'THE ONE LOVES HIS GREY POUPON'  1:02 pm May 7, 2009

Ivy League Professor Wingnut Pens Masterpiece About Dijon Mustard

by Jim Newell

If you have not already read and re-read (for the updates!) this blog post from a conservative law professor at Cornell about Barack Obama and dijon mustard, you should probably just go kill yourself for missing out.

Our jaw dropped somewhere around Update #4, but by Update #7 we were sobbing. It is now at Update #9 and this Wonkette post is taking forever to write because we cannot stop clapping. ART, people, there is ART occurring here.

*This* is how to go fucking nuts, live on the Internet. No offhand one-liners about TelePrompters or Kenya. Child’s play! You’ve got to see Barack Obama order Dijon mustard for a hamburger and write a 9-update cosmic mindfuck of a blog post about it, littered with disastrous jokes left and right (“Mayo” looks/sounds like “Mao” !! !), over the course of three days. So thank you William A. Jacobson, Ivy League Law Professor, because this Internet deserves a better class of wingnut.

Dijongate [Legal Insurrection]

Related video

Hola wonkerados.

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Dave J. May 7, 2009 at 1:04 pm


ManchuCandidate May 7, 2009 at 1:07 pm

We knew that Biden made Barry pull up next to the wingnut prof in his big honking Caddie Limo, roll down the window and ask him, “Excuse me, do you have any Grey Poupon?”

lawrenceofthedesert May 7, 2009 at 1:09 pm

Who is this mysterious D. John Mustard, and was he implicated in the death of Vince Foster? Wonkette should consider him a condiment of interest.

AllHat May 7, 2009 at 1:10 pm

When did elitist institutions like Cornell allow conservatives to teach? Thought that was totally against the rules.

Heq May 7, 2009 at 1:10 pm

Hey now, he doesn’t eat Mayo because he hates the Irish almost as much as he hates the jews.

If there is one thing that really gets hopey’s panties in a knot, it’s Irish counties.

chascates May 7, 2009 at 1:11 pm

And Obama ordered Cheddar cheese, an ENGLISH cheese! American cheese wasn’t good enough for him.

SmutBoffin May 7, 2009 at 1:11 pm

I won’t consider this whole mustard thing to be an official wingnut meme until I see it written in crude lettering on a Teabagger’s protest-sign-thing.

lukewarm May 7, 2009 at 1:11 pm

I think every time Republicans go snarky (once, now) it’s so shocking our brains refuse to see it.

RoscoePColtraine May 7, 2009 at 1:13 pm

He was Ann Coulter’s mentor. He bagged her skinny skeletal ass, and taught her how to fuckin write.

StoneAge May 7, 2009 at 1:13 pm

Today we are all yellow mustards.

Autochthon May 7, 2009 at 1:13 pm

[re=310830]lawrenceofthedesert[/re]: His father, Col. Mustard, was often viewed with suspicion, especially in libraries…

Custerwolf May 7, 2009 at 1:15 pm

I’d like for someone to eat a whole jar of dijon and fill this loser’s office with mustard gas.

Noonan May 7, 2009 at 1:16 pm

“Obama veut de la moutarde de Dijon.”????? Faggity Frenchman, just like John F. (for French) Kerry.

Noonan May 7, 2009 at 1:17 pm

Swear to God this a true story: My imaginary friend as a child (and still, shh!) was named “Michael Dijon.”

wx insider May 7, 2009 at 1:18 pm

I knew it! This negro president of ours is in the tank for the FRENCH!!!

ihasasad May 7, 2009 at 1:18 pm

We’re NUTROOTS? WTH? What exactly is a nutroot and should I be offended???

Custerwolf May 7, 2009 at 1:18 pm

[re=310830]lawrenceofthedesert[/re]: Huh, and here I always thought a condiment was something you ate to get the latex taste out of your mouth.

Leopolt May 7, 2009 at 1:19 pm

If you eat the Dijon mustard, the terrorists have won.

My god in hebben, these guys are like Homo Floresiensis – stuck on their little island, growing smaller and smaller, their brains rapidly devolving to something between a chimp and a retarded porpoise.

