Wonkette
This is, as Neal Horsley puts it on YouTube, a “version of the old John Fogerty song,” but about killin’ babies. (The original was about fuckin’ mules.) What comes out sounds kind of like a Woody Guthrie song, but without the cleverness, so it is in fact not like a Woody Guthrie song at all. [YouTube]
WHAT, no g-string-wearing dancing mules? This strip-club SUCKS!
He’s strummin my pain.
Do we even have to make fun of this tard?
Who will stop teh gay buttsecks. Also.
I promise never to get an abortion if you promise to get rid of those goddamned fucking bangs.
Where can I get some of that awesome dead fetus wallpaper?
Don’t laugh; this shit works. My wife an I were on our way to an abortion party the other day, then this song came on the radio so we turned around and went back home.
teh crazy! it burns!!!!
I went down to Georgia,
Seeking shelter from the storm.
Got caught up in the fable
That white men were the norm.
Saw this geezer singin’,
Swayin’ on his truck,
And I wonder,
Yes, I wonder,
Jesus, what the fuck?
Can’t listen to this shit. Buy a fucking tuning fork, Neal! It’s not tight and damp but it does vibrate.
As Arlo Guthrie used to say, “That was terrible.” But it really, REALLY was.
He makes a convincing argument.
Mel_David: win! Also.
OT-
I don’t wanna jinx this or anything but I think my three months of solitude are over. I’m almost positive I got a new bartending gig today. Whoopee!
Neal? I think he’s better off lying down. Face down.
Yum. Barbeque porkchop.
Thanks for that. Thanks a LOT.
And Neil? If you’re really trying to stop God from destroying the U.S.A., ur doin’ it rong. ‘Cause if there was a god she’d be dropping a U.S.A.-sized meteor right on your truck about now.
you cannot be serious: Fetus wallpaper is cheap.
Placenta wallpaper is expensive.
This musical screed, at full volume, busted up several of my kidney stones.
Everybody!! What more inspiration do we need? G’wan over to http://ideas.rebuildtheparty.com/pages/5641-general/suggestions/179880-fight-to-elect-neal-horsley
Neal Horsly is our man. Vote early and often…all weekend. We’re not even “under review” over there yet.
That goddamned song just caused me to spontaneously abort.
Dammit. Where’s my comment?
“Tell eveRyone U KNow to go to rebUildTheparty.com
and vote for neal. heZ #21! FTW!”
My fetus just aborted itself…
Kev-O-Tron: good newz!
Czn939: *correction* that comment was on YouTube…
notice the seemingly random capitalization that republitards are so fond of?
The hits keep happening: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xeMdkfUfVaQ
Custerwolf: Heehee.
TeddyS:
Ok, what I think is funny is we have an even number of votes right now. So either one of you all was saving one of your three votes for something or some dipshit wingnut actually is taking it as a serious suggestion.
why is that man ass-grinding an aborted fetus?
problemwithcaring: That’s two….
S.Luggo: Mother…of…God…
Are we SURE this guy isn’t actually a double agent?
This could be a whole new level of sarcasm and irony.
So much so that it’s even got us fooled.
He should team up with Mr. Ed.
Kev-O-Tron: No jinxes. But I’d like a dirty martini. Stat.
S.Luggo: Okay that’s fuckin it, I’m buying a plane ticket and a picaxe and I’m going after that motherfucker.
here too…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hutGXft-YCQ
“This next song, it’s a protest song. I’ve suffered for my music, now it’s your turn.”
S.Luggo: That this poor man is wandering America’s roads is a heartbreaking example of the result of all you namby-pamby bleeding heart liberals emptying out the insane asylums a generation ago and telling these people to go fend for themselves. You should be able to see (and hear) by now that it just isn’t working and people like this poor benighted soul need to be kept where they are safe and cared for. Why, this man, who hallucinates himself some sort of singer, has been abandoned to wander aimlessly, dressed up in pictures of dead babies while he fantasizes about killing his children and having sex with animals. It just breaks my heart, truly it does.
You know I can’t get a good look at that smiling fetus he has chained to his truck because his ugly white ass is blocking my view.
I’m not even going to look. But I *am* going to defrost some of my popcorn fetuses (12-16 weeks) & saute with the first spring arugula and a little embryonic reduction!
