Wonkette
Hey friends welcome to the first (1st) part of the liveblog! If you’re joining us from “YouTube,” “aloha” to you. And a very special “Feliz Navidad” to our Barack Obama, who has been the President for 100 days at this point, today. Let’s hear his smug self-congratulations.
8:00 PM — Yay, here we go! Katie Couric’s ruffled collar made a joke about dealing with “100 problems.” Oh ha ha. Let’s check in with Chip Reid.
8:01 PM — Chip Reid: 100 days is an “artificial date.” Alternatively: it’s April 29th.
8:02 PM — Swine flu update: school is closed, kids, Obama said so. No half-day bullshit. Obama’s ordered $1.5 billion dollars for medical stimulus purposes. Again, with the school closings.
8:04 PM — SHOUT OUT to House and Senate (Reid! Pelosi!) for passing the Stimulus. Tax cuts all around, etc.
8:05 PM — We can’t use sand for money, which, incidentally, was the GOP’s counter-proposal.
8:06 PM — Sayonara Gitmo, and torture. That includes you, Olbermann.
8:07 PM — Obama makes a list of all the progress binaries he can think of, aloud. Pleased/not content; efficient/but not as efficient as it needs to be, etc. Swine Flu has no correlating binary term, FYI.
8:07 PM — He looks forward to the Next 100 days, and the 100 days after that! Okay question time!
8:08 PM — Hi Jennifer, funsy mint one-piece!
8:09 PM — It’s conspicuous that Obama has yet to say the term “Swine Flu.” He’s talked to doctors about it though, on a crucial HOUR TO HOUR basis.
8:09 PM — Nuking Mexico’s borders would be like setting horses free after they’ve already run away. Mmhmm.
8:09 PM — Remember bird flu? Obviously not, because it killed everyone alive in 2005.
8:10 PM — WASH YR HANDS, slobs. “It sounds trivial, but it makes a huge difference.”
8:12 PM — Literally this will all just go away, like SARS, if you guys just wash your hands. Okay, Jennifer?
8:12 PM — Car talk from the Detroit Free Press: BHO is hopeful about Chrysler not going the way of the Earth’s human population in 2005.
8:13 PM — GM, not GM is a different story. He basically just said GM has a good personality, but beyond that…
8:14 PM — Blah, blah, “restructuring,” “dollars.” Chrysler did the right thing, filing for bankruptcy! It was a PRECAUTION, which is a thing Obama is always going on about.
8:15 PM — Jake Tapper! Asking the tuff questions about waterboarding.
8:16 PM — Obama literally sighs. “Jake. Please,” he basically exhales.
8:17 PM — Yeah, as he has already said, waterboarding is torture.
8:17 PM — Professor Obama, going on about Nazis and Churchill. All American foreign and domestic policy can actually be traced back to a Churchillian epigram.
8:19 PM — He said “Allies.” That’s an arguable WWII reference. Also “enemy.” That’s three references.
8:20 PM — JAKE. Again, with the “did Bush torture?” Obama: yes, of course.
8:20 PM — If you were Dick Cheney, Barack Obama, what would you have done?
8:21 PM — I have played this game many times before, with my National Security Team. It is filthy.
8:22 PM — Ha, some reporter just said he “wanted to move to Pakistan.” LIES FROM THE MSM.
8:23 PM — Obama is all about securing Pakistan’s nuclear arsenal. Still, he’s “gravely concerned”—not that there’s anything to freak out about, right now — but the government there? Not so stable.
8:24 PM — “We need to help Pakistan help Pakistanis.”
8:25 PM — In fact, while everyone was worrying about India, the real threat was ominously non-specific “Balkan extremists,” who rule through ambiguity. And nuclear weapons.
8:26 PM — Iraq! Ummm… we need do “serious work,” on things, which is the militaristic equivalent of “washing one’s fucking hands.”
8:28 PM — Chip again! With the Arlen Specter.