Nim, ham hock of liberty May 7, 2009 at 1:19 pm

[re=310837]lukewarm[/re]: Yeah, that’s definitely tongue-in-cheek. Unfortunately, it’s not at all clever or funny. SO it just flops there like a dying fish out of water. And with every update, the auteur reminds us how hilarious it is. To him.

Noonan May 7, 2009 at 1:20 pm

Also, that French blog claims to have nude photos of Obama’s mother.

I’m not kidding.


SwanSwanH May 7, 2009 at 1:20 pm

Er, typo in your headline, Jimmy: it says he’s an Ivy League professor, but evidently he actually teaches at Cornell.

hobospacejunkie May 7, 2009 at 1:21 pm

[re=310830]lawrenceofthedesert[/re]: [re=310842]Autochthon[/re]: Would either of these two gentleman be related to the notorious Mean Mr. Mustard? The one who sleeps in the park, shave in the dark? You know, a real go-getter?

TGY May 7, 2009 at 1:21 pm

I knew it was Colonel ‘Dijon’ all the time. He did Miss Scarlet in the library, or whatever.

Mad Farmer Manifest May 7, 2009 at 1:23 pm

I really can’t say anything that this comment to the prof doesn’t say perfectly:

“Jesus H. Christ on a Segway. Is this the best a law professor from Cornell can come up with? Snide comments about Obama requesting Dijon mustard?? My father, a tried and true conservative, WWII ball turret gunner on a B-17 for 25 missions over Germany – many of them unescorted – recipient of the Distinguished Flying Cross and the Army Air Corp Medal for valor, likes Dijon mustard. He eats it on every kind of sandwich. Would you like to imply that he’s an effete, metrosexual, elitist secret Frenchified wimp?

I’ve always wanted to say this: Professor? Go fuck yourself.

Oh, and before you go, can I have a look in your lunch bag? I want to make sure your wife packed your juice box and cut the crusts off of your PBJ’s.

You’re a fucking child.

A. Fucking. Child.”

Custerwolf May 7, 2009 at 1:23 pm

[re=310851]Noonan[/re]: I don’t want to be the one to break this to you, but that dude was not imaginary.

Scarab May 7, 2009 at 1:24 pm

Can we stop calling Cornell an Ivy League school now? I nominate Iowa State to take its place.

kthxbai...also May 7, 2009 at 1:25 pm

this guy puts the TARD in musTARD


Hey, I have an idea May 7, 2009 at 1:25 pm

gherkins is elitist too, also!

Custerwolf May 7, 2009 at 1:26 pm

[re=310864]Mad Farmer Manifest[/re]: Thanks for sharing. Hawtdamn.

Pablo Zamoras May 7, 2009 at 1:27 pm

Not one mention of the frenchy brioche bun? What about the hoity toity dry aged beef? The amish white cheddar got nary a mention from NRO. Stick to your guns with the Dijon mustard, but I’m sure Ma and Pa America would be a bit more upset to learn that they offer a traitor burger with foie gras, bordelaise sauce and truffle oil.

jagorev May 7, 2009 at 1:29 pm

What the fuck? Cornell is ivy league? You mean the hotel school?

heroinmule May 7, 2009 at 1:29 pm

Please tell me one of you law types has had this idiot professor. I would love to know all about his “teaching” style.

Mad Farmer Manifest May 7, 2009 at 1:30 pm

[re=310870]Custerwolf[/re]: The part about looking in his lunch bag ruined my keyboard. Coffee everywhere.

Dave J. May 7, 2009 at 1:30 pm

Just so these guys know, the true elite accompaniment to ARRUGULA!1!!!1! would be some sort of small-batch organic stone ground mustard, preferably one made from a hipster brewery in Oregon or Vermont. We’ve got about 50 different varieties of that shit out here in Oregon, and each one is mind-bendingly delicious. Dijon mustard was exotic back in 1980, and even that’s a maybe. They have packets of it at most restaurants now. What a joke.

Raumfahrer May 7, 2009 at 1:30 pm

Wow, that guy is being OWNED in the comments though…it’s hilarious.


S.Luggo May 7, 2009 at 1:34 pm

[re=310858]Noonan[/re]: Avec Le PhotoShop.

