• May 27, 2012

Senator Barely Survives Subway Nightmare

by Sara K. Smith  2:42 pm May 5, 2009

But nobody has that kind of money!A secret leetle underground train runs 20,000 leagues below the pile of rat carcasses and despair known as “the Capitol,” and it whisks lawmakers between their offices and the votin’ place without their having to encounter land-bound mortals, or sunshine. Sometimes this subway breaks down, and when it does, it is terrifying.

Read the desperate Tweets of Claire McCaskill, our heroine senator from Missouri, who got stuck in the subway this morning:

Stuck in tram from Capitol to Hart. Broken. Not moving. Lieberman and Alexander in next car. And Voiniitch. Wonder how long we’ll be here?

She and her colleagues were later rescued, but not before killing Joe Lieberman and eating his liver for sustenance.

Below: a video clip of the harrowing event.

Claire McCaskill on Twitter
Senator tweets from trapped subway car [CNN]

{ 42 comments }

Autochthon May 5, 2009 at 2:45 pm

Joe Lieberman still has internal organs???

Lascauxcaveman May 5, 2009 at 2:47 pm

In fairness, Joe was the only one there that was kosher.

Bearbloke May 5, 2009 at 2:48 pm

Isn’t this just the plot from Airport ’77?

BillyClubb May 5, 2009 at 2:48 pm

And nine months later the birth rate in D.C. will show a mysterious spike…

JMP May 5, 2009 at 2:49 pm

Wait; this happens the morning after Tony begins his plan to attack the DC subway on 24. Coincidence, or Fox taking viral marketing too far?

nmmagayar May 5, 2009 at 2:49 pm

I am starting to really hate fucking tweets!!!11111

tunamelt May 5, 2009 at 2:49 pm

They can tweet under the earth? The fuck?

engulfedinflames May 5, 2009 at 2:51 pm

easily the best motion picture ever made. makes “la strada” look like a spaghetti western .

JadedDIssonance May 5, 2009 at 2:51 pm

Pickled Liver.

bored with gravity May 5, 2009 at 2:53 pm

They should just stay underground and begin the Mole-man civilization that will eventually arise when Obama’s evil plans finally come to fruition.

freeatlast May 5, 2009 at 2:54 pm

If only she had her volleyball Wilson to keep her company…

DangerousLiberal May 5, 2009 at 2:54 pm

Re: alt text: no one had it then (paging Mayor Beame), and no one definitely has it now. It’s the seventies all over again! Chrysler’s going bankrupt, the Swine Flu is back, and the feds will soon tell New York to Drop Dead.

queeraselvis v 2.0 May 5, 2009 at 2:54 pm

I call bullshit. Where was the gigantic upside Christmas tree? Where was video of Lieberman swimming through an underwater bulkhead before surfacing and dying of a massive heart attack? Where was Ernest Borgnine, for Christ’s sake?

V572625694 May 5, 2009 at 2:56 pm

[re=308682]BillyClubb[/re]: Nobody on that train is young or healthy enough to impregnate or conceive, except maybe the motorman.

freakishlystrong May 5, 2009 at 2:56 pm

What the fuck is “tiny twitter” and why does Clair have one?

platypuseggs May 5, 2009 at 2:57 pm

Those lazy senators force their sexy, dance-for-the-money-honey pages to walk those tunnels. And it literally takes less than five minutes.

bored with gravity May 5, 2009 at 2:58 pm

Is there a pair of classic Greek Revival-style brass TruckNutz on that subway? Because there should be.

Come here a minute May 5, 2009 at 3:01 pm

[re=308686]nmmagayar[/re]: I am starting to really hate tweeting fucks!!!11111

ChernobylSoup May 5, 2009 at 3:02 pm

[re=308682]BillyClubb[/re]: Very nice. Creats disgusting images, tho.

