Wonkette
For god knows how many years, the evil shadow government FEMA had this weird terror-coloring booklet, for kids, available as a fun PDF download. Then, due to …. hmm, body bags? Domestic concentration camps? Formaldehyde trailers? Black Oil? Bees? Let’s say bees ….
Due to the bees, FEMA has now censored itself and the whimsical coloring book of 9/11 plus the dreaded “laptop tornado” can no longer be downloaded, unless you go to the Smoking Gun website, and download it there, NEVAH FORGET. [The Smoking Gun]
Not enough Waldos.
My laptop does that every day. Didn’t know it was a disaster on the 9/11 scale.
Oh, right: no 9/11 jokes, not even for Jon Stewart. Sorry!
Wake up SHEEPLES — they took it down because it shows 9/11 was an inside job due to LAPTOP TORNADOES.
Hmmm. Needs more blood.
did that car roll UP a cliff?
There really isn’t anything wrong with the coloring books. Take any known nursery rhyme for the children:
The plague:
Ring around the rosy
A pocketful of posies
“Ashes, Ashes”
We all fall down!
Spanish Flu:
I had a little bird
Its name was Enza
I opened the window
And in-flu-enza
So whatever! Tragedy is cute!
Where’s the Hoot-Smalley coloring book?
Notice that WTC 7 is NOT pictured. Also, the WTC seems to be in a park, on a hill.
Look on page 2 of the sample they show at the Smoking Gun: the plane is in a different location relative to the buildings in each of the three images! COVERUP! Holy shit, this grandma in Minnesota has revealed the conspiracy! Someone tell Dr. Ron Paul about this, stat!
I woulduv protested this goddamn book too! Where’s the rotten Zombies? How the fuck are children going to know that the Zombies aren’t their fault? Stupid grandma!
wow, those little shits can sure stay in the line. totally a necessary skill to cope with disasters
gurukalehuru: WTC is not pictured because it was a planned/controlled demolition, using thermite. Duh.
The black oil is not something to be flippant about Mister.
Jewish children got this coloring book on 9/10/2001. I heard it on AM radio.
I have always wanted to use the oxymoron ‘insipidly rediculous’, but there was never an occasion until I looked at that thing.
Dave J.: But note that the person in the chair has a picture of the attack on a piece of paper (undoubtedly the attack plan), as the disaster unfolds on TV and outside through the window.
So clearly the person is the chair is either that Khalid Mohammed guy or Dick Cheney.
If you color the Katrina victims white, a rescue copter appears.
What I want to know is, how did that kid get 9/11 in his TV, book, and HIS FUCKING WINDOW all at the same time?
Canmon: Win
Canmon (the Inadequate): WIN.
Canmon (the Inadequate): OMG! FTFW!
Those pain lines look a little low to be a stomach ache on pg 17. Are we classifying Mark Foley is a natural disaster now?
Canmon (the Inadequate): You own me a new keyboard.
Actually, the coloring book was NOT withdrawn, it’s just being edited with a new title.
“How to Cope with Disasters and US Air Force Photo Opportunities”
Due to Acrobat being a RAM-hogging piece of shit, that people who don’t know any better (like say, children) can easily unknowingly leave running in the background, seriously slowing their computers down?
Actually, after looking at Snopes images, I’d say it’s due to the art being worse than which your average 5-year-old can draw themselves.
Canmon (the Inadequate): I third the WIN motion.
This is similar to the pamphlets “What To Do When Zombies Attack,” “Protect Yourself Against M-13 And Other Dangerous Gangs!” “You CAN Fight Back Against Ninjas,” “How To Fight Rampant Lions, Tigers and Bears,” “Rabies, Hoof-and-Mouth, Anthrax, Swine Flu, SARS and Other Diseases You Could Die From,” and “How to Kill Bats, Mice, Raccoons, and Other Dangerous House Pests” that FEMA has been distributing in elementary and secondary schools for decades.
tonytonytony: That’s what the trauma was — the event was repeated over and over again in print, TV, and in real life!
Canmon (the Inadequate): You owe me a new keyboard. And a Pepsi.
I’d say that with all the lifestyle angst we’re experiencing these days, that the comments tend towards a kind of ‘gallows humor’, except that ‘anal crucifictor humor’ would be a little more precise.
Where is Palin’s socialist volcano?
allainjules: Blingee time!!!
Canmon (the Inadequate): That was the come-back champion comment of the Win, forever.
See kids, this is what happens if you don’t stay within the lines.
Canmon (the Inadequate): I’ll add another WIN to your tally.
Canmon (the Inadequate): So much win; it almost makes up for the liberal use of Comic Sans in that atrocity.
Canmon (the Inadequate): Did that just happen, or had you thought of it before, and been waiting and waiting for the opportunity to spring it? Either way, WIN.
Canmon (the Inadequate): would a wingnut get that?
Lumberjack Granny needed to update it anyway to show Daddy trampled to death in the run on the banks, and a giant swine killing Mommy.
No conspiracy, just those librul pussies in New York who still don’t have their shit together. They’re all, “Eek! It’s a plane! Why won’t the planes stop? Wah! Why do we live near LaGuardia, mommy? I has a skaird.”
