Wonkette
- President Obama WON THE EVENING with his press conference, which closely resembled his many other press conferences in that he allowed exactly 13 questions. (Satan???!) [Christian Science Monitor]
- A car in a Dutch parade crashed into the crowd and killed two people, but thankfully not their beloved Queen or other members of the royal family. [BBC News]
- A woman has come forward and said that her father was the Zodiac killer (a fellow who went around murdering lovers in San Francisco and the Bay Area for a while there), but people say that all the time so nobody believes her. [San Jose Mercury News]
- The state of New Hampshire fell victim to the Gay Marriage Flu sweeping the nation; its Senate and House have approved a marriage bill. Now they have to see if the governor will sign it. [Boston Globe]
- An elementary school in Contra Costa County (that’s in California) closed with lightning speed after some kids with the sniffles stayed home because duh, swine flu. [San Francisco Chronicle]
- A building in lower Manhattan fell down and went boom, but no worries, the dummy who flew Barack Obama’s jet into the Statue of Liberty was not to blame this time. [New York Times]
If the symptoms of the swine flu feel like a hangover I should be staying home today.
“Ms. Houston said she was particularly alarmed in light of the terrorist attack of Sept. 11, 2001, and the jet flyover on Monday that raised alarms.”
Ms. Houston was also alarmingly alarmed when all the alarms started alarmingly going off. Any time alarms go off, that’s sure to set off alarms.
The conference transcript I read this morning before my first mojito has Mr. O saying something about “unwanted presidencies.” To whom was he referring? Or was it just a trick of the light?
The freeptards are building another cryptic freakout, this because the ACORN-controlled Census (no, I’m not exaggerating) is OMG MARKING HOUSES WITH LUO-FASCIST ‘GPS’ SATAN MACHINES of people who own Bibles or guns or ‘pocket Constitutions’ or ever had insufficiently praiseful thoughts of Obama. The ObamACORNS are doing this so that Bill Ayers can conduct aerial warfare against your house, whereas, before sending ACORN to use GPS to pee sheeps’ blood on your house, the government had no way of finding your house given your name and address and zip code and phone number and Mapquest.
These fuckers are just pulling all this shit to fuck up the Census 2010 so that all them damn darkies and spics don’t get counted for redistricting. ACORN!!!
On the totem pole of European prestige and power, the Dutch royal family falls somewhere in between the people who pack proscuitto in Italy and the Ukranian Prime Minister — you know, the one who got his face jacked by Vladimir Putin I AM SORRY I mean the guy who got his face jacked by ROGUE ELEMENTS THAT HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH PUTIN.
allainjules: Spoken like someone who has the gay flu.
I got straight-married thirteen months ago yesterday, right here in the commonwealth of Massachusetts. I’m not sure when the troopers are going to kick in my door and force me to marry a man or a Jack Russell terrier or a toaster or something. But we already ate the remains of our wedding cake, so I’m not sure if they’re still allowed to do that.
Welcome back from teh hinterlands of Virginia SKS! Glad to see the fried gravy didn’t effect the snark…
allainjules: wut
Remember to wash your hands after you gay-marry.
ALIVE!: Our friend Allain is truly French. We must make allowances. He is still more coherent than a Freeper.
To be fair, that Manhattan building looked like it was made with nothing more than used particle board and staples.
Yeah, well, as to that Deborah Perez lady, nobody believed Oksana Pochepa either, when she said that she was the one sleeping with Mel (its the Jews’ fault)Gibson. O.K., so it actually wasn’t and she was just cold lying, probably for the free publicity, but I wish it had been her, because she’s younger and hotter than the Oksana he is really dating, who is no slouch in her own right.
Also.
http://www.jacksonfreepress.com/index.php/site/comments/arlen_specter_to_join_the_wu_tang_clan_042809/
EnBuenOra:
Yikes! I hope you don’t read that stuff on regular basis. The paranoid just leaps out of the screen.
Numbers are the new gay sex, SOMEONE CALL NATE SILVER!!!
It has been fortold that when the 666th question is asked at an Obama press conference, the rapture will happen and Obama will take his seat as leader of the world government on behalf of Satan. Glen Beck was talking about it last night. Or Alex Jones, I forget.
Origami: No question that building was not meant to withstand a 747 flying anywhere within 1-2 miles.
I love how in the Zodiac story, the Mercury-News clearly has fired all its copy editors and relies on spellcheck, because it calls a guy Mr. “Stalwart” and then in the next para. and elsewhere in the article “Balwart”. Oopsy.
Good work, M-N!
Monsieur Grumpe: What are you talking about? That writer clearly stated that he/she was not some sort of tinfoil hate wearing conspiracy theorist, just a person interested in the FACKS. Do you doubt his/her words?
Mr Blifil: You alarme me sir!
allainjules yesterday sent us a link to a photo of a rugby player blowing diarrhea on the face of a would-be tackler. In light of that horror, I am somewhat hesitant, nay terrified, to click on his link today and ever more.
x111e7thst: I am either retarded or french.
Dumb, we all know the Zodiac was Maria Shriver Schwarzenegger.
Something I’ve been wondering for a while - maybe Wonkette could clear this up for me; an I gay-marry my wife? Cause that would be the best of both worlds, I figure.
EnBuenOra: YOU CAN’T HANDLE THE FACK!!!!
NO PEPSIFICATION WITHOUT CRYSTALLIZATION!!!!!!1!!!!!!!!!!!!
