Sarah Palin Will Murder Mitt Romney With A Semiautomatic Weapon

  justice

When you heard the news about Mitt Romney being terribly disrespectful to Sarah Palin by suggesting she’s only important because she’s purty, you probably wondered what this Alaskan “mama bear” would do about it.

Naturally, she will hunt Romney down while he goes on one of his elite Northeastern pansy “fitness runs” through the woods, and she will eat him, or maybe shoot him, for sport.

Monday Open Thread: There’s a Bore in the Woods [Conservatives4Palin via Ben Smith]

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Sara K. Smith was Wonkette's morning editor from 2008 to 2010, and now contributes a weekly (?!) column to Wonkette, to prove she still loves you all!

View all articles by Sara K. Smith

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58 comments

  1. nappyduggs

    The thought of Mitt Romney’s nut musk mingled with the smell of Sarah Palin’s bloodlust makes me juice my panties. Let the huntin’ begin.

  2. bfstevie

    Perhaps the guv will use that swell all white assault rifle the NRA just gave her.

  3. smartypants

    Damn you! Another site to add to my trawler list. I will NEVER get any work done…oh wait, I was going to drink Mojitos today.

    Yay! Thanks!

    Mittens/Snowskank 20!2eleventy

  4. Udargo

    What I saw was Sarah Palin saving Mitt Romney’s life.

    Romney/Palin 2012v – Too Sexy By Far

  5. randomsausage

    Am I the only guy who thinks that steak on the left side of this page looks really, really tasty?

  6. Obamaton

    I don’t get it. Is Mitt running from the bear, or after the bear? I watched some Benny in my day, and he was usually doing the chasing.

  7. freakishlystrong

    Real comment on Polictio:

    WAKE-UP PALIN HATERS! GET OUT OF BED!! HERE’S THE FIRST PALIN STIMULATION PIECE FOR YA’ TODAY!! LET’S GET THAT GOOD OL’ DEMOCRAT HATE GOIN’! TIMES A WASTIN’! COME ON, THINK REAL HARD AND BANG ON THAT KEYBOARD! AND IF YA’ THINK REAL EXTRA HARD, YA’ CAN POST THOSE HI-LARRY-US PALIN CROTCH JOKES! (of course, that’s just known as serious Democrat political dialog). HURRY-UP, SHELBY/NATENYC! SOMEONE ELSE IS GONNA’ BEAT YA’ TO IT! THIS IS ALL YOU ‘TARDS LIVE FOR! THEN, WHEN YOU’RE DONE WITH YOUR ONE SENTENCE BLURT, YOU CAN CALL IT A DAY AND GO BACK TO BED.

    Wingnut, ur doin’ it wrong: no 11!

  8. V572625694

    Oh that ad (the bear-in-the-woods part) is such a pleasant throwback to the Reagan era. Communism — it almost took over the world! Now there’s only North Korea left, but still: we need anti-missile missiles in Alaska, because it’s all about job creation.

    [re=308453]bfstevie[/re]: I’m not a gun guy, but have to agree with the loonies that calling something an “assault rifle” is worse than meaningless. Are them some rifles (or shotguns or pistols or 120-mm cannon) that are not assault weapons (excluding those T-shirt guns at concerts)?

  9. Custerwolf

    [re=308460]randomsausage[/re]: Apparently not. However, for me personally having worked in an animal emergency hospital, that picture makes me want to run for suture materials not steak sauce.

  10. Custerwolf

    [re=308455]Udargo[/re]: She doesn’t encourage intelligence or rational thought in her supporters.

  11. Alldat

    Oh, Mittsy, didn’t you learn anything from Trent Lott? You can’t pretend to be the courtly cavalier with deranged wingnut pols- it will just come back and bite you in the magic undies.

  12. Lazy Media

    [re=308465]V572625694[/re]: Uh, you don’t know what you’re talking about. Wiki can help. An assault rifle is a lightweight, select-fire rifle that fires a relatively short rifle round, usually of a smaller caliber than that used in a bolt-action infantry rifle or a semi-auto battle rifle. E.g., the Russian 7.62 X 39 used in the AK series, or the U.S. 5.56 NATO round, which respectively succeeded the Russian 7.62 X 54 and the NATO .308 and US 30-06. The advantage of the round is lower recoil and lighter weight, leading to higher rates of fire.

