MEET YOUR MEAT  10:08 am May 5, 2009

Butterstick Takes It Up The Hindquarters For Science

by Sara K. Smith

The life of Butterstick the National Zoo panda follows an all-too-common trajectory: we’ve seen him grow from adorable infant to teenage crack-whore to compulsive leg-humper and now, to a middle-aged adult with irritable bowels.

Butterstick had to get a colonoscopy as part of his yearly checkup. Apparently he developed an “inflammatory bowel condition” last summer and lost 30 pounds, so vets wanted to make sure his colon was OK.

Oh but fear not, America! The exploration revealed a thrivingly healthy colon, plus two gerbil skeletons and the ghost of Rod Stewart.

Even pandas need colonoscopies [NBC2 News]

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ManchuCandidate May 5, 2009 at 10:13 am

I thought it was Richard Gere.

ChernobylSoup May 5, 2009 at 10:16 am

Finally! A panda I’ve got something in common with.

agentstinky May 5, 2009 at 10:17 am

Remember that time Bush got a colonoscopy, and Cheney was technically President for a few hours, and he used the power to secretly invade every country, for Oils?

El Pinche May 5, 2009 at 10:18 am

I thought this story was about Rush Limbaugh. That’s his nickname because he’s a fat fuck and that’s what he uses for lube when he accepts forgiveness.

Rush May 5, 2009 at 10:18 am

So animals now have health insurance?

JMP May 5, 2009 at 10:21 am

[re=308264]El Pinche[/re]: And he’s a crack (OK, Oxy) whore and compulsive leg-humper with bowels so irritable it kept him out of ‘Nam. Hmm… has anyone ever seen Rush and Butterstick at the same time? But then, the ‘stick is so much more intelligent.

Bypartizoa May 5, 2009 at 10:22 am

Evidently this panda is a Republican.

freakishlystrong May 5, 2009 at 10:22 am

Fuck the tags! “Homeless” though?

HoboNutz May 5, 2009 at 10:25 am

Why do pandas get better health care than me?

WadISay May 5, 2009 at 10:29 am

Everything so far looks very good…

…considering you’re looking up a panda’s asshole. If I reach this point in my career development, kill me.

TGY May 5, 2009 at 10:32 am

Many scientific investigations involve an anal probe, albeit perhaps peripherally. There’s some law or other, possibly Sturgeon’s. Or Cartman’s.

El Pinche May 5, 2009 at 10:37 am

i can’t stand pandas.
overrated, stupid, and boring (black and white , oooooh, exciting!). FUCK PANDAS.

TGY May 5, 2009 at 10:41 am

Also, I ain’t watchin that video. I feel I can do without the Panda Butt Probe experience, thanks. I have an imagination, after all.

Cape Clod May 5, 2009 at 10:43 am

So the Chinese raccoon on steroids got a colonoscopy. Big deal. Call me when they do the rhinos, that’s got to be a more interesting procedure.

Tron Stuart Mill May 5, 2009 at 10:44 am

Has the estate of Marlon Brando been notified of this copyright infringement?

Mild Midwesterner May 5, 2009 at 10:46 am

It’s like the Washingtonienne all over again! Why is Wonkette so obsessed with Asians who take it in the ass?

snideinplainsight May 5, 2009 at 10:48 am

OK but on the plus side, which video is likely to be better – her craziness Grand Moff Bachmann with her speechifyin’ and godderdammurung gesticulatin’, or being up a panda’s a** for a little bit?

JadedDIssonance May 5, 2009 at 10:53 am

[re=308279]El Pinche[/re]: ‘Ey now, this ain’t “pandas,” this is BUTTERSTICK! Respect Teh Butterstick!

GIJoeIce May 5, 2009 at 10:55 am

Woah, Jesus Christ!

Come here a minute May 5, 2009 at 10:59 am

[re=308279]El Pinche[/re]: Fucking a mule is one thing, but fucking pandas is just distasteful.

”Welcome to domestic life in China… If it’s warm and it’s damp and it vibrates and it’s black and white, you might in fact have sex with it.”

x111e7thst May 5, 2009 at 11:01 am

Off subject. I understand that the ghey mafia is releasing topless pix of Carrie Prejean. Someone should look into this outrage.

ALIVE! May 5, 2009 at 11:03 am

Nice ad for Phillips Colon Health today….

[re=308288]Mild Midwesterner[/re]: Comment o’ day.

Larry Fine May 5, 2009 at 11:03 am

After the procedure, the Panda asked Katie Couric for marriage.

prophet1195 May 5, 2009 at 11:04 am

Butterstick Rove loves to watch this video. It brings a satisfied smirk to his lips.

Mad Farmer Manifest May 5, 2009 at 11:07 am

[re=308286]Tron Stuart Mill[/re]: They made an offer he couldn’t refuse.

ManchuCandidate May 5, 2009 at 11:08 am

[re=308288]Mild Midwesterner[/re]:
It’s that damn yellow fever. You gots the yellow fever, dude!

hoosiermama May 5, 2009 at 11:09 am

ugh — I thought the panda cam would be cuter.

jbd May 5, 2009 at 11:13 am

Good god they grow up fast. Hell, I remember back when he was a wee lad: I was just acquiring my blackout-on-scotch habit, employed, and studying for the GRE. Two out of three were mistakes, but I’ll leave it to the imagination which.

freakishlystrong May 5, 2009 at 11:14 am

Wait, so they stuck a stick of butter up Buttertick’s butt? What?

