Hero Republican Caught Having Sex With a WOMAN

GOP "moderates" are ecstatic over the news that some nobody Republican commissioner in some no-name Michigan suburb was caught drunkenly boning some gal on a sidewalk, at 2 a.m. The dude, for some reason named "Kim Capello," was arrested after the police got calls about some naked people fucking in public. The woman being fucked was not the dude's wife -- it appears she wasn't arrested, so maybe she was just killed at the scene, by the cops? Probably. And now the dude, "Kim," may go to jail for 93 days.

Capello tells WXYZ-TV he "started out with good intentions" when he began walking the woman home from a bar before his actions took a wrong turn.

Things are looking up for the Republicans! [ WOOD-TV ]