S.Luggo:
There should really be a licensing requirement for guitar ownership; case in point.
Custerwolf: But really, I think people deserve the least evasive abortion available. The vacuum has to be less painful than this video.
Kev-O-Tron: GNU’s, buddy. If you end up getting the gig, lemme know. I’ll have you pour me an IPA next time I’m in Jet Town.
That’s the most out of tune guitar I’ve heard since hosting the Earl of Old Town hoot 30 years ago.
By the way, what he’s doing is not really legal; you need Mr. Fogarty’s rights and permissions to perform new words to his song. A blanket license more or less covers parodies at nightclubs, but not in the media, and this would hardly be covered by the Supreme Court decision on satirical parodies, as there is nothing satirical about it.
Since this article was posted, he’s gone up in rank, what? 2? 3? places?
problemwithcaring: A rusty coat hanger would be less painful than this video.
Shouldn’t he be flying in circles above Notre Dame?
lawrenceofthedesert: That occurred to me too, but if Fogerty is wise, he’ll let it slide. Otherwise the dude may threaten to kill his kid and fuck his mule.
Czn939: We went from 30th to 19th in 4 hours. BOO YA.
FIGHT FOR HORSLEY!
http://ideas.rebuildtheparty.com/pages/5641-general/suggestions/179880-fight-to-elect-neal-horsley
correction— 18th place. BOO YA
I made it through 19 seconds before my uterus tried to run screaming out the door.
These loons are going to come crawling out of the woodwork like mad now that Obama gets to replace Souter. I am so fucking sick of these people it makes my head hurt,
I say we all pitch in and buy Mr.Mulesly a Guitar Hero - then beat him to death with it.
shortsshortsshorts: BOOYAKASHA! WES STAINES MASSIV!
Custerwolf: Heh. That the same John Fogerty that got sued for plagiarizing his own song?
and I wonder, still I wonder, who’ll fuck the mule…
shortsshortsshorts: “sign up so we inform you….”
Does it require extra diligence to maintain this kind of stupid?
WOW…that guy is such a Hor.
By the by, people with lots of money can kill a baybee any ole time they want.
Lascauxcaveman: !! But why does that article carry a photo of Cornelieus from Planet of the Apes?
Kev-O-Tron: Where? I want to come by and harass you. Congrats. Also.
MarSF: I saw this poster plenty of times when I worked at an abortion clinic. We called it “jar baby” because it is actually a 24-26 week fetus head being held over a jar with forceps.
My favorite protests were the ones led by this wacky Catholic priest who carried a fetus in a jar he wore around his neck. When he really got going, he would dump the fetus into his hands and hold it up while praying to Jeebus to smite the takers of innocent blood (us!).
Yeah, Horsely has a looong way to go before he becomes the craziest rat in the anti-abortion shithouse.
The mule fucking he did as a young man is probably the only thing stopping him from statewide office in Georgia.
slappypaddy: I heard “caught up in the stable.”
Will not watch, will not listen. My fuckwad cache is full up.
Custerwolf: Most likely, but that is what is most important in life— being stupid.
RoscoePColtraine: Why would that be an issue in Georgia? Didn’t they elect Saxby Chambliss?
shortsshortsshorts: Well, we tend to stick with what we’re good at I suppose.
Cicada: a +4 Fetus of Smiting?
Being a resoundingly solid argument for abortion is no way to protest against abortion. After listening to the first 30 seconds of this song, I want to grow a uterus just so I can abort and throw the little clustercell critter at Horsley’s head. Although I’d settle for watching him get kicked to death by a mule.
May 1, 2009: The day the music died (probably asphyxiated itself to be free of Horsey)
Elect Horst Draper is ahead of “Run Inspiring Candidates”!!
Custerwolf: Separated at birth? I unnerstan it’s fairly common in the south.
Czn939: Hahahaha this is a fabulous waste of time.
RabidHamster: “Mayday!”
Kev-O-Tron: Tentative congratulations! Good to see that college diploma paying off, eh?
We need to see Neal’s birth certificate.
Kev-O-Tron: premature Congrats! Drinks all around!
I hope John Fogerty get the chance to abort this mule rapist. Batshit crazy Bachman may just be his ticket to switch from mule raper to being celibate if he can tell she’s not an ass…. nevermind
30 sec into it and i puked from my ears and had to stop listening also
Kev-O-Tron: Good luck. Invent a drink called The Wonkette — or has that already been done? (Suggestion: Pernod, with a dash of bitters, and the worm from a bottle of Mexican pig death.)
