Wonkette
- Hmm. In late April, Bank of America CEO Ken Lewis said the bank didn’t need any more capital, but a new “stress test” says it might need as much as $34 billion. [Bloomberg]
- Violence broke out in the Taliban-controlled Swat valley of Pakistan, and now civilians are trying to get out of there while militants duke it out with government security forces. [BBC News]
- Arnold Schwarzenegger is just not a real Republican at all, with his insane notion that maybe we should start talking about legalizing and taxing marijuana. [Reuters]
- Health officials who recommended that schools be shut for two weeks if a kid showed a sign of a (pig) sniffle have reversed their decision, much to the chagrin of students everywhere. [Washington Post]
- Mexicans who got stuck in a Chinese quarantine returned home and were happy to be there instead of hanging out in Guanghzou, doing nothing. [AP]
- Ford announced it would retool one of its SUV plants to produce jet-powered Ford Focus cars that run on lasers, baby sweat, and dreams. [Wall Street Journal]
I wish the nerds would get off their dead asses and perfect fusion power. That’d mean practically infinite energy with zero emissions, flying hydrogen cars, the home of the future, etc. Then we can get back to worrying about overpopulation, overfishing, water pollution, and the other ways in which all humans will all die off or revert to hunter-gatherer bands within 200 years.
They claim to be getting closer, but they’ve been saying that since the ’60s.
http://www.greentechmedia.com/articles/read/lawrence-livermore-shows-off-its-fusion-power-laser-5985/
I’m shocked, just shocked that a bank could suddenly need so much… ah, who the fuck am I kidding?
At this point I have more sympathy for W (an ant’s fart’s worth) than I do for bankers (none.)
Oh, I’m all for you hippies being able to smoke up, but NOT AROUND ME. Took us long enough to get tobacco out of restaurants and bars (still working on the latter most places); I don’t need a different-smelling smoke to make my eyes red and stink up my clothes when I want to hear a band.
Lazy Media:
I just don’t need the contact high and the subsequent munchies. Last time that happened, my friends and I gorged on $200 worth of takeout sushi.
Got one thing to say to Arnold…”’scuse me while I kiss this guy.”
After they all convert their preferred shares to common whateverthefuck can we just ship them to Swat to be used as human shields by the Taliban.
Lazy Media: ManchuCandidate: more for the rest of us
Words I’m sick of: “stress test” “Taliban” “California” “Mexico” “SUV” - all you needed was a reference to Alaska’s Gov. and we’d have a royal flush
I just finished my own checking account stress test and I’ve come to the unhappy conclusion that I am going to need AT LEAST $4.2 million. Anyone have the URL to file for TARP online?
Rush: IF you look over to your LEFT, you will see that the mention of her name here draws her out of the Google Adwords woodwork.
What’s the point of seeing live rock ‘n’ roll if you’re not stoned/drunk and bumming cigs off the real smokers? No-smoking shows should be limited to Hannah Montana & Alaska Nebraska matinees. The smoke-shy olds should stay home & listen to Glen Miller on the wind-up gramaphone. That’s what I do, and no one tries to yank the onion off my belt, neither!
Oooh, Ford is going to retool some of it’s Michigan plants to build fuel efficient smaller cars rather than massive, gas guzzling, rolling mountains of steel. Good idea. When did the Japanese pick up in this idea? The early 70’s?
hobospacejunkie: Feh to your bug music. I just want smoke-free folk music, bluegrass, jazz and weird shit like Leslie and the Lys.
Is the Austrian hippie part of that Austrian School that Ron Paul is telling Michele Bachmann about — and really bringing on teh crazy in her?
Lazy Media: Well why didn’t you say so? I’m OK with that. I just find it odd when people complain about smoke at rock ‘n’ roll shows. You know, sex, drugs & rock ‘n’ roll — but no smoke!
Lazy Media: One of those assholes, huh? Great, another person to kick in the face next time it’s 10 degrees out and I’m stuck freezing my ass off just because a bunch of dipshits don’t like the smell.
Once again, we miss Babe Ruth, the Sultan of Swat. He’d know how to handle this.
Show me a Ford that runs on soiled baby diapers and I’ll show you a hot-shit car.
Johnny Zhivago:
http://www.lottery.com
“lasers, baby sweat and dreams”!!!!!!!!!!!!