BBCP!!!!!
ALIVE!: I don’t get it, was that a picture of the Zodiac Killer?
Anyone else here ever been in charge of a parade? I had nightmares about floats careening out of control, running over small children and lodging in the windows of a small, local business. And my boss used to tease me about it. Glad I don’t work there anymore…
EnBuenOra: what the hell is “GPS paint” ?!? I have been working with GPS for precision timekeeping (not aerial combat), and I was never aware that it came in a paint-on variety.
On a serious note, we have swine flu here in WA now and I’m wondering if it’s the same in other places where people are actually blaming and/or stigmatizing Mexicans for the outbreak. We have a high immigrant population due to agriculture in my area, and a high level of stupid rednecks due to lack of cerebral activity. Worries me.
pondscum: I once watched the Seattle monorail crash into the station (brakes failed). It was very pretty and crashy and full of glass and schreechiness. No one was hurt thankfully.
Custerwolf: Not so much here (NYC). Maybe because most of our current crop of Swine Flu comes from nice Irish lads and lasses who went down to Mexico to pick it up.
Custerwolf: Were you in charge of the monorail at the time? Because if not, very cool crash. If so, not so fun with the attorneys and such.
Custerwolf: You haven’t shown up on the H1N1 Swine Flu google map, yet.
hobospacejunkie: Wow they already closed one elementary school for a week.
http://www.king5.com/topstories/stories/NW_043009HEB-swine-flu-kids-LJ.5fe4db6.html
Reading the fine print, they need OFFICIAL verification that it is in fact swine flu. Once lab results are in (if they’re positive), it’ll go up on the map I guess.
pondscum: Actually that happened a long time ago and since I was a kid, it was just a big, pretty commotion to me - and LOUDER than shit, unbelievably loud, let me tell you.
well, we have 6 cases in MD and one in DC now http://dcist.com/2009/04/first_swine_flu_case_reported_in_dc.php so VA is surely going to follow. Of course, there is a crappy cold/flu going around right now and 99% of the lucky ones who got it (me) are not going to/did not go to a doctor, so I bet there are lots of undiagnosed cases out there where people get well and it is no big deal.
jasper f. krone: Maybe “GPS paint” is the blood of aborted fetuses with fine magnetic particles dissolved in it.
I caught the gay flu at church. Of course, I’m Episcopalian, and we’re practically heathens.
x111e7thst: They’re too scared to blame the Irish here. It’s easier to blame the Mexicans. We have a lot of racial prejudice I think because we’re a very blue-and-red state (I mean that in a black-and-white sense - very dichotomous)and the reddies think the messicans are getting too much free stuff.
The lack of Levi’s ads today makes Wonkette infinitely less fappable. Or Unfappable.
My daughter at UC San Diego actually HOPES that her University will be shut down.
Oh, those stressed out school days!
Good times!
Custerwolf: they also need official verification that they are xenophobic dolts with douche-nozzle flu.
cranky: Boy that’s a phrase that just rolls right off the tongue, isn’t it!
Custerwolf: Sadly yes. The evil Mexicans are forever plotting the downfall of our great (aryan) nation. As with their cheese.
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/24954041/
Custerwolf: I blame the gay hog farmers. If only they’d listened to the classic nursery rhyme
A tisket, a tasket
a condom or a casket
and not barebacked so much, we wouldn’t all be dying now. Oh NOES!!1! We’ve got a case of swine flu over here in Spokane as well. Or someone with some sniffles– or maybe just a bad reaction to excessive snurging– whatever it is, I’m sure we’re all doomed.
Custerwolf: Oh man! As a kid that would have been fucking awesome!
x111e7thst: Jesus christ. That’s not what they make Velveeta out of I hope!
RabidHamster: I think it all started with that hog farmer up in Canada feeding dead hookers to his pigs.
pondscum: Actually it was. But not as much fun as hearing my mother back into our family room with the Vista Cruiser. Now that was really something.
If you’ve never been to Amsterdam’s Queen’s Day I strongly recommend it next year (despite the threat of errant cars). Although at first I thought is was for queens, not the Queen, but there were plenty of queens there too. Those are the ones wearing the orange boas usually, but don’t ask me, I wouldn’t know.
Custerwolf: You get much louder squealing if you feed live hookers to your pigs. I won’t know for a few months at least, as my kids’ 4-h pigs are only a month old. Yeah, THAT was a good project choice, all things considered.
Larry McAwful: ACORN is giving a whole new meaning to “screwing the pooch”.
RabidHamster: Hey, it takes a lot of whore diamonds to make prostitute prosciutto.
RabidHamster: If I had kids (I’m barren), they would totally have to be in 4-H. My favorite thing about going to the different fairs here (western WA) is watching those unbearably adorable little kids and their critters. So much excitement. 4-H is the greatest thing for kids, so I’m promoting it right here, right now. I don’t know much about FFA but they’re probably a good bunch as well. The junior KKK-ers….not so much.
LittlePig: Prostisciutto?
EnBuenOra: Now yer talkin.
Origami: That’s what they WANT you to think. No “vacant building” “collapses” like that; that was a controlled demolition. THE TRUTH IS OUT THERE!!1!1!!
Custerwolf: I personally blame the fucking rich spring break kids. Who else has the money to travel to Mexico from Various Parts, U.S. America, and back? Not Mexicans.