8:29 PM — Obama has ALWAYS loved Arlen Specter, you guys. Fuckin, Obama saw Arlen Specter open for Pavement in Seattle in ‘91. Obama has an Arlen Specter concert tee that he wears to Senate meetings and Coachella.
8:30 PM — To my “Republican… friends:” Obama doesn’t want to DEFINE the relationship, give it a LABEL, but it means something to him. Until senior year and then who knows.
8:31 PM — Obligatory “too much to swallow” recognition. Everyone drink 100 shots. (Hat Tip to your Intern Juli’s friend SAM, who is on his 99th shot.)
8:32 PM — Here’s that promised Smugness! “Hey remember when you all thought I was going to lose. Well.”
8:33 PM — Saucy joke about abortion from a pink-shirted gentleman. Look at you!
8:34 PM — Pro-choicers create straw fetuses when they talk about how abortion is about freedom. See? His position is consistent.
8:35 PM — Women need to wash their hands, thus eliminating unwanted pregnancy.
8:36 PM — Some guy gave Obama three adjectives, and Obama must free associate. This will reveal Psychological Mysteries Within, verily. Let’s take this first one. “Surprise.” Obama: “Worst Economic Crisis Since the Great Depression.” All other Presidents had three or four (3 or 4) problems, while he, Obama, has at LEAST seven (7).
8:39 PM — “Troubled.” Obama: “Sober.” Fuckin-A, man.
8:40 PM — “Enchanted.” Everyone is laughing because of how gay that is.
8:40 PM — Okay, SURPRISE. Your editor KEN will ENCHANT you now. Cya!
Yeah bird flu!
Nice blingee
May I please have a medical mask? I swear to you Tweety’s spittle is coming into my livingroom.
Go Juli!
Wash yer handz, ppl. thx!
Economy built on a pile of S@#&
he’s using a teleprompter. he’s a fake!
“All we had to do is look at what Shrub did over the past 8 years and then do the EXACT OPPOSITE.”
And I just want to point out that Michele Bachmann has some kind of illness and it may not be curable.
Jesus Christ, he’s going through this quickly isn’t he? Only 8 minutes and he’s gone from flu to finance to security to health care.
When did Alfonso Robero become president?
Helen Thomas looks awake.
We will rebuild it. We have the technology. Or the Terminator robots will take over Skynet. Whichever.
“Do you hate Mexicans now?”
Here’s the question I want asked: between the flu, the recession, Pakistan, and Iraq, which should we be the most scared shitless about?
Hooray For Anything: Don’t forget North Korea and Dick Cheney!
So he’s a secret Mexican too?!
Wait, what? Horses? Barns? Horseflu?? Shit.
chascates: We’re not going to quarantine Mexico. Our lawns would be too overgrown, so it’s worth the risk.
Closing the barn door after the horse has gotten away is the American Way though, Barry!
Where’s the clowns?! You promised me clowns for Obama’s 100 berfday!!! I WANT CLOW…. oh look, it’s Ed Henry - hi Ed!
I hope the Secret Service are watching Chuck Todd, he looks like he could lunge at any moment.
Hooray For Anything: North Korea!
TamifluTamifluTamifluTamifluTamifluTamifluTamifluTamifluTamifluTamifluTamifluTamifluTamifluTamifluTamifluTamifluTamifluTamiflu
Okay what the fuck I’ve missed everything because I had to change my password..
It’s because I don’t have an avatar, isn’t it?
Commie swineherding fludouches….
God I love this place.
Obama’s response is way too long. “No, I don’t haet Mexicans, next question!”
Don’t eat mexican food… don’t say Del Taco without covering your mouth
Hey America, you fat fucking unemployed slobs, wash your filthy hands already!
This “cover your mouth” nonsense sounds a lot like “monitor your tire pressure to maximize gas mileage”. Socialist pussy.
Bearbloke: since there are no ponies, can i just dig my spurs in ed henry?
