Wonkette
If the GOP had any value, Michael Steele would have been publicly murdered and eaten by actual slaveowner Katon Dawson after losing the NY-20 race between Republican Jim “9/11 Anyone?” Tedisco and the PUMA leader Murphy. But Steele is still in power (FOR HOW LONG…?) and continues to promote such hip-hop debauchery as encouraging the violent band of transsexual gigolos known as “Moderates” to join his terrible party of misery and cancer and racism. Steele’s one condition, though? That if and when these Moderates join the party, they immediately journey to a dark corner of Hell and die silently, forever.
President Steele said this in Wisconsin, a state that his party will never win again in any election ever.
“All you moderates out there, y’all come. I mean, that’s the message,” Steele said. “The message of this party is this is a big table for everyone to have a seat. I have a place setting with your name on the front.”
But, he added: “Understand that when you come into someone’s house, you’re not looking to change it. You come in because that’s the place you want to be.”
See, you can’t just… that’s an attitude that you cannot have, sir. It’s just rude to say such a thing. Look at the Democratic party, which is terrible — oh, it’s bad, in so many ways — but also somewhat healthy. The entire reasonable political debate where “stuff gets done” is in this Democratic party. You have Socialists like Russ Feingold on one side and then miserable valueless wieners like Evan Bayh and Ben Nelson on the other. This is now “liberal and conservative” in all ways that matter. Some Democrats think now is the best time to overhaul health care, other Democrats think we should wait for when there’s more money, and all Republicans think we should just throw teabags at anyone walking into any doctor’s office. The best way to emerge from minority status is not to create a downwardly competitive parallel world where soon enough any member who even says the word “idea” will be shot live, on Twitter.
Steele: Moderates Are Welcome To Join GOP — But Not To Change It [TPM]
Yeah, like any Republicans would have a black man over for dinner.
If your opinion don’t fit, you must quit!
Oh…too soon for a Johnny C reference?
Mr. Steele, I will accept your argument, but only under the condition you grow a really large ’stache (”for charity”) and suck a guy off, like we moderates like to call it.
“Y’all can come over, but shut up an’ stand in the corner, just like my people used to have to. Oh, and call me massah!”
Any state that enjoys wearing cheese-hats at basketball games, etc, are welcome to join the GOP.
Because that is a great way to make your party into a strong and relevant group of efficient people, by stifling debate!
Well Steele had better look out because a NEW LEADER has emerged in the republican party ON TWITTER, who also happens to be a convicted tax fraud and the operator of QueerSexToys.com. I am not even kidding.
And Evan Bayh can eat an entire bathtub full of dicks, also.
I’m pretty sure some sort of tea bagging must be involved to get an invite to dinner
“We welcome moderates,[laughter] but seriously, you guys, fuck the moderates.”
Is this any surprise from the people whose favorite method of “growing the base” is getting their hardcore constituents to fuck like rabbits on ecstasy?
I try my best to be just like I am, but everybody wants you to be just like them.
Do they keep the big table inside the big tent, I wonder?
And what do they serve on the big table? A big meal? Maybe with a big turkey? And some big squash and a big stuffing? Just curious -
See, on our side, where stuff gets done, we mix our ‘miserable valueless weiners’ with some hobo beans, and there, you got yourself a meal.
will be shot live, on Twitter.
I am already mentally composing stuff to write that will use that phrase.
Wonkette just keeps on giving.
The Conservative political philosophy was handed down to Moses on Mt. Sinai and the original tablets are still in the possession of PNAC or AEI or Skull and Bones. To change even one iota of a plan that is not only divinely inspired but has worked so well for these past 3,500 years would bring the wrath of God down upon the movement, causing them to devolve into a random group of bitter historical revisionists unable to master actual human thought but only capable of spewing nonsensical drivel. Oh, wait.
Growing the GOP: http://www.quiverfull.com
Does this mean that moderates have their own water fountain?
What’s this “we” shit? Last time I looked, this man is dining alone.
Billy d. Williams is right. Respectful people would keep their opinions to themselves and trust their leaders to do the right thing.
look, all he’s saying is you don’t come in to his toilet stall and tell him how to suck dick, okay?
Stepin Fetchit with a college degree.
snideinplainsight: Exactly.
You know what sucks? None of this flailing really matters; the Republicans will become relevant and national contenders if they throw up a charismatic presidential candidate who is glib, charming and has a deep voice. No knock on Barack, but he didn’t win because he had better ideas; he won because he’s a rock star and McCain is a querulous old man joined at the hip with a spectacularly unsuccessful retard.
