Wonkette
We heard your cries of horror, so this week’s edition is three minutes long and PACKED with health & safety tips from The Awl’s Choire Sicha, so you won’t die of the pig-bird-hybrid flu! [The Awl]
ONLY THREE MINUTES LONG!
Special Mexi-Pig Edition: The Awl vs. Wonkette
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Thanks for a kinder, gentler, SHORTER video!
OK, that was A LOT better. But only because I’m really hard of hearing and rely on lipreading to understand the spoken word.
What was Choire wearing, instead of pants? That was kind of exciting.
why is he rolling around on the floor in his underpants? excepting to creep me out.
don’t give up on your writing, gentlemen!
I’m so glad the Kleenex box was the tasteful “Boutique” edition. There’s no need to sacrifice style just because we are in a crisis. Good work, Ken.
Well, the video’s ok, but I guess you hear that tagline alot, eh Ken?
How come this week’s edition came out the same week as last week’s edition, which came out this week?
So Choire is pronounced Corey? I’m disappointed.
boatapple: It’s a special edition–what’s ur problem?
I prefer my porn with more Asian twinks. I mean, this worked and all, what with that sexy, sexy floor position Choire was in, but I’m just saying. More island boys, please.
Ooh, fail on the tag closing there. So sorry.
What did you do with the money?
The money your mother gave you for acting lessons.
SayItWithWookies: Yeah, not as sexy as “Kwa-ray”. Or even just “Choir”. Shit, my roommate had a cocker spaniel named Cory.
i think i got the Mexican Pig Death just watching that.
Jesus, was mine the only computer that had to keep buffering this goddamned thing? I must have gone through at least 2 or 3 menstrual cycles before it was finished. It’s amazing how I’ve learned to be so impatient given that I just graduated from dial-up 2 months ago.
boatapple: Yeah, for a minute there, I was afraid I was going to see trucknutz. Where was he during the teabagging discussion?
What else did you buy from those Mexicans?????????? O.k, I correct myself, funnier than Death Puppet twittering. Advice: 97% Alcohol kills everything in the Universe! Just wipe everything the hell down with that & I guarantee you, you will never get the plague!
INSIDE BASEBALL…Just kidding, not this episode, at least. Something many Americans can relate to, personal desperation! (Contrasted with professional desperation, which assumes employment.)
Why are all the products in Ken’s picture-in-picture mirror-imaged? Ken, did you film yourself in the mirror? That’s pretty low-tech.
Custerwolf: Yeah, me too. I think the Intertubes have got teh pig-death-gay-flu
Ken can I have your bandana to go with my hobo stick?
Red Zeppelin: I think it was just overloaded by the glut of groupies rushing to see Choiriander Friend.
I so wanted to make a bling yesterday in honor of the Plague & masks. So, I did it today. So, what?
http://blingee.com/blingee/view/89772213-ANOTHER-REASON-NOT-TO-JOIN-A-CULT
I think your dealer misled you, Ken. You’re not going to find the pure horse you’re looking for in a stable. So . . . for next week’s video, can we get SKS and Liz rolling around like Choire?
Nerdalicious: That dude definitely needs a bigger mask.
Shouldn’t these guys be playing Dungeons and Dragons together or jerking off over some pitchers in Maxim instead of fucking around on the intertubes? This disturbs my understanding of the natural order of things.
I love the hand sanitizer in an I.V. sized bag! I thought you were setting up a MASH Unit there for a minute! Also, Ken & this Choire person have perty eyes, much pertier than Michelle Bachman’s crazy blue eyes. It is amazing how the surgical masks bring out one’s beautiful eyes! Ken looks like someone famous with the bandanna, I will think of who it is. Blowing smoke thru a surgical mask, Ha! I have had patients that take a hit of an oxygen mask, take the oxygen mask off then take a hit of a cigarette, & so on & so on. Not to mention Oxygen enhances fire. Don’t ever tell me these cigarettes are not as addictive as Herion!
Tommmcatt: So - Tommy, you have an eye for these things: Choire - gay or hetero? The way he holds a cigarette makes me suspicious.
Nerdalicious: That was hand-sanitizer? I thought it was an enema bag.
Custerwolf:
Yeah, he just joined a Cult, like a Polygamy camp or something. And, Holy Crap, he gets the plague! Joe Biden, should not only have warned of not travelling, but also of groups in close quarters, like Cults, Proms, Hobos in boxcars etc…..I guess Joe can’t give any warnings anymore, as he will be in the balmy Serbia for about 6 months or so. Joe was vindicated as a plane was diverted because a person was coughing. Ha Ha Fox News!
Custerwolf:
mmmmm looks like Choire needed the enema bag at one point.
They have these things called “scripts” or “outlines” or even “talking points” that performers can prepare before they record video of their maunderings. You guys should try it some time!
THAT IS AWESOME.
RabidHamster: Perhaps he was looking for a mule (and I’m not talking the bipedal sort).
I hate to say this, but these 2 subjects are comedy GOLD: Teabagging & The ye olde Bubonic Plague Part Deux. (not to mention the swine flu song)
Acting prowess in this video along the lines of my Charlie Brown rendition in the 6th grade.
Custerwolf:
See, it’s the abandoned waving of the ankle in the air, like a carefree lass, that makes my gaydar BOOP-BOOP-BOOP. Also, I detect traces of they ghey accent, in the pronunciation of the words “sparkly” and “stable” especially.