    Assault rifles differ from other long arms in that they have pistol grips, large-capacity detachable magazines (at least 20 rounds) and generally have a straight line between the muzzle and the point at which the butt meets the shoulder, reducing muzzle climb.

    Semiautomatic, civilian versions of these military rifles are frequently referred to as “assault rifles.” They differ from other civilian arms in their relative ability to sustain very high rates of accurate fire, with rounds that will defeat all soft body armor. California and New Jersey ban these, and the federal “ban” that expired a few years ago limited their import and magazine capacity, as well as certain cosmetic features like bayonet lugs and flash suppressors.

    Nothing else is an assault rifle. There’s a fad among media and law enforcement to call pistols that look like submachine guns “assault pistols,” but it’s basically a meaningless definition, since any semi-automatic pistol with an extended magazine has the same rate of fire and power as a Tec-9 or other fake submachine gun. The uselessness of these gangster guns is evident in the fact that no military carries anything like them. Similarly “assault shotguns” have pistol grips and extended magazine tubes, but little significant military use.

    /gun nerd

  13. Lascauxcaveman

    [re=308460]randomsausage[/re]: No, a lot of us were discussing how hungry we were getting looking at that bloody meat ad, in several posts yesterday.

    Today’s topic is the the Sarah Palin Pac advertisement, the relative do-ability of Palin herself, and why does she want to blow an huge Alaska-shaped hole in the great plains region of America.

    Why Sarah? WHY?

  14. V572625694

    [re=308496]Lazy Media[/re]: Thank you so much! See you at the machine-gun shoot.

  15. bfstevie

    [re=308465]V572625694[/re]: I’m not really a gun guy. I have a semi-automatic rifle but it’s a .22 so it’s more likely to piss off the things you shoot than kill them. I only shoot at paper targets, but you could use it to shoot at rabbits or squirrels. It ain’t hardly an assault rife. One good thing about owning it was that when I was canvassing for Obama and ran into the occasional NRA member I could proclaim that I, too, was a proud gun owner.

    In marked contrast, the AR-15 is an assault rifle, as opposed to say a hunting weapon. And Sarah’s shoots 50 caliber ammo, which will kill lots of stuff, including the engine blocks of cars. It wouldn’t be particularly appropriate for shooting deer, or bears. I do have to say that a few years ago I jumped at the chance to fire an AR-15, and it was fun.

    Target rifles and hunting rifles are not assault rifles. I recommend that every Wonketeer go out and buy a gun, if only to have a reason to visit the gun range. There you will meet people that otherwise you would never have the chance to meet. And, even with the slightly increased risk of accidental death, it’s more palatable than say going to some Baptist or Assemblies of God church to mingle with the bitters.

  16. TeddyS

    [re=308496]Lazy Media[/re]: Why should we give a shit? Bayonet lugs and pistol grips? Melt them all down and make a neat monument to the thousands of innocent people those guns have killed. Virginia Tech? Columbine? You want to hunt, go after a grizzley using only a Bowie knife. Ooops. here come de NRA.

  17. Custerwolf

    [re=308506]StephanieInCA[/re]: The only reason I don’t head north and cold fuck that half-breed husband of hers behind her back is because later I’d be stuck with his annoying middle of the night crying jags where he promises to leave his family, blah, blah, blah….
    Who needs that shit.

  18. StephanieInCA

    [re=308525]Custerwolf[/re]: That and the faulty spermz. Yup, I went there.

  19. friendlyskies

    Poor Mitt Romney. He could have been POTUS and the most important man in the world, but by a cruel twist of fate he’s now a less important conservative than (1) Palin, (2) Miss California, Christian and former topless model and (3) John McCain’s daughter, I forget her name, but she’s still more influential than Romney.

    Do you think he just cries all the time?

  20. Custerwolf

    [re=308503]bfstevie[/re]: “… visit the gun range. There you will meet people that otherwise you would never have the chance to meet.”
    I shall do that right after I visit the state pen, the local psych ward, the nearest jailed sex offenders unit, several local hog farmers, my neighborhood Trekie groupies, and the nearest chapter of scientologists.