Dave J. May 7, 2009 at 1:35 pm

[re=310876]jagorev[/re]: Cornell IS Ivy League. You must not be friends with anyone from Cornell. I am, and believe me, they like to remind you at every opportunity that Cornell is an Ivy League school.

S.Luggo May 7, 2009 at 1:35 pm
daisy chain May 7, 2009 at 1:35 pm

Holy shit, wait till they find out about the sprouted wheat bread. I smell a resignation.

uncletravelingmatt May 7, 2009 at 1:36 pm

As interesting as the dijon mustard is, I want to know why MSNBC did not spend more time discussing the bacon angle. How long will The One’s Favorite Network ignore Obama’s flouting of Islamic law?

The Truth must be told.

S.Luggo May 7, 2009 at 1:36 pm

[re=310840]RoscoePColtraine[/re]: It beats being on the tenure track.

Min May 7, 2009 at 1:38 pm

Okay, I just want to make sure that I’m marching lockstep with the majority. Are we suppose to find Prof. Jacobson’s satire funny or not? I thought it was kinda funny, and I thought the commentary was pretty damn hilarious, but I don’t want to be accused of heresy or whatever.

Greg Comlish May 7, 2009 at 1:38 pm

First it was John “Teresa Heinz” Kerry. Now it’s Barack “Hussein Dijon” Obama. I love how these libtards try to mask their elitist ways but can’t even pick the right condiments!

AnnieGetYourFun May 7, 2009 at 1:39 pm

I’m already cringing in anticipation of the right-wing political cartoons featuring Obama rolling down the window of his Rolls Royce and requesting a jar of mustard from someone… probably a terrorists in another Rolls Royce.

FMA May 7, 2009 at 1:39 pm

[re=310866]Scarab[/re]: Iowa State is often called the Harvard of Ames, Iowa.

AnnieGetYourFun May 7, 2009 at 1:39 pm

Also, now I really want some gherkins. GHERKINS!

S.Luggo May 7, 2009 at 1:40 pm

Rush Limbaugh’s Tuna Salad
Tuna (one whole Blue Fin)
Dab of mayo
Oxy (two metric handfuls ground in a pepper mill)

prototype May 7, 2009 at 1:40 pm

RINOs George and Laura Bush also used the gay and French condiment

President and Laura Bush’s Deviled Eggs Recipe

12 large eggs, boiled hard and peeled
1 Tbsp (plus) soft butter
1 Tbsp (plus) mayonnaise
1 Tbsp Dijon mustard
1/2 tsp Yucatan Sunshine Habanero sauce
Salt to taste


Yucatan Sunshine Habanero sauce? Is that fascist?

Hannity already mentioned Dijongate. It’s officially a wingnut meme.

shortsshortsshorts May 7, 2009 at 1:42 pm

That is fucking retarded, and therefore awesome

UPDATE #15 will just be a picture of a Grey Poupon bottle and a French flag or something.

Stay classy, Cornell.

SayItWithWookies May 7, 2009 at 1:42 pm

With apologies to The Who…

Ever since I was a young boy
I used the yellow stuff
From French’s down to Gulden’s
I could never get enough
But the president one-upped me
On burgers and with slaw –
That socialist half-muslin
Sure eats the mean Dijon.

He orders it so smoothly
And waves his bills around
He shouts out to the Mexicans
Who lay those patties down
But when he hits the condiments
You see them drop their jaws –
That socialist half-muslin
Sure eats the mean Dijon.

It’s a Dijon blizzard
There has to be a twist –
The Dijon blizzard is
On Rush Limbaugh’s list

Why do you think he does it?
(Just to piss them off!)
What makes him so halal?

He pretends to be American
When he plays basketball
And even in a turban
All his three-pointers fall
But he can’t bowl for diddly
And at the burger stand I saw –
That socialist half-muslin
Sure eats the mean Dijon.

I thought I lived
In a nation of Christians
But we just handed the
Caliphate to him.

Now universal healthcare
Is coming in the fall
And tattoos on our foreheads
Will be our wake-up call
So don’t say that it surprised you
‘Cause it’s written on the wall
That socialist half-muslin
Sure eats the mean Dijon.