Or maybe I’m just projecting.
Roger Ebert just gave this vid 3 Thumbs Up, especially to Choire when he was crawling around.
V572625694: Why don’t you just come out and say it - you want them to use TeLEprOMtErz!!!!!!!
Ken took his loved ones Tammy Flu & money. Worse serial killer than that Craigslist guy!
Tommmcatt: No, Choire is not in the vagina business. I think it’s pretty much official, in fact.
Tommmcatt: No…no…I’m looking for something that’s hetero-fuckable in there, and I just don’t think he’s playing for that team. Personally, I’m just curious because I don’t care for fantasies that don’t containn at least a HINT of possibility.
Nerdalicious: You just created a picture in my mind’s eye that is both repellant and arousing at the same time.
boatapple: I just made it officially official.
Nerdalicious: You played Charlie Brown???? You must be a butch thespian. Actually, I’m jealous. I was kicked out of my 6th grade play for eating all the chocolate gold coins (my EX-friend narced on me).
Custerwolf:
He does have nice, collegiate appeal, doesn’t he? To lilly-white for me, but I see what you mean.
Sorry, wrong thread:
http://blingee.com/blingee/view/89730457-Chicken-in-a-Can
Tommmcatt: Oh reeeaaaally??? So what is your type, generally speaking (you naughty boy)?
kenskids: GODDAMNIT that is the BEST FUCKING BLINGEE IN THE UNIVERSE.
Custerwolf:
No! Actually uber feminine, which is why my smart ass mouth has always shocked. I guarantee you, you & I would have been fast friends back in the school days! I was a little prankster too! Even in my frilly lil dresses! Ha!
Nerdalicious: As a kid I had trouble remembering to put on underwear, so dresses were out for me.
Yeah, I wish you were sitting across from me in my trailer’s little kitchen nook. I get tired of looking at Joe’s mug all day long (and by that I mean his actual coffee mug- he never stays indoors).
Custerwolf: Grazie! Curiously enough, it started as a portrait of Choire Sicha.
kenskids: !!
A+ for effort. Ken wins points for the funny, Choire loses points due to poor performance as straight man. Next time, Ken, just give him a list of questions to ask you and you just do your thing. He’ll look more professional and you won’t be distracted by his attempts to set you up.
Also, what is it with rednecks and fire? They just rescinded the burn ban here in Austin and my fucking neighbor has been burning a pile of wood chips all day. Carbon just wants to be free! Hard to tell from here but I’m pretty sure every time he gets near the fire he gets a boner. And not the good kind.
Custerwolf:
Yes, that would be a hoot! I would love to see your menagerie too!
Custerwolf:
Back in the day, they used to call me “The Mayor of Singapore”, if you know what I mean.
Tommmcatt: I wish I did. I wish I did……
I’m waiting to be superbanned for my above comments.
Nerdalicious: Goddamnit, has Ebert been swimming in toxic waste again? I told the old fart to cut that out.
hobospacejunkie: You have my permission to kill your neighbor unless he is burning those wood chips under a Mexican FluDeath-Flesh shoulder, in which case you should start ingratiating yourself now.
I can never figure out if that Ken guy is serious or nut!
If you can’t find face masks or bandanas, here are some other alternatives:
http://www.jorgeandres.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/04/influenza1.jpg
http://www.jorgeandres.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/04/saferedirect.jpg
– Patrick
hobospacejunkie: My newest neighbors usually wait for a good inversion layer before they start burning. Then they go out and fire their shotguns. Goat-ropers, open flames and firearms. It doesn’t get much better than that.
Looks like some boys figured out how to use the special effects in iMovie!
Although, from the sound of it, more people on here would have rather just watched Choire bending around in yoga poses without pants.
RabidHamster: “My newest neighbors usually wait for a good inversion layer before they start burning.”
Gawd, same here! I finally figured out these people must not have a phone and therefore have to place their meth orders by way of smoke signals.
Custerwolf: Yes, but do they have a huge herd of goats that run scared every time the teen boys go out in the pasture? I’m guessing they like ‘em tighter than a mule . . .
Ricolaaaaaa!
Ken, do use the hand sanitizer on your penis because you look like that type of guy?
Choire, you should totally some kind of yoga sex tape. I bet they would sell like hot cakes….whatever hot cakes are.
sweetcandy: Let me tell you - NEVER put handsanitizer anywhere near your nether regions. Ever. You’re welcome.
Oh, no. This isn’t funny. Not at all. It isn’t even a little bit clever.
I’m such a fan of Wonkette. I check it ever day, for news, and also laughs.
Don’t get so full of success that you start doing dumb features that you think are interesting just because you’re, you know, “personalities.” I’ve seen a few things skirt that line on here before (and, you know, no big deal. they can’t all be diamonds.), but this is just…dumb. Really dumb.
C’mon Ken, you’re way too smart for this.
wecanisdo: Aw, c’mon, he is not.
I liked it.
jagorev: You’re adorable.
wecanisdo: No one who regularly checks out Wonkette spells lafs as “laughs.” You’ve been outed, my friends.
Ken, Great job on the business expenses/props/write-offs. If you were to say hold up $3,000 of cash, does that count as a write-off too? I have an extension on my taxes and am looking for creative ideas to cover up all the Ameros I’ve been making on the side
Cicada: This whole time I’d been thinking “CORE”. This revelation just makes me hate his parents.
NoWireHangers: That’s okay - I thought it was “kwyar.”