SayItWithWookies May 5, 2009 at 3:03 pm

Sad. This is like getting “trapped” on the teacup ride at Disney world. Anyone who can’t escape those underground rails of death should be quietly put out to pasture, or maybe forced to replace Larry King.

chascates May 5, 2009 at 3:03 pm

Limo drivers on strike?

DC Hates Me May 5, 2009 at 3:03 pm

Claire McCaskill and Joe Lieberman are stuck in a train.

Who do you pity more?

Paterlanger May 5, 2009 at 3:04 pm

Why does the John McCain campaign ad feature the Senator’s ancient head superimposed against the Japanese WWII battle flag?

SmutBoffin May 5, 2009 at 3:05 pm

Sorry to interrupt, but in an (increasingly familiar) legislative session today, Maine was just about given to the gays.

magic titty May 5, 2009 at 3:06 pm

Speaking of desperate tweets . . . http://blogs.pitch.com/plog/barack%20and%20claire.jpg

Looks like she wouldn’t be stalled on the Barry Express

Dr Tobias Funke May 5, 2009 at 3:09 pm
Bearbloke May 5, 2009 at 3:12 pm

[re=308724]magic titty[/re]: Yeah – she’d ride that Big BLACK Train over and over and over and..

Bearbloke May 5, 2009 at 3:15 pm

[re=308721]SmutBoffin[/re]: You mean the gheys has a gheyne in Meyne?

Come here a minute May 5, 2009 at 3:19 pm

[re=308732]Dr Tobias Funke[/re]: The must have seen the MEAT on Wonkette!

jagorev May 5, 2009 at 3:33 pm

Wait, really? There’s a secret subway just for Senators? That’s kinda… Soviet

tonytonytony May 5, 2009 at 3:34 pm

You’re all ignoring the 800-pound gorilla in the Subway, The Voiniitch. Why is Obama so weak on the Voiniitch? Why does he shake his hand in public, when all the Voiniitch ever does is wear red work shirts and eat our important Senators?

masterdebater May 5, 2009 at 3:36 pm

No Medal of Freedom for that shit?

CorkPopper May 5, 2009 at 3:40 pm

[re=308715]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Yeah, I can’t see the video at work (damn IT dept) but I haz the confuzed. Can’t they get off and walk? Isn’t that subway trip, like, four minutes long?

WadISay May 5, 2009 at 3:45 pm

This should totally get made into a movie. Working title: Morlocks: The Origins.

lawrenceofthedesert May 5, 2009 at 3:47 pm

C’mon, NASA faked the entire event in a t.v. studio, knowing you can’t Tweet a boom shadow.

Cape Clod May 5, 2009 at 3:52 pm

[re=308794]WadISay[/re]: While the other Senators make a desperate break for freedom, Lieberman says, “Don’t worry about me, I’ll just sit in the dark.”

Jukesgrrl May 5, 2009 at 5:37 pm

Would someone please take Claire McCaskill’s phone away! I’m starting to hate her and I don’t want to.

dennymcden May 5, 2009 at 7:19 pm

She clearly hates the hell out of Voinovich.

sanantonerose May 5, 2009 at 9:22 pm

Finally, a good use for the Twitter. Keeping track of Joe Lieberman’s whereabouts.

edoublep May 6, 2009 at 12:13 pm

They have service in the Metro?

Did AT&T, Sprint and TMobile finally put the kabash on the Verizon exclusive contract for cell service in the Metro? I HATED THAT when my huzband and I got gay married, I mean, ‘Domestic Partnership’d in DC, we couldnt use our freakin’ GSM phones in the metro stations. I was like, I can use this phone in the freakin hills of Asia but not beneath the capitol of the Leader of the Free World. WHERES THE OUTRAGE?????

LittlePinky82 May 8, 2009 at 3:25 pm

Really with the cell phone? Only place my mother can’t use her’s is when she’s at the grocery store inside *shrug*. LOL with tweeting. Oy people are obsessed.

Woodwards Friend May 11, 2009 at 9:33 am

Thank God Lamar Alexander had that flannel shirt to keep himself warm during this ordeal.

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