Wonkette
GOP “moderates” are ecstatic over the news that some nobody Republican commissioner in some no-name Michigan suburb was caught drunkenly boning some gal on a sidewalk, at 2 a.m. The dude, for some reason named “Kim Capello,” was arrested after the police got calls about some naked people fucking in public. The woman being fucked was not the dude’s wife — it appears she wasn’t arrested, so maybe she was just killed at the scene, by the cops? Probably. And now the dude, “Kim,” may go to jail for 93 days.
Capello tells WXYZ-TV he “started out with good intentions” when he began walking the woman home from a bar before his actions took a wrong turn.
Things are looking up for the Republicans! [WOOD-TV]
The dude, for some reason named “Kim Capello,”
I believe “Kim Capello” is Italian for “Heywood Jablomie.”
WOOD TV? Really?
Nothing oozes sexy like an Issac Asimov story.
BTW, I thought WOOD-TV was a joke.
Capello tells WXYZ-TV he “started out with good intentions” when he began walking the woman home from a bar before his actions took a wrong turn.
How gentlemanly of you, Kim. I’m sure you weren’t imagining yourself with your head buried between her legs the whole way home.
RINO
>>[WOOD-TV]
This is the best part of the post.
I yearn for the good old days when you could fuck on a sidewalk and no one cared.
“Capello” as in “A Capello” as in “committing adultery without music.”
Now, c’mon, guys, let’s cut Kim a break - he was drunk - he *thought* she was an under-aged boy…
You may catch me fucking out in public (maybe you already have), but you will never EVER catch me fucking a guy named Kim.
I do not want ‘Asimov’ and ’sex’ overlapping in any region of my brain. Or ‘Republican’ and ’sex’, for that matter, unless ‘funny’ is also mixed in there.
is it cocktober already?
tonytonytony: She wasn’t playing the skin flute?
I love the “started out with good intentions” Like getting laid isn’t a good intention? What’s wrong with sex, you stupid Republican? Wait, I get it. It’s supposed to be sex with little boys. He disregarded the memo.
Capello tells WXYZ-TV he “started out with good intentions” when he began walking the woman home from a bar before his actions took a wrong turn.
“Good intentions” = buttsecks
Hell,he’ll be Sarah Palin’s running mate in 2012.It’s not that often a Republican gets caught boning a female adult.
Autochthon: Beat me to it.
Also, WOOD-TV ftw!
WOOD-TV - I love it!
Abstinence is unrealistic for teenagers — in much the same way that sobriety and fidelity are for adults. I can only hope they were doing it unprotected, the way the LORD intended.
Let’s read his profile: “Commissioner Capello has been married to Jodi for twenty-one years. The couple has three children: Danielle, a sophomore at Michigan State University; Dylan, a junior at Novi High School; and Alexa, who is in 7th grade at Novi Middle School.”
Can we kick him in the ‘nads now?
I’d vote for him.
I was concerned when I first read the report that they were doing the dirty on the sidewalk. Thankfully it was up against the wall like a couple of good self-respecting doggers.
The woman being fucked was not the dude’s wife Haaahaaahaa! The fuckee, as it were…
Mmm, adultery, that’s nice. But, I’d like to comment on the Yogen Fruz post.
This all reminds me of my birthday several years ago…
Custerwolf: You may catch me fucking out in public (maybe you already have), but you will never EVER catch me fucking a guy named Kim.
Maybe this will change your mind, Custerwolf.
Just curious as to what exactly would qualify as “good intentions” in the given scenario?Carrying on a discreet and respectable extramarital affair in privacy of a proper hotel room?
Oh, it does get better. Another report notes:
“The resident said he was driving by the bar and called police about ‘two naked females’ on the sidewalk near a residential area just A few feet off of Pennsylvania Avenue. The man said he had his children in the back of his car and was concerned they might have seen a sexual act between the two people.”
So, was the dude in drag? Heavy with the man bosoms? What IS the rest of the story?
randomsausage: I was going to say the opposite, that I have to respect a guy who just wants to get his freak on right there in the middle of the damn sidewalk. Way to ball, playa! But, no, it’s in some dark seedy alley, up against the wall. Lame!
Dave J.: Meeting “the woman’s” 12 year old son.
“But officer, she was just meeting the meat”
And Kim’s address is “24406 Nantucket Drive”.
Is this another punking like “Alberto Cutie,” the priest in Miami?
Sex on the sidewalk when you’re drunk, never a good idea, you don’t which crack to hit.
tonytonytony: Brother of Al Capello, known as ‘Silent Al’.