Want proof of our electorate’s resistance to competence and the power of ideas? The already unsuccessful retard beat a guy in 2004 only because the better-idea guy looks like Herman Munster and talks like a fag.
Ben Nelson may be a miserable, valueless wiener but he is my miserable, valueless wiener…and the only kind of Democrat for whom the wonderful “people” of western Nebraska will vote.
What Whoop Doggie means is that moderates’ cash is always welcome, provided it does not accompany consequence-having ideas of any kind.
I swear to god I saw this yesterday and thought it was an Onion story.
Lazy Media: Best proof I can think of regarding the electorate’s resistance to competence and the power of ideas:
Ronald Reagan.
U.S. politics may end up like politics in Japan — a very tiny opposition party with everyone else in the ruling party, which has a variety of conservative to liberal factions. If so, our ruling party scandals should get back to votes-for-cash and opposite-sex hookers instead of wide-stances and same-sex pages — in other words, no fun at all!
Lazy Media: “a querulous old man joined at the hip with a spectacularly unsuccessful retard.”
Don’t look now, but I think you’ve just pitched NBC’s next “hit” sitcom.
Republicans have a MAJOR case of penis envy. Even though America keeps saying ‘it’s not the size that matters, really I prefer a smaller dick guy,’ repubs just can’t get over the fact that Barry has an incredibly huge dick. We’re talking hang three beach towels on that.
Lazy Media: If George W. Bush could speak two grammatically correct statements in succession; if Hillary Clinton had IGNORED all that advice that she blew a quarter of a billion bucks for; that is if Obama had persued office after a NORMALLY INTELLIGENT president, and had run against a COMPETENT PRIMARY CHALLENGER, he would be the promising back bencher from Illinois sitting in the senate plotting his run after Hillary’s two terms.
He profited MIGHTILY from a dickhead of a predecesor, and a woman who was vastly over-rated as a campaigner, a woman whose only electoral victories had come as a carpet bagger to NY, where you could run a Democrat who dropped his pants in Times Square, and got “buggered” by a donkey, and he would STILL beat just about any GOPer.
snideinplainsight: Thanks for making me think of the Duggars!(think throwing a hotdog down a hallway.http://www.duggarfamily.com/ But this was funny-”Whether your quiver is large or small, you are welcome.”Steele should be so open minded, or something.
“Ya’ll can come on in, but unnerstan’ ya’ll be the field Pubs, not a fine house Pub like myself…”
Steele is the alternate universe Obama. The anti-magic negro. He’s the one black guy in sci-fi movies who dies first.
I have a place setting with your name on the front.
I’m having a Soylent Green moment.
“President Steele said this in Wisconsin, a state that his party will never win again in any election ever.”
you goddamn right. not in my state !
that being said, i don’t hear any moderate, sensible talking points coming from wisconsin’s republican residents….only wing-nuttery. granted, it’s only what i read on my local newspaper’s message boards and what arrives in my email from my crazy relatives, but still.
feingold 2016 !!!
Lazy Media: I’ll admit nice to look at, charmimg, and deep voice helps, but it also keeps you still long enough to see decency, and hear good ideas.
Everyone is welcome as long as they believe in little government, little taxes, little or no rights for minorities or GLBTs, don’t believe in environmental protection, believe this is a Christian, English-only country, and where everyone is for themselves and anyone who doesn’t make it is lazy, stupid, or evil.
Abe Lincoln, the first Repugnant, had an even more engaging Big Tent theory, and look where it got him.
“Y’all stay to supper now! And yer slaves, too!”
I ain’t gonna work on Michael’s farm no more
I ain’t gonna work on Michael’s farm no more
He talks to us like children who need spoon-fed ideas
And not adults with vanishing mortgages and careers
And you can vote for him after you scrub the floor –
I ain’t gonna work on Michael’s farm no more.
I ain’t gonna work on Rush’s farm no more
I ain’t gonna work on Rush’s farm no more
He tells you that the moderates are simpletons and weak
And they destroy America when they get up to speak –
And he takes Viagra-fueled vacations in East Timor –
I ain’t gonna work on Rush’s farm no more.
I ain’t gonna work on Mittens’ farm no more
I ain’t gonna work on Mittens’ farm no more
He’ll offer you a job and then give it away
Because everything is better when it’s done in Bombay
And he’ll outsource the Supreme Court to Bangalore –
I ain’t gonna work on Mittens’ farm no more.