    There’s a reason I live out in the middle of nowhere.

  21. RoscoePColtraine

    [re=308525]Custerwolf[/re]: See this is a perfect example of why I adore Custerwolf.

    And StephInCa, also.

  22. SayItWithWookies

    How come there’s so many pictures of Sarah Palin with guns but I’ve never seen her actually shooting any of ‘em? You’d think there’d be at least one — though maybe they’re all of her getting knocked on her ass from the recoil.

  23. lawrenceofthedesert

    [re=308501]V572625694[/re]: Simply put, rifles are designed for a purpose. Those designed for killing people in combat are assault rifles. Other rifles are designed for target shooting, hunting, or assassinating people from a safe distance.

    The YouTube video, otoh, does not seem to be designed for a purpose. Everything surrounding Palin seems to be a celebration of stupidity. It’s a long tradition in the US and not to be ignored; there was a hit radio show during the last Great Depression called “It Pays To Be Ignorant.” Palin seems intent on becoming the Alex Trebec of ignorance.

    If you must own a gun, please buy a lock for it.

  24. RoscoePColtraine

    Maybe when Joe The Plumber finishes with his exposition on queers he will choose a side in this Romney v. Palin dealee.

  25. imissopus

    [re=308506]StephanieInCA[/re]: And I know plenty of liberal men who think their wives ARE whores filled with nefarious motivations.

  26. Johnny Zhivago

    If Palin comes to my house and shoots the freaking deer herd that’s eating our flower beds, she’s got my vote.

  27. StephanieInCA

    [re=308534]Custerwolf[/re]: How is it that you are not writing for Teablogging, also?

  28. 19kevin8

    So what your saying is that 2012 GOP primaries are going to be a full contact, to the death bloodsport? Kinda like “the Running Man”?
    Sweet, dude! Where can I get tickets?

  29. McDuff

    I still say she’s going stuff Mittens in a crab pot and throw him into the Bering Sea. Tom Clancy had his John Clark character use the crabs of the Chesapeake to dispose of varios bodies — it leaves a lot less evidence — no shell casings, no bloddy corpse, no DNA, no hair or fibers. Come on people, you need to know the iconic conservative authors and their “how to” manuals!

  30. problemwithcaring

    [re=308525]Custerwolf[/re]: Todd’s fuckability: Yea, I am in a dry spell, so I feel ya. What scares me though is that in Alaska there are “some problems with Todd being a minority up there.” And we all know what they do to minorities in Alaska.

  31. RoscoePColtraine

    This is embarassing. I kept thinking they misspelled “bear” and wrote “bore” in the woods. I was all, how stupid was the person who made this video and put it on the internet. I just got the joke.

  32. Custerwolf

    [re=308565]Johnny Zhivago[/re]: Hey, why don’t you go yell at your damn flowers since they’re the ones inviting the deer in the first place. I’m sure they’ve got their pistils locked and loaded.

  33. Custerwolf

    [re=308576]StephanieInCA[/re]: I pretty much stick to this particular neighborhood when I play on the intertubes. Don’t want to spread myself too – well, nevermind.

  34. CorkPopper

    [re=308503]bfstevie[/re]: You have to own a gun to go to a gun range…in Florida at least you can rent it there, hence stories like these. I understand they’re popular places to off just yourself in Florida as well…it’s so common it doesn’t even make the paper.

  35. bfstevie

    [re=308659]CorkPopper[/re]:
    As a failed queen myself I object to a business named “Shoot Straight”.

    I used to go to a county-run range in New York State where you had to bring your own gun. I’m not sure if you can rent a gun at privately owned run ranges here. It seems that the Shoot Straight range had more than adequate screening in place. This lady had to fill out a questionnaire! Sounds like Tom Ridge designed the procedure.

    The story about the lady in Florida is undeniably sad, yet this gives me an idea of another good mother-son activity for this Mother’s Day. Now wonder David Denby keeps giving me those stern looks.

  36. smartypants

    Let’s get back to Todd’s fuckability, hmmmm?