Dave J. May 7, 2009 at 1:42 pm

[re=310896]Min[/re]: Michael Berube is a prof who can blog ironically/satirically about politics. This guy…is not.

SnarkNotFark May 7, 2009 at 1:42 pm

[re=310859]SwanSwanH[/re]: HAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH…Seriously, though they have a lovely school for hotel management though, and two gorges to through yourself into when you realize you’re stuck in Ithaca for x number of years.

AnnieGetYourFun May 7, 2009 at 1:43 pm

[re=310896]Min[/re]: I’m pretty sure it’s satire? Did anyone think he was being serious?

S.Luggo May 7, 2009 at 1:43 pm

[re=310842]Autochthon[/re]: Star.

V572625694 May 7, 2009 at 1:44 pm

Whaddya expect? it’s a public Ivy.

PerhapsSo May 7, 2009 at 1:47 pm

[re=310864]Mad Farmer Manifest[/re]: The professor then told the person who left the comment to calm down and get a sense of humor. Uh, he started the comment, “Jesus H. Christ on a Segway,” which was significantly funnier than any of the mustard blather that preceded it.

Min May 7, 2009 at 1:50 pm

[re=310912]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: It’s satire. What I’m not sure about is whether we’re supposed to find it funny, which I did, or jump on the “ridicule the conservative” bandwagon. Sometimes, my Wonkette-ese gets a little garbled.

Noonan May 7, 2009 at 1:51 pm

[re=310907]SayItWithWookies[/re]: I think SayItWithWookies should be the summer intern in Wonkettevilleburgh

Custerwolf May 7, 2009 at 1:53 pm
V572625694 May 7, 2009 at 1:54 pm

[re=310851]Noonan[/re]: Dude (or esteemed lady): Here’s an avatar for you:


You’re welcome!

RoscoePColtraine May 7, 2009 at 1:56 pm

Whoa! Wait a sec! Gherkins, did he say gherkins??? Oh snap, he could have said cornichons, and made it hella sinister.
Maybe he’ll figure this out by the 11th UPDATE.

V572625694 May 7, 2009 at 1:58 pm

[re=310923]Custerwolf[/re]: Here’s a good one of those:


Yowza — that’d take some guts!

Custerwolf May 7, 2009 at 1:58 pm

[re=310920]Min[/re]: Have you read any of his other stuff? Take a peek.

prototype May 7, 2009 at 1:58 pm


It’s satire, but read his follow up post about it. http://legalinsurrection.blogspot.com/2009/05/thou-shall-not-mock-obamas-mustard.html

We the nutroots must protect Obama at all times and his very presidency relies on us covering up the fact that he orders dijon mustard.

Cape Clod May 7, 2009 at 2:00 pm

[re=310909]SnarkNotFark[/re]: I’ve heard that Cornell has the highest suicide rate in the Ivy League. This guy must have something to do with it.

Alldat May 7, 2009 at 2:01 pm

This guy is just a clinical professor- he probably isn’t taken very seriously by his faculty colleagues to start with, and this will just make things worse. Unless Cornell Law is an Ivy version of Regent, in which case he’s probably already lined up a gig as a guest legal commentator on Fox.

S.Luggo May 7, 2009 at 2:04 pm

[re=310833]AllHat[/re]: He doesn’t teach. He operates one of law school’s legal clinics. At first I thought that meant a clinic where law students advise and represent poors re, e.g., Medicaid, SSI, unemployment bnefits, etc.

But nooooooooo. This is from a letter Jacobson wrote on Cornell letterhead: “The Cornell Law Securities Clinic is a Cornell Law School curricular offering in which law students provide representation to public investors …”.

Bronkers May 7, 2009 at 2:05 pm

[re=310921]Noonan[/re]: Word up! SayItWithWookies: Major win, and now I can’t get that flippin’ tune out of my head.


Bruno May 7, 2009 at 2:06 pm

And the problem is this guy somehow doesn’t like food that tastes good? What is he British?

Does he like tasteless Upstate New York wine as well?


Seriously I think some first year hotelie should go kick him in the nutz.

OpusOne May 7, 2009 at 2:07 pm

[re=310909]SnarkNotFark[/re]: To be fair, Ithaca is the only Truck Nutz-free zone in Upstate NY. It’s in the state bylaws.