He started out with good intentions, but finished without a happy ending.
Capello tried to cop the Platonic plea, saying his intentions were good when they left the bar, i.e., he wanted to do it in the car like his hero Ken Calvert, not in the street like some hippie. We hippies know that street sex can be exciting for both consenting parties — especially if you don’t have a wife and three kids waiting at home while you’re out pounding shots and groping lady drunks.
A Better American Than YOU: …‘two naked females’ …
…So, was the dude in drag?…
oh please, oh please, oh please …..
A Republican having sex with a woman is suspicious. … unless he were also dressed as a woman.
Brendan M.: I don’t like the cut of his jib (although I can’t actually see his foresail).
First a priest, now a Republican? What is this? Opposite Day?
Custerwolf: Kim’s a punk name, and no mistake.
Suggested improvement to this post:
was arrested after the police got calls about some naked people fucking in public
should be:
was arrested after the police got calls about some naked people just cold fuckin’ in public
“Dick Armey”
It just seems to fit.
Kim should argue that he was providing a public service to the town’s hetro young men. I, for one, learned several non-missionary positions from watching the drunk couples “at work” on the grounds of Perry’s Monument, which is itself a 350-foot tall phallic symbol. http://www.nps.gov/pevi
A Better American Than YOU: Where the hell is this again? Let me tell you, if wanna cold fuck somebody on the sidewalk do it in New York City - there they just drive by and shout encouragement, not turn your freaky ass in.
Not that I’m speaking from experience…
Isn’t it still to cold up there to be fucking outside at 2:a.m.?
BRRRRRRR!!
Michigan has sidewalks?
Custerwolf: Where the hell’d “you” go?
The sidewalk to hello, I’m in jail, is paved with good intentions.
Someone just made the Baby Larry Craig cry - & Baby Jeff Gannon’s not too impressed either. Will the GOP still accept him after making a mockery of their long proud tradition of getting blown by pages? I imagine he’ll follow the trail of Specter’s spoor to the Islamohomoterrorist Party soon enough.
Thanks, Brendon M., thanks a LOT.
(*looks in vain for “Unsee” button on keyboard*)
HoboNutz: and policemen…I though they just had nomadic bands of ex auto-workers roving the wilds for “go juice” and of course the Exxon Valdez parked in lake Michigan commanded by an insane, one-eyed Dennis Hopper and motley crew gay leather bar rejects.
Literally, who knew? Police, side walks, people scrogging in the dirt…Michigan is surprisingly like America actually
Custerwolf: I don’t like the cut of his jib (although I can’t actually see his foresail).
How sophisticated of you. European, even. I’m pretty sophisticated myself, if you know what I mean (and assuming I know what you meant).
One Yield Regular: beautific.
This reminds me of my navy days, specifically that one time i boned that female sailor between two parked cars on the pier.
Custerwolf: you will never EVER catch me fucking a guy named Kim.
I know one that you would. He’s a guy named Kim I used to run into a lot back in my Seattle rock band days. Just think of the things he could do with that prehensile appendage he’s displaying there.
Brendan M.: Kiss me.
(or just do me on the sidewalk)
19kevin8: That was YOU???
Lascauxcaveman: Who is that? The one dude looks like Chris Cornell.
Lascauxcaveman: And that TONGUE - it’s got such a deep divide he’s almost bilingual.
Custerwolf: That IS him, isn’t it? Little trivia - his Mom is my Mom’s best friend.
Custerwolf: in all my bell-bottomed glory…
No no no…you see he’s a Michigan Republican. The blue state ones get integrated too much. For the truly hilarious little boy fucking and bathroom sex you have to go to Idaho or Mississippi.
Btw WOOD TV…hiLARious.
oh great, now all the teenagers will think you can’t get pregnant from having “sidewalk sex.”
Custerwolf: But why the sidewalk? Public fucking is what god gave us Central Park for.
x111e7thst: It was a sperm of the moment kind of thing…
KTHXBAI: Wonder if that TV Station’s breakfast show is called “MorningWood”?
Custerwolf: Kim Thayil, of Soundgarden; so you were getting close. First time I met him, he had neatly groomed hair and was wearing a cricket sweater. I kid you not.
19kevin8: Let me know when’s your next Cinderella liberty - or are you done servicing?
anyone else notice that
http://www.cityofnovi.org/images/Portrait-CapelloLarge.jpg
looks like Roger Hedgcock?
The hits just keep on comin’.
When this thing goes to trial they’d better have some concrete evidence.
I am so happy I live in this county. Now if only my commissioner would do something this cool.