    As I stated earlier–maybe just within the confines of my own mind—I’d do him but I wouldn’t vote for him. Works both ways, that.

    As for the sperm issue—well, women of a certain age–ahem–okay, just fucking never mind.

  37. 102415

    [re=308547]SayItWithWookies[/re]: I’ve been thinking the same thing about the guns/rifles.I want to see footage of her field dressing a moose.Also.I frankly don’t think she cares to do that stuff as she is too lazy to apply her own lip liner or show up to work in the capital of Alaska.
    She will be flying herself and her crazy greedy family to here in NYC to promote the salmon she doesn’t care about and to have Bristol pretend to be for abstinence for teenagers for some thing called Candie’s which I hope is not the trashy whore shoes I think it is. I don’t know what the retarded infants have scheduled but I hope it is fun for them, poor things.

  38. Custerwolf

    [re=308727]smartypants[/re]: Well, once you make it up to Alaska it turns out there are more interesting men to fuck than Todd. I fucked my way through half that state, and found out just how small a world it can be. My roomate (himself a total slut) once told a mutual friend, “yeah, Loo only comes home long enough to douche,” which was a complete exaggeration – rarely did I have time to douche. I once actually fucked two different guys 500 miles apart, and later when all three of us ended up in a bar listening to Hobo Jim, I found out the two dudes were best friends.

  39. CorkPopper

    [re=308707]bfstevie[/re]: The house I grew up in lies a mere 3 miles away from Shoot Straight, and I somehow missed out. Casselberry, Florida: land of shooting ranges, titty bars, trailers, and my middle school. Oh, the nostalgia.

  40. smartypants

    [re=308802]Custerwolf[/re]: Totally Todd-worthy. Snowbilly herself could not compete. Well, not NOW, anyway. Now back in those pageant days–whooohooo, watch out, especially when the jazz flute gets cranked up.

  41. Custerwolf

    [re=308839]smartypants[/re]: Ah, but you have yet to see me play the skin flute.

  42. Lazy Media

    [re=308519]TeddyS[/re]: I didn’t say I like them, I’m just saying the gun-nut complaint about people calling everything an assault rifle isn’t true. Some things are assault rifles, and it’s not a tough definition. The federal assault-weapons “ban,” (unlike the actual bans in California and New Jersey) was a joke.

    The Columbine kids used pistols, a carbine and shotguns, btw; assault rifle ban would have no effect on that. The Virginia Tech guy used pistols, ditto the LIRR shooter.

    [re=308553]lawrenceofthedesert[/re]: That’s not correct. LOTS of guns were designed for killing people in combat before the first assault rifle came along (German Sturmgewehr, 1943ish). John Kennedy was shot with an infantry rifle, not an assault rifle.

  43. Lazy Media

    [re=308534]Custerwolf[/re]: I have to agree. You meet some AWFUL people at the gun range, and even worse ones at gun shows. A lot of hateful wingnuts. If you absolutely have to hang out with conservatives, I recommend the Chamber of Commerce prayer breakfast. At least the food’s likely to be decent.

  44. BadKitty

    Nothing makes me hotter than listening to a bunch of liberals talking about owning guns. God I love Wonkette.

  45. RoscoePColtraine

    [re=308936]BadKitty[/re]: Listening to pussy liberals talking about their guns, and shooting stuff is sort of like some of teh gay porn. It’s two pussy homersexuals talking with their voices ridiculously lowered and deep and saying stuff like, “yeah, I like pussy, but today I wanna try that hot ass.”

    With the gay porn you can sometimes suspend disbelief.

  46. WesternCorrespondent

    [re=308525]Custerwolf[/re]: He isn’t even a half-breed. He’s a one-eighth breed, and his wife uses that tiny fraction of Native blood for all it’s worth, telling true First People that they should follow his example and trudge up to the North Slope and “find those opportunities” for work, now that her policies for allowing off-shore trawlers to decimate the salmon runs has beggared most of the coastal First People villages.

    Yeah, right. They have no training, they can’t get the training unless they move away from their villages, and they’re on the outside looking in when it comes to getting in the queue for jobs.

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