Hey, filling your tires up to the proper amount air really helps with gas mileage. Wait for Hannity to laugh about ‘washing your hands.’
Wash you hands after you use the toilet. Don’t talk to strangers. Always wear clean underpants. Say “gezundheidt and God bless” when someone else sneezes.
Ok, wash your face after you cough. I got it.
Keep your kid on public transportation instead of sending her to school. I understand.
“jump the gun” hidden homosexual agenda.
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
“I would like to get the US out of the auto business as quickly as possible.”
Well, investing in GM and Chrysler is the way to do it, Mister President.
8:09 PM — Remember bird flu? Obviously not, because it killed everyone alive in 2005.
and made zombies of the rest. it was a very good year
wash your hands, use a seatbelt, wear a condom, bla bla bla, what am i supposed to do, act like a fucking adult? screw you, i want REAL mommy, the one who allows me to do whatever i want and cleans up all my messes! wahhhhhhhhhhh
Wash your hands after you check your tire pressure
obfuscator: exactly. And now Glenn Beck will spend an hour yelling about how hand soap only kills 99% of germs WHY IS NOBAMA LYING we might as well light ourselves on fire!
And that new limo was one of the biggest things we could have done for Detroit.
“Jake… where’s Jake? Oh, there he is… hey, fuck you, man.”
I will NOT wash my hands. Then I would get soap flu and die.
smartypants is waiting for some government avatar hand out program to come along. SOCIALIST FROG!
Did the previous administration torture people as well as syntax?
Ooh, good question — is that Jake Tapper or another Jake? I’m watching via the radio since my internets seem to suck today.
Oh good — yes, it’s torture. Now let’s prosecute.
Wash your hands of the dirty money!
Cough all over Jake Tapper, Barry. Please.
“I’d like to say that Sean Hannity undergoing waterboarding will settle this matter once and for all.”
(sigh.) If you people are going to keep reminding me of everything I’ve said, I’ll have to waterboard all of you… oh yeah, and CHURCHILL BITCHES!!!
Corrode, corrode, corrode - fucking prosecute!!!!!!!!!!11!1!!
churchill didnt have a jack bauer. had he? who knows.
Waterboarding! What’s wrong with it? Florida Jebus haz a sad when Barry scares people about water sports….
What question is he even answering?
“beacon”? as Loretta Lynn said: you can’t be a beacon if your light don’t shine
Obama answered a different question than the one asked on torture. GLENN GREENWALD SHALL BE DISPLEASED.
But should I wash my truck-nutz?
FUCK YEAH
Heywood Floyd: And your little dog tooo….. I’m mellllltttiinnnggggggggg……
What’s the drinking phrase? I am far too sober for this
This CBS guy has an infestation of grossflu in his fucking beard. Christ.
I read ALL of the documents, you screw loose!
Thank you, bearded loon, because it’s not like “If they had a nuke in an American city would you go Jack Bauer on them” has not previously been introduced into the public discourse, ever!
That bearded man’s comb-over is breathtaking.
Was it acceptable to cough on the terrorists without washing your hands? No. This is not what Churchill would have done. Next question.
nmmagayar: some fool put in for “swine flu”, forgetting barry is less retarded than we are used to.
Glenn Beck already calling for SOAP Parties. C’mon patriots, don’t let the federal government tell your children how often or which parts of their bodies to wash!
I wish Chuck Tard would move to Pakistan.
Hey, did Barry just RAISE HIS VOICE in response to Cheney’s claims, or was someone just fiddling with the volume knob? Probably the latter, because the Youtube audio is also cutting out every now and then.
Chucka Todd Chucka todd Chucka todd
chuck todd: can you promise that you really are a magic negro?
Awesome answer on the torture follow-up. Pretty damn unambiguous and setting the stage for finding some responsibility.
Chuck Todd wants to move to Pakistan! I support this development.
Can’t we just give a bunch of Mexican kids a bunch of Chryslers and have them drive to teh terrrists and cough on them?