And I only went there for the engineering school, not the team that never wins that lame non-playoff football league. We leave that to the jocks at Harvard.

Oh, and the Hotelies are eminently doable. All of them. Also.

Min May 7, 2009 at 2:07 pm

[re=310931]prototype[/re]: Well, yeah, he’s seems like a total asshole in that, but I still think Dijongate is pretty funny. Mostly because I tend to agree that MSNBC is so far up Barry’s ass that it’s a wonder the reporters can breath.

Bruno May 7, 2009 at 2:12 pm

This hotel has a Mustard Sommelier. Then again the hotel is in London, which is not america, and therefore evil.


Prommie May 7, 2009 at 2:16 pm

[re=310920]Min[/re]: Thats not satire. This douchesack only put his tongue in his cheek after he realized he was being laughed at. “I meant that, oh yeah, it was meant to be funny, yeah, thats it.”

The Cold Sea May 7, 2009 at 2:16 pm

So his blog is Legal Insurrection? I’m sure he’s not an activist lawyer. SUPREME COURT NOMINEE PLEASE!!!

jon c May 7, 2009 at 2:16 pm

[re=310866]Scarab[/re]: Cornell has to stay so we Penn alums have someone to look down upon. God bless you, Professor Mustard, for ensuring that we keep our spot as not-quite-the-worst Ivy.

Prommie May 7, 2009 at 2:18 pm

[re=310934]Alldat[/re]: He would not be considered a colleague at all by the real professors, trust me. And he runs a clinic in bottom-feeding, how interesting.

SayItWithWookies May 7, 2009 at 2:19 pm

[re=310923]Custerwolf[/re]: That pic of Obama in the rain is going to be on so many bedroom ceilings by the end of the week.

[re=310921]Noonan[/re]: [re=310937]Bronkers[/re]: Y’all are too kind.

gurukalehuru May 7, 2009 at 2:22 pm

[re=310868]kthxbai…also[/re]: I try to avoid saying this, because I don’t see this comments section as like anything competitive, such as, but FUCKING WIN!

Custerwolf May 7, 2009 at 2:22 pm

[re=310929]V572625694[/re]: If that contraption fails I’m betting he won’t have the guts to do it again.

Jewdishoowary Square May 7, 2009 at 2:22 pm

[re=310876]jagorev[/re]: Hey, our hotel managers are the finest America has to offer.

Seriously, though, the next time you go to a Holiday Inn, you’ll WISH the guy in charge went to Cornell.

AxmxZ May 7, 2009 at 2:24 pm

Am I the only one who thinks this is a parody?

gurukalehuru May 7, 2009 at 2:25 pm

[re=310907]SayItWithWookies[/re]: It also works to the tune of “Folsom Prison Blues.” Most of it.

Red Zeppelin May 7, 2009 at 2:27 pm

The whole condiment thing really is a deal with the nutters. Remember in 04 when they all boycotted Heinz and even invented some weird wingnutty ketchup? Then there was that other time that they were hysterical over salsa becoming the #1 condiment?

Any law or business school in the country will have a certain number of conservatives, but usually they’re not quite this retarded.

Cornell was home to the great Carl Sagan!

Custerwolf May 7, 2009 at 2:28 pm

[re=310980]SayItWithWookies[/re]: He’s drips of that sexuality which comes only to those who don’t attempt to work at it, but who just stay entirely out of its way.

Atheist Nun May 7, 2009 at 2:34 pm

Some people might try claiming that tripe is “humor” or “comedy” or even “satire” but the fact of the matter is:
Comedy is funny… unlike “William A. Jacobson” or 99.9999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999…% of the wingnutosphere.

Religion and republicanism are real fucking comedy killers. You can’t be funny when you actually believe the superstitious and ill-informed garbage that spews out of your mouth.

Crazybroad May 7, 2009 at 2:38 pm

[re=310830]lawrenceofthedesert[/re]: Win.

ella May 7, 2009 at 2:39 pm

Are we sure he’s not really at Dartmouth?

I guess he doesn’t want my recipe for arugula sauce for pasta.

the cold war makes me hot May 7, 2009 at 2:47 pm

[re=310858]Noonan[/re]: I could care less about this mustard thing. What I need to know is where she got those great shoes.