Sadly, this is one of the least embarrassing things to happen in county politics.
How drunk was she? According to the Detroit News: “Police said … the woman denied the clothes on the ground next to them belonged to her.”
Also, this took place “near the rear parking lot of The Post Bar.”
I’m naive. I don’t want to hear about ‘two naked females’ — one of whom is a guy who lives on Nantucket Drive — or learn anything about the Northern Yankee sport of “rear parking.”
Aquannissiwamissoo: That’s what she said?
Lascauxcaveman: “cricket sweater” Wow, so do they actually have to skin the little buggers or do they just use the shed exoskeletons?
A Better American Than YOU: Now that’s just plain stupid. So she actually took off her clothes and set them elsewhere? That sounds a bit premeditated to me. Whatever happened to to the simplicity of just hiking up your skirt?
They were not fucking. Kim was merely showing her the Republican stimulus, a great and honored tradition, handed down, by hand of course, by John MaGoo and Sara I’m your Pal in everything large and small, so take a load off baby, take a load off Johnny, put that load right on me.
Custerwolf: No, not more animal cruelty. He looked like he dressed ready to head out to the pitch and play a few overs with his mates.
lulzmonger: Sorry, I was just trying to get you in the mood for cybering.
Custerwolf: Oh, never mind. Custerwolf has got me covered. Wait, you’re a 12-year-old boy, right? I vote Republican.
Custerwolf: I’m done with the navy, so no more cinderella liberty. however, i will never stop servicing.
19kevin8: Good to know.
Lascauxcaveman: Even though I adore Cornell’s Mom, and I hail from Seattle, I know nothing of Soundgarden or Cornell’s new music, I’m afraid. In fact Chris’s sister lives a couple small towns over from mine and I wouldn’t know her if she tripped me on the sidewalk (or fucked me for that matter). Chris is not a good son to his Mom so I have that against him. Does Kim or any other bandmates live in the Seattle area still? John Popper lives two towns over from me, and one of the dudes from the Spin Doctors used to live in the town of Startup which is right next door. What’s up with these guys and their affinity for Nowheresville?
Ick. I’d have called the police too. Jeez, can’t these family values people get a room? Think of the children.
Custerwolf: What’s up with these guys and their affinity for Nowheresville?
It’s the awesome snowbaording at Stevens Pass , dude.
Custerwolf: Seriously! I discovered that on one glorious drunken night–it was all “fuck yeahs!” and “nice ass” and a few other random yelled comments.
It’s just one of the reasons why New York is the greatest city in the world. And I say that as a non-New Yorker.
Lascauxcaveman: Ahh! Hey, if you ever take a trip up to the pass stop by my house on the way. Just be careful on the ‘HOD.’ (highway of death SR2). Shit -I just remembered I don’t have a house anymore. In that case stop by my trailer.
assistant/atlas: I heart NYC.
Uncle Bubba: Trickle-down-her-leg economics, you mean.
A Republican fucking a consenting adult human female? Give him a goddamn medal.
Michigan has women and streets?
Dr. A?
Rear Parking?
Dude named Kim possibly in a dress?
Novi?
(long, uncomfortable pause)
Whew, I am done. A smoke, anyone?
Ken,
Please don’t use ‘Hero’ and ‘Republican’ in the same sentence. I passed out when you posted this, and I just woke up now.
By the way, in order to make referencing of the olds simpler, I’ve constructed a word that can be used for a singular male and/or female olds as well as plural male and/or female olds. That word is Eldra.
I don’t believe it was a woman. As we all know, republicans are all closeted homosexuals who are so misguidedly ashamed of what they are that they spend their lives fighting homosexuals just so people will think that they’re not gay. 98% of the Republican party membership is made up of homosexuals. The other 2% is made up of tax cheats. The only place where you can find a greater concentration of closeted homosexuals is in the Catholic church.
But republican men do not have sex with women. This must have been a pre-op transvestite.
Custerwolf: That would actually be fun. I like to go skiing with my two daughters, age 9 and 13. We’ll drop in and I’d say, here’s “Custerwolf,” she lives in a bidet and we exchange filthy talk about buttsecks and trucknutz on the teh internets.
They’d get all excited about your critters, and I’d have to build a chicken coop or something once we got home.
Lascauxcaveman:That made me laugh on so many different levels.
His kids are named Danielle, Dylan and fucking Alexa!
That’s all I need for judgment: Gi-normous asswad!
Drunken sidewalk screwing is the least of it.
In all this, only two passing references to Nantucket?????? Ha all the poetry gone out of life?