Tollybon. Pockyston. Tee hee.
comradepaulson: In the interest of public health? Yes.
I just checked Fox News and are offering a live stream of this. Pantywaists!
cranky: I can haz vodka for H1N1?
Chuk Tard: “Good evening Mr. President. Can you reassure me that I won’t go completely bald before I’m rich enough to retire from television news?”
“Pahkeestahn” definitely goes in the drinking game list — oh, that’s four. Five. Damn.
Yay, thanks for pointing out that Pakistan needs to fix things up with India.
Whoa–late to the party because I hate to fight husband for the computer. That old man does love to look at the naked ladies on the internets. Did I miss anything?
He needs to say “Pah-kee-stahn” more.
comradepaulson: Take ‘em to AC at CNN - he’ll teabag ‘em for ya…
wheelie: But would Churchill waterboard Sean Hannity? I think we all know the answer to that question.
nmmagayar: Wash your hands.
OVERMODULATING
So basically, this news conference can be summed up as “Calm the fuck down.”
when did chuck todd get a tanning addiction?
Chuck Todd isn’t happy with an overview of the actual strategic situation and US policy options. He needs to know whether or not, in a worst case scenario, we can carry out a military operation straight out of the tee-vee show 24.
Ahhhhh, the EXOTIC pronunciation of Pakistan
Pahkeestahn….
Makin’ me hot, man. Very Barry White. Dude is on FIRE.
nmmagayar: that’s what i’m doing. with lime, so it’s good for me.
Who’s the hot bald guy asking questions after Chuckie T. Hmmm….And, will the French get another question in tonite?
“Iraq’s going to shit but we’re getting out of there anyway. Not my damn problem. If the Minutemen want to go over there and protect President Dumbass’s legacy, they’re welcome to it. It’s not worth it otherwise just to forestall the inevitable bloodbath.”
chascates: BWWAAAHHAAAAHAAAAAAAA
SayItWithWookies: with vodka? Fuck it, I’m going to start drinking
haha specter is a “switch”
i guess im not surprised
smartypants: That’s how ALL Muslin Sozalists say it!
Chip Reed wears crappy ties.
I bet some Republican senators would kind of enjoy being ridden roughshod by a tall black man.
just what is holding helen thomas up at this point?
Arlen Specter is my BITCH.
HE SAID LOCKSTEP! HE’S MUSLIN-HITLER!
Is there any reason the CS Monitor doesn’t get called on? Oh, fuck. Not Chip Reid. Give us Linda Feldman! Arlen? Douche today. Douche tomorrow!
Nice question Chip. Idiot. Waste your whole one minute to talk about Arlen Specter? Puh-leeze.
Ooohh, Barack just said he wants us all to march “lock-step” behind him…
Need I say more?!?
Dude: “The Specter thing has the wingnuts shitting their pants. Your response?”
Barry: “In your face space coyote!”
“To my Republican friends…” sound cuts off as Barry utters curses of the Elder Ones…
Did he just say “Bitch McConnell”??
I prefer to think he did.
To my Republican friends… suck it up.
Philosophical swallowing? What’s this now?
oh, i drinky too fast from irritation, getting woozy at work.
Mr. President, give it to Mitch McConnell - he always swallows…
Has anyone asked “is we all gonna die?”.
I kinda doubt that Mitch McConnell ever saw something that was too much for him to swallow.
crystal balls, hee-hee
Do you think Dubya could have gotten the word “determinitive” out of his mouth without choking on his tongue?
CrystalBallz are TruckNutz for IslamoSocialists.
He just said ‘Bitch McConnell’ I swear to Lego Jesus
What are the drinking game rules?
“Yeah, I lied about that.”
This abortion question is like four blog posts in a blender
Where are the teabagging questions? And he said “crystal balls.” I say TRUCK NUTZ. Why can’t I have freedom of choice?
Ed Henry! The official voice of the aborted fetus.
