnarkNotFark: The beauty of it is we won’t even have to keep him on speed dial since he’ll already be in jail himself!
SnarkNotFark: No, but see, that really happens, even in regular normal countries:
http://www.badassoftheweek.com/paleokostas.html
dham: Indeed, most Canadians are down with bringing Omar Khadr back to Canada. It’s just our dipshit Prime Minister who’s still on the side of the Gitmo Gestapo. So if we manage to turf the loser, that’ll be one less thing for Kansans to worry about. Though there’s still the matter of being posthumously Mormon-baptized.
armoredbore: V572625694: Tommmcatt: If they were real Rethugs, they would’ve used the Rave version of O Fortuna.
The irony is, during WWII there were hundreds of thousands of German POWs running around, frequently under minimal supervision. Not Islamo-fascists, but actual Fascio-fascists.
WadISay: Yeah, but they was white. Brown people done be scary, ’specially if they is muslin.
http://www.t-nation.com/forum_images/3/0/30236-_Dave_Chappelle_As_Prince.jpg
Stamping out Jesus plates in a FL prison works for me.
Doesn’t that place in Montana actually want these guys?
The next time I hear “O Fortuna” trying to terrify me in someone’s shitty ad, I’m going to beat them to death with my old Latin textbook.
LOGIC FAIL. It’s not like al Libbi is going to be hanging out at your local Starbucks.
Maybe Caribou Barbie has room for some, she needs to raise some revenues pretty quick!
AnnieGetYourFun: obviously he would go for an independent.
My favorite part is “Oklahoma - Discover the excellence.” Catchy.
So it was okay to lock up the white, domestic terrorist, Timothy McVeigh, on American soil, but not those “muslin” “brown” people. Could the GOP be anymore racist!!
The only fear the GOP can drum up with me is that I have to wake up every morning knowing I share a planet with such mental midget freaks!
Wherever they send them, let them watch teabagging vids for an eternity.
Being sent to Kansas is a fuck of a lot worse than being waterboarded. They’ll be singin like canaries when they hear about that plan.
The challenges are complex! Complex CHALLENGES! COMPLEXITY!!!!1!!!1! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!1!!!!!1!!!!!!1
Fear! A wonderful refuge from terrible, terrible complexity! Thanks for the fear, Republicans, we needed that.
Well, everybody knows that they straight let people walk right out of the Brig at Camp Pendelton.
I swear I can smell the desperation from here.
Why don’t they, like, come up with an issue? about something important? where they can take a principled stand?
Is it because their voters would think they were ‘faggy’ if they started to go into ‘detail’ about ‘facts’?
Terrified scrambling for a new wedge issue. & this is their best shot?
bitchincamaro: WIN.
Either Flodrida or Louisiana. Tell them this ain’t Club Gitmo any more. Don’t need frickin’ waterboarding. Here, there are few guards, because the prison is the only place safe from the three-step snakes, thunderclouds of skeeters, hongry gators and man-eating cockroaches the size of B-2 bombers. Your bleached bones probably will be found in the swamp in some future year, with teeth marks on them. Plus, every redneck gun nut in a five hundred mile radius will be hunting you, just to mount your head in the local church basement.
MORE! Watching these dipshits collapse is teh babomb.
Why don’t they want to give high-profile contracts to our nation’s privatized prisons? Republicans hate capitalism!
So now we are pretending that in most Rethuglicans enclaves, the prisons and jails AREN’T the only places keeping good, hardworking (white) Americans employed? The escape rate for California’s medieval prisons was 16 inmates out of the approximately 165,000 housed that year. (Only one of these escapes was from a secure facility).
Which on one hand is uncanny - that is roughly the same number who’d say they would fuck Meg McCain giving the opportunity for a conjugal…
Noodle Salad: AMEN. it was old when hollywood over-used it in, oh 1981 in excalibur but who am i to quibble with actual genius?
Hey, I’m from KS and you guys are hurting my feelings!
It’d be worth it to me to put them all at Leavenworth just to piss Pat Roberts off! I suggest having all the Al Qaeda guys on one side of the hall, senior members of the Bush Administration on the other and one day a week ‘forget’ to lock the doors on their cells.
There are plenty of empty foreclosed homes for these guys to live in. Let’s just hand them a couple in Layne’s neck of the woods.
I smell a sitcom!
imissopus: Hahaha. And they will make the desert bloom.
Or get eaten by giant tortoises.
SnarkNotFark: Well, Jack Bauer just head-butted a clothing designer in a bar, likely violated his parole, and will probably be sharing a cell with KSM. My guess is this is an undercover way to get him into the system to keep an eye on the baddies.
Fucking GOP twatwaffles… Isn’t there a Grey Poupon issue which requires their attention?