Wonkette
Yes we can haz liveblogging, tonight, beginning when the excitement begins, which is 8PM Eastern and 5PM Western. Do you not have a teevee? Well good for you, but also THAT’S NO EXCUSE because this historic 100-years-war, which will be marked with a fireside chat from the White House (reporters will be burned for fuel), it is also the historic first time YouTube is showing live streaming nude video of the Obama Press Conference.
Try the magic “teevee on the internet” here, and feel sad when it stops working after a few sketchy minutes. Have your pre-game comments fun right here, and we — meaning, “your editor and your intern Juli,” because Sara and Newell have vanished into the secret sex-slave cave of Thomas Jefferson — will be here with you soon! DO NOT FORGET TO STOP AT THE LIQUOR STORE (AND BUY AMMO). [YouTube]
100 days of air golf?
Who Photoshopped out his penis?
The Obamessiah can walk on static!
The 9-mm is getting harder and harder to find.
Ed Henry is nervously reviewing his hypothetical sidebar audibles for the presser, in which he will not be called.
Did I just hear him say “We’re playing PIG?” Has he no sensitivity regarding the flu pandemic does he? Whatever happened to HORSE, you pussy. I’m fucking writing this down in my basketball diary.
DO NOT FORGET TO STOP AT THE LIQUOR STORE (AND BUY AMMO).
Don’t give the Tennessee legislature any ideas.
If it’s all the same to you, Mr.President, I only fuck basketball players, I do not compete with them.
When is Obama going to respond again to the AIG bonuses from two months ago?????
ED HENRY WANTS TO KNOW!!!!!!
Is this a pic of Obama in the Anti-ZOMBIE-PLAGUE Command Center?
“YouTube is showing live streaming nude video” Exactly who will be nude? If it’s Barry, I’m all in. If it’s Ed Henry or Helen Thomas, I’m gonna have to up my liquor intake (& gouge out my eyes). I also don’t want to know if Chuckie T’s carpet matches his drapes.
Vibrator charged? CHECK!
Custerwolf: The WNBA will be thrilled to hear about that…
I WANT TO BE THE FIRST TO SAY:
Wonkette kicks ass. These last two days of Pope Cat have been officially “off da hook” awesome.
I CON HAZ JAWB now?
Is the opposite of live-blogging dead-blogging? I think I’m going to do that, tonight, for Teablogging. Shorts? You in?
A J. Crew ad?
Interesting.
Bearbloke: Um…er…let me clarify that. NBA only.
Bearbloke: I was a groupie when Magic was a rookie. Yep. That’s how old I am.
V572625694: FWIW, the .22 magnum packs the best bang for the buck. In rifles of course, not those wimpy little pistol things. Something to keep in mind in these times of the Greater Depression and sick pigs also.
AnnieGetYourFun: Win.
I’m also looking forward to intern Juli’s liveblogging skillz….
Custerwolf: Check! I’m NRL only, myself…
Custerwolf: Did they sign your kneepads, for souvenirs-sake?
Fuck I was gonna watch Cemetery Man tonight. Screw it.
in
Bearbloke: Unforgettable means no souvenirs are necessary.
Oh great. First we find out we can get death flu from pigs (or Mexicans), now alt-text informs us we can get clap from golf.
So what’s the drinking game for the most stoopidest question about the Swine Flu? Bonus drinks for a question that links the flu to terrorism?
AnnieGetYourFun: Every single comment you’ve made this week has been dripping in estrogen. So… err… KUDOS!
Custerwolf: ok, so the only way for everyone to learn forever that you are a woman is for you to show all of us your tits. that is what it has come to.
sorry to drop this on you, but that is all there is to it. tits now.
I will boycott as I am strongly opposed to the arbitray “100 days” concept. I want random, primary numbers, or nothing.
bitchincamaro: 4 8 15 16 23 42
slappypaddy: Are you really gun-nut Neilist in disguise?
Mr. President, Are there plans to bail out bacon? If so, know that I speak for all of the internet when I say whatever figure you have in mind, DOUBLE IT.
ah, and add “bail out” to the drinking game. it of course has nothing to do with it, but some asshat will surely bring it up.
bitchincamaro: That’s not numerical transcendence!
cranky: How many of them do I actually have to show?
He should close with Porky Pig’s “B-D B-D B-D That’s All Folks!”
me hopey that Hopey asks Ana Maria Cocks a question.
shortsshortsshorts: I’m not sure Ken actually pays $150,000 a year.
Custerwolf:
Hold please. I need to get some brie for this.
StephanieInCA: Speaking of which, his presser better not interfere with Lost tonight or I’m giving a gift card to the English Tea Store to Michael Steele
StephanieInCA: http://math-and-reading-help-for-kids.org/what_are_the_primary_numbers.html
…and see me after class.
StephanieInCA: ShortsandPants will of course be engaged in the dead-blogging, but I will definitely be dead-posting on Teablogging as well, right after I’ve had my 4th drink. (Last night I tried drunk-blogging for the first time, and now understand why I need to stay the hell away from the internet after drink No. 4. DEAD-BLOGGING IS ON.
$50 says Hopey is switching to the GOP as a big fuck you to Arlen Specter.
Will there be waterboarding? I vote for Ed Henry (and Chucky T. if we get to pick two).
And I recommend EXTRA shots all around if anyone says the word “amero.”
Custerwolf: no less than 1, no more than 2.
As far as reporters go, please start with Chuck Todd, Chip Reid & John King. Tanks.
cranky: Fuck. Well, since I don’t actually have any tits, how bout if I stand next to my best friend who does?
http://i389.photobucket.com/albums/oo336/brontie2/me-Copy.jpg
Is Magee from NCIS taking a piss in the background of that Blingee? Also.