They need to strap on a pair of Truknutz like Oklahoma did, and build an Indian casino or something to cope with their grief. Goddam pants-suit-wearin’, uppity muslin-Hillary-lovin’ media elite.
can we get a “win” cake fore Canmon? sweet Jebus…
Blingee contest, plz kthnkxbai.
I thought the children’s book that best summed up 9/11 was “My Pet Goat”?
CivicHoliday:
Gravity FAIL.
Now THERE’s a disaster.
Canmon (the Inadequate):
You gotta get that comment engraved!
Epic!
Just as long as it ends with the smiling face of Jesus/God letting them know that no matter how shitty things are down here, just stick with the plan and you’ll get yours eventually.
The real reason they pulled the book was because of infringement issues. Turns out the book’s title is trademarked as the “Official Post-Election Slogan of the GOP.”
Canmon (the Inadequate): EPIC WIN.
Canmon (the Inadequate): Wow. Breathtaking. FTWx100. All our base are belong to you.
Is there a page for frotage? I spent too much time on jezebel today.
Where are the socialists and union workers?
This is censorship. The good people under the Bush administration’s FEMA issued this to stop public panic (like taking your shoes off before flying and waterboarding). Obama’s FEMA is hiding the truth from our children - always be scared and alway vote Bush.
I like the book. Kids need to have it *before* a disaster, just so they know what’s waiting for them. But I would rename the book, “You’re All Going To Die!”
My 3 year old godson in France had this terrifically awful children’s book. It depicted every conceivable horrible thing that could happen to a child - from scalding to electrocution to falling out of a window to abduction, just hundreds of awful things. His mother would sit there reading it to him, and he’d just be glued to every page. Somehow I thought a book like that was possible only in France. Clearly, I was mistaken.
Canmon (the Inadequate): not inadequate at all. the final ballots have been counted and you have won the election with a resounding 110% of the vote (including the dead aliens and other acorns).
Dave J.: Termites? It’s a conspiracy!
Canmon (the Inadequate): Fantastic.
http://blingee.com/blingee/view/89652854-FEMA-Publication-2009-9-11
FTFY
shortsshortsshorts: Ashes, Ashes
WHAT??
Surely it’s “at-ishoo, at-ishoo” (as in sneezing). ‘Cos they had the plague, then died.
Is this yet another weird thing that Americans say differently?
iwillsavethispatient: yeah. and ya oughtta hear what we do to “god save the queens.”
Canmon has WON THE AFTERNOON!
I see Bin Laden’s face in the flames. Coincidence? No! (just schizophrenia.)
Also, top o’the hat and deep bow to Canmon.
One Yield Regular: Just the modern day equivalent of the classics, then:
Rock-a-bye-baby: Tumbled out of a tree
Jack & Jill: Jack has a major head trauma
3 Little Pigs: 2/3 eaten
Little Red Riding Hood: Grandma eaten
Goldilocks: Doesn’t she get eaten in the original version too?
Baa Baa Black Sheep: Communism! The master should have had all 3 bags of wool!
The WTC is pictured on a grassy knoll - PROOF that 9/11 was an inside job.
Jesus, this country is off its collective rocker.
ellie: you just noticed?
Upon close review, I believe that yes, it is that kid’s fault. Swine flu and Katie Couric, also.
When I was a kid I had a “Famine in Ethiopia” coloring book, but it was all black stick figures.
allainjules: You guys are missing the trees for the forest, or however that saying goes. Our strange friend, allainjules, has finally FINALLY contributed something to this Wonkette, after who knows how long he’s been posting WTF weirdo french surrender monkey cheese.
Just click on his link this time. Just this time. One of the best sports photos ever. Too bad it won’t win any awards this year. And the text claims it’s real, so obviously it is not photoshopped.
Why’d they take it down? Who would criticize (seriously) something like this?
liquiddaddy: Ethiopia has really good food but they serve really, really small portions.
A Scary Thing Happened. Wha? Gay marriage?
I like the illustration on page 22 of the saluatory effect of electro-shock.
Johnny Zhivago: This comment is like all those dudes who got silver medals against Michael Phelps. It really isn’t fair. You would have won in any other setting.
hobospacejunkie: Fucking hell. Words fail me. So, um… WALNUTS!
allainjules: Mon Dieu, c’etait degoutant. Est que c’est un vrai photo? Bien, ils ont ecrit que c’est une vrai photo, mais quand meme and dis donc and you can throw in a sacre fucking bleu while you’re at it.
(¯`*•.(¯`*•.(¯`*•.¸ BLINGEE ¸.•*´¯).•*´¯).•*´¯)
http://blingee.com/blingee/view/89663020-FEMA-EWOK-DISASTER
(¯`*•.(¯`*•.(¯`*•.¸ BONUS BLINGEE! ¸.•*´¯).•*´¯).•*´¯)
http://blingee.com/blingee/view/89664112-FEMA-GLENNBECK
God creates terror.
Muslims create terror.
Islam is the true religion.
Cope with it, kids.
iwillsavethispatient: Well, it *would* have been the modern day equivalent, had the classics come with graphic illustrations of said trauma.
Atheist Nun: Whore Diamond sprinkles for you!