The life of Butterstick the National Zoo panda follows an all-too-common trajectory: we’ve seen him grow from adorable infant to teenage crack-whore to compulsive leg-humper and now, to a middle-aged adult with irritable bowels.

Butterstick had to get a colonoscopy as part of his yearly checkup. Apparently he developed an “inflammatory bowel condition” last summer and lost 30 pounds, so vets wanted to make sure his colon was OK.

Oh but fear not, America! The exploration revealed a thrivingly healthy colon, plus two gerbil skeletons and the ghost of Rod Stewart.

Even pandas need colonoscopies [NBC2 News]

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  1. Remember that time Bush got a colonoscopy, and Cheney was technically President for a few hours, and he used the power to secretly invade every country, for Oils?

  2. I thought this story was about Rush Limbaugh. That’s his nickname because he’s a fat fuck and that’s what he uses for lube when he accepts forgiveness.

  3. [re=308264]El Pinche[/re]: And he’s a crack (OK, Oxy) whore and compulsive leg-humper with bowels so irritable it kept him out of ‘Nam. Hmm… has anyone ever seen Rush and Butterstick at the same time? But then, the ‘stick is so much more intelligent.

  4. Everything so far looks very good…

    …considering you’re looking up a panda’s asshole. If I reach this point in my career development, kill me.

  5. Many scientific investigations involve an anal probe, albeit perhaps peripherally. There’s some law or other, possibly Sturgeon’s. Or Cartman’s.

  6. So the Chinese raccoon on steroids got a colonoscopy. Big deal. Call me when they do the rhinos, that’s got to be a more interesting procedure.

  7. OK but on the plus side, which video is likely to be better – her craziness Grand Moff Bachmann with her speechifyin’ and godderdammurung gesticulatin’, or being up a panda’s a** for a little bit?

  8. [re=308279]El Pinche[/re]: Fucking a mule is one thing, but fucking pandas is just distasteful.

    ”Welcome to domestic life in China… If it’s warm and it’s damp and it vibrates and it’s black and white, you might in fact have sex with it.”

  9. Off subject. I understand that the ghey mafia is releasing topless pix of Carrie Prejean. Someone should look into this outrage.

  10. Good god they grow up fast. Hell, I remember back when he was a wee lad: I was just acquiring my blackout-on-scotch habit, employed, and studying for the GRE. Two out of three were mistakes, but I’ll leave it to the imagination which.

  11. [re=308324]snideinplainsight[/re]: I think it’s the “Where No Man Has Gone Before” part.

    At least assuming Butterstick hasn’t met Mr. Horsely.

  12. Today’s technology is amazing — it allows a simple veterinarian in DC to travel to the deepest nether regions of China in a heartbeat.
    Oh, you know what’s probably blocking Tai Shan’s colon is a few billion in T-bills. The Chinese are running out of places to store that stuff.

  13. [re=308279]El Pinche[/re]: I’m with you bro, Pandas sold out years ago. Fuckin’ bamboo-eatin’ part-time bears. I hear they shit in their burrows. Dirty fucks.

  14. [re=308274]HoboNutz[/re]: Why do pandas get better health care than me?

    That’s easy. Would people pay $12/head to watch you loaf around in a carefully prepared pseudo-natural habit? I think not.

  15. [re=308274]HoboNutz[/re]: For the same reason John Cornyn always gets better health care than you. It’s called being a government employee, you socialist hippie girlie whiner.

  16. Neal would never take advantage of Butterstick or any other Panda that has been drugged. Mutual consent is what makes aminal secks so sweet and lovely. Some cats, however, need downers prior to intimacy because of their claws. At his favorite trout stream, our candidate uses a strict catch, fuck and release policy.

  17. [re=308349]FastMovingCloud[/re]: Mr. Horsley never met an animal he didn’t like. Of course, that’s before he found God.
    And God made all those animals just for Mr. Horsely’s pleasure, so the “finding God” was sort of like a thank-you note. It all comes together.

    Shouldn’t he be named Mr. Muley?

  18. Sodomy and pandas on Wonkette at once, at the same time? I think this is Wonkette’s version of turning on the Large Hadron Collider.

    I’m going to go hide in my bomb shelter now.

  19. [re=308347]randomsausage[/re]: THATS RIGHT.


  20. All hail the triumphant return of teh Butterstick…takin it up the ass. Sigh, sometimes I miss the Wonkette of yesteryear. Now just hold on ban-hammer wielder I wouldn’t want to go back but sometimes I just… miss them. Lost innocence and whatnot.

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