Wonkette
- Famed incidental ironist Bristol Palin will participate in a panel about preventing teen pregnancy. [CNN Political Ticker]
- Same sex marriage is now half-legal in Maine! Vermont is totally there in spirit but it got distracted because Ghostbusters was on teevee and also its roommate had just ordered food. [Ben Smith]
- David Plouffe, the sociopath who regularly torments all of America by managing to send dumb emails at the exact moment when Americans are waiting for an actual important correspondence, has admitted that Boy-Governor of Utah Jon Huntsman makes him want to vomit. [HuffPost]
- Slate intern Eliot Spitzer likes to go “talk politics” at Tina Brown’s sad brunch fetes. [Daily Intel]
- According to Vanity Fair, Caroline Kennedy dropped out of the Senate race that one time it became apparent she wasn’t going to be named Senator all because her daughter told her she was too good for it. Mmm. [Gawker]
Famed incidental ironist Bristol Palin will participate in a panel about preventing teen pregnancy.
Oh, come on. Did they even try to find a real panelist?
I’m taking a break from my mojito to laugh my ass off at the John “most talked about Republican in America” Huntsman article.
Um, Boy Governor, do you have an El Rushbo death wish?
‘Cuz he will EATS you.
Same sex marriage also approved in DC, except by he-man coke fiend Marion Barry. Minor conundrum now for Congress, which has to decide which way the wind blows.
Bristol Palin giving speeches about not doing the wild hula are a bit like Keith Richards telling kids not to do drugs.
smartypants: That’s JON, JR. Drunken fool.
Note to self: Add Jon Huntsman, Jr. to Western Ken Doll collection. Also, also.
And Wile E. Coyote will participate in a panel about positive methods for dealing with obsessive compulsive disorder.
John Hunts Man.
And, like, Caroline Kennedy, isn’t, like, not too good enough to be, like, Ambassador to His Popeness?
And what does “talk politics” cost in whore diamonds?
Your readers in Aztlan will want to know about this (safe for most workplaces, regrettably):
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/05/05/carrie-prejean-topless-ph_n_196817.html
If Wonkette really provided the kind of service journalism we need, it wouldn’t be necessary to point this out.
smartypants: Are we on for tonight as usual?
My picks for supreme court (if Woody Allen is not available): Caroline Kennedy or Eliot Spitzer.
David Plouffe, the sociopath who regularly torments all of America by managing to send dumb emails at the exact moment when Americans are waiting for an actual important correspondence…
OMG exactly!!!
Not sure how Drudge managed to resist breaking out the sirens on this one:
http://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/politics/16-banned-from-britain-named-and-shamed-1679127.html
Michael Savage — Banned in the UK.
Is “talking politics” is what it is referred to now? Wow, Bristol is an expert
kapish: You wanna see the RW fundies blow serious aortal valves, I recommend Al Gore or Hillary Clinton. (Barry should also see what Jeremiah Wright & Bill Ayers are doing the next few weeks — just for the laffs of seeing Bill O’Reilly/Sean Hannity/Laura Ingraham/Amanda Carpenter/Limbo’s heads literally explode.) Also.
V572625694: According to Perez Hilton (whom I imagine has a major hate hard-on for her), there are some nudie pics out there awaiting the highest bidder … sans pink underwear.
Bristol should do a “Scared Straight” kind of interview where she rants on and on about ‘tossed salad’ and who’se going to ‘toss her salad’ to scare those teens into abstenence (buttsecks) or abortions
“If I can prevent even one girl from getting pregnant, I will feel a sense of accomplishment.”
Bristol, honey — you just called your mom a failure.
Texan Bulldoggette: It wouldn’t even matter (because as Custerwolf informed us this morning, mens’ affinity for attractive women is the root of all political evil), except that she uses her moment in the sun to lecture Amurrica about the virtues of “opposite marriage.”
Oh all right: the two issues have nothing to do with each other.
I’d imagine Mr Hilton is making better use of his new fame among the Olds, who may previously not have been aware of him.