Kev-O-Tron: Woo-hoo! Best of luck, buddy!
Presenting horrifying images of wasted life is part of the Pro-Life campaign.
I’m referring of course to the horrifying images of Neal Horsley trying to sing.
The worst thing about this is I was listening to music from a classical mass when I stopped by Wonkette and turned that music off to hear this. Tragic.
Vacuum pumps and Latex gloves
we’re fixin’ for to cram
won’t you turn one side
while we hose your cooze
Doot, doo, doo
Murders are our main joy
killin’ babies, oh boy!
Doot, doot, doot, we can backroom abort…
Scarab: Indeed. My tubes tied themselves 30 seconds into this thing.
Tommmcatt: Ownership of a guitar should be licensed? Your’re saying MuleLuv’s musical stylings qualify as assault with a deadly weapon. Sorry mister rock’n'roll, beat generation, socialist, ATF hippie, his right to own an’ use a guitar is protected by the Second Amendment.
From his cold, dead hands.
S.Luggo: If only he had cold dead… we could pry it from them, the geetar would be ruined anyway
Quit calling him mule fucker…..a mule would never consent for a piece of shit like him
I sure the mule kept screaming rape
He should have chosen this song (by America’s Balladeers, GWAR), instead.
“Didn’t need to take her on a date
Just had to stand here on the crate
No talking, no torment, no long-term commitment
Just me my animal, Getting my dick bent…”
Coming soon to a Shoney’s breakfast bar near you, the musical stylings of the one, the only, Mr. Neal Horsley!!!
Don’t forget to try the cheese grits.
Custerwolf:
Better: steal his livestock. After, lonely weekends for Horsley.
They don’t call, they do not write.
BTW: In rural, USA Georgia, ax handles are the traditional manner of resolving disputes. Just remember to sneak up behind or pretend to be the sheriff. It’s the Southern way.
I had a mouthful of salsa when I clicked that video and seriously almost hurled.
But awesome for Kev-O-Tron. I hope you used us as a reference!
Kev-O-Tron:
Hey, if you need a reference just mention my name. If it’s a bar I’ve been there. Except for Green’s Tavern in Battle Creek MI; if it’s there don’t mention my name.
Vartan84: Which mass were you listening to?
The first round American Idol rejects are so sad.
S.Luggo:
“Whew. Thank you, thank you, thank you. You’ve been a wonderful audience. No, truly. You’ve been great. Now, for my last song, “Old McDonald’s” cha-cha rhythm. But first, remember to tip your waitress. And try the mule. A one, a two, a one two three four.”
S.Luggo:
Triple ha! Sluggo will you marry me?
heheheheheheehehehehehe
i’d almost rather listen to the new Dylan album..
Monsieur Grumpe: Pelosi?
I taught him evuh-thang he knows about playin dat harmonica. Proud-a-you boy!
RoscoePColtraine: We don’t want to know what y’all were using before you could afford a harmonica. Best if that’s kept a secret.
S.Luggo:
You wish.
We are only a few hundred votes from beating Palin. http://ideas.rebuildtheparty.com/pages/5641-general/suggestions/179880-fight-to-elect-neal-horsley. Why stop now? The point was to beat Palin, email her with it, and leave it alone. But we must win before that happens.
Monsieur Grumpe: Apology for the try at political irony.
lawrenceofthedesert: If you hosted the hoot at the Earl, you probably drink at Sterch’s. How ’bout that.
slappypaddy: I’m pretty sure it was Reagan’s idea to empty out the loony bins. Anyhow I don’t know what this guy’s whining about, he must not realize the mule is a genetic dead end - no amount of lovin’s gonna change that.
Susan Boyle is safe.
Is it just me or do his pants have no front zipper?
Anyway, I like how the fetus gyrates in the background to his smokin’ ditty.
Kev-O: What bar?
Laugh all you want libtards! I’m layin’ cash this guy ends up governator of Georgia.
He is, after all, a top when it comes to donkeys.
Scandinavian Fetus: Whenever he’s not touring with Abortopalooza he prefers a nice pink union suit equipped with the drop drawers in the back. Mules have trouble distinguishing colors, so to them he still looks like a retarded carrot from behind.