Barry doesn’t believe in crystal balls….but does he believe in truck nutz? Henngghh?
(me and 50 others…)
Who is the dipshit who thinks Hopey’s god now? I mean, I know I do, but I just wondered about the teevee guy.
8:31 PM — Obligatory “too much to swallow” recognition. Everyone drink 100 shots.
im gonna have to make it peach schnapps, but a deal is a deal.
JESUS CHRIST CNN. Bringing up the Notre Dame thing? What the motherfuck.
Abortion! Drink!
Women wrestle!
Drink!!!!!!
ed, suck it. not me, but like a rock or your fist, or whatever it takes to shut you the fuck up.
OMG HE JUST THREW THE ENTIRE FEMALE GENDER UNDER THE BUS
Uh, I think abortion is a woman’s issue. There.
ED HENRY1010101010101111
Crystal balls, hehehehehe. He hangs them like TruckNutz ™ on his fancy beast-limo I’m assuming.
Abortion - Obama’s best political strength is pretending he understands how people who oppose him on an issue feel.
Heywood Floyd: Juli does get into the spirit of things.
I can’t wait for the follow-up. Some grisly personal scenario, maybe?
what teh fuck my feed just died…..teeeveeeeeeeeeeee
19kevin8: er, um, “determinAtive”
smartypants: What about armless yellow buff Jesus?
mcc: i tried to say that, but i’m too fucking drunk
Is it just me or is the volume on the youtube feed fluctuating wildly?
Barry has ‘em rollin!
Heywood Floyd: fuck, that’s like 4 bottles - I have to go to the store
What kind of soft pitch bullshit is the NYT peddling?
Wow, gayest question ever.
Enchanted - Michelle’s toned arms!
Okay, so NYTimes goes the other way with possibly the faggiest question possible to ask at a press conference of anyone, ever.
Some enchanted evening?
Ha oh Jeff Zeleny of the New York Times, you are Barry’s straight man.
Barry’s writing shit down! DIY teleprompter.
Who is the clown that everyone’s laughing at now? The asshat asking whimsical questions? The unicorns I unleased on the east lawn, that’s what enchants me.
OH NOES HE IS SECRETLY TAKING NAMES…..’let me just write down your name so that my muslin pigflu squad can come and rub all over you’
OMG! Barry is left-handed!
i turn away for a minute, come back and everyone is cracking up what jokes did I miss?
Nice wisecrack about the guy with the “question list”. Nearly Clinton-esque (him, not her) in his affability. In fact, Bill’s lookin’ over his shoulder from his portrait in the hallway to the E Room.
Peggy Noonington’s imprint was all over that NYT question.
“But luckily, I’m not a “typical” President.”
Monsieur Grumpe: US Constitution, Article 4, Section III, Paragraph 2a -
What’s surprised me the most? That the previous administration were such fuck-ups that the major fuck-up of the past five years was superseded by an even larger fuck-up that the day before was just a minor fuck-up but is now a much bigger fuck-up than even I expected from the world’s biggest group of fuck-ups. That sorta surprised me.
Hooray For Anything: SNORT……goddammit that was alot of military vodka through my nose!
God I love this place
Obama is “sobered” by tea parties. YOUR DOING IT WRONG.
SURPRISED: that this is the level of dumb fanzine questions that get asked
Has anyone ever suggested that Hopey picks the drinking phrase and takes a shot whenever he says it?
“Enchanted…uhhh….you hitting on me???”
This answer is making Jeff Zeleny’s genitals shrivel to 1/4 their original size.
mcc: Ustream is perfect - try that one…
Holy crap. One, he’s answering the whole question, and two, can we get a recording of the Marine Corps Hymn in the background of this?
I BET HE CAN!
SAY YOU WERE HUMBLED BY THE TROOPS - it’s two answers in one!
Enchanted?!? Why don’t you just offer him a blow job?