Custerwolf May 5, 2009 at 11:20 am

Mom, can I have please a panda bear like Butterstick for my next birthday?

snideinplainsight May 5, 2009 at 11:27 am

How is this for Science, by the way?

LittlePig May 5, 2009 at 11:31 am

[re=308324]snideinplainsight[/re]: I think it’s the “Where No Man Has Gone Before” part.

At least assuming Butterstick hasn’t met Mr. Horsely.

SayItWithWookies May 5, 2009 at 11:44 am

Today’s technology is amazing — it allows a simple veterinarian in DC to travel to the deepest nether regions of China in a heartbeat.
Oh, you know what’s probably blocking Tai Shan’s colon is a few billion in T-bills. The Chinese are running out of places to store that stuff.

randomsausage May 5, 2009 at 11:44 am

[re=308279]El Pinche[/re]: I’m with you bro, Pandas sold out years ago. Fuckin’ bamboo-eatin’ part-time bears. I hear they shit in their burrows. Dirty fucks.

proudgrampa May 5, 2009 at 11:44 am

Damn. Is this story really necessary?

FastMovingCloud May 5, 2009 at 11:46 am

[re=308329]LittlePig[/re]: Mr. Horsley never met an animal he didn’t like. Of course, that’s before he found God.

FastMovingCloud May 5, 2009 at 11:49 am

Hey, what happened to my Avitar?

Lascauxcaveman May 5, 2009 at 11:51 am

[re=308274]HoboNutz[/re]: Why do pandas get better health care than me?

That’s easy. Would people pay $12/head to watch you loaf around in a carefully prepared pseudo-natural habit? I think not.

FastMovingCloud May 5, 2009 at 11:51 am

[re=308352]FastMovingCloud[/re]: oh, there it is. Never mind.

S.Luggo May 5, 2009 at 12:22 pm
S.Luggo May 5, 2009 at 12:29 pm

[re=308274]HoboNutz[/re]: For the same reason John Cornyn always gets better health care than you. It’s called being a government employee, you socialist hippie girlie whiner.

Accordion-o-rama May 5, 2009 at 12:34 pm

Technician is bored. Watching “Mars: The Red Planet” on TV during the procedure.

TeddyS May 5, 2009 at 12:39 pm

Neal would never take advantage of Butterstick or any other Panda that has been drugged. Mutual consent is what makes aminal secks so sweet and lovely. Some cats, however, need downers prior to intimacy because of their claws. At his favorite trout stream, our candidate uses a strict catch, fuck and release policy.

Bearbloke May 5, 2009 at 12:48 pm

[re=308274]HoboNutz[/re]: Because they taste better than you do!

facehead May 5, 2009 at 1:13 pm

How dare you use Rod Stewart’s name in vain!

Vulpes82 May 5, 2009 at 1:30 pm

No Lemmiwinks? He must have passed the Raven King’s test.

PsycGirl May 5, 2009 at 1:41 pm

[re=308349]FastMovingCloud[/re]: Mr. Horsley never met an animal he didn’t like. Of course, that’s before he found God.
And God made all those animals just for Mr. Horsely’s pleasure, so the “finding God” was sort of like a thank-you note. It all comes together.

Shouldn’t he be named Mr. Muley?

Guppy06 May 5, 2009 at 1:57 pm

Sodomy and pandas on Wonkette at once, at the same time? I think this is Wonkette’s version of turning on the Large Hadron Collider.

I’m going to go hide in my bomb shelter now.

brown_recluse May 5, 2009 at 2:17 pm

I think it’s really sweet that you refer to Butterstick’s ass as ‘hindquarters.’

El Pinche May 5, 2009 at 2:37 pm

[re=308347]randomsausage[/re]: THATS RIGHT.


EggplantParm May 5, 2009 at 2:40 pm

All hail the triumphant return of teh Butterstick…takin it up the ass. Sigh, sometimes I miss the Wonkette of yesteryear. Now just hold on ban-hammer wielder I wouldn’t want to go back but sometimes I just… miss them. Lost innocence and whatnot.

PrairiePossum May 5, 2009 at 2:43 pm

Proof that a diet high in vegetarian bamboo isn’t good for you. He should have stuck with beer and pizza.

JadedDIssonance May 5, 2009 at 2:43 pm

Butterstick got Butterstuck.

Gopherit May 5, 2009 at 2:44 pm

[re=308348]proudgrampa[/re]: New here? Wonkette was built on pandas and assfucking.

Gopherit May 5, 2009 at 2:47 pm

[re=308556]Guppy06[/re]: If Jessica Cutler were the colonoscopy tech, we woulda had a trifecta.

El Pinche May 5, 2009 at 3:21 pm

We built this city on pandas and assfucking.

NunnaTheSOBs May 5, 2009 at 4:49 pm

It was a typo! When I asked for a peek of “bear” ass on an
upcoming post, I meant BARE ass !!!!

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