SarahPalins2HeadedLovechild May 7, 2009 at 2:47 pm

I’m getting a kick out of the “u libruls kant take a joke!!” responses from the Professor and his supporters. FYI to conservatives with satirical aspirations: If you have to explain it, you don’t got teh funny.

dijetlo May 7, 2009 at 2:52 pm

[re=310900]FMA[/re]:The local joke among University of Maryland Baltimore Country students is to call their school “UCLA”: which stands for “University of Catonsville, Left at Arbutus”

the cold war makes me hot May 7, 2009 at 2:56 pm

His article links to this:

I think he has an unusual obsession with nuts.

engulfedinflames May 7, 2009 at 2:59 pm

i know the projection meme is mostly lame but this is a great example. this asshole-monkey fucks’ contention that the left is insecure…HA! i scorn you evil little man. substance has finally prevailed over the vaporous mopery of the rights flossy web of disillusion and deceit, and it comes clothed in a lascivious desire for fancy condiments.

Sharif DelMonte May 7, 2009 at 3:07 pm

The Republicans are right–Condiments are sinful. Why the hell do you think they have Bristol Palin out there selling abstinence?

Botswana Meat Commission FC May 7, 2009 at 3:08 pm


Gregory_of_Nazianzus May 7, 2009 at 3:17 pm

I don’t think we should be calling SUNY-Ithaca elitist.

Czn939 May 7, 2009 at 3:25 pm

[re=310864]Mad Farmer Manifest[/re]: WIN

AnnieGetYourFun May 7, 2009 at 3:33 pm

[re=310931]prototype[/re]: I dunno – think of how badly EVERYONE freaks out at Sara’s posts at… wherever the hell she posts? NBC? And how it’s snarky and not and then snarky again? Libtards and rootnuts (like trucknuts, but not as nootrishus) alike are always horrified whenever she says anything, esp. about outlawing mongooses… mongeese?

WadISay May 7, 2009 at 3:34 pm

[re=311012]Atheist Nun[/re]: Legal “humor” + Conservative “humor” + no securities class action plaintiffs coming in the door = a perfect storm of teh stupids, an F5.

Custerwolf May 7, 2009 at 3:34 pm

[re=311000]Custerwolf[/re]: In other words, he makes my loins ache.

Tra May 7, 2009 at 3:39 pm

Wow. Nine? Seriously, nine? I saw this the other day, and he was only up to four, and the amused liberals were starting to show up, and the regular commenters were all, “Why are you all laughing at us? This wouldn’t even be a big deal if the media hadn’t tried to suppress the mustard revelation! Mustard cover-up! Mustard cover-up!”

And you’re telling me there’s more?

mrpuma2u May 7, 2009 at 3:44 pm

[re=310855]Leopolt[/re]: I think you are giving porpoises (even the short bus riding ones) a short shrift comparing them to this guy.

Czn939 May 7, 2009 at 3:44 pm

[re=310897]Greg Comlish[/re]: I don’t use any condiments. What does that meean?

Noonan May 7, 2009 at 3:45 pm

[re=310924]V572625694[/re]: Yeah, I’m neither esteemed, nor a lady, but I’ll use it anyway.


SayItWithWookies May 7, 2009 at 3:50 pm

[re=311119]Czn939[/re]: That’s called barebreading, btw.

Czn939 May 7, 2009 at 3:52 pm

[re=311131]SayItWithWookies[/re]: So, I’m eating unprotected meat?

Dreamer May 7, 2009 at 3:55 pm

Please tell me this is a snark. No one can be this trivial. Are these guys running out of things to obsess over.

Tra May 7, 2009 at 3:59 pm

[re=311099]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: Sara wants to outlaw mongeese?


teratologram May 7, 2009 at 4:00 pm

Mustard: the new ‘Santorum’

totempost May 7, 2009 at 4:00 pm

I just pray to god that he doesn’t like Celine Dion.

Tra May 7, 2009 at 4:00 pm

Favorite comment: “I’m urging my daughter to take your class next year (really). She has trouble with my sense of humor and is convinced I’m a right-wing nutcase. Your blog is one of my favorites.”