As far as the secret sex slave cave of Tom Jefferson that Sara & Newell are in…are the devil sheep involved in any way?
Custerwolf: Throw in a vajayjay for good measure.
Custerwolf:
Is that you in the hat perty girl? You will break many hearts on this here blog I tell ya!
Custerwolf: Whoa that’s a scary picture. Good times though. Middle of NOWHERE.
Time to steal the neighbor’s military vodka, as I have neglected to stop by the likker store again.
Hey, who’s that guy urinating on the barrier wall behind Tiger Hussein Obama?
Custerwolfi think we will all settle for nipples. (you are, by the way, about 10 kinds of fucking adorable)
Jukesgrrl: And an entire bottle of whiskey if somebody says “Hoot Smalley.”
Custerwolf: Nice pic of two foxes.
Nerdalicious: John King doesn’t go to the presser. He’s in the newsroom having sexy time with his big map (while he think about Cheney). But I agree he is a tool at the Chip Reid level — Chucky on the other hand is just a misguided youth, in over his head and lost without the numbers he stole from Nate Silver. Just ask Mrs. Nate Silver she’ll tell you.
Custerwolf:
Is this get to know your blog mates day?
BB: people who say “vajayjay” should never benefit from it.
bitchincamaro: I’m pulling for Fibonacci myself. That work?
StephanieInCA: You call those numbers random? hardly!
4: $ Hannity will earn when he accepts Olbermann’s $1000 a minute waterboarding offer
8: Altar boy age of consent
15: Cheney approval rating
16: Remaining years of existence for Republican Party
23: Palin subpeona count
42: Bachmann IQ
America’s numbers!
You guys sure know how to make a titless girl feel nice. Thanks.
Accordion-o-rama: you got the last two switched.
Custerwolf: If Ida known you were gonna do that, Ida baked a goddam cake.
NO WAY picture of smartypants will ever pass these fingers. I haz a shy.
jbd: Ha! So that’s what you call them. It’s a brain game I play in my head when I can’t sleep. Usually drop off around 89. And 4 drinks.
Nerdalicious: show us yer tits…
Custerwolf:
You’re like me, we both have innocent faces & are incredible smart asses, which throws people off frequently. I’ve seen peoples jaws drop to the floor when I start on one of my uhm “rants”
Custerwolf: Boobs are nice, but so are salacious yarns. You spread much happy here on the Wonkette.
Custerwolf: Toured with a band on the bus once upon a time. They spelled it like this in the destination window thingy: SHOWUSYERTITZ
Custerwolf:
Ok, Joe the Plumber! You’ll have to guessy guessy! Which one am I? mmmmmmmmmm. (Or which 2 am I?)
http://sultanofsnow.files.wordpress.com/2009/02/breasts-not-bombs2.jpg
I hope it’s the dimension where he gets his unicorns.
cranky: So beautiful, yet so cruel
Jukesgrrl:
John King was made at the robot farm with Wolfy. Just the Dark Lord’s “type”
bitchincamaro: Oh jesus. Not you too. I seriously thought I was the only one.
(The next few after 89 are actually really, really easy….)
Wow, Custerwolf is getting more attention here than Prez Muslin God at one of his Pressers. Not an easy feat. I bow to you.
Nerdalicious: Awww..now I want you, me, and Anita to all hang out together. God we had a blast back in New York (we’re now both in WA). We’d stand on the street corner and crack jokes about everyone (but not in a mean way). Rick Moranis used to take his girls to the ice cream store where we hung out and I caught him a couple times laughing at us.
smartypants: Oh, we’ll be gentle, baby, I promise.
Nerdalicious: hmmm. from left to right, i’d say the first two, since she is the one with “shy-face”.
Nerdalicious: HotDAMN there’s some nice tits. I’m still guessing which one’s my nerdie….
I can’t wait to find out what awesome question Chuck Todd’s housekeeper has written for him.
bitchincamaro: I think I saw you - it wasn’t Van Halen by any chance?
I’m watching CNN. They have just revealed that Obama supporters are grading Obama higher than non-supporters are.
Stay tuned for more updates.
Nerdalicious: 2nd from left?
Wonkette is famous for its glistening liveblogs.
my doodness! it’s a party….just let me get my hat.
Custerwolf: Was that you?
bitchincamaro: Sigh…I’m afraid had I shown them, you would have just thought I was one of the boys.
Custerwolf: Based on that picture you are a very lovely lady. No one would mistake you for anything else.
I’m watching this on YouTube: press sure are a lardy bunch. Not many fuckables in that lot
these are the warm up guys. they tell anti-jokes
-A man walks into a bar. His alcoholism is tearing his family apart.
Chuck Tard looks pretty pleased with himself.
chascates: What a nice thing to say. Thank you very much.
He’s on time.
writing as if we dont have a transcript already
Cover your mouth when you cough.
it’s nurse barry! I will wash my hands right now
and frogs
JULI’S LIVEBLOG THING HERE
i expect many things to happen by the end of this year.
MEXICO! I KNEW IT!
Custerwolf: Let’s see all 6 - SHOW YER TITZ!! SHOW YER TITZ SHOW YER TITZ!!!
AGGH! Ms. Thomas, I was NOT talking to you, dearie…
“What has enchanted you the most?”
Custerwolf:
Nerdie fell asleep from all the “excitement” of the presser. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. Yeah, love NYC, went to Patrick Swayze’s restaurant when it was there. Great food. Hope the best for him. Let’s go!
The sound kept cutting out, I had to read his lips…on bipartisanship did he say “the Republicans can suck my dick.”?
V572625694: If I haven’t already thanked you - thank you.