That’s hilarious! Great job! That should have been a stand-alone item, based just on that line!
Lasers, baby sweat and dreams.
You’re missing the bigger news this morning. Snowbilly abstinence media warmageddon ! Bristol says abstinence is realistic and Levi says Bristol is unrealistic!! The irony of it is that they’re both raping my eye sockets.
JMP: That’s what my boyfriend says when I tell him to please fart outside.
So this weed thing, Arnie - how do you plan on taxing my stash if I grow my own?
Tell the Terminator to VOTE YES! for marijuana reform! It will make us hungry and unprepared for the Skynet/Paultard re[LOVE]lution!
I seem to remember that marajuana laws were originally made so as to bust Messicans who were sneaking over the border for work and give the government a reason to deport them. Didn’t that work well?
Praise be to Jah and Gov. Schwarzenegger.
and always remember to puff puff PASS.
Custerwolf: You (like all farmers) will actually be given a subsidy.
Custerwolf: Elite Robotic Stash Detectors, of course. Sort of like R2D2 with a big nose.
Cape Clod: CALCULON!!!
Custerwolf: Agribusiness-grown pot will be so cheap and potent it will drive small farmers out of the market, and they’ll have to have sad auctions of their grow-lamps and hydroponic tanks. On the plus side, DEA agents won’t be reading their electric bills or infrared-scanning their houses anymore.
qwerty42: Would that “Austrian school” be the Johann Wolfgang von Goethe Technicsche Hochschule in Garmish-Partenkirchen?
I wonder if China is a place where the Mexicans wouldn’t want to drink water from the tap? Or possibly t’other way around?
Nice to hear the pig death is less deadly than poverty Mexicali-style. Now we can all go back to worrying about our next herpes flare ups.
Heh. He said “they want to ROLL back some of the decisions.”
Thank you for pot smoking, Conan.
MathewBrooks: I do theater as a hobby and I’m a Futurama nerd. He’s a perfect avatar for me.
Wow, I’ve got to see the engine of that new Ford Focus. It will either make me cry with joy or drive me completely insane.
JMP: HA ha. Suck it, drug addict.
Oh, those Mexicans! They were in Guangzhou, they should have been making shoes instead of sitting around doing nothing! This shows why everybody moved their factories from Mexico to Guangzhou/Fujian (after moving them from the U.S. to Mexico).
We may as well legalize the weed — if the head of a major bank can underestimate how much money his company needs by $34 billion, then a little pot isn’t going to make us any stupider. MBAs, on the other hand, should be outlawed completely.
SayItWithWookies: agreed.
SayItWithWookies: Outlawed? That’s letting ‘em off rather easy, doncha think? How about banned from working in any industry which uses money of any kind in its financial transactions?
Terry: Ford is going to retool some of it’s Michigan plants to build fuel efficient smaller cars rather than massive, gas guzzling, rolling mountains of steel. Good idea. When did the Japanese pick up in this idea? The early 70’s?
Actually, more like the 1950’s, if you want to go back the postwar restart. But have you seen a Toyota Tundra or Sequoia lately? HELLO JAPAN, UR DOING IT BACKWORDS.
JMP: It’s your disgusting habit. Take it outside during the molten lava hurricane, for all I care. Lung transplants ain’t cheap and I have a pretty good idea that you won’t be paying for ours.
Fuck that noise. Seriously, in my little college town they kicked the smokers out of the bars. Then they were shocked, shocked I say, at the amount of litter. And now, the local Mystery Machine - Fred, Daphne, Velma, Shaggy and Scooby Doo (but not Scrappy - fuck his mutt ass for ruining a good thing) have taken air samples and concluded that air quality on the sidewalks has gone down. How the fuck could that have possibly happened? Thank Gawd we have scientists, because I thought Jesus was mad at me for littering.
Good thing it’s still legal to do a bump in the bathroom. If they take *that* away, I’m seceding from my, uh, city? I guess. I’m calling Rick Perry for advice on this.
hobospacejunkie: Wow, two Simpsons references in one post! That last episode actually hurt me - in my bleeding heart. That show is a shadow of its former self.
Visit Mexico. The goverment reciently has legalized the drugs.
get to da choppa!
http://img.ffffound.com/static-data/assets/6/59bb9faa7f53de156606ce94546d91beccde00b7_m.jpg