Yeeeeesssss … that will help.

Custerwolf May 7, 2009 at 4:02 pm

[re=311133]Czn939[/re]Let me know if you need one of [re=310854]these[/re].

Crankenstank May 7, 2009 at 4:02 pm

THANK GOD someone finally blew the lid off (no pun intended) the connection between Obama and the makers of Grey Poupon, that crazy French Socialist Collective, Kraft Foods. Because someone had to do it.

GreatOldOnesParty May 7, 2009 at 4:02 pm

[re=311138]Dreamer[/re]: I think it’s supposed to be snark, but his regular readers don’t understand snark and have thus “unsnarked” it. It’s that whole thing about life imitating retards or something, also.

GreatOldOnesParty May 7, 2009 at 4:04 pm

[re=311152]Crankenstank[/re]: It’s made by Kraft? Oh that made my day!

totoro May 7, 2009 at 4:33 pm

[re=310934]Alldat[/re]: He is an “Associate Clinical Professor of Law”. That’s the law school equivalent of being the PE teacher. He would have to teach sex-ed and drivers-ed on the side if his school offered it.

AWOcoholic May 7, 2009 at 4:48 pm

I officially can no longer find the line between satire and retardation. Which is this? If it’s satire, it’s really brilliant.

gurukalehuru May 7, 2009 at 4:53 pm

If it was supposed to be a joke, why wasn’t it funny?

Bruno May 7, 2009 at 4:55 pm

[re=311153]GreatOldOnesParty[/re]: It is probably snark. But Denby told me snark was bad. Therefore we need to Anally Crucify him in front of Day Hall.

facehead May 7, 2009 at 4:57 pm

TBH, “Grey Poupon” isn’t a bad mustard, but I don’t prefer it because it is a tad too sweet.

MAILLE forever bitches.

Bruno May 7, 2009 at 4:58 pm

[re=311269]gurukalehuru[/re]: “If it was supposed to be a joke, why wasn’t it funny?”

Agreed. If he were a Wonkette commentator, he would be banned for being unfunny. Now, where are those promote-your-own-blog trolls (except shorts who gets an automatic pass)

Bruno May 7, 2009 at 5:01 pm

[re=311065]Botswana Meat Commission FC[/re]: Yes, we all need to bow down before the might of East Indiana State.

IonaTrailer May 7, 2009 at 5:19 pm

“We knew that Biden made Barry pull up next to the wingnut prof in his big honking Caddie Limo, roll down the window and ask him, “Excuse me, do you have any Grey Poupon?”

you idiot – he said “Excuse me, do you have anything grey to poop on?”

GreatOldOnesParty May 7, 2009 at 5:36 pm

[re=311284]Bruno[/re]: At least we can add “trucknutz” “buttsecks” and/or “also” to comments that might be mistaken for actual wingnuttery so that all the hip kids of the in-crowd know it’s snark.

jillnottumblin May 7, 2009 at 5:45 pm

Please tell me he didn’t eat the “spicy” mustard. I thought we were restricted to yellow mustard. But, then that’s French’s and we only eat “free” mustard, right?

GreatOldOnesParty May 7, 2009 at 5:48 pm

For the record:

Numbat Dundee May 7, 2009 at 5:53 pm


buggers May 7, 2009 at 6:46 pm

[re=310879]Dave J.[/re]: I like that Maile shit…good mustard, yummm

yourmomismyamericanidol May 7, 2009 at 7:39 pm

Why is the fact that the Muslin-Mexican spoke Spanish not a bigger deal?

Trixie May 7, 2009 at 7:42 pm

He updated it again today! I was in an e-mail exchange with him about it and the dude is batshit.

Trixie May 7, 2009 at 7:43 pm
proudgrampa May 7, 2009 at 7:45 pm

[re=310891]S.Luggo[/re]: Jebus. And I like your use of the word “Apologia.”

ryang May 7, 2009 at 8:03 pm

I can NOT wait to hear Zobama’s take on Dijongate: “Please allow me to introduce myself, I’m a man who likes Dijon mustard, but MSNBC didn’t tell y’all that!” (Crashes into group of wingnuts teabagging each other.)

hobospacejunkie May 7, 2009 at 8:08 pm

[re=310907]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Truly awe-inspiring. I had Roger Daltrey sing it in my head for me. A masterpiece, sir.