Tommmcatt: They aren’t bad if you put a little ketchup on them, too.
I don’t believe Woody Guthrie ever sang in front of an aborted fetus poster.
bago: Thanks everyone for the nice wishes! I’m not going to print the name of the bar here out of some weird paranoia and besides which it has to be the most un-hip bar I’ve ever worked in! I worked in a Planet Hollywood for four years and this feels like a small step up! If you live in Seattle you’ll know where I’m talking about…. it’s directly across the street from The Cheesecake Factory and it has a lot of video games.
Seeing as it’s the weekend and I already steered this thread off topic I’d like to relate a funny evening I had last night. I had the privilege of attending a bachelorette party at a nice bar down the street. I was the only guy with the group and I was very lucky to be in the company of some very attractive and interesting girls. They were playing a game that involved passing out a deck of cards that had individual tasks on each one. Each person had a goofy and sexy assignment to fulfill during the course of the evening. For instance my friend Kristie (who invited me along) was supposed to “kiss someone you normally shouldn’t”. My assignment was to get a condom from a stranger. Because I’m a dirty slut with the maturity of a fifteen year-old I carry a condom in my wallet. I really like protection and what with pig AIDS you can’t be too careful. Anyways, I won the contest by cheating. The End.
Walter, you threw out a ringer for a ringer!!
maybe he’s a ringer in the real sense, i.e. be such a repulsive version of the bad guys that he wins more people to the good guys. you know like the “god hates fags” guy who went to military funerals.
Kev-O-Tron: I LOVE it!
Kev-O-Tron: Congrats on the job, Kev. But please tell me how a bartending gig affords you internet access again.
Scandalabra: Where do you live? Afghanistan? I share a wireless connection with three neighbors for about $10.00 a month.
Neal Horsely loves Jesus and babies and America so much that one day he saw jesus holding a baby and jesus was like “Yeah, I just came down to earth to babysit for a MOTHER who has a JOB! Can you believe that? That’s terrible. She should be at home with her kids. Your country is wacky” and so Neal took a hammer and beat Jesus to death for not loving America so much.
Then the baby just sat there looking at the carnage and Neal knew in his heart that the baby wasn’t crying because it didn’t love Jesus enough, so he picked up that baby and thrust it on the ground with all his might. Then he did an end zone dance.
Neal Horsely loves American and babies and jesus and footbaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaall!
Son of a bitch!
That backdrop looks nothing like me.
I do lack pigment, though…
he’s @ 15!
TRUCKNUTZ FTW!
OOOPS. The Party Rebuilding site has been taken down for maintenance. Sure. I think the webmaster finally read what was on it and said something like, “Oh, that may not be such a good idea.” Doubt that our candidate Neal will be on it when it returns. So he goes back to lovin mules and a melon of his choice.
Thank God someone’s looking out for the rights of the omnipotent deity.
I’m completely against choice. It’s too important of a decision to be left in a woman’s hands.
mullingitover: You’re not my ex-husband by any chance?
Hey! The Rebuild the Party site is back up and, happily, I was wrong. Not only did we survive, but we are now number 15, within reach of Sarah at 13.
Get out and vote (make sure you cast all three of your allowable ballots) … and leave a nice comment. Neal needs us. This can be a wonderful Sunday.
http://ideas.rebuildtheparty.com/pages/5641-general/suggestions/179880-fight-to-elect-neal-horsley.
When do the Grammy nominations start?
S.Luggo: I don’t know, but he’ll be up against some pretty tough competition in the category for best single, what with the new Pussycat Doll’s hit “No Fetus Can Beat Us.”
Give it an upvote on reddit too: http://www.reddit.com/r/politics/comments/8hiup/rebuildthepartycom_is_polling_for_our_favorite/
Also up on digg: http://digg.com/political_opinion/Fight_to_Elect_Neal_Horsley
Digg it!
Perhaps he would do better with Southern Culture on the Skids’ classic “Barnyard Ballbuster”. (The 30-sec clip on iTunes does not do it justice). Sing about what you know.
Custerwolf: The Pussycats will be head to head with Neal’s new cover of the Judy Garland song, “You made me mule you
(I didn’t want to do it, I didn’t want to do it)”
ManchuCandidate: win