It’s the “Fall in Line, Bitch” switch. Only presidents know about it.
Concept of the Unitary Executive is now dead.
obfuscator: Meaning that they are now virtually undetectable.
Enchanted speed boat battleship!
These open-ended essay questions are a mother.
SayItWithWookies: “Thank you Mr. President, for such a concise and cogent answer.”
ENCHANTED: jagorev: LOL. This is true.
New Thread:
http://wonkette.com/408196/liveblogging-obamas-100th-term-part-ii#respond
Good job, Juli!
chascates: Yeah, well so was Jebus.
He called on Laurie MonteNEGRO? Racist!
My question is, going in reverse, will you run for president in 2008?
How’s the FOX channel covergae hmmmmmmmmm?
Sweep idiots.
This woman wants us to let more Mexican pigs into this country? Is she nuts? Or am jumping to conclusions about the immig–
wait a minute! Did he just say partner with Walnuts. Fuck, gayest press conference, EVER.
Is that the MEXICAN PIG-FLU ZOMBIE DEATH PLAGUE Caucus Barry’s reachin’ out to? WASH YUR HANDZ MISTUR PREZNIT!!
8:39 PM — “Troubled.” Obama: “Sober.” Fuckin-A, man.
Weiner. I actually applauded out loud and left-handed at that line. fuckin-a-right.
You people are shaming me into actually listening to Barry instead of reading stuff.
Fuck this noise. Where’s the puppy question?
chascates: Fo sho. Well done, Intern Juli.
Vas-KWEZ, s/b Vas-KEZ, just saying
AND WE WOULDNT WANT THAT
this is a racist question
“Thank you Mister President - WAZZZUP Soul-Bother Number One?”
he almost shit himself asking that very legitimate question. yikes.
the crying on the inside kind, i guess
“Thank you, Mr. President. What kind of Mandigo Love God are you going to be in my dreams tonight?”
Oh, fuck. NOt the Wall street Journal and a douchey question with built-in bias. Redundant. Also.
Loved the answer on the Bush whatever secret shit.
and holy shit home run answer.
too much shit on my plate to deal with this shit…
fuck yeah, obama
cranky: Yes, yes, yes. That is basically every Chuck Todd question in a nutshell. “When are you going to ASSURE all Americans that you are magic and can fix every last one one of their problems? And by the way, when are you going to be over to fix the leak in my transmision? Ronny Reagan would have fixed it … or at least convinced me I don’t need to worry about it.”
Chuck, we agree his hundred days was not perfect, therefore he is a FAIL. You proved your point, so you can stop pretending to be Timmeh Lite.
fucking guy.
WagTehGod: Good catch. Dame Noonington IS the only person in political history who would use the word “enchanting” in the WH press room. Helen just raised up her head and yelled, “Who the fuck said ‘enchanting?’ I’d like to hear you try that question on Truman.”
Jukesgrrl: in a word: Daddy?
cranky: Yes!
Oh, what a long strange trip it’s been!
http://democralypsenow.blogspot.com/2009/04/what-long-strange-100-day-trip-its-been.html
Holy sheeite. I’m just totes lurking here tonight and giving the big WIN to all commenting Wonktards and would bestow stars, trucknutz, and whore diamonds to all (’cept, that’s above my pay grade). Now, you lazy motherfuckers with the naked avatars had better get on it cuz I likes purdy pitchers with my smut writin’, in the future. Carry on.
Only 1,360 days left!
That’s like the first 6,900 miles
on a car that has a 100,000 mile waranty.
Even a fucking HYUNDAI looks good for
that mileage.
is it just the pot I’m having or is this Juli really funny or what. Also, whats up with her name, either she can’t spell or her parents were riiiiiiich
8:30 PM — To my “Republican… friends:” Obama doesn’t want to DEFINE the relationship, give it a LABEL, but it means something to him. Until senior year and then who knows.
High-larious. Well done, Juli.
juli is on fire, eatin’ your lunch.