Custerwolf May 7, 2009 at 8:37 pm

Just for the record, my Korean friend Wilma makes the world’s greatest stone ground mustard. Plop a dollop on an Ak-mak cracker, sit back, and enjoy the ride.

glamourdammerung May 7, 2009 at 9:00 pm

[re=311455]Trixie[/re]: I took a look and noticed it was yet another case of the “I called you all assholes and you were mean to me for no reason” nonsense. I really wonder if a persecution complex is a prerequisite for being a conservative at this point.

schvitzatura May 7, 2009 at 9:16 pm

Awaiting Rémouladegate…soon to be followed by Aïoligate.

MATTY May 7, 2009 at 9:34 pm

Is your intern Juli Weiner paid or unpaid. Do you make her get coffee, pick up the kids from school, mow the lawn, etc. I would be delighted to know.

Bison May 7, 2009 at 11:13 pm

So now good mustard is like unpatriotic or some shit? That sucks because I just found this really tasty cabernet roasted garlic mustard the other day and have nearly downed the entire jar in two days flat. The only downside is that the dog doesn’t seem to like it, but at least it makes my peckerhead tingle in a delightful way.

Go Figure May 7, 2009 at 11:37 pm

Remain vigilant! Someone call Homeland Security!
We need to keep close watch on this situation– I bet it does not stop at the dijon mustard.
Iceberg lettuce was nowhere to be seen. Romaine lettuce & designer tomatoes were very likely involved.
Tune in next time to see if it was a whole wheat bun WITH sesame seeds!!!!!

Jukesgrrl May 7, 2009 at 11:49 pm

[re=310900]FMA[/re]: Not by anyone from Iowa City (aka The Paris of the Midwest)!

Jukesgrrl May 8, 2009 at 12:00 am

[re=310907]SayItWithWookies[/re]: One of your best!! If I may add a tiny addition, I think it would scan better if you added the adjective “Fat” to the line “On Rush Limbaugh’s list.” With emphasis: On FAT Rush Limbaugh’s li-i-i-ist.

[re=311119]Czn939[/re]: You’re Amish.

Herunar May 8, 2009 at 1:24 am



hamletta May 8, 2009 at 1:47 am

What a putz this guy is! My grandfather was a graduate of Cornell, and I’m sure he’s laughing his ass off in heaven right this minute. He was an engineer. Who liked good food. And hairy wimmens.

gurukalehuru May 8, 2009 at 7:45 am

You know, it reminds me of Limbaugh’s joke about the White House Dog (Chelsea Clinton, then 13), and his statement, after a couple of days, that they’d intended a different joke and that one just got substituted at the last minute, but he never did say what the original punch line was, probably because he was just cold lying his ass off.
So, if this guy Jakobsen was writing this as satire, what exactly is he satiring? The fact that the media didn’t actually mention the brand of mustard? Is that all you’ve got?
Come on. The guys skinnier than Keira Knightley, he’s got funny ears, he may or may not smoke cigarettes, he’s got a hell of a funny name that you haven’t even begun to make fun of properly (Nobama, Zobama, how lame is that?) and he can’t bowl for shit.
If you’re going to mock our Barry, your mocking skills need work. That is to say, U R DOING IT RONG!

dearest May 8, 2009 at 8:30 am


DustBowlBlues May 15, 2009 at 2:26 pm

[re=310834]Heq[/re]: Mayo isn’t Irish. It’s protestant. Haven’t you ever studied theology?

DustBowlBlues May 15, 2009 at 2:35 pm

[re=310904]prototype[/re]: “Yucatan Sunshine Habanero sauce? Is that fascist?”

I hope not. It’s one my shelf. Whatever, I’m going to print that one out and not tell anyone it’s From Bush. Sounds like damned tasty deviled–Wait a minute! Is this trap? A Republicthug would never eat anything named after the Dark One.

Whatever. I’m still going to print it out. Yum.

Tito Puente May 15, 2009 at 9:24 pm

With ot without dijon, The Hella’ Burger is Hella awesome.

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