Vermont is totally there in spirit but it got distracted because Ghostbusters was on teevee and also its roommate had just ordered food
New Hampshire was hungry?
So Huntsman is an official candidate for president? Huh? Whatever. It seems he does not want his political career to last beyond 2012 then. Unless Hopey molests a puppy live on TV whomever that small, regional party of mule-fuckers nominates will only be a sacrificial lamb. Why anyone would want to be sacrificed like a lamb is beyond my pay grade ($0.00).
V572625694: you betcha!
SayItWithWookies: Also, when your boyfriend says you kiss better than his sister, stop and think a minute.
smartypants: See you on the next post, sweetie.
V572625694: Prejean pre-bottled-blonde, I see. Apparently her strategically placed arm is hiding the twin caverns where her newly minted pageant-sponsored tits now reside.
Custerwolf: I know. She looked better before, but still pretty plasticificated.
Custerwolf: Okay, the second one shows more flesh, indicating she’s post-surgery after all.
If posing nude was enough to get Vanessa Williams in trouble with Miss America, then Carrie whatever the hell her last name is, should also be dammed.
V572625694: By the time these gals hit this stage in their “careers”, everything is pretty much a business move, so you can’t really blame them.
“If I can prevent even one girl from getting pregnant, I will feel a sense of accomplishment.”
So is she marketing a new Bristol-faced diaphragm?
>>University of Utah’s Hinckley Institute of Politics <<
Wait, is that “Hinckley” as in John??
Custerwolf: I don’t think that would work out the way you imagine. First of all, teaching Bristol’s peers to properly insert a diaphragm would be playing with fire all by itself; second of all, it would give millions of redneck boys the opportunity to spooj on Bristol’s face, which they’d take without hesitation. No, the real Jesus-loving girls should accept nothing less than good, solid blowjob education.
Okay, actually, this Jon Huntsman could be a really fucking formidable Presidential candidate - sort of a slightly less orange Charlie Crist. He seems smart and accomplished, speaks fluent Chinese, is pro-civil unions, pro-business, etc…
But they’ll probably just nominate some dumb redneck instead.
SayItWithWookies: Honestly, can you imagine how her kid’s going to feel when he’s old enough to hear that one of the first things Mommy did after ejecting him from the womb was to make sure this horrendous event never happened to another poor helpless teenaged girl?
Speaking of a disgusting, pig-like animal of low intelligence that I would cheerful shoot with a .50 cal. Beowulf:
Did someone mention “Tina Brown”?
(If you used to read The New Yorker, just nod and pass me some more ammo.
But not that “Beowulf” crap. I’ll be using the Ruger .460 Mag this time. Given the very small brain mass of the Tina Brownimal, and its vicious disposition, I would not feel comfortable using anything less than a Big Five rifle that can derail a speeding locomotive . . . .
Neilist: You’re jerking off right now, aren’t you? No. No, don’t tell me.
I don’t want to know.
Custerwolf: Maybe he’ll feel better when he finds out that the only reason Bristol went on that particular crusade was because grandma forced her to. In this way we see how simple salt-of-the-earth people can use the gift of a precious newborn life to manipulate their family members and stab each other in the back.
umm i just found out that david plouffe is going to be the commencement speaker at a local university; so i’m totally going to go see my email boyfriend!
oh and he totally picked huntsman because he’s been shunned by the fundies for supporting civil unions for teh gays, pushing him as a legitimate candidate in 2012 would cause the republican party to burst into flames; mr. plouffe’s schadenfreude is showing & it’s hot.
“[I]ncidental ironist” is a phrase I must use more often.
Lionel Hutz Esq.: Yes. I read that before the name of the author and thought ‘Haha, Juli’.
PROMOTE JULI TO FULL EXECUTIVE DEPUTY SUBEDITOR PLZ!
Looy: No, I believe it’s “Hinckley” as in Gordon, who used to be one of the big cheeses in the Mormon Church (or more correctly, I suppose, the CHurch of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, or something wordy like that).
Eliot Spitzer’s eyes still creep me the fuck out.