I ain’t gonna work on Sarah’s farm no more
I ain’t gonna work on Sarah’s farm no more
She’ll borrow all your money and ask you for your toil
To build her a new pipeline and drill for frozen oil
And tell you to praise her independence more –
I ain’t gonna work on Sarah’s farm no more.
I ain’t gonna work on Michael’s farm no more
I ain’t gonna work on Michael’s farm no more
It’s just a den of pygmies is why the people flee ‘em
They get all their ideas from the Creationist Museum
So will the last one out please close and lock the door
I ain’t gonna work on Michael’s farm no more.
Yeah, this will make the Mods feel REALLY welcome. Uh, Mike (and for that matter, people on the left as well), you should treat them as part of the team, becasue at the end of the day a Moderate Republican is still a Republican (also works for Dems), not as a second-class guest at your house that gets all the leftover drinks and snacks after they’ve been picked over by Limbaugh and ‘em.
Awwww, Cypress Hill Steele is thinking of puppies!! That’s why he seems to be an idiot.
You guys laugh, but the Blingee is filled with criss crossing lines of metaphors and allegories, much like the works of Guy Levrier.
SayItWithWookies: Your “Maggie’s Farm” parody has a great deal of awesome-osity contained within in it.
Luckily, just them there moderates try to weasel their way back into the Republican Party, a good solid conservative arrives on the scene. Neal Horsley is now Number 8 on the GOP Rebuild the Party site. Jesus loves him, and will love you, too, if you vote for Neal immediately. Neal will also invite you to his next mule orgy.
http://ideas.rebuildtheparty.com/pages/5641-general/suggestions/179880-fight-to-elect-neal-horsley.
From TNR via WashtingtonMonthly:
Keeping with the metaphor, Chris Orr went on to say: “Steele added that moderates would be expected to clear the table and wash dishes quietly while the other guests argued over whether Barack Obama was a fascist or merely a socialist. Oh, and hope you guys are up for a little unpaid babysitting: The rest of us were hoping to check out a tea party later tonight.”
It does make me kind of happy to live in a country where the conservative side of the argument is being presented by Evan Bayh, Ben Nelson, and Arlen Specter. Yay!
June Cleaver 2.0: Explain Reagan, then. You and I might have voted for Barack because we’re better than the rest of the great unwashed, but the great unwashed aren’t and didn’t.
wingnut leader: I don’t belong to the republican party, the republican party belongs to me! muaw-haha!
SayItWithWookies: I heart your lyrics.
Pope Ratzinger’s been using this strategy with the Catholic church for a few years now and they’re enrollment is growing so fast they’re building new churches all over the place. Hah hahahahahaha…
someone should tell this dude to wash-up after weekly cross-burnin’
StephanieInCA: …happens to be a convicted tax fraud and the operator of QueerSexToys.com.
OK. they really are insane now, aren’t they?
Moderates aint gonna work for the GOP no more.
No they aint gonna work for the GOP no more.
They talk about the deficit like a fire that will burn
What they really meant is they wanted their own turn.
They cry real tears and then go make some more.
No, they aint gonna buy the GOP no more….
Moderates aint gonna work for the GOP no more.
No they aint gonna work for the GOP no more.
Our soldiers make it home from some distant foreign hell
They don’t care for nothin’ but the Wall Street closin’ bell
then they spin em ’round to go fight another war.
Moderates aint gonna buy the GOP no more….
also
You forgot to put the picture of him with his cap on backwards ’cause that’s how he rolls in the Northeast.
your seat at the table is actually UNDER the table …
Oh, I bet moderates are just ITCHING to sign up for the GOP, what with them ruthlessly purging themselves of anyone to the left of Mussolini ever since the ‘08 election. Schizophrenic much?
Somebody should remind Michael “Buns Of” Steele of that old saw: beggars can’t be choosers (or bossy little passive-aggressive man-bitches, for that matter). Oh, & how the hell does a “moderate” rationalize hooking up with the Pro-Torture Party anyways? The Brain-Injury School of politics?
Capitol Hillbilly: Well someone has to … uh … “entertain” the real guests between courses.
In other news Rush Blimpbaugh, the Republican’s true leader, thinks EVERYONE should StFu.
“I maintain that when a politician says we have to listen to the American people and learn, we are pandering.”
When the party’s in the crapper ma
drop it like it’s hot
drop it like it’s